Chapter Four #5

“Can I take it for a drive?”

I asked eagerly.

“Absolutely,”

Bren said. “Hop in.”

I want to ride! Oberi cried out. His hat came tumbling off as he jumped into the back.

I was able to use the handlebars of the car to lift myself up and get into the driver’s seat all on my own. My wheelchair folded up, and I found that it fit perfectly behind me. Daddy rode next to me on the passenger’s side, and Maverick and Bren sat in the back. Mama and the rest of them waved me off as I revved the engine. Bren explained the controls to me, teaching me how to go forward, speed up and slow down.

I didn’t want to take it easy, but Bren basically made me, because he didn’t want me to be too reckless. I drove the car outside of the palace walls and into the city. We took a few winding roads that overlooked the ocean, and I experimented with the speed.

“I think you’ve got it,”

Bren said. “Just don’t get too crazy, all right? I know this car can haul some ass, but I don’t want you crashing it in the first week.”

“I would never.”

This shiny new toy was my baby. I got such a hard-on for fast cars. Monica and I used to love them— probably why we’d stolen a few and taken them out for joy rides back in the day.

My husband was waiting in front of the garages when I returned, having a conversation with my mother. I rolled down the window and leaned my head out, revving the engine again and making the turbo pop.

“Charlie!”

I screamed. “I have a new car!”

He laughed. “So I’ve heard! Let’s go for a ride, pidge.”

Daddy, Bren and Maverick got out, and Charlie got in the passenger’s seat. We drove together through Ilamanthe, and now that Bren wasn’t here to make sure I was a good girl, I was riskier. I took turns too sharp and pushed far past the speed limit. Oberi stuck his head out the window, panting as the wind blew back his fur, and Charlie let his hand fall up and down with the wind. Charlie didn’t tell me to slow down, rather, only urged me to go faster.

This was seriously the best. The sun was shining and I was flying free, with my husband beside me and my dog in the back. Nothing could beat this feeling.

By the afternoon, I knew how to drive her like a champ. I was riding a high like never before. I’m telling you, living in Ilamanthe was the life.

I didn’t want to beat on the car too badly, so we left her to cool off in the palace garage while Charlie and I headed back to our room to rest before our demigod lesson. I sat on the balcony, drinking pink lemonade. Oberi sunbathed beside me, soaking up the sun in his husky coat.

“Pidge?”

Charlie came onto the balcony cautiously and took a seat beside me in a lounge chair. “Can I ask you something?”

I smirked. “If you want to eat me out later, I’d prefer it in the bathtub.”

He smiled, but it wasn’t as bright as it typically was. “I’ll take you up on that offer, but… it’s something else.”

He sounded serious. I felt my insides drop as he reached out to take my hands in his. “I had an idea, but you’re not going to like it.”

Oberi lifted his head, appearing anxious. What are you talking about?

“Spit it out,”

I demanded. I didn’t like being kept waiting, and this was really starting to worry me.

“To beat the Warden, we’ve got to be the best we’ve ever been, and use methods we never have before,”

he insisted.

“You know I’m willing to do whatever it takes.”

“You sure about that?”

he questioned. “Because I’ve had the idea that… we should start using pistols.”

I felt sick. He’d just said a simple word, and I already wanted to throw up my drink. I thought about what happened when I’d used the pistol down in Cellblock 9, and already didn’t agree with this. My hands began to shake. Charlie tightened his grip, so they steadied.

“Guns only have one purpose,”

I said. “It’s not like magic, which can be used for good or bad. Pistols are only used to kill people.”

“Which we’ve already done,”

he pointed out. “And we need to keep doing it, because unfortunately, this is a war and people die. As long as we aren’t the ones six feet under, I don’t know if it matters how we do it.”

“I know I’ve killed people,”

I spat, and I wrenched my hands out of his. “But I don’t want to see someone’s head explode again.”

“This will be different. I think we can use simultension to fuse them with our magic. It’s the same as using a wand,”

he explained. “It’s just a way to focus our powers.”

“I understand where you’re coming from, but pulling the trigger is different than casting a spell,”

I stated. “It’s more personal.”

“This fight has become personal, pidge. We can’t avoid getting our hands dirty,”

he said. “And I’ll do anything to anyone if it means protecting you.”

