Chapter 36

ChapterThirty-Six

Greed curved his much larger hand around hers, drawing her closer to his chest like he was in a dream. And maybe he was. This was the moment when he had to prove to himself and to her. They hadn’t wasted their time. She would stay here with him, because she wanted to. Because she needed to. Because he provided for her as no one else had ever done in her life.

And that was the gift he was giving her. A gift that was as self serving as any other gift he’d given, perhaps even worse in the long run. He would make her immortal, and he couldn’t do it without her permission.

He’d thought about it. On the ride back home, he’d let it play through his mind after allowing the spirit to feast on the people in her village.

Gluttony could hold her down for him. His brother wasn’t squeamish about actions that were questionable, at best. And Gluttony would do it if Greed asked him. Together, they would hold her down, forcing her jaw open while Greed had to sit on her chest to keep her still. Then he would pour the soul down her throat, explain away that it would not be that bad. That she would live forever and the spirit wouldn’t affect her.

But she’d be so angry with him. His Varya had always been the woman to make her own choices. She’d only lived for herself this entire life, and he couldn’t take that away from her now. He had to let her know why he was doing this. The reason for all of it.

And that would be the hardest part. Greed hadn’t lied, instead he’d just said nothing.

He drew her away from the arena, toward the massive leaves and jungle beyond. If she only gave him the chance to explain, maybe he could get the words past the knot in his throat. Maybe he could tell her how he adored her more than life itself and he wanted to give her the world on a platter if she’d take him.

“What did you want to talk about?” she asked as they ducked deeper into the oasis.

He didn’t say a word until he’d drawn her to his favorite spot in his entire kingdom. A smaller waterfall, much smaller than it used to be, but the cascading water was a few feet taller than he was. He used to come out here and bathe every single day. Now, he gifted the secret of its existence to her.

Turning around, he caught her other hand in his and held them both against his rapidly beating heart. “Have I ever told you about my brother?”

Varya arched a brow. “You have told me very little about anything, Greed.”

Right. He hadn’t been particularly good about sharing details of his life. She was right in their last argument. He used sex as a shield so he didn’t have to tell her about the darker parts of himself. So he didn’t have to admit that he was a flawed man and she shouldn’t waste her time trying to get to know him. He was afraid of what she’d think if she knew who he was.

None of that came out of his mouth. Instead, he started talking about Lust.

“I went to visit Lust a while ago. The bridge between our kingdoms needed repairs, and I thought it was a good chance to snoop on his life. He had a new... we’ll call her a distraction. At the time. And I’d never seen him quite so riled up. I thought I’d make it more difficult for him, because he’d never been all that interested in women. He used them, tossed them aside, found someone else to please. It was his way.”

He looked up, staring into her eyes that were so confused. And he wondered how he was already fucking this up.

Taking a deep breath, Greed continued. “But then I saw him with her. And I’d never seen him like that before. He watched the way she moved, smiled when she talked, softened when she looked at him. This one was different. I didn’t know why. She wasn’t all that different from the countless other women he’d entertained himself with. And then... then she almost died.”

He could still remember it. The metallic scent of blood on the air, the fear that rolled off Lust in waves. It had been a terrible few weeks while he watched his brother waste away to nothing. Lust hadn’t been himself, and that had terrified Greed.

Varya stared at him like he’d lost his mind, and maybe he had. Though her brow at least wrinkled when she heard Lust’s bride had almost died.

He licked his lips. “I saw what that did to him. I saw how it almost made him crumble. This impossibly strong demon king, nearly brought to the very end of his power because of a woman. At the time, I didn’t understand it. I couldn’t. He had fought so hard to be powerful, just as I had, and to throw that all away? All because this woman had been injured... It...”

He didn’t know how to say the next part. Releasing her hands, he drew his fingers through his hair, which likely sent it rioting in all directions.

He must look like an idiot. Standing in front of her, fighting for words, incapable of just saying how he felt, but he couldn’t do it. The words stuck in his throat, knotting up around his collarbone. Greed had spent his entire life becoming more impressive, more terrifying, everything that a warlord should be. He was the raging king who had destroyed this kingdom and then built it back in the image he most desired.

And this woman... right in front of him...

His body moved, pacing before her while his hands moved with his words. “I thought perhaps it was a weakness in him that I simply hadn’t seen, and then the Horde captured me on my way home. I was ready to kill them all. There was plenty of rage left in me after dealing with Lust and seeing that gentle relationship between him and Selene. It made me want to hit something. And it made this awful feeling grow in my stomach that I still haven’t named yet, but...”

He took a deep breath, stopped moving, and froze in front of her. “I met you.”

The words stuck, harder to get out than anything he’d said before.

“And I...”

She stared up at him, her eyes growing wider with every word he said. Each one, ripping out of his chest, tearing free from his body.

“Feel the same way.”

He finally blurted the words out. He let them tear from his very soul and land at her feet like he’d torn out his own heart. It wasn’t likely what she wanted to hear. It wasn’t the pretty words he’d heard Ivo wax on about his lovely redheaded gardener, or the words that Lust had said to his bride. But they were words.

Words that she’d asked for. And damn it, he was trying.

Though she clearly had no idea where this came from—honestly, he didn’t either—Varya kept her gaze on his face. He couldn’t read the expression that flickered across her features, or understand why she reached out her hand and placed it softly on his forearm. She held her hand there, her thumb smoothing over his arm.

And her eyes softened, the same way Lust’s always did, as she asked, “What happened to her?”

“To who?”

“The woman that Lust fell in love with.”

Ah, of course. The woman who had almost died and torn his brother’s heart from his chest. This was the harder part than admitting his feelings to her.

