21. Luke

TWENTY-ONE

LUKE

I feel the sting of my bruised lips when I roll to lie on my back and can't help but smile. We must've kissed for hours after we got out of the longest shower of my life.

Wet and filled with feelings , we tumbled onto the bed and just kept kissing and kissing and kissing.

Until Bennett had to go to the bathroom, and now here I am.

Without the heat of his skin pressed against mine, a chill runs through me, and I decide to put on some sweats. I go looking through the suite, happy to see they did leave the hot tub drained for us because... germs. I don't doubt the standards of the hotel at all, but I don't trust any stranger enough to climb into a hot tub buck naked—which I plan to do with my boyfriend.

I put the champagne inside the refrigerator in the decent-sized kitchen and bring Bennett's bag and my toiletry bag to the bed.

Bennett loves me , I think with no little wonder, as I see the simple but kind of miraculous picture our bags make together on top of the mattress .

Bennett wants to spoil me .

No one's even attempted to do it, let alone said they want to. Another wonderful thing.

Bennett comes out and smiles when he sees me with the bags. "Just what I want." He grabs his things, kisses me on a turn, and dashes back into the bathroom, all in less than ten seconds.

You couldn't erase the smile on my face with anything in the world.

We wake up late the next morning, with nothing to do, nowhere to be, and a warm and comfortable bed under us. What else are we supposed to do but stay right where we are and cuddle?

I make a sleepy call to room service to get us some breakfast and turn back to see Bennett with a curious smile.

"Seriously," he starts, with a voice thick with sleep. "How the hell did you manage to become this good at relationships?"

I rise up and kiss him good morning—another miracle as far as I'm concerned—then lean back, raised on my elbow.

"I've dated a lot." I start the explanation even though I don't really have an answer. "I've watched other people in relationships all my life. It's not like I remember my mom so I have no idea what my parents' relationship was like, except for the aftermath. I think I've just learned along the way that what other people feel isn't my fault or theirs. Reactions on the other hand..." I trail off.

I don't want him to think anything I'm saying is a criticism of him, because it's not, it's just what I've learned. But Bennett still only looks curious.

"I guess I just want to be clear with people. I want to be honest and I never want to hurt anyone. With so many women dumping me over the no-sex thing over the years, I've come to expect it. But the way people dump you determines how you remember them. Being on that side of things for so long, I guess I just became more aware of how actions and words can affect you."

"You're a wonder, pretty boy."

"I do what I can," I say with mock humility, and feel happiness flood me at Bennett's joyous laugh.

"So, there's something I thought about while I was planning all this." I wave my free hand around to encompass the room. "I haven't talked to you at all about, well, coming out I guess is what you call it. I don't really feel like doing what Adam did." I bite my lip, forcing myself to leave it at that and wait to hear him out.

"Then you shouldn't." He shrugs on his side, then sighs heavily and sits up, shifts his legs to me and crosses them. "I don't think anyone should do what Adam or Jules did. I think it's fucked up that they had to. So yeah, if you don't wanna do that, I have no issue with it. As long as we're not hiding from the people close to us, then I don't care how, when, or if you ‘come out'."

"Okay," I say slowly, and take a few seconds to think about what that means for me. What do I want to do? "I definitely don't wanna hide us." That's easy to say. "But, the way the media has treated me lately isn't the nicest, so I'm worried about you, Lizzie, and Robbie getting caught in the middle of all that. I have to be careful with Robbie especially. If people start posting pictures of him online, I could lose guardianship. And if we're going to the game on Monday, I don't want to be stressing over taking your hand or kissing you. I just... Well, I want you to be prepared for what the general public might think, say, do."

Bennett takes my cue and stays silent while he thinks about it.

"Sterling told us yesterday that during the Pirates' games, they don't show the owner's box if Jules' kids are visible. The networks are threatened by the NHL, so they can't show any of Gab's players' kids. If we're there, then neither Lizzie nor Robbie should be in any real danger of becoming national news. Me, on the other hand..." He trails off and sighs as he reaches for my hand.

