Chapter 21

ChapterTwenty-One

Lust knew he had no right to be angry. He’d done all that everyone asked of him. He’d hosted a feast for his brother. He’d brought Selene there for all of his people to look at, even though she’d embarrassed him the last time he’d done that. And he’d suffered for as long as he deemed necessary before bringing her back to their room.

No one thought he would do more than that. No one expected more from him, and yet it felt as though the weight of all their expectations rested on his shoulders. Heavy enough to push him flat onto the ground.

Greed wanted him to take what he wanted, no matter the cost. Selene wanted him to be a softer version of himself, to bend to her whims even if it cost more than she was willing to pay. His people wanted what they had always had, and they did not desire to see that change.

What did he want?

He stalked into the room that he used as a temporary bedroom when he needed it, now that he’d given his own space to Selene. Tugging at his hair, he nearly pulled it out at the roots while he thought.

What did he want? Lust had never thought he’d have to ask himself that question. He took what he wanted. He did what he wanted.

Kings of their kingdom did not have to ask themselves what pleasure they wished to indulge in. He could have whatever he wanted. Women, subjects, food, wine, all the necessities of life.

So why did it feel like he was suddenly lacking?

Frustrated with himself and the direction his thoughts were taking, Lust stared at himself in the full-length mirror on the opposite side of the bed. He was Lust. The king of this kingdom and the emotion incarnate. No one told him what he wanted or how he was supposed to feel.

Selene had wriggled her way underneath his skin, that’s all. She was a nut he wanted to crack open to taste the delicious, flavorful insides. And then he was thinking about spending an afternoon with his tongue deep—

Snarling, he turned away from the mirror before he could see how she affected him. The damned woman! She had no right to get into his head like this.

Why did it make him so angry that he couldn’t feel her lust? He knew she was affected. He’d felt the way she melted against the door at his kiss. How she let out a little sound in the back of her throat that she couldn’t quite catch and hoped he wouldn’t hear.

She’d enjoyed that kiss. Perhaps as much as he had, although he had a hard time imagining there was more pleasure than what he’d felt in that moment.

She was... soft. Everything about her. Soft. And she wasn’t asking for more than he wanted to give. She wasn’t expecting him to be the best she’d ever had, shake the foundations of what she knew sex to be, nor did she think he was some god slithering into her bed.

No. She’d simply enjoyed his kiss because it was him kissing her.

And that wasn’t something he knew how to deal with. People wanted from him. They wanted his body, his touch, they wanted to feel what only he could give them. That was how it went. He’d experienced that since before he had taken a physical form. It was natural for humans to desire something they could not have.

She wanted nothing he could give her, and that was frustrating. Perhaps that came from being a spirit before, however. He wanted to serve. He still wanted to give humans what they were looking for, even if that meant he was sacrificing himself in the process.

Tugging at his horns now, he seethed as he realized she was right. After all of this, she was something new. And he hated it.

“My lord?” The quiet knock on the open bedroom door interrupted his thoughts.

A brief flash of hope sent him spinning toward the feminine voice. Had she come to him of her own accord? Perhaps now she would finally relent to him. Let him kiss her more while she stopped whatever spell hid her desires from him.

But it wasn’t Selene standing in the doorway.

Lara shifted, letting the warm candlelight play through the thin fabric that barely covered her body. A blatant observation in the back of his mind noticed how lovely she was. How the curves of her waist had once fit his palm perfectly, and how she’d come to him many times like this when he was angry.

He could lose himself in her. Lust had before. He could find what little peace she offered him and then disappear for a few hours. Perhaps the entire night if he wanted to keep her up that long.

And yet... It was wrong. He didn’t want to lose himself in another woman when she didn’t have hair as dark as night, or the blackness of oblivion in her eyes. She didn’t look at him with distrust, even as she tried to keep herself away from him. It wasn’t the same. It wasn’t the fight he craved or the submission that he knew would happen no matter how hard they both fought it.

“Lara,” he growled, letting his hands drop to his sides. “What can I do for you?”

She slipped into the room, hips swaying as she tried to tempt him. “You know what you can do for me. And what I can do for you, my lord.”

All he knew was that he wished women weren’t so complicated. Men were easy to understand, and yet these creatures were like another species entirely. Their tumultuous minds were a labyrinth of thoughts and dreams and ideas, so convoluted even they seemed to get trapped in their own minds.