“Every time I even think about using a gun, I’m back in Cellblock 9. I… I can’t go back there.”

“I don’t want to make you repeat your trauma, but pistols could help us avoid something even worse in the future. If we had these pistols back in Cellblock 9, or even the Infernal Underground, maybe we could’ve avoided everything terrible that happened to us. We didn’t have to be tortured, pidge. We can use these guns for good to protect ourselves and help people. They don’t have to be used for an awful purpose.”

I was unable to speak, so Oberi did for me. Pistols are human weapons.

“Not the way I’ve conceived them,”

he explained. “During my lesson with my grandfather, he had me practice creating a pistol. I’ve been studying them since, learning all the different parts and how they work. I understand them now, and how we can use them to concentrate our powers to the best of our ability.”

Those late nights when he’d waited to come to bed until after I was asleep were starting to make sense.

I didn’t like this. But if it helped us win, I was going to have to learn to be okay with this, because if the Warden was in my place he wouldn’t think twice.

Charlie noticed my hesitation and rushed to say, “We don’t have to use these if you don’t want to. I don’t want to force you to do this. I know you have a problem with guns, since?—”

“How I feel about something doesn’t matter if it can help us win,”

I said harshly, cutting him off. “Just… tell me how they work.”

Charlie… Oberi warned. The unease throughout our bond told me my Familiar wasn’t keen on this, either. I didn’t like that Oberi was as clueless about this as I was. Charlie had kept both of us in the dark.

Charlie hesitated, before he began to explain. “It’s not like it’s a real gun. It’s made of illusion— it shoots magic. It just enables us to cast faster, and the accuracy is more precise. It’s much easier to harness our power through them. We can fire a few rounds quicker than the time it would take to conjure and throw a single battle orb with our hands.”

I felt the blood drain from my face as I said, “You’ve already created one.”

He nodded. “Yes. I just wanted to see if it would work. And I tried it— it does. But it’ll only work for demigods, so you don’t have to worry about it being produced on a mass scale. I had Chancey and Alistair try to fire it, and it wouldn’t work for them. Not just anyone can pull the trigger, because it focuses your magic. The magic doesn't come from the illusion. You have to combine your powers with the illusion of the gun, and only demigods are strong enough to fuse it with the technology. Normal, or even talented supernaturals can’t access it, but we can. And this is a weapon we can use to beat the Warden.”

It could be. These weapons could be the edge we needed. We had lost the fight with Esther and her demigod cronies, and we couldn’t lose again. If these pistols could prevent that, I had to learn to get comfortable with them. “Are you sure these can help us?”

“We need to have something that can fire faster than our regular magic can, just in case we get outnumbered again,”

Charlie said gently. “I get that this is tough, but what happens if we aren’t fast enough at the end of the day? We might lose a friend, or worse, we might lose each other. If you don’t want to use it, that’s completely fine, but I feel like I have to. To protect you, if nothing else, because you’re the most important person in the world to me. Nothing’s taking you away from me again.”

“If you’re carrying a pistol, I should be, too,”

I insisted. “I need to be able to protect you as best I can.”

We need to be careful, Oberi objected. I’m worried this could have more consequences than we realize between us.

“Look. We weren't strong enough fighting Danny,”

Charlie said. “He wiped the floor with us, and he’s not half as strong as the Warden is. But I think these will give us an advantage. Are you okay with going forward with this? Because we need an edge, and this could be it.”

Charlie was right. I needed to get over it and get with the program. No matter how I felt about using pistols, we were part of a crime family. I had to be willing to do whatever it took to defend that family and make things right.

I was a chosen one. I didn’t have the luxury of making choices, like normal people did. I had to do what was right for the world, no matter how uncomfortable I felt.

“I’ll be fine,”

I stated. “Let’s do it.”

Ava, are you sure? Oberi asked. He knew I was lying, but I didn’t think Charlie noticed.

“Yes. We have to at least try them out,”

I said. “Let’s go early to our demigod lesson, to experiment.”

Charlie seemed relieved. I caught a stray thought of his that I’d taken this idea better than he figured I would.