"Take your time, cutie," I whisper.

A few minutes pass in silence and I don't mind it. Because he reached for me. Because I know that whatever we decide to do won't define our relationship. If we just keep talking like this, then I'm confident we can get through anything.

Bennett opens his mouth just as the ding of the elevator sounds. It doesn't open though—that's a nice privacy bonus—so I have to go let the waiter in.

I sit up and kiss Bennett with all the love and patience I have. "To be continued."

We call the kids while we have breakfast, and yeah, they're doing more than fine without us. I see Robbie's smile and push the pang of longing down. There will be a lot of days during the season where I don't see him. I'll have to get used to it.

We finish eating and hang up the FaceTime call at the same time, so once again, Bennett can focus on what we were talking about before. While he does, I pack up the rolling table and call down to ask how I send it to them. They tell me to put it in the elevator, and after that's done, I go out to the balcony and start filling up the hot tub.

I don't even know if it's something Bennett feels like doing, but since we now have less than twenty-four hours, I figure it can't hurt to have it ready .

I take out my Switch and set it up on the TV, and that's when Bennett stands and hugs me from behind.

"I don't want to hide at all," he whispers against my back.

"Then we won't. And if I take your hand at the game and the whole world finds out, we can't really undo that, but we can limit the exposure you'd have after."

"You won't hate me?"

"Of course I won't hate you, cutie." I turn in his arms and take a hold of his cheeks. "Please tell me you didn't decide based on that. Because even if I can never take your hand in public, I could never ever hate you, Bennett."

"No, that's not why I chose not to hide at all. I just... I can't be sure how it will affect me, you know? The whole world knowing who I am, what I look like."

"And it's perfectly fine to change your mind." I kiss his lips softly, sealing my words with it. "Now you have an even more important decision to make. Movies, Mario Kart, or hot tub?"

Bennett's smile reappears. "Mario Kart, hot tub, then movies."

"I like your priorities, cutie. Let's do it."

I can't help my somewhat petulant-sounding sigh when I shift the SUV into park in Bennett's parents' driveway.

"We'll do it again, pretty boy." Bennett pats my arm. "You know you missed Robbie like a limb," he says with a knowing look.

"I did," I confess as I unbuckle my seatbelt then open my door.

"Hey guys!" Bennett says when we walk through the path into the pool area. The garden doesn't look too much like a jungle anymore .

"Daddy look!" I hear Lizzie's squeal, then more greetings are shouted our way.

Robbie's looking like a king floating peacefully on top of Rory's arms, and Lizzie launches herself from Sylvia's arms so she can swim to Gordon.

Gordon catches her when she's near him and lifts her up in the air. "You showing off for your daddy, little lady? Well done." Lizzie folds her body in half to circle Gordon's neck and gives him a smacking kiss on his cheek. The best thing? Gordon honest-to-God blushes.

The moment is so full of tenderness my throat closes up a bit.

"Wanna come out to say hi, sweet pea?" Bennett asks as we walk to the edge of the pool.

"No!" is Lizzie's reply with a huge smile firmly on her face. "I stay in the pool."

I glimpsed how Bennett left his phone in the cupholder of the car, as did I, so without a single ounce of shame, I go right up to him, circle my arms around him and whisper, "We should just jump in." I pick him up and jump into the deep end. I hear shrieks and laughter right before the water envelops us, and then all I feel is Bennett.

That night, after I spend an hour holding Robbie—because yeah, Bennett was right, I missed him like a limb—I go down to the kitchen and see Gordon's already left everything spotless.

"I was going to clean up here," I protest without much heat.

"It's fine. Not like I got much else to do."

"Would you want to find work here? As a police officer? You know you don't have to, but?— "

"Nah." He waves a hand dismissively at me. "I got enough savings, and I'm more than happy spending all day with Robbie. I wasn't complaining, son."

