37. Hayden

37

HAYDEN

One Day Ago

"Where is Millie? My peonies will die soon. I haven't felt her presence in the house these past few days. Son ?" I'm staring at the white peonies my little Bambi cared for when she was still here. I'm in the garden, the moon shining over me and my mother, and we admire the imprint she left on both of us.

Even my mother misses her. She wants her back, too.

She and my father leave for Europe this week, leaving me in charge of our region. I can begin my reign…wifeless. With tensions rising between the North and the South, the council agreed to let me start my reign without a wife for now. They bent the rules for me out of fear. I've been on edge, and everyone knows it leaves me unpredictable.

Everyone is scared o f me .

"I did something…very bad," I admit, still trying to remember the events of that night I captured Millie from her home. It's all fuzzy, and no matter what I do, nothing changes, and it's driving me crazy. I tuck my hands into my suit, pacing back and forth. I stare at the balcony I used to fuck her on, under the moonlight, and then we would stargaze together right after. I would listen to her heartbeat like it's my national anthem, as she would listen to the bats fly by and the waterfall crash against the Earth. She's everywhere, even when she's not.

"What did you do?" Her voice softens like she's afraid of the answer… afraid of me . "Is that why you've been so irritable? Drinking all night and snapping at everyone who talks to you? Why did you let her go?"

It's true. Alcohol is a funny thing. Lately, I've been craving it more than blood. It twists my pain until all I can feel is numbness. The old me wants to make a comeback. Where meaningly fucks and drinks were my favorite way to spend my nights.

"I've been asking myself that same damn question since she left!" I snarl and let my demons that I've been holding in arise from hell, and the depravity takes over.

"I blacked out and killed her father," I murmur as I take out a cigarette. I light it up, waiting for it to burn. I take a hit and watch the smoke swirl into the cold, crisp air, and my heart sinks when I see those pretty brown eyes with golden sparks deep inside my soul. She's in my head, she won't fucking leave my head, and if it's the only place I can see her, I'll gladly live in my mind like it's my new prison.

"Ahh. Yes, that'll do it. Humans can be sensitive to their boyfriends murdering their parents. It's not a good look, son," Mother snickers like it's a joke.

I scoff. I just wish I could remember it. I don't remember killing multiple Kingsguard men in our own Cathedral; why would it be any different when it came to her father? I hate that I black out sometimes from rage. It's a factor that's a part of my DNA. Only Millie makes it go away.

"I sent them a donation for my mistake. I know it's nothing. I know I'm vile and cruel, and I can't bring her father back, but if I can take that financial burden off her shoulders and her brother, then so be it."

"How much?"

"One hundred."

"Billion?

"Million, they wouldn't let me add a zero."

I take another hit, trying to block out flashes of us tangled up together. I can still smell her. I can still taste her. I can still hear her moans, her voice, and her laugh, even though she's thousands of miles away. She's haunting me.

I meant it when I said I'm her prisoner .

I can still feel the way she used to run her hands through my hair when we would watch movies together after I made love to her fiercely. I can still feel the way her pussy tightened around my cock when I hit that one spot inside of her over and over again. I can still feel how she looks at me…like I'm not a monster, but a man capable of giving her the world.

She's inside me. She's torturing me by denying me, and she expects me just to let her go? The only reason why I'm not there, hauling her ass back to my bed, is because of the way she looked at me.

She sees the monster everyone else sees, and it taints my strength to run after her. If this were any other day, I would be in Texas, grabbing her by the neck and forcing her back with me. But something chipped inside me, and I still don't fucking understand it.

Yes, I threatened everyone she loves if she were to leave me so that I could have her all to myself. And I would do it again even though it backfired. I know who the hell I am, and I've come to terms with it long before I met Millie. I crave her all the time, morning, day, and night; I breathe Millie in like my oxygen. She's more than my obsession. She's more than my queen. She's the entire kingdom.

She's out there, left unprotected, and I can't do it anymore.

