6. Luke

SIX

LUKE

"The Jareds called yesterday morning." Gordon mentions my dad's neighbors. He sits behind his desk and closes his eyes as if he can't bear to look at me while he talks about all this. "They wanted someone to come by and check on Robbie because they could hear him crying for more than an hour without pause. Marcy left around four months ago, everyone knows that." He says the last part like it hurts him to speak.

"She left four months ago, and everyone just went along as if nothing was wrong with my father being in charge of a kid?" I ask through gritted teeth.

"There's nothing we could've done, Luke, just like there was nothing we could do when you were a boy."

"There's plenty you could've done," I retort and shake my head. "You could've called me, Gordon. Like you did today. You think I wouldn't have been here in a finger snap?"

"Lucas," he says in warning. "You have no idea what the hell has been happening, okay? "

"Then please, enlighten me." I spread my arms.

"Marcy got divorced almost two years ago. She came home because she was left with nothing after the dust settled on that mess." He must read my confused stare because he answers the question I was about to ask. "She cheated on him, got caught. So she came home, and of course I let her stay with me. She started workin' at the diner, but she was... well, bitter. Lost. I don't know. I just know she wouldn't listen to me when I told her I thought she could use some help. Maybe try therapy.

"She was just so angry all the time. And then one night she hooked up with your dad at Joe's, and well... they started seeing each other." Gordon looks pained still, but more resigned now. "I did everything I could think of to get her away from him, but she dug her heels in, and they got married two counties over. Then she was pregnant, and they never let me see Robbie. I only got to see him around town, or when I passed by the daycare." Gordon wipes a tear away, trying to be discreet but not managing it at all.

"Then there was the hit and run. There's security footage of it all, since it was on Main at five in the morning." He shakes his head like he can't wrap his head around it.

"Did she hurt someone? Was she drinking?" I ask, confused. "On drugs?"

"No, as far as everyone knows she didn't drink, even with your dad, and no drugs were found anywhere at their place when we searched it because of the investigation."

"Then why did she run?"

"She hit Anna Mae, who was on her morning run. You know how she is." Gordon sighs because yeah, everyone knows Anna Mae could run to Dallas and back at the crack of dawn, and she'd do it happily .

"Is she... Is she okay?" I ask, even with a knot forming in the pit of my stomach.

Gordon shakes his head. "She's better now, but she has 'bout a million screws in her right leg and arm. She had four broken ribs, one bruised. She's better now, even walking. She pressed charges and Marcy will get at least seven years when she's caught. Of course, she hasn't been back to town since."

I take a deep breath as I process what Marcy has turned into. It's a struggle, since I remember our two-year relationship and see a happy, fun-loving girl, but by the end she'd already changed. Of course, it's probably a thousand times harder for Gordon.

The relationship between Gordon and Marcy was always rocky, but I know it got worse when she told everyone in town about my inability to have sex with her on prom night. Gordon put her on blast for that from what I heard, and she left town right after we graduated. Like me.

Last I heard she married some businessman down in Dallas.

Seems she fucked that up too.

"Wait," I say to no one, since no one is speaking, when a thought occurs to me. "Why didn't the child services people choose you to take Robbie in? You're his grandpa, Gordon."

I don't know why I say it, or why I ask, but it's too late to take the words back now. I want Robbie with me, of course I do... but Gordon has obviously been tortured by his own daughter for more than a year.

"He stayed with me last night, but I told them to call you. I'm no good to take care of a little boy, Luke," Gordon protests with another shake of his head.

A throat clears and that's when I remember the lady I saw when we first came in.

"Sorry," I tell her, and offer a hand to shake. "I'm Luke Riggs. "

"Claudia Miller." She shakes my hand with a firm grip.

"This is my lawyer, Landon." Everyone introduces themselves and then Claudia speaks.

"I think you should tell him the other reason, Sheriff."

I look at Gordon, seriously confused now.

"I'm sick, son."

"What?" I whisper now.

"It's my kidney." Kidney? As in singular? "It can't do all the work on its own anymore. I was shot a couple years back and they took the other one out, now it's taken its toll. I'm on dialysis once a week for now, but... yeah."

"You can get a transplant," I think to say in the moment. I don't even know if I'm right. I know a little about medicine from dealing with the orthopedic surgeon and PTs from the Rogues, but I know dick-all about kidneys.

"I have some weird type of blood, rare. The chances of me getting a transplant are pretty slim, son. Robbie needs a stable home where he can grow up. I wish I could give it to him, but you're his best bet. You'll be the best family the kid will ever have, I have no doubt."

"Gordon," I say, and shake my head. "I'm so sorry." My words are barely audible, I can't seem to speak normally anymore.

This is all too much.

"Do we know why Marcy was leaving in the first place?" Landon asks, and I look at him, grateful that he's taking the lead now.