"I know, I just?—"

"You just want to take care of everybody else like you always do." His knowing smile is kind and it takes most of the sting away.

"Yeah." I sigh and sit next to him at the counter. "So how was the weekend?" I ask, desperate for a subject change.

"It was good." Gordon doesn't look at me and he gets up to get a beer from the fridge. "Want one?"

"No, thanks." I'm confused. He seems edgy, tense. "Is everything okay?"

"They convinced me," he blurts out, turning around to look at me.

"Who? Of what?"

"The Killians. Those two amazing people. They made me realize I really won't lose anything if I just throw my hat in the ring with this transplant thing."

I can only gape at Gordon as tears fill my eyes.

"I don't deserve to die, do I?" he whispers and shrugs.

"No," I say, probably louder than necessary. "You put your body and safety on the line for others for decades, Gordon. You do not deserve to die!" I shout at him.

How could he think that?

"I was a shit father."

"What the fuck are you talking about?" I demand. "Marcy is a shit daughter, and a shitty person. Yeah, I don't know what happened to her, what she lived through living with my father, but that doesn't make it right for her to abandon Robbie. To run over an innocent woman and leave her in the street. You did nothing but be kind and patient with Marcy. Or am I wrong?" He doesn't answer, so I press. "Did you ever hit her?"

"What? No," he says immediately.

"Did you ever tell her she was a good for nothing piece of white trash like dear ol' Dad did to me? Did you tell her not to cry? Did you ever not put food on the table or a roof over her head?"

"Luke," Gordon whispers.

"You are not, were never a shit father, Gordon. The choices she made, she made herself. She fucked up my life in Tal when she was already an adult. She was eighteen. And then she fucked off and got married, but she fucked that up too. Then she comes crawling back to you and makes the stupidest decision ever, and why? Because she wanted attention? Because she wanted revenge on me?

"Her father was the sheriff of the town she lived in. If she wanted help, she clearly knew where to find it. You even offered, you told me. So please for the love of God stop blaming yourself. And fucking stop thinking you deserve to die . You don't. And I don't want you to. I want you here for fifty fucking years more, you got me?" My chest heaves with the harsh breath I let out after my rant.

Gordon nods, looking me in the eyes. "Okay, son."

"You're the only one who's ever called me that, did you know that? You gave so many people in Tal so much of you. Now it's time to take some of it for yourself."

With everything said, I need to move, so I step forward and hug Gordon. The good, reliable man. The strong one everyone else always depends on—mostly me now.

And knowing he's decided that staying is good, that fighting to keep seeing Robbie grow up is worth it, is too much for me to keep inside me. I cry with my head resting on his shoulder as the weight of the worry and the pain fall from my shoulders.

"Thank you," I sob. "Thank you for fighting to stay with us."

I finish telling Bennett everything Gordon and I talked about, just as we get to the private entrance at the Pirates Arena.

"Hey, Josh," I greet the security guy when I read his name tag.

"Mr. Riggs, what a surprise to see you here." The huge smile he lets out when he realizes who I am tells me everything I need to know.

"Long overdue, I know. Gab should've left an envelope for me here."

"Oh!" he exclaims. "You're Luke of course. Sure, give me a second." He walks into his tiny security booth and comes back out with a big envelope in his hands. "Here you go, sir."

"Thanks, and call me Luke, please."

"Okay, Luke." He looks at me and I just know. There's a certain expression people have when they're about to ask for a selfie, I've learned this. So I pass the envelope to Bennett.

"Can you check that our passes are inside, cutie?"

I don't think about the fact that I just came out to a fan until I turn back to Josh. He's looking curiously at Bennett but not hostile in any way. I guess he's used to queer couples, since he works for the hockey team with the most out queer players in the League.

"Can I get a selfie?" he asks predictably.

"Of course."

"So wait," Bennett says when I park in the spot Josh directed us to. I make sure to leave plenty of space between my Porsche and the other cars since they're all luxury brands too. I don't want any angry hockey players coming for me. "He's on the transplant list now? He can get a kidney any day?"

