Chapter 38

ChapterThirty-Eight

He hated to admit it, but he lost himself in her for a while. Varya reacted to him like she couldn’t get enough of his touch, his taste, anything that she could get her hands on. He made sure she was fed and hydrated, and then he fucked her into oblivion.

He’d never once thought that he would meet a woman with a passion as deep as his. Greed was always the partner who asked for too much. Who had to wait while the other person recovered, while his skin itched for more.

With Varya? For the first time in his life, he’d had to leave a bedchamber before he hurt himself. His cock actually ached. There were bruises all down his ribs and hips where she’d held onto him a little too hard, and scratch marks down his back that had long ago started to bleed.

It was... Perfect.

And of course, he’d told her a few more details about himself in the short breaks they took. He told her stories about visiting Lust’s kingdom, about how he’d cornered Selene and made her realize that she actually wanted his brother more than she could admit.

In return, she told him stories about growing up in his kingdom. Troubling stories where she recounted spending hours upon hours searching for food and water. Living on the streets after her parents died, while Altan kept her safe. She’d been the runt of the pack of children that roamed those streets.

Though he hated the man for having claim to what was Greed’s, he could also see that he owed Altan his thanks. Without the desert stranger, Varya very well might not be here.

He closed the door carefully behind him, trying his best to not wake up the sleeping beauty who had proven herself almost too ravenous for him. Though Greed could admit that might be the spirit he’d poured inside of her.

She wasn’t acting like the same woman he knew so well. And potentially lo—

He stopped himself before the thought even came to life. He didn’t love her, he couldn’t love her, and nothing had changed for him. Unlike his brother, Greed was so deeply rooted in his own emotion that he would remain this way forever.

Varya would be all right with that. She didn’t expect or want him to change, and there was beauty in that. She loved him for who he was, and he was certain that she loved him. He’d asked for every emotion from her, and the woman was a giver.

A shudder ran down his spine and buried itself in his tailbone. Just the thought of how good she “gave” made him want to turn back around and wake her up.

Fuck waiting. Who cared if he rubbed himself raw? This was worth it.

He’d already turned before his brain caught up with him. If he was sore, then she was as well. And he had to take care of her. His most precious treasure could not be harmed or dented by anyone. Not even himself.

So he dragged his exhausted body to the kitchens, preparing to at least get some food into himself before he keeled over. Thankfully, it was still nighttime and none of the servants would see his staggering pace or the scratches down his chest. And there were plenty of those.

He shouldered the door open, staring down at the marks with a soft smile on his face. He’d found himself a lioness. Even though she’d made it clear she wanted to know more about him, that hadn’t dulled her need. In fact, the more he told her about himself, the more she wanted him.

He hadn’t thought... Well. How could he think at all when she was on her knees, staring up at him with hollowed cheeks and a moan vibrating her throat?

“Fuck,” he muttered, running a hand through his hair as he steered his body toward the back room where they kept the food.

“It does seem like you’ve been doing that, yes.” His brother’s amused tone did not amuse him.

Greed spun around, his tongue already sharpening to lash out at his brother, only to realize that Gluttony was eating with both Ivo and Morag. The three of them blinked at him, not tired at all, and his hackles rose.

“What are all of you doing here?” he grumbled, grabbing for the nearest item of food, which happened to be a rather large head of lettuce.

“Greed,” Ivo said, his voice pitched low, as though he didn’t want to startle the confused demon in front of him. “Perhaps you should put that down and maybe have a glass of water.”

“I’ve had water.”

Gluttony snorted into his cup as he lifted it. “Clearly you haven’t been drinking anything other than what comes from between your lady’s legs.”

There was a moment of stunned silence before all the idiots burst into riotous laughter. Their entire bodies shook, the table squeaked against the floor, and he thought Morag was going to break the cup in her hand. None of them had any food, and he could smell the alcohol in the air, so he supposed he couldn’t blame them for their laughter.

“Yes, yes,” he muttered, turning around to find actual food. “Laugh all you want. At least I’ve spent time between my lady’s legs, while the rest of you lot have been wallowing here.”

Morag snorted. “Maybe those two have. I’ve been busy myself.”

Since when? He hadn’t ever heard her say she had any interest in anyone.

Frowning, Greed grabbed a loaf of bread, jam, and thinly sliced meat before joining them at the table in the center of the kitchen. “So these two sad saps are the only ones not finding their little death?”

Morag gave him a feral nod. “Indeed.”

“For once, you and I are the favored ones.” He grabbed Gluttony’s mug and clinked it with hers before draining the burning liquid inside.

They’d gotten into his barrels of whiskey, he realized. Those barrels were hard for anyone to find, so obviously his two most trusted guards had given him up.

Assholes.

Digging into his food, he ignored their ribbing as he tried to fuel his body once more. His stomach clenched at the scent of food and a wave of dizziness nearly unseated him. Greed wasn’t certain he even breathed as he dug into the meat and bread like an animal, not pausing until his stomach was finally satisfied and the shakes left his legs.

Sighing, he leaned back in his chair and gestured for a mug of his own. “The least you can do is give me a drink to get through your incessant chatter.”

“Incessant!” Gluttony repeated, but he slid over a clean mug that was brimming with whiskey. “It’s like you didn’t care if anyone knew you were fucking her into oblivion.”

“We weren’t gone that long,” he grumbled.

“Three days, actually. Three days the entire castle had to listen to the echoing sounds of your grunts, her moans, and a lot of—” Gluttony smacked his hands together over and over.

The two other idiots at the table dissolved into laughter once again. Ivo flopped down on the table, his cheek pressed against the cool wood as mirth shook through his massive frame. It took a while for them all to gather themselves, and for the burning in Greed’s cheeks to ease.

