Chapter 15

ChapterFifteen

He gave her much to think about. More than Selene really wanted, if she were being honest.

Lust made her want to try things she’d never even thought about. He made her consider if she liked her life with the sorceresses or if she’d have chosen something different given the chance. These were not thoughts she’d ever been permitted to consider. Her life plan was already mapped out the day her birth mother had left her in front of the Tower.

But now she wondered what she wanted. Minerva had always made those choices for her, and now... Well, now she thought maybe she wanted to make those decisions for herself.

The thought was daunting. How did one go from not knowing to knowing? She could put all that power into Lust’s hands, but that seemed like a terrible idea. He was sweet now, but there was a demon underneath all of that. He hadn’t earned her trust enough to let him run wild with her life.

Still, his offer was tempting. To experience the world without the lens of the Tower in front of her? To know what it felt like to indulge her senses in whatever pleasure she sought?

She could do that here. Her mother and sisters would never know until the time came for her to betray him. And she would. Selene had spent her entire life training for this moment. She wouldn’t let guilt make her falter in this purpose. He would fall, and she would let him.

Or maybe not. Her thoughts were all jumbled. She hadn’t been lying when she said she didn’t like the man. He was unlikeable. He made himself so when he satisfied his own desires before others.

Still. He had a softer side that she could see buried underneath all that selfishness. Maybe he could change.

Just the thought made her snort. He would not change. He was a spirit of lust and Affection had confirmed her suspicions. Spirits were not people. They didn’t grow and change and learn. They were here as guardians of their emotion. Their one emotion.

Lust wouldn’t change any more than Affection would. Even giving him that quality turned him more into a man than a spirit, and she already knew that wasn’t the case.

Sighing, she put her brush down on the vanity they’d moved into Lust’s room. It was nicer here than in her old room. Much larger. And the plush bed in the center of the room constantly called out to her. She’d been enjoying snuggling into the plush velvet blankets that were satisfyingly heavy while also not being too hot. She’d have to ask him how they did that.

Selene had almost convinced herself to retire early until she felt the tug in her belly. The hard pull that guided her out of the room and toward an abandoned closet where a small bird waited for her on the floor.

It was a goldfinch; she thought. Bathilda was very good at summoning them for messages, though the poor things died after their message was received.

She hated it when she got a bird. Minerva knew that. Ursula certainly did. All of her sisters had seen her cry when the tiny bird burst into a puddle of feathers in her hands.

And still, this was how they sent her a message. This was how they contacted her after weeks of silence.

Gritting her teeth, she picked up the tiny finch from the floor. “I’m so sorry,” she whispered and caressed her finger down its chest.

The bird tilted its head to the side, perhaps confused by her reaction before it opened its mouth and allowed the image of her sisters to float up into the air.

“Well?” Bathilda asked, her words curt and short.

“Well what?”

“Do you have him under your thumb yet?”

Selene wanted to scream. Instead, she ground her teeth so hard she heard a creak inside her mouth, then replied, “It’s only been a few weeks, Bathilda. No, he is not yet under my thumb.”

Her sister had the nerve to look disappointed. “Really? It’s been quite a while. Do you at least have information about his weakness?”

“And he’s a thousand year old demon who has many years of experience. Give me time. It will take a while if you want to get the results that you’re expecting.”

The magic shifted hands to that of her mother. Minerva glared at her in a way that still made shivers dance down her spine. She knew that look. It was the face of a woman who wanted nothing to do with her daughter right now, but also of a woman who would suffer through this interaction. Minerva knew how to cut Selene to the core.

“Daughter,” her mother said. “Do you remember what I told you about the day you were delivered to our home?”

How could she forget? “That no one wanted me. That my real mother had left me because they did not understand my power. They feared me, just as the kingdom fears the rest of our kind.”

“We took you in. We gave you the home that your own parents did not want to give you. We led you out of that darkness and into the light. I could have left you out in that cold and watched as your tiny body froze. It is not a terrible death, though it is slow.”

She knew what a horrible death it was. Minerva had made Selene go outside when she was twelve to see a baby they hadn’t taken in. The frozen blue lips and frosted eyelashes would haunt her for the rest of her life.

