Chapter 45

ChapterForty-Five

Home.

It wasn’t the same without her.

Lust stood in his office, his mind wandering through distant memories and better times. Hands behind his back, he stared out of the window and down into the grounds below.

The garden had already frosted over. Winter had arrived in the week since he’d returned from the Tower. Icy frost crawled over everything, spreading throughout his kingdom just like they did his heart. The entire castle could feel it. They were all lacking a certain snarky woman who usually had something to say in every circumstance.

Her absence spread like poison. Even his servants were testy. They got in more arguments with each other than they ever had. He had to break them up time and time again as they bickered and claimed others were causing issues. Not to mention he was still aggravated by his brother’s presence.

Greed tried to talk with him every single day. The ridiculous hovering was driving Lust mad. Yes, he was brooding. No, he wasn’t all right. Yes, he would be all right. He just needed a little time to get his head on straight.

Because he was here and she wasn’t, and that was unacceptable.

Sighing, he shifted his gaze from the cold outside and tried to feel something other than this strange cold that had spread throughout his entire body. The numbing quality was perhaps what she had claimed her power could do. If she had survived it, then he would as well.

The doors to his office burst open, the lock breaking under the immediate and far too powerful shove from a shoulder that could only belong to his brother.

“Get out,” he snarled. “I have no interest in talking with anyone. Not yet.”

“You’ve been talking with your servants and subjects for days and yet you have no time for your brother.” Greed’s snarl was no less intimidating than his own. “Would you at least look at me? I know everything happened so suddenly, but I would like to know you won’t off yourself when I leave.”

“I’m not going to.”

“That’s not enough. Telling me that you’re fine through a closed door isn’t the reassurance that I need.” Greed paused, and then quieted his voice to a low murmur. “Pride has been asking about you.”

Of course, their brother on high was getting involved. Any time someone even sneezed in the direction of their kingdom falling apart, he got involved. Pride made sure that all the kingdoms were doing exactly what they should, because his damned emotion wouldn’t let him do anything else. All of their kingdoms had to flourish, or it looked bad on him.

“Tell Pride I am fine. My kingdom is fine. I will not let it fall because of a mortal woman that I... I...” He swallowed hard, the words thickening on his tongue until he couldn’t even say them.

All the fire in him, that momentary rage, burned out. Lust turned around then, pinching his nose with his eyes squeezed shut. “How is she?”

The long pause before the response was enough of an answer, but he still forced himself to hear Greed say, “She hasn’t woken yet. The healer is doing all she can, but her injuries...”

“Are extensive.”

“Are fatal.” Greed took another step closer until Lust stared down at the tips of his boots. “You may have to let her go, brother. I know you don’t want to hear that, and I know it’s not something any of us want. But it may be necessary to make the decision for her.”

Never.

She could stay there in that bed like a princess, asleep until the day she struggled out of the darkness to find him again. And he knew she would. She’d battle through anything to get to his side because she’d said she loved him.

Wasn’t that what love was? No matter what happened, no matter how hard it was, she would find him. That’s how it worked.

His eyes burning—why were they doing that?—Lust finally looked at his brother and shrugged. “What am I supposed to do, Greed? I can’t let her die.”

Though his brother clearly intended to speak on that subject, Greed’s eyes widened in shock and his jaw fell open. “What... What happened to you?”

Lust ran a hand over his own scruffy jaw. “I haven’t been sleeping well. Apparently these mortal bodies we took, although perfectly capable of rather impressive feats, don’t do well with lack of sleep. It’s been days since I could get my mind to stop racing with all the ways I could have saved her.”

“No, it’s... it’s not that.” Greed groped for the chair behind him and sank down into it. “You’re... You’re...”

Lust waited, but when nothing came out of his brother’s gaping mouth he prodded, “I’m what? Tired? Sad? Worried? Yes, I’m all those things and I’ve never felt them before, so I’m rather frustrated with it all.”

Again, Greed shook his head. “No, you’re... not lust.”

“I am the same person I was before.” He took a deep, disappointed sigh and then sank into his own chair at his desk. “Albeit more tired and with more of a weight on my shoulders than I’ve felt in a long time.”

“No, Lust. You’re not... lust.” Greed emphasized the last word. “Do you understand what I’m saying?”