“All of you shut up,” he grumbled when they could all breathe. “At least you know I’m doing my job right.”

“Ah, and was it the job you wanted?” Gluttony’s grin hadn’t moved from his face. “You were the one saying you weren’t certain if you loved the girl just a week ago, brother. What changed?”

And all the mirth disappeared. Because realistically, nothing had changed. He was fighting against whatever emotion this was, but he also knew damn well that there was nothing he could do about it.

Greed wasn’t Lust. He hadn’t found the woman of his dreams and then fixed himself, or whatever it was that was the problem.

Jerking his chin at Ivo and Morag, he pointed them to the door. “Go on. There are better things for my guards to be doing.”

“Is there?” Morag asked, her brow raising. “We are supposed to watch over you.”

“And some conversations are for demon kings alone.” Then he pointedly stared at Ivo, who had yet to lift his head from the table. “And you’ve drunk your brother into a stupor. He needs sleep, Morag.”

His guard grumbled, but she hauled her brother up by the armpits and helped him out of the room. Though his ankles kept twisting over each other, she did eventually close the door behind them.

If she was listening at the door, he didn’t care. He just wasn’t able to look her in the eyes while he admitted this to his brother.

Gluttony leaned forward, hands laced around his mug, those red eyes seeing far too much. “You’re troubled. Are you regretting finding that spirit and putting it inside her?”

He swallowed another gulp of whiskey to steel himself for the truth. “No. I don’t regret that in the slightest.”

“Then what’s the problem? You’ve spent the past couple of days in nirvana, so I don’t know why you’re upset.” Gluttony tilted his head to the side, clearly trying to see underneath his skin and get into the meat of the issue.

Greed hated that his brother always did that. Even when they were spirits, Gluttony hadn’t been picky about his food sources. At least Greed wanted to steal and take only objects. Gluttony? He would feed off whatever he could. Information, people, a gluttony for punishment or knowledge or power, no matter what he did.

Sighing, he rolled his eyes up to the ceiling and let the worries spill out of him. “I didn’t change.”

Only silence was his brother’s response.

“Lust did,” Greed ground out. “He’s off, defeating his own demons, becoming the better version of himself because he poured that spirit into his love, and now he’s something that none of us have ever achieved.”

“Which is?”

“You were the one that put this thought into my mind!” Greed slammed his fist down on the table, shaking the mugs and plates. “You were the one who said we were the demons, the monsters, the ones with something wrong with them. And here I was, believing everything was fine until you wriggled your way into my head, you fucking asshole!”

Gluttony leaned back against his chair, looking far too pleased with himself. “I just wanted one of my brothers to agree with me. I wanted you to see that there is something wrong with our lives. I never said we could change.”

“Lust proved that we can.”

Gluttony rolled his eyes. “Lust was always the fickle one. He was more likely to change than any of us. He never really wanted to be Lust, yeah? He wanted people to love him, to adore him, to follow him to his bed blindly. What better for a spirit like that than to turn to love?”

He wasn’t following. And apparently, the furrows on his brow gave him away.

Blowing out a long breath, Gluttony took another deep drink before he explained. “Lust and love go hand in hand. How many humans have you seen that spent time in each other’s bed, only to realize later on that they were rather destined for it? You and I aren’t like him. We aren’t Lust. It’s hard to fix Greed or Gluttony, or Envy for that matter. Lust can easily change. The rest of us? That’s a work in progress that might never be fixed.”

He didn’t want to hear that, though. Maybe he didn’t want to be the demon king who couldn’t control himself. Maybe he wanted to be a better person. For her. Because she wanted him to be someone else, and that wasn’t fair to him when he knew it would be almost impossible for him to change at all.

“Greed,” Gluttony said, leaning forward and shaking Greed’s almost empty mug. “Let go of this dream. You won’t change for her, because people don’t change for others. That’s not how it happens. We change for ourselves, and you are still yourself. Still greedy. Still putting a spirit inside her because that will keep her cleaved to you for all eternity. Still fucking her within an inch of her life while ignoring your kingdom because you want to. That is your vice, just as mine is to consume and devour and... Kill.”

He hissed the last word, muttering it underneath his breath with a darker tone than Greed had ever heard from his brother. Almost as though Gluttony didn’t want to do what he had done. Or continued to do.

“I suppose you’re right,” he muttered. “We all have our vices.”

“Indeed we do. And fixing those takes a lot more than a lucky woman who thinks it’s smart to waste her life with us.” Gluttony lifted his mug, waiting for Greed to cheers him. “What more could we ask for, brother, but a willing woman and a kingdom at our feet?”

Greed could ask for people who didn’t run from him in fear. He could ask for that woman to look at him with wide, prideful eyes. He could ask for once, just once in his life, to feel like a good person when all he’d done was take for himself.

Instead of saying any of that, Greed clinked their mugs together. Because he knew that Gluttony felt the same. The darkness that gathered in his brother was very similar to his own.

They both hated themselves. They both lived in that cesspool of their mind, berating their own actions as they became the monsters they claimed they weren’t.

Neither of them believed in themselves. And worse? Neither of them really wanted to.

They’d accepted the darkness a long time ago. And that meant that they were here, alone with each other. Still just as bitter and exhausted as ever.

Sighing into his cup, he slumped in the chair and stared at the table. Gluttony mimicked his posture, just as morose as he felt.

Greed wanted to be more for her. By all the kingdoms, he’d thought this would work. He’d thought they would awaken soon enough and he would feel different. That he would have changed into something newer, better, more for her. Because she made him want to be a better man.

But apparently, just as his brother had said, it didn’t work like that. He would not change for her, he had to change for himself.

Damn. He didn’t think he could do that. And deep in his heart, he feared he didn’t want to.