Gordon sighs heavily. "No one knows for sure, but we have statements on how she was with Robbie from everyone at the daycare and of course Mr. Riggs' statement when he first brought up the child abandonment accusation. "

"Is there any way I can see those statements?" Landon asks Gordon.

"Sure," Gordon says, looking tired.

I keep scrutinizing the way he moves, the way he speaks, and honestly, I can't find any defining clues that he's sick at all.

"And we'd like to move forward on Robbie's adoption, as well." Landon's words sound distant, like I'm under water, and I know I have to pay attention to Claudia's answer, but I can't right now, because I have this nagging thought that won't let me do anything but sit in front of Gordon and lean over.

"You're clearly well enough to work, Gordon. So you are getting treatment?" I ask quietly, so I don't disturb the others' conversation.

"I am, but the transplant won't be happening, I'm not on the list."

"Why not?" I'm aware that I sound desperate, whiny, but dammit, the situation calls for some desperation. Gordon's a good man. If there's a kidney out there for him, he should get it.

"There's no point, son. I've lived my life. I clearly failed as a father?—"

"You did not fail as father," I whisper furiously. "Marcy got lost at some point, and in any case, that might be more my fault than yours," I argue.

Again, Gordon shakes his head.

"Whatever she has done since you two broke up is not your fault, Luke. I never quite got the hang of being a father."

"Bullshit. She made her choices. You gave her everything a child needs. You went to every game to see her cheer. You were at every parent teacher conference—I know, because my father never was. She was mad at her mother, never at you. She just thought you blamed her. "

"I know, but I never did. I tried to tell her that?—"

"And she never listened." I interrupt again. "See? None of it is your fault and I refuse to let you believe it."

Gordon just stares at me for a long moment then sighs and leans back. "I'm not getting a transplant in any case, Luke."

"It's not fair," I whisper, and shake my head. My eyes are filling up, and I know if the dam breaks again there won't be any stopping the sobs from coming. "You should have the chance to see Robbie grow up," I say, furious now. This is all so fucked up. "Why did she leave Robbie? What's wrong with her?" I ask the question even while I know damn well I'm relieved he's here now. He's safe and not on the run from the police.

"I don't know." Gordon leans back and closes his eyes again.

"Come with us," I say urgently, surprising even myself. Gordon's eyes open wide, but after I think about it for two more seconds, I realize I don't regret asking, and I won't regret pressing him on this. "Gordon, I can't stay here. Not only because of my job but because I hate this place and you know it. Everyone here might've been good to Robbie, I don't know, and I don't care, but we're the only family he has, and I refuse to be away from him. I don't want you to miss out on one more day with him. If you're going to be a stubborn ass about this kidney thing, then at least come live with Robbie and me for the time you still have left. Quit and just come with us, please."

I'm aware that I'm laying it on thick with the begging, but I don't care. I trust Gordon. He's always been a good man, and I bet he'd be an even better grandpa.

"I don't know..." he says dubiously. "What would I do all day?"

"Relax by the pool and hang out with Robbie," I say with a shrug. I can clearly see he wants to do it. "You can do whatever you want all day, Gordon. But staying here alone won't be good for anyone. You've served this town for so long, it's time to do something for yourself." I stand and look at him seriously. "I need to go see Robbie now, but just keep thinking about it okay?"

He nods, but already looks like he's mulling it over.

I turn and see Landon and Claudia still talking, but I stop before going to them, and hate myself for having to ask, for needing to know.

"How did he die?" I ask low, and without looking Gordon in the eyes. I can't.

"He fell in the shower." There's an infinite amount of compassion in those five words, compassion I can't let myself accept at the moment. I can break another time. I nod and walk to the door where Claudia's talking with a serious expression.

"He has sole custody for now, and he can take Robbie home as soon as the judge here in Tal signs off on it, that's a non-issue. Child services in Nevada have been notified, and the process will continue there even though the adoption process has to be carried out here."

"Good," Landon says with a pleased look on his face. "I'll file the adoption petition today."

I realize that's the best time to pipe in. "Can I see Robbie now?" I ask Claudia, trying to express with only a look how much I need to see him with my own two eyes, how desperate I am to know he's okay.

"Of course, follow me." Landon follows us out of the sheriff's office and down a maze of hallways. "A doctor checked him out and said he was just slightly dehydrated. He stopped crying while he was being looked over and fell asleep right after we gave him a bottle. He's been active today but fell asleep right after he had breakfast here with Gordon and me. "

And that's when another realization hits.

I have no idea what babies need. I've never taken care of a kid. How the hell am I going to?—

All thoughts disappear from my head the second Claudia opens the door.

Gordon was right, Robbie looks just like me. Not that I have any pictures of myself at his age, but he has the same wavy blond hair, the same nose, same chin, and I just bet I'll see blue eyes when he wakes up.