For now, he wanted to be left alone. His thoughts were far too complicated to deal with Lara while she stood there looking at him with expectations, planning for him to give her a reason to stay the night in his bed when she knew that he’d brought home a bride.

“Lara, you should not be here,” he sighed, keeping his gaze locked on her face. “You know that.”

“You have always been in my life, Lust. Always. One woman wandering into the castle won’t change that.” She reached up and flicked the sleeve of her gown lower, letting it slide down her smooth shoulder. “I know every part of you that makes you groan with pleasure. You have lingered inside my body for hours on end, so much so that I am shaped to you. You are mine. Just as much as I am yours.”

“We are neither to each other.” He frowned at her, realizing for the first time that perhaps he’d kept her a little too close. She truly believed this. She believed they belonged together?

The small smile on her face said she didn’t believe him. Lara approached and smoothed her hands down his bare chest. “You didn’t have to take your corset off yourself. You know I enjoy doing that for you.”

Her hands were... wrong. They weren’t the hands he wanted on him, and he gently took her wrists to move them away. “I did not take my corset off myself.”

“You had another servant?” Her eyes flashed with anger before she pulled herself back together and nodded. “I understand you have other favorites. You’re allowed to, after all.”

Still holding onto her wrists, he tilted his head to the side at the strange lilt in her voice. “Am I? Why is that?”

“Because you’re our king.”

No, that wasn’t why she thought it. She was still wearing that strange expression that made him hesitate. He might never understand women or humans, but he could see when there was something off about this one.

He squeezed her wrists lightly, ignoring the way she wriggled in his grip and moaned. It was a fake sound, anyway. “Why should it matter if I am your king? You do not allow kings to do whatever they want, or there would never be a rebellion or people who wished to overthrow me. And we both know those people live even inside these walls. So what is the truth, Lara?”

When she didn’t answer him right away, she tried to distract him. She shifted her shoulder until the dress slid off the other side as well, buckling fabric revealed her breasts and caught at her elbows.

He had no interest in her tonight. Instead, he squeezed harder. Until he felt her bones creaking inside his fist and her lips parted in a gasp that was not faked for his enjoyment. “The truth.”

She hissed out a long breath, her eyes flashing with anger. “Because you are a demon, Lust. You can take whatever you want, whenever you want, and you should not be ashamed of it.”

Tsking with disappointment, he tossed her wrists away from him. Lara flung herself away from him with the movement, exaggerating how hard he’d tossed her aside while she rubbed the red marks he’d left behind.

“Humans,” he muttered as he turned away from her. “I am not a demon.”

“You are, and that is not something you need to hide from me. I accepted who you are long ago.” She glared at him, though, and he knew her words were a lie. Still, her lust perfumed the air. Even though she thought him a demon, a monster, a creature of nightmares, she wanted him through it all.

“Leave, Lara. I do not wish to argue with you tonight.” He sat down on the edge of the bed, frustrated with the entire evening that had taken place. “Get out.”

She didn’t argue this time, but she did pause before opening the door. Her eyes on the wood, facing away from him, she whispered, “It wasn’t another servant who removed your clothing. Was it?”

“No.” He didn’t hesitate to tell her the truth. “She did. And she will from now on.”

“She doesn’t want you,” Lara replied. “She doesn’t want to be here, or respect your people. All she wants is to change what all of us love.”

And therein laid the problem. The longer she was here, the longer he stayed around her, the more he wondered if any of this was love after all. If any of his people even knew what that meant.

Pinching the bridge of his nose, he waved his hand. “Get out, Lara. I won’t say it again.”

The door opened and closed quietly behind her, and then all was still. He could breathe again without the cloying scent of her desire.

When had he thought of lust as cloying? It was the scent he’d craved his entire life. From the moment he’d sparked into existence, he had wanted to feed off it. Encourage it. Cause it to bloom between others and then only for himself when he’d taken a physical form.

Lara was right about one thing. Selene had come here to change everything. And unfortunately, he feared she might have.

“Oh,” the lyrical whisper filled the room. “You’re in here! I looked for you in your bedroom, but Selene is there and you are not. Curious, don’t you think?”

He didn’t stop holding his face. “Affection, I do not have the patience for you tonight.”