“Yes, I know,” she whispered. “You gave me a life that would otherwise have been taken from me.”

“Life, Selene. I think you may have forgotten that is why you call me mother. I gave you your life. And your sisters? They were given life by my predecessor. Those before me were kind enough to see the use in their lives, even when no one else did. You need to remember that.”

And though the words were clearly wrong, Selene felt them deep in her heart. She was here only because of her mother’s kindness. That was all. Otherwise, she would have died in the cold.

Gritting her teeth, she hardened her expression and nodded. “I will do my best, Mother. You trained me well. He has a fascination with me, of that there is no doubt. He’s moved me into his bedroom as well.”

“Then seduce him.”

She felt the blood drain out of her face. “Everyone tries to seduce him. He is Lust. There is a better way of gaining his admiration than by trying to be like all the rest.”

“Do what it takes. I see little movement thus far.”

And with that, Minerva severed the connection. The little bird in her palm stared up at her with bright, dark eyes, and then it burst. There was no blood. No gore. Just a pile of feathers in her hand where there had once been a vibrant creature.

“Oh,” she whispered. “That’s why they sent you.”

Her mother had wanted to remind her how fragile life was. And she wanted to viscerally make that point.

She reached underneath her hair and gently touched the black mark on the back of her neck. The spell they had cast was supposed to protect her. But would it? Could magic like that protect her when her mother’s intent to threaten was so clear?

Mist pooled underneath the door and a little spirit soon joined her in the room.

Affection had gotten a little larger since she’d seen it last. There was a faint hue to it now as well, a bright yellow ball that collected in its center and stretched as it moved.

“There is no affection for that woman in you,” it whispered, gathering around her feet. A single feather drifted down through the air and landed on its head. “She is not kind.”

“No, she is not,” Selene agreed.

Her mother had never seen the use of kindness. Selene had barely even realized kindness existed until they’d started having their outings. She was only allowed out with the older girls at first, and then she’d realized there was another type of person out there.

Bending down, she sat on the floor with her back to the wall and gathered Affection into her arms. The mist felt a little heavier today, much easier to hold.

“When I was little, I remember the first time I saw a mother with her daughter. They were in the Sapphire Falls market. I don’t know if you’ve ever been. But the entire town is surrounded by waterfalls. Her daughter had fallen into one of the pools at their base, and the little girl was crying because her new dress was wet. It was horrible to see, and I knew that her mother would scold her. I hated being scolded.” Selene smiled, staring off into the distance like she could still see them. “Instead of yelling, her mother waded into the water with her and sat down in the cold. They splashed each other, and suddenly the little girl lit up like nothing bad had happened.”

“How wonderful!”

“It was. And I wanted to feel the same way. I went home with my mother and sisters that night and tried to see if I could get my own mother to play with me like that. She didn’t want to.” The happy feelings from the memory faded into the bitter cold of the Tower. “But every time I went to any of the markets, I always made sure to recognize the kindness there.”

Selene had kept all those memories like precious gems. Locked away for a time when she was alone and could feel without fear.

The frigid lake inside her was near to bursting from her afternoons with Lust. But if she opened it up just a little, maybe it wouldn’t all come rushing out.

One by one, she pulled the memories and their emotions out of that frozen state inside her heart. The affection from those memories filled her up with warmth and a bubbly happiness that she’d almost forgotten.

Affection’s eyes, deep in that mist, grew wider. The yellow coloring spread throughout all of its mist until it turned into a little glowing ball in her lap. “Oh, my. There’s so many of them!”

“I know people think I’m cold,” she whispered, smiling down into the golden light. “I know people think I can’t feel. But I can. And I do. I feel very deeply and I remember every memory that makes me feel like this. I keep them all, you see. Tucked away for moments when I cannot see anything but darkness. These are the memories that bring me back to the light.”

Not her mother’s grace or her life in the Tower. None of those memories made her feel anything but the icy cold that always tried to lock her up again.

Affection enjoyed her memories, it seemed. It babbled in her lap as it flicked through each and every one of them.

“You saw a circus?”