Yeah, well. If it came down to making myself comfortable or defending Charlie’s life, it’d be Charlie, every time.

We left our suite and arrived in the training arena a short time later. The professors hadn’t shown up yet, and neither had Danny. I waited by the door, while Charlie and Marcus got to setting up targets for today’s practice.

Kallie strode in, carrying a wooden chest. She conjured a table, then set the chest on top of it.

“What’s in there?”

Marcus asked curiously as she opened the top.

“Pistols,”

Kallie replied. My stomach dropped as she began distributing them to Charlie and Marcus. “Charlie made them, but I perfected them with my illusion magic to work out any extra kinks.”

Kallie hesitated as she looked at me. She knew my problems with guns and wanted to double check if this was okay. “Did Charlie talk to you about this before I made them, Ava? I didn’t want to help create the pistols without you knowing about it first.”

I frowned. “Yeah. Of course. Let’s get started.”

Charlie didn’t say anything, and I bit my lip. I didn’t like how he’d waited until the last minute to spring this on me, but I somewhat understood. He knew there was a risk I wouldn’t take it well, and he didn’t want to upset me before they were ready.

“Guns? Really?”

Marcus asked skeptically. “This is stupid. Magic’s much more powerful.”

“These aren’t your typical pistols. They shoot magic, not bullets,”

Kallie said.

She took her pistol and aimed it at a target. When it went off, I jumped in my chair. I watched as a bolt of purple illusion magic burst out of the gun and hit the target, completely obliterating it to pieces.

Well, I guess it was effective. And it was just like casting a spell, except you had to pull a trigger instead of wave your hands, so I guess it wasn’t that bad. Just magic with fewer steps. Basically a wand, right? Witches used those all the time. It wasn’t a big deal.

Charlie turned the pistol in his hand, observing it. The speculation on his face was curious.

“Do you think it’ll help?”

I asked him quietly.

Charlie nodded. “Marty was shot by someone carrying a gun. If I have one, too, I can stop that from happening to someone else.”

I didn’t know if that logic really worked out, but for Charlie, it was his way of justifying keeping the pistol.

We agreed that we’d have to make some tough choices in order to save the world, Oberi reminded me gently, and he put a paw on my knee. This is one of those decisions.

I nodded. “I know, Oberi. I just wish it didn’t have to be this hard.”

Kallie fired off a few more rounds, then turned to us. “They have silencers, so they shouldn’t be as loud.”

She paused, before she reached into the box and handed a pistol to me. I knew she’d added the silencers for me, but they didn’t completely take away the sound of the gun as it went off.

I slowly took the pistol. The weight of it in my lap reminded me too much of what I’d done in Cellblock 9. It almost sent me careening back there again.

Marcus put two hands on the pistol and fired at a target. He screamed as it went off, and nearly fell over. The magical stream that had come out of the gun hit the top of the wall, and Rishi scattered out of the way as stone came crumbling down.

“Marcus, come on. You need to know how to do this,”

Kallie snapped. She stomped over to him and began teaching him, showing him the right stance and adjusting his arms so he knew how to shoot.

Charlie raised the gun. “Pidge, where should I aim?”

I indicated through our magical connection where he should fire, and the gun went off. Charlie’s Air magic hit the target and made it explode instantly.

Charlie had practice knowing where to throw his magic, due to the three of us working on his general awareness through our magical bond. Oberi and I worked as an anchor for him, so he could understand his surroundings even though he couldn’t see. Every time Charlie fired the gun off, the magical stream hit its target dead-on.

Charlie was way too much of a natural at this. But honestly, it was kind of sexy. He was a mob boss, so it made sense for him to carry a pistol. I was turned on by the sight of him firing the gun. It was so compelling to watch him shoot, because it made me view him in a light of power. The dominating aura he emitted while he shot at targets reminded me of how in control he was in the bedroom. It was hot.

Well, if I was attracted to the sight of my husband shooting a gun, I might as well give this a chance, right?

“Ava, do you want to try?”

Kallie asked gently.

She seemed a little worried. It was wrong to make my best friend concerned. I needed to show her I could handle this. I lifted the gun and aimed, putting my finger on the trigger to fire.

Try as I might, I couldn’t pull it. My hands shook, and I found my aim was unsteady. Just do it. If Charlie can, you can, too.