"Yeah." I breathe out the single word. "I mean, there's no guarantee. He can only get a transplant from someone who's blood type is AB, but there's a chance now."

"That's awesome, Luke." Bennett looks genuinely excited and hopeful and that helps me to finally be able to live in the moment again, so I take in every second of him leaning over the console and wrapping his arms around me.

"Uke!" Robbie shouts suddenly, so we part. I look back to see what's wrong, but he's smiling. "Uke," he says again.

"Yeah, I'm Luke, little man." My heart melts when he nods and keeps smiling.

"Let's get this show on the road," Bennett says.

So we get both the diaper bags, filled with everything and anything the kids could possibly need for the next three hours, and walk into the arena with our Dupont sweaters on.

We're met by a very kind attendee who shows us the way to Gab's suite and with a very nice welcome once we get there.

"Well, now it's a party," Gab cheers from her spot on a couch. She has one child in each arm and looks like she's ready to grab Lizzie and Robbie too.

A very pregnant, blonde woman is sitting beside her—my guess is that's Jamie, the mother of Jules and Sterling's kids—and Sterling is on the phone in the kitchen part of the room. He barely looks up and smiles when we walk in, but the four kids seem to be curious but cautious about the newcomers respectively.

Lizzie walks over to Gab slowly and Robbie stays happily in my arms.

"Hey," I say and walk over. I offer my hand to the woman I don't know. "I'm Luke," I tell her .

"You're Jules' new BFF! I'm Jamie, it's so nice to meet you," she tells me excitedly, and stands as fast as she can—it's a struggle, but when she does, she throws one arm around me.

"Nice to meet you too. This is Robbie, my little brother."

"Hey Robbie," she says, and has stars in her eyes. It's obvious she loves kids. "Do you want to meet my kids?"

Robbie's eyes shift to Gab, but he doesn't say anything. He smiles though, and that's a big step.

"Their names are Ava and Adam, and Adam is actually around your age."

"He's one year and three months," I tell her with a nod.

"Adam's birthday is in a few weeks. Do you want to say hi?"

After a brief hesitation, Robbie nods. Jamie reaches for him slowly and he goes willingly into her arms. As soon as my hand is free, Bennett takes it and gives it a squeeze. Yeah, he gets it.

Sterling comes over a few minutes later and we talk about Saturday's game for a while until another man comes in. Around Sterling's age, I'd say, early forties, he's handsome in a distinguished way.

He turns out to be not only the GM for the Pirates but also Jamie's fiancé and third dad to all the kids.

Well, okay then . That's interesting for sure, and it might take a while for my Texas-bred brain to get around, but I don't have to comment on it in the least.

It is. So I accept.

We spend the afternoon happily watching the game. Thankfully the Pirates win, which means they're moving on to the semifinals. The crowd cheers when they show me on the jumbotron during one of the commercial breaks, and I smile and wave like a good little boy.

It's nerve-wracking, but I do take Bennett's hand when we stand where the whole arena can see us. I kiss him a few times when I want to, and I sit next to him and cuddle up close.

The world doesn't end.

Lindsey doesn't call me in a panic the next day, telling me the Rogues' fans are coming for my throat, and Gab only smiles at me. She almost always has a kid on her lap, except for when they ask her to be ready for the jumbotron. Since the kids aren't shown on the TV feed, or in the arena, she mournfully passes Robbie to Jamie and stands and waves like a... benevolent queen.

That's the day things start to settle inside and out.

Bennett and I fall into a routine for the rest of May and all of June. He and Lizzie spend at least three days a week at home with us, and I can't help but want even more time with them. How can I, when the impact he's had on my life in just a few months is so evident?

Two weeks after we got back from Malibu, right after the first surprise visit by our case worker, I was talking to him on the phone and happened to mention how I felt a bit down and could use something to cheer me up. He told me he knew just the thing and we packed up the kids and got on his SUV.