“I did,” she said with a soft chuckle. “It was a long time ago, but the performers were so talented. My favorite was the—“

“Fire-eater!” Affection interrupted. “His flames stretched up to the sky like a dragon, and his throat glowed. He winked at you, and it made you feel like the only girl in the crowd watching him. He was so impressive!”

“He was.”

Again, the spirit moved through her mind, and strangely, she didn’t care anymore. It didn’t feel as though the spirit was forcing itself into her, as her mother had always warned her with hauntings. Affection was respectfully peering into her mind so it could experience something new. Or perhaps only what it looked for.

Selene let the little spirit have its fun. It didn’t get to feed often, or at least, that’s what it said. And she could easily imagine that affection was hard to find in a castle like this.

Lust? Certainly. But affection took time and energy.

She could have stayed there all night, remembering only the good in her life. In her mind’s eye, she could see all the memories hovering around them like glittering orbs. Before she’d met the spirit in her lap, she always imagined the orbs as windows. Glass balls where she could see through them. Now, every orb she’d pulled out had the faintest hint of yellow in it.

Maybe that was influenced by the coloring of little Affection, but... the magic in her whispered it was much more than that. Affection was yellow. The color was right, and she didn’t have to understand why.

The closet door opened up and a spear of torchlight flooded into the room where they hid. Selene locked her memories back underneath the magic inside her body so swiftly she heard Affection groan in pain before it slunk out of her lap.

A woman stared at her with wide eyes. Her face was familiar, although the outfit wasn’t helpful. This time, the woman in front of her wore a gauzy fabric dress that was tied at her neck. The same outfit that most of the maids wore, but not the same fabric.

The woman had been laying at Lust’s feet during the orgy, she realized. This woman was one of Lust’s favored ladies, or whatever it was the maids called them.

“Oh,” she said, standing and shaking out her heavy skirts. “I didn’t realize anyone used this closet.”

The woman’s eyes flicked between her and the spirit. “What were you doing in here?”

Selene couldn’t tell her that she’d been talking to a magic bird that blew to bits in her hands. “Visiting?”

“With Affection?” The woman looked down at the spirit with a frown. “He’ll be angry about this, you know.”

The spirit huffed out a breath. “He knows we visit.”

“You aren’t supposed to talk to her.”

Why would this woman know anything about what Lust wanted? Ah. Right. Because she was most likely spending a decent amount of time in his bed, and from what she’d heard, bedtime talks were how most secrets were passed around.

Selene suddenly felt awkward. She was not the fair haired beauty that stood in front of her. Nor did she have the natural curves that drew men to her side like this woman did. She was stunning, whereas Selene was... dark and sullen.

“I’ll get out of your way,” Selene said, skirting around the woman. “I didn’t catch your name before. I’m sorry.”

“Lara.” The woman eyed her with no small amount of disdain before rolling her eyes up to the ceiling. “Be careful with him, would you?”

“Affection?” She tried to find the spirit, but it had already slunk away. “I don’t think it could hurt me if it tried.”

“Not Affection. It’s harmless.” Lara met her gaze this time with a hardness that marred her pretty face. “With Lust. He might be an ancient, but you’re doing something to him that cannot be changed. He’s alive too, you know. Lust has lived this way for a thousand years, and you think you have a right to change that? I just hope you know what you’re doing.”

Then she grabbed a broom out of the closet, a handful of towels, and stomped away from Selene.

What in the world?

She didn’t have the time or the energy to think about that interaction. Selene felt all the energy seep out of her until she was nearly a puddle on the floor that Lara would have to mop up. This evening had been too much, and she was so damned cold again. Like always.

Selene weaved through the halls back to Lust’s room, ready to sink into that bed and forget anything had ever happened tonight. Maybe her dreams would be better.

But as she closed the door behind herself, she heard a faint sound from the bed. The shifting of skin against silk, a longer, leaner body than her own, making the sound. A match struck, glowing bright in the darkness until Lust was revealed holding a lit candelabra. He placed it on the nightstand, the long muscles of his form flexing with each movement.

He sat at the foot of the bed, shirtless, with a mound of blankets and silk pillows surrounding him. He’d placed a pile of pillows on the floor between his legs, and he pointed to them with a slow, sensual grin.

“Come, sorceress. I thought of something you might find pleasurable.”