“You rarely have the patience for me, and yet, I am still here.” The smokey creature coiled around his ankle and sighed happily. “You’ve never sent me away, and I do believe that is because you like me.”

“I do not.”

“Maybe a little bit.”

“Not even the smallest ounce. You are an annoying creature who refuses to leave this place, no matter how many times I tell you to. All you’re doing is starving yourself in a castle like this.” Though, he could admit to himself that he was fond of the little one. It was nice to have another spirit around. At least Affection knew what it felt like to live as he once had.

The mortals apparently thought he was still a demon, even though he knew he wasn’t. They thought of him as a terrible creature of myth because it made their own emotions seem easier. They were not giving in to the lust they already felt. They were suffering the plaguing effect of a monster.

He opened his eyes and stared into his reflection one more time. And seven kingdoms, he looked tired. There were dark smudges underneath his eyes, his shoulders pulled in toward his chest, as though even the action of staying upright had taken its toll.

He’d never felt tired before in his life. He ruled this kingdom and feasted as necessary.

When was the last time he’d eaten?

Affection hummed. “You are looking rather thin, Lust. I thought you were feeding off Selene?”

“I am not. She does not feel lust.” He scratched the back of his neck, sighing as disappointment flooded through him. “And I am ashamed to admit that others no longer taste the way they had.”

“Disgusted by it, are you?”

“Not disgusted. I can no more be disgusted by lust than I am by myself.” He shook his head for good measure. “My brother terrified her. This kingdom makes her uncomfortable. All of it is not what will make her happy.”

“And you care to make her happy?”

“Of course I do. I’m not a monster, I’m…” He paused as he looked down at Affection. “Are you bigger?”

The little spirit was larger than the last time he’d seen it. Affection was usually a mass of mist that could fit in his hands, but now it was more like the size of a toddler. Still smaller than most spirits should be, but much more solid. The golden light inside it spilled out and illuminated the floor, his leg, even parts of the ceiling when he glanced up.

And it had eyes now. Eyes that looked back at him like big golden orbs that blinked up at him with no small amount of innocence. “Am I?”

“Yes, you are much larger.” He reached down and gathered it up. Holding the spirit out in front of him gave him a small sense of shock and satisfaction. “Why? Why are you larger?”

“I think you know.”

He shook his head in denial. “Absolutely not. You are not feeding off me at all, little one. It’s impossible for spirits to feed off each other.”

Just as it was impossible for him to feel any emotion unless it somehow related to lust. He was made simply, just as the rest of the spirits were. But if Affection was growing larger, that meant it was feeding somewhere in his castle.

Narrowing his eyes, he asked the question that burned inside him. “Where have you been? I haven’t seen you in a while.”

“I’ve been around you. I just didn’t want to interrupt.” It bounced up and down a bit before settling in his grip again. “I’m always near you.”

“So that means you’re also near Selene?” She was rarely far from him, at least. Even on the days when she’d thought he had left her alone, Lust had never been able to convince himself to go very far from her. Which meant...

“Are you feeding off Selene?” he asked.

Affection’s eyes went wide. “No, I told you—”

He interrupted the little spirit before it could lie. “I know I didn’t want anyone to feed off her or encourage emotions. I set that rule long before I realized what would happen. You are larger because of her feelings?”

He set the spirit down as he stood, stalking back and forth along the room as he continued. “She must be feeling some sort of affection toward me, then. Or this castle? No, it wouldn’t be that. She’s never liked it here, and it’s very different from her home. Perhaps she feels it a bit toward you, but we both know that kind of feeding is more difficult, especially when you are in your spirit form. So that must mean...”

She felt it toward him. Lust.

Slumping, a slow smile spread across his features. “She enjoys my company, then.”

“She does,” Affection agreed, though it was slow to respond. “I think she likes you a bit more than you might think. But I’m not supposed to—”

He held his hand up for silence as he basked in the thoughts racing through his mind. She liked him. She enjoyed his company. Selene didn’t think he was a monster like the others, nor did she pander to him because she thought him to be this all powerful demon.

Perhaps there was something to earning her trust after all. If he was lucky, and continued in the way she’d told him to, maybe she’d see him for something other than what the humans in his court already did.

She might see him as a man. As a real man, like he’d always wanted from the day he took on his form.

No longer a spirit. Just... him.