Greed swallowed hard. “He gave her a spirit to keep her alive. A spirit of affection, a good fit for her, though some might argue otherwise. It sacrificed itself, possessing her body but allowing her full control over their shared form. That act of sacrifice saved her life, and she is still alive today. Immortal and with him for the rest of their days.”

Did she understand what he was trying to tell her? Could she understand that he needed her to be here, uninjured and not in pain, no matter where he was or how far she strayed from him?

This wasn’t a gift, he realized. It was a desperate attempt at self preservation because if she said no to him, he feared he would implode.

Reaching into the bag around his waist, he drew out the jar where the adventure spirit still remained. It had gotten stronger, although not by much. Her old village wasn’t quite as full of adventurous spirits as he’d thought. Still, it was better than it had been when they’d first found it. And the little thing was pulsing with excitement at having a body.

“This is for you,” he breathed, handing the jar over to her.

His body vibrated as she lifted it up to the sun and stared into the green mist.

“What is it?” Varya asked.

“A spirit of adventure. A weak one, unfortunately, but I think it’s a good match. For a woman who travels across the sands, seeking out magical artifacts in ancient tombs, I believe the two of you will get along quite well.” He could only hope, at least. Otherwise, he’d need to find her another, and this one had been hard enough to find.

“Why did you bring me a spirit?” Apparently, he hadn’t been as explicit as he thought he had.

Greed took a deep, steadying breath. “You are dying. All humans are. Every day brings you closer and closer to death. Perhaps I am a selfish ass, as you’ve pointed out before. But I cannot let you die, Varya. Not when you mean so much to me. Not when I have the ability to help.”

With a slow sigh, she lowered the jar and held it closer to her chest. The spirit was already knocking against the glass, struggling to get a little closer to her. “Greed. I can’t take this.”

“I will not give you a choice if it comes to that. I want you to choose this, Varya, but...” He couldn’t. He couldn’t force her. That would be the stupidest thing he’d ever done. She’d hate him for the rest of his days, but maybe he would take that. It was better than nothing from her at all.

Her expression hardened. “You want me to kill a spirit?”

“It will not die. They live on in you. They see through your eyes, experience through your actions. It will still feed off of your emotions, but it will be safer than it was rolling around in that desert with no food at all.” He took the risk. Greed stepped closer to her, cupping her cheek in his hand as though just that touch might anchor them together. “Please, Varya. I cannot lose you.”

He saw her break. The resolve in her to not harm the spirit crumbled at his begging. And he would do so if she required him to get onto his knees because, for the first time in his life, he realized that he was terrified of losing someone else. Not just an object, but a person.

Greed pulled her closer to him, wrapping an arm around her waist and cupping the back of her head with his free hand. The jar pressed against his ribs, the pain anchoring him to this moment. “You are so fragile. So delicate. And I know you don’t want to hear that because you are one of the strongest women I have ever met, but you are just human, Varya. A plague could kill you in an instant. A wound that goes sour. A fall from a cliff edge or a tomb that outwits you. The fear for your life has consumed me and I cannot endure the pain any longer. I need you here with me.”

“Why?” she whispered, her eyes glimmering with what he hoped weren’t tears. “Why do you need me here?”

He pressed their foreheads together, soaking in the feel of her. It had been too long since he’d been able to touch her. To feel the power of her body rolling against his own. “I just do. I cannot explain it, Varya, but I do.”

Perhaps it wasn’t enough. Perhaps she needed to hear him say the words that he feared weren’t the truth. He was Greed. A demon king. He couldn’t love anyone but himself, unless loving her could change him. Just as it had changed Lust.

She took a deep, steadying breath, and then he felt her nod against him. “All right.”

“All right?” He leaned back to be sure. “You’ll do it?”

“Yes.” Again she nodded, staring down at the jar still clutched in her hands. “I don’t know how, though.”

“I do.” Thankfully.

It was a little different than bringing Ivo and Morag to life. Those had been spirits he fed on his own until they were strong enough to conjure an image that was powerful and strong, just like himself. This was a possession. A little different, but he’d seen Affection and Selene do it. Surely he could replicate that.

Honestly, the adventure spirit likely knew what to do.

Greed reached between them and uncapped the jar. The sickly spirit slithered out of its container, barely able to drag its body over the lip of the glass. And a small spark of worry skittered down his spine. What would happen if he allowed a weak spirit to possess her? Would she need to feed the spirit first? What would that do to the both of them?

He didn’t have time to question this choice, though. The spirit made its way up her arm, gathering itself up as though this was the most arduous battle of its life. When it reached her neck, the exhausted spirit paused, hanging off her collarbone as though it had no more fight left in it.

“What now?” she asked, her eyes flicking back and forth between him and the green mist on the shoulder.

“I thought...” Affection had melted into Selene, but it had been a significantly stronger than this one.

With gentle hands, he cupped the tiny spirit in his palms and drew it closer to Varya’s mouth. He didn’t know where the knowledge came from, perhaps some age old feeling from when he’d been the same as this little one. He remembered what it felt like to be so weak that he could barely move. He remembered lying in a gutter and waiting for his existence to end until someone had walked by after pick pocketing a man.

“Consume it,” he whispered, pouring the spirit toward her mouth as though it were an elixir of immortality.

Because it was. It had to be. For her, he would do anything.

Varya trusted him. She opened her mouth, and the spirit slithered past her lips. Pouring into her body and then disappearing.

They waited. Heartbeats drumming in his ears with every passing second. Maybe he’d been wrong. Maybe this spirit was strong enough to exist inside her without feeding too much, after all.

“What—” Varya’s eyes widened for a moment before they drifted shut.

Greed caught her in his arms, a low grumble of fear rocking through him. “I’ll take care of you, love,” he said, swinging her up into his arms. “You’ll be fine, Varya. I promise.”