I walk to where he's lying down. I'm guessing this is the break room for the station because there's a couple of couches and Robbie's taking up a third of one. The backrest cushions of the couch are placed next to him and on the floor too.

So he doesn't roll over?

I kneel on the cushion and just stare at him. I can't help but comb my fingers through his soft, short strands. He's so tiny, probably shorter than my torso, and he has the most adorable chubby cheeks I've seen in my entire life.

His eyes open suddenly, and I freeze with my hand on his head. He looks confused, then his eyes start filling up with tears as he scoots away from me.

"Hey, Robbie," I say as soothingly as I can. "It's okay." I have to swallow hard to stave off the panic rising in me. "It's okay, buddy. You're okay." I think he hears me, but I have no idea if he understands me or not.

One lone tear falls down his cheek as the first wail leaves him, and I swear I'd give everything I have to make it disappear. I don't think the little man would want anything I have though. His world just changed completely, and I bet he just wants things to go back to normal.

Fuck. Doubt plagues every inch of my body. Seeing him stemmed the panic for only a few moments, but it's coming back in full force now. I have to take care of a whole other human now. How the fuck do I do that?

Bennett would know what to do, I bet . The thought pops in out of nowhere, and yeah, of course Bennett would know what to do. He's a single father, and he looks like he has his shit together.

I'll have to learn how to change a diaper, and also how long does he need to wear those? And fuck, what is it called, when little kids learn to use the bathroom? Something about training. I know Kevin mentioned it a few years ago.

Jesus fucking Christ I'm going to have to learn. Somehow, in the next few days it seems, I'm going to have to know everything about taking care of a one-year-old.

And they have schedules, don't they?

For eating, for sleeping, even for when they poop, I bet.

And does he only drink milk? Fuck when do babies stop being breastfed? I don't have breasts, dammit.

I don't know what to do, what to say, but then miraculously, Robbie tells me.

"Mik." It's a demand, not a request, but I nod immediately and that makes him stop sobbing. Now he's only sniffling.

"I'll get you some milk, right now." I nod repeatedly but don't move. Robbie, very kindly, thrusts his empty bottle at me and okay, at least the first step to getting him milk is done.

I look at Claudia, completely lost.

"There's milk in the fridge. He stopped taking formula right after his birthday according to his caretaker at the daycare."

I think I know what formula is, though I'm not sure, but I get the milk from the fridge and fill the bottle up. I do take note of the type of milk it is—whole milk. Okay, that's one thing to remember.

"Warm it for about twenty seconds, but don't screw on the lid," Claudia tells me when I go to close the lid. I nod and do exactly as she says, then get back to my position in front of Robbie.

"Here you go, bud."

"Anks," he says in the sweetest voice ever. Oh my god, he's so polite. Where did he get that from?

Okay, I can think about that another time. It's great, though.

"No problem. I'll get you anything you need." I don't think he cares about what I've got to give or not. He's already taking long gulps of his bottle and lying down.

I touch his head again, and though he eyes me curiously, he doesn't protest and doesn't move away. His eyes stay on my face as he drinks, and in less than two minutes, the milk is gone.

He very politely gives it to me, then sits back up, and looks at me expectantly.

It makes me nervous, actually the most nervous I think I've ever been in my entire life.

"You have to pat his back a bit until he burps. He can probably do it on his own now, but he drank really fast, so just to make sure he doesn't have gas later." Claudia sounds so... patient. I'm flustered and can't find the words to thank her for guiding me, but also to ask what exactly patting him on the back means. She must read in my expression that I still don't know what to do, because her smile softens even more. "Just put your hand on his back and pat only with your fingers at first, softly, then with the same force you can use your whole hand. You can also just move your palm in circles."

I do as she says and see Robbie is still looking at me curiously. He's not crying anymore, so that's something. Even though his gaze makes me uneasy, I don't want to fail him.

So I start talking. About anything and everything.

"I'm Luke, Robbie. I'm your brother. Well half-brother technically, but you're my brother. And you're gonna come home with me today. Everything's gonna be okay. I bet you're gonna love my house. It's got a huge garden and a pool. Though I'll have to put a fence around it until you know how to swim. I'll get a swing set for you, and I bet you'll love it, and a slide. I used to love those when I was little like you. And you'll have a room full of toys and everything you could ever want. I'm going to make sure you're never without anything ever again, Robbie, I promise." I nod and stroke his head as he keeps staring at me.

"Uke?" he asks softly.

I can't hold back the huge smile at his attempt to say my name. God, but he's precious. And smart, so fucking smart.

"Yeah, lil' bro, I'm Luke." Then I lean down and kiss his forehead. Robbie steals my breath and my heart when he reaches over and cups my cheek. He doesn't say anything, doesn't have to.

There's a lot to get done before we go home, so I kiss his forehead again then lean back, but I leave my hand on his back as I turn to look at Claudia.

"What's next?" I ask. I need to take Robbie home.