She's stubborn. She's fighting me because she's scared of her feelings for me. I may have killed her father, but I know she still wants me.

"How does it feel to be King?" My mother asks me as she strides to the door to the Cathedral. She holds the knob waiting for me to answer.

"Pointless," I rasp and run a hand through the beard I've been growing out these past few days. It's astonishing how our bodies are selective with human traits. I drink in the air as if that'll deflate the emptiness Mille left in my heart.

"Everything is pointless without her," I repeat. "Like I'm walking a road with no end and nothing to look at but never-ending, vast, black-and-white walls because the color in my life has dulled further down than ever before."

I've never known how to keep something good in my life because I don't know how to hold onto it without destroying it .

"You remind me a lot of your uncle. The way he loved Adriyana was admirable, violent, and, most of all, frowned upon and unaccepted by the council. He never gave up on her, even when they executed him." She opens the door to the cathedral. "I'm leaving for Europe with your father. All I ask is that you take care of Kallum." She pauses before she vanishes. "What you did to that poor girl is wrong, but I will no longer interfere in your life, son. I've had enough. Maybe I feel responsible for how your father and I raised you, but you're still my son. No matter what you have done in the past and what you will do in your future…you are still my son."

"To King Hayden Drago! The Depraved Prince is now the Depraved King…drink up, boys!" Landon shouts, and everyone holds cups of alcohol in the air, cheering with vibrant ruby eyes. Their glasses chime together, and I sit numbly on the chair by the bonfire. I tap my feet anxiously as I watch the trees sway before me.

I finally gave in to Landon's request to celebrate. I stopped showing my face around the North after my uncle was executed, but now I have a duty to the people and obligations to meet. So I can slowly ease myself into it by letting one of my loyal friends hold this party for me.

Everyone is drinking, dancing, and even fucking at Landon's home. Everyone brought their little human pets to the bonfire, and I don't carry the temptation to snatch one away like I always did before. It's nonexistent.

Landon, Kolton, and the rest walk away, leaving me to sulk in the imprisonment of my own mind.

I don't enjoy anything anymore.

I. Loved. Life.

It was the only thing I could say that I loved.

Now? I love Millie.

The world and my ambition sound like static. Boring, and hellish.

I hate waking up, knowing that my Bambi isn't breathing next to me in my bed. I miss waking up to the scent of strawberries. The feel of her warm, soft, naked skin touching my cold, dead one. I'm in fucking pain, and she's back home in Texas, unprotected and going back to her old life, pretending that I don't exist?!

I haven't been able to stay fucking sane since she threatened to put a blade in her throat to get away from me.

Well, have I ever been sane ?

I killed her father. I get it. She needs time. But she doesn't have time. She only has about three years left before the Reaper comes to collect her soul and I need her to spend them with me. I'll convince her to consent. I won't hesitate to go to extreme measures…if I fucking have to force them out of her stubborn fucking beautiful lips, I will.

I bring the bitter beer bottle to my lips and swallow. I get lost in the flames of the bonfire. Watching and listening to the fire crackle while getting lost in Millie. Where is she right now? Is she working back at the Nostalgia Coffee Shop on those cute roller skates of hers? Is she with…Cole?

Fuck !

I can't stand these thoughts. These demonic voices in my head are telling me that she doesn't love me. She doesn't crave me anymore. I'm a piece of shit who deserves everything bad that gets thrown my way.

You don't deserve anyone good.

She's going to die and you're going to live alone for eternity like the depraved blood lust evil vampire that you are .

Is she spending time with him? Touching him? Letting him kiss her the way I love to?

I can see it now. I can picture her with him and wrath builds inside me as I have these mental pictures of them together.

Him holding her, consoling her, being there for her when all he's thinking about is fucking her.

Fuck him .

If she tries to get another boyfriend, I'll find out and I'll kill anyone she tries to go on a date with. They'll all die and she'll realize that I'm the only one for her. I smile and lick my lips at the thought of killing any man that tries to take my Bambi on a date.