Though I attempted to force myself to pull the trigger, the movement wouldn’t come. I sighed and lowered the pistol without success. This was much harder than I thought it was going to be. I still didn’t understand how I really felt about this. How could I be perfectly fine with Charlie using a gun, but I still hesitated to aim? We were supposed to be one and the same, soul partners and equals. I needed to be comfortable with this if we were going to beat the Warden, so why couldn’t I be? I was perfectly okay with Charlie using the pistol— even attracted to the idea. The temporary fantasy of him putting the gun to my head while we fucked in the Sanctuary immediately made me swoon, and I daydreamed about how pleasurable that would feel, no matter how messed up it was.

The thought of me pulling the trigger, though, and using a pistol to hurt someone again? Practically impossible. I didn’t understand how I could find this romantic and traumatizing at the same time.

I didn’t know how to feel.

“You don’t have to right now,”

Kallie said. She took the gun from me and put it back in the chest. She sighed as Marcus fired his pistol again and missed.

Eventually, I grew somewhat desensitized to the sound of the pistols. They were going off, and nobody was getting hurt, so that was okay.

Maybe I was getting over it.

The doors to the training room opened a little while later, and we put the pistols back inside the chest as Professors Wykoff and Amber entered. Wykoff glanced at the guns, but she didn’t say anything before Marcus subconjured the box. She didn’t seem bothered by them— it was confirmation for me that pistols were basically the same as wands to witches.

Amber, though, noticeably scowled, which I’d never seen her do. She didn’t approve, but didn’t go to stop us, either.

“Danny won’t be joining us today,”

Professor Wykoff said. This time, Amber’s orangutan was carrying a small leather drum.

“Great, is he slacking off again?”

Kallie asked sarcastically.

“I believe he is ill,”

Wykoff replied.

“Didn’t know vampires could get sick,”

Charlie said.

“They can, with magical afflictions and other things. We’ve checked on him, and we think it’s best to let him rest,”

Wykoff said.

Well, at least they’d double-checked that Danny was telling the truth, and not just blowing the lesson off so he could get laid somewhere. Though I had to wonder what was so bad it could make a vampire miss practice.

“It is nothing to worry over, for tonight, we descend into the past!”

Amber stated triumphantly. “We shall guide you into the depths of the unknown, revealing what has previously been hidden from spiritual sight.”

“What does that mean?”

Kallie asked tiredly.

“Before he went missing, Professor Takahashi told us that you four believe you’ve been chasing after the Divinity Keys in your past lives, and have been hiding them throughout the centuries for your current selves to find now,”

Wykoff stated. “Professor Amber and I can put you into a trance, so you can insert yourself into a past life meditation and remember where one of you might’ve stored either the vampire or the Astromancer key.”

“We should be careful with this,”

I said. The last time we’d put Kallie into a trance so she could remember her past life as Amalie, and recall where she’d hid the merfolk key, she’d almost gotten hurt. The practice had summoned a lot of dark spirits who were looking to hurt us.

“This is a safe place, and many precautions have been taken,”

Wykoff assured us. “I taught Meditation and Inner Magic at Miriam College of Witchcraft, so I am trained and experienced to guide you here. The meditation you’re about to undergo is simple. Professor Amber will be leading the practice, using Elementai magic to induce the meditation. It is an ancestral technique, aided by the spirits of Hawkei who have passed on. I will be monitoring the situation. If any of you show any signs of distress, I’ll pull you out of the meditation right away.”

I trusted Hawkei magic more than any other kind, so I was ready to go in. Wykoff instructed us to lie down. Kallie conjured yoga mats for us, and Charlie helped me down to the floor as we sprawled out and got comfortable.

The orangutan began playing the leather drum, making a steady beat. Oberi lay between Charlie and me. He had already fallen asleep, giving loud snores— not exactly what we were supposed to be doing.

Amber began uttering a low chant, singing words in Hawkei as she cried out to the ancestors. I understood what she was saying, and allowed the words to wash over me as I closed my eyes.

“Ancestors, make what is unknown clear,

Ancestors, show us the guided path,

Ignite the things forgotten,

And bring us to the past.”