He had no idea what his brother was getting at, but the headache already blooming behind his eyes was enough to make him throw the other man out. He needed time to heal from all that he’d seen and done. Even his body ached after that form change that shouldn’t have been possible. He didn’t remember it hurting the first time they’d all done this.

Another knock at his open door had his eyes rolling. “Who is it now?”

A glowing pillar of light glided into the room. Affection had grown to the same height as Selene, its form now lithe and shifting with a slight breeze whenever it moved.

“Your brother means that you are no longer a spirit of lust,” it said, and the tone in its voice was full of pride. “You have changed because of her.”

His fingers flexed on his thighs, feeling suddenly coming back to them as shock rocked through his body. “What did you say?”

“You’re not who you were before her. Saving her life, it has altered the spirit inside you.” Affection lifted a glowing hand and gestured over its heart. “You are no longer lust. That is what your brother is saying.”

Greed stared at him like he’d grown a second head. “I didn’t know it was possible.”

“It’s not,” he snapped. “We are the way we are. We were created as such and we cannot change.”

But they could.

He’d heard of it before, although it had been said to be impossible. Spirits had changed before if they were bent under circumstances that made even a spirit question their life’s intent. A spirit of honor could be swayed throughout the tidings of war, and become a spirit of rage. A spirit of hope could be thrust into a world with none of that emotion until it was nothing more than a speck forced to become a spirit of woe. These were changes that only happened under dire pressure or desperation, and had never happened to one as powerful as him.

His lungs expanded in a huge gasp of air as he met his brother’s gaze in both horror and hope. “I’m not,” he whispered. “I’m not a spirit of lust.”

“Then what are you?” Greed leaned forward, licking his lips and eyeing him with an emotion that Lust could not name. “What are you now, brother?”

He stretched his hands out in front of him and eyed them. There were faint lines there now, lines he’d seen in the mirror as well. Not necessarily bad changes, but a softening of his features, a warmth in his soul that he hadn’t noticed before.

“Love,” he replied, his voice little more than a croak. “I think I’m a spirit of love now.”

Greed slammed his spine back against his chair, his eyes wide as he shook his head. “It shouldn’t be possible. We’ve been in mortal form for a thousand years. We can’t change.”

“Apparently we can.”

Under duress, his magic, the spirit that had given him life, gave up its desire. And instead, it had planted a deep and soul binding love for a single woman who had changed his life for the better.

What would he do without her now?

Groaning, he palmed his head in his hands and leaned over his knees. “I can’t lose her now.”

His heart stuttered in his chest, squeezing even at the thought of losing her when she had changed him so much. She was the reason for the breath in his lungs, but he also knew that he would continue on without her. He’d bring her as part of his soul, changing the way he ruled this kingdom and likely for the better.

She’d shown him there was more to the chase than a quick fuck, or a long term understanding. He no longer wished to provide someone a life if only they shared their body but never their thoughts.

He wanted a connection, now. He wanted to know what someone was thinking and feeling and he wanted to know the names of their children.

How long had he spent inside Lara’s body and yet he didn’t even know the name of her child? Or how old her daughter was? He’d never cared once, and now he cared.

More than just about Selene, but about every person in his kingdom who deserved more than just his fleeting attention. They deserved his love just as they had so willingly given their own.

Fuck, this made life a lot more difficult, didn’t it?

Greed shook his head in disbelief one more time, but then leaned forward to match Lust’s position. “This changes things.”

“No, really? I thought life would continue forward as usual.”

“Don’t be a dick. Listen, you were going to have to deal with this, eventually. She’s still out, and very mortal. If you’re going to drag out her death, then maybe it’s better to let her go now.”

“Stop talking.” He lifted his hand in the air, glaring at his brother with every ounce of anger that he could muster. “We’re not letting her die. And I’ve already thought about her mortality enough for the day. We’ll continue this tomorrow while I attempt to understand how my spirit has changed.”

Affection cleared its throat, the light sound bubbling through the room until both of them glared at it.

“What?” Lust snapped. “Is there more that you want to reveal?”

“Actually, yes.” It floated closer to him, hovering just an inch above the floor. “Selene is still asleep. Her body is fighting very hard to stay alive, but I’m not entirely sure she will win that fight.”

“See?” Greed pointed at the spirit. “I’m not making it up to control you.”

“But she could have an advantage if I do something to help.”