A woman walks in front of me, cutting into my thoughts of Millie away. She has curly red hair and long legs and stops like she's trying to get me to notice her.

"Is there anything I can do for you, King Drago?" she pouts seductively. Her voice twirls with heat, and she's practically drenched underneath her underwear. I can sense it. She grabs a piece of her hair and plays with it by wrapping it around her finger over and over again. She's another vampire.

I ignore her and take another swig of my beer. I refuse to look at another woman, never mind talk to one. She sighs and forcefully sits on my lap. She plops her ass on my groin, and I tighten my muscles. She won't take my silence as her answer, but a challenge.

"You don't have to talk to me. I'll do all the talking for you, babe. I bet I can turn that frown upside down without you saying one word to me…" she says as she starts to tug off my belt.

Now, I'm ticked off. "What's your name?" My eyes flash to red, my voice vibrating with unease. I clench my jaw, forcing my fangs to stay tucked in.

"Debby." She giggles and bites her lip. The familiar motion sends an image of Millie doing the same thing when she's stressed. Millie always bit her lip when she was frustrated or angry. Libby or Debby—whatever her name is—winks at me and starts to palm my cock over my jeans, up and down, trying to get me hard.

I tuck a strand of hair behind her ear and grin with disdain. "If you're name is not Millie Flores, then you and everyone else can leave me the fuck alone." I point to her friends, who are lined up for me behind her, ready to join us on the couch.

Before meeting Millie, I've been known to fuck… and fuck a lot . One night, I had five girls licking my cock and balls at once. Before, it was a good time. But now? It's rather dull and distasteful now that Millie owns me, even if she isn't here .

I stand up, forcing her to her feet, and walk away. She groans, pissed off by my rejection, and returns to her group of friends. I smash my beer bottle on the ground with pure fucking wrath as I stalk toward Landon. The glass shatters, quieting everyone in the party except for the music. "Simple Man" by Lynyrd Skynyrd continues to play.

I haven't given up on Millie and me. And I never will.

"Hey man, where are you going? The party just started. Stay with us. If you don't want to get your dick wet, that's fine, but hang out with us," Landon quips.

"No. I'm good. I'm going to call it a fucking night." I say casually, forcing the resentment I have for my Bambi to stay inside.

Landon tries to stop me again. He places his hand on my shoulder, and I quirk a brow at him.

"Come on, we just got news today that King Davenport's other son will take over. We just want to let loose before?—"

Another son? Who the hell is Davenport's other son?!

"What?" I'm seething.

"King Davenport's youngest son?" Landon replies dubiously.

"I thought Eleanor was going to take reign?" I quirk a brow.

"No…her mother and everyone else in that region voted against a woman taking power." Landon rolls his eyes. "Lame. I would have loved to see Eleanor be queen. Despite who her father is, she's a good person, and?—"

Thoughts are screaming at me. Bad ideas are at the forefront of my mind, and missing pieces are coming together. I have this strange feeling that Millie is in danger. To be honest, I'm always paranoid that she's in danger.

"We have to go. Why wasn't I notified of this before? Holland always filled my father in with important updates like this. Why am I the last to know?!" I snarl, grabbing him by the collar with both of my hands and teeth, ready to bite his head off. I'm about to break him into pieces if he says the wrong thing.

"Hayden!" He tries to untangle my hands off of him, but he's unsuccessful. "We've been trying to tell you, man, but you haven't been listening!"

Landon looks at me with sincerity. His words strike me hard like a knife, and I want to rip him apart just because I can. It's what I'm known for anyway. So why not?

"You haven't been listening, man. And it's okay ," he reassures me. He knows the damage my little Bambi left in me. A few beats of tense silence pass between us as my sanity continues to crack. "Let's go," Landon tells me, keeping calm even when I'm shaking with murderous intentions. Nostrils flaring, muscles constricting, I let my head and hands fall. I let him go and walk away with all the guys following me.

"I'm going alone!" I shout as I race to my private plane with the Kingsguard by my side.

"The hell you are!" Kolton, my other close friend, blares behind me.