He stared up at the spirit, not following its thoughts. “How could you help?”

“I would rather show you.” Affection held out a small pillar of light that looked rather like a hand. “I think she will say yes, but I also think it’s very important that we all be there for it.”

“She’s awake?” He stood as though in a dream, letting the spirit draw him toward the door.

“Not yet. I’ll have to ask her in her mind, you see, but I think she’ll still approve of it. And I want you to be there when it happens.”

Why? What was the spirit intending to do?

He tossed a look over his shoulder and Greed stood as though he’d aged a hundred years in the past few moments. His lion-like brother shook his head of flaming hair and then took off after them.

The three of them meandered down the halls, toward the room where Lust had rarely left. The healer was already leaving, closing the door gently behind herself. She started when she saw the three of them, but relaxed the moment Affection’s glowing light touched her.

“Hello,” the healer said. “I’m afraid there have been no changes. Her spine is in a state unlike anything I’ve seen before. Her ribs are shattered, and the back of her skull is no better. I’m shocked she’s still alive.”

Lust ground his teeth. “She’s a fighter.”

“Apparently an impressive one at that.” The healer gave him one last nod. They’d gotten very acquainted with each other the past week, and he had a significant amount of admiration for the woman who had gone above and beyond what she had to do for Selene.

And then Lust watched as his brother and Affection stepped into the room he hated walking into.

Because he knew what waited for him inside. He knew how horrible it was. She laid on that bed, too pale, like snow. Her dark hair fanned around her head, perfectly smooth because he brushed it every morning and every night. Just in case she woke up, so she’d still be comfortable. Her hands rested outside the blankets, but he tucked them in at night so she wouldn’t get cold.

And still, she didn’t wake. She was so broken, and there was nothing he could do to fix that.

He strode into his nightmare and stood beside her, looking down at those pale features and the smudges of bruises on her cheeks.

“I’m still surprised she’s here,” Greed murmured, as though any noise might wake her. “Her sisters were rather rabid about keeping her.”

“They couldn’t have healed her any better than I could.” He brushed the backs of his fingers over her forehead and then arranged a dark curl away from her face. “She’s where she needs to be.”

Affection’s hand laid over his, just above her head. “She said yes.”

“What are you even talking about?” he asked. “What is she saying yes to?”

The glowing light receded from his dear friend’s face. Affection appeared more feminine in this moment, soft around the edges with a kind smile for him. “It has been a great honor to live with you for such a long time, Lust. I got to see you become this person and I am so proud of you. All that energy given to me from you and her, I’ve been holding onto it. Just in case. And now is the perfect time to use it.”

“To heal her?” He shook his head. “Spirits cannot heal, Affection. We have magic, but not that kind.”

A glittering gemstone dripped down Affection’s cheek, like a tear. “I can heal if I’m inside her.”

“And then what? The wounds will reopen the moment you leave her.”

His mind caught up with what Affection wanted to do, and it made his heart squeeze in his chest again.

“No,” he muttered, drawing his hand away from them both. “I won’t lose both of you. No, you will not try to do this hair brained attempt to save her. Possession? It doesn’t work. Two people cannot exist in the same body. It will either be you or her.”

“And so it will be her.” Affection looked down at Selene’s pale face and smoothed its hand over her cheek. “She has always been kind to me. I wish to do this for her now.”

“I will not allow it.” But he could do nothing to stop it.

Greed banded his arm around Lust’s shoulders. He was forcefully held in place as he watched his oldest friend lean over Selene and press its lips to her forehead.

“Please,” he tried begging. “Don’t make me choose between the two of you.”

“It’s not your choice,” Affection replied with a bubbling laugh. “This has been an adventure. All this time by your side, and I have seen the world with you. I know you don’t think you’ve been given enough time to appreciate me, but none of us ever gets that. I have experienced so much and I have seen you fall in love with her. It’s my greatest honor and best purpose to bring her back to you. To show you how much I love you, every day, for the rest of time.”

“Affection,” he said, his voice catching on a sob. “Please.”

But he didn’t know if he was asking the spirit to stay or to save her.

Affection smiled and then curled up beside Selene. With a quiet sigh, it whispered, “Give her time. There is much to heal.”

Then it rested its head on her chest, gathered her hand up in both of its own, and its glowing light sank beneath Selene’s skin.