I laughed and already felt better when we arrived at Target.

We spent two hours there, walking aisle by aisle with bathroom breaks to change diapers and all. Bennett saw me eyeing a huge box of protein bars from a brand I'd never seen before. I bought just two individual ones to try them out and a few days after that—after I declared they were the best bars I'd ever tasted, Bennett brought the pack of fifty bars to my place and put them in one of the closets in the laundry room.

"That way you can take them with you to the stadium, just pack them here with your duffel and you'll never forget." I did the only logical thing in response. I took both his soft, clean shaven cheeks in my hands and pulled him into a hard kiss.

"I love you, cutie. Thank you," I whispered against his lips.

"It's just protein bars," he argued but I shook my head.

"It's so much more, beautiful. Thank you," I said again and kissed him even harder than before.

It was harder only a few days later, in mid-June when I arrived home after a brutal day at mandatory minicamp only to find the kids were both ready for bed, with Gordon and Bennett having taken care of dinner and bath time. Gordon went to his room after he got good night kisses from the kids and then Bennett and I spent four hours cuddling on the couch and watching Brooklyn Nine-Nine. It lifts my spirit and fell asleep that night with my arms in their new favorite spot—around Bennett—and a content smile on my face.

One year ago, when I had a similarly bad day, I remember not being able to sleep because I couldn't stop worrying about the team. I couldn't wait for the season to just start so I could get rid of the anxiety all the unknowns were bringing over me.

Now I can't help but dread the moment pre-season games start because I'm still not used to being away from Robbie for that long, or from Bennett and Lizzie.

So yeah, Bennett has been a miracle worker.

A few days later, Bennett organized a picnic at his place, right next to the pool, and his parents and Gordon joined us as well as the kids for most of the day, then they left us to our date and took the kids to sleep after sunset.

I realized in that moment what Bennett was doing. My boyfriend, my beautiful Bennett was doing exactly what he told me he would do, he was spoiling me, and I spent the whole day after preening like peacock at the practice facility because I have a boyfriend who I'm in love with who's spoiling me.

We build a routine that works for us, for all of us who are part of this family we're creating. His parents keep working away at renovating their house and they even ask Gordon—who's pretty handy with a wrench and a drill—to help them out when they have specific problems they can't figure out by themselves.

The consistency of them staying over a few nights a week means that Lizzie and I start getting closer, as do Robbie and Bennett. I make sure to try and turn her bedroom into something she feels is really hers, and it's slow going—since interrogating a two-year-old isn't the easiest thing, especially when I try to do it when it's just us. Which isn't often.

Another thing that keeps me in a permanent state of happiness is the fact that Gordon is doing great with the home dialysis and spending his days being a grandpa. I take him out to the golf course a handful of times, and he picks up the sport easily enough. He's not great—it's harder to learn golf the older you get—but he loves it. And I love the time we get to spend together.

Gordon also assures me that he loves having Bennett and Lizzie at home. He's constantly asking Bennett questions about his books, which Gordon has now started reading, and they're actually becoming close.

Robbie's speech improves and his interactions with strangers do too. He becomes more and more social which gives me peace of mind. Rebecca, the child services worker in charge of Robbie's case, is happy with what she sees when she visits.

She comes over a handful more times—some planned and some a surprise just like everyone warned me she would—and one time she's there when I get home from an afternoon at the gym with the guys. I panic, of course, scared she's going to tell me I'm no good for Robbie after all. She doesn't though. She's watching Gordon and Robbie play with the soccer ball in the backyard when I rush into the house.

She talks about what happens after the ninety-day trial period and how great it is that I've built a support system around me. She likes that Gordon is living with us. It gives me a sense that maybe this might work out.

Maybe, by mid-July when the trial period ends, they'll tell me he can stay forever. That he's actually home for good. It brings me a lot of hope and renews my energy to keep getting better at it all.

The Pirates lose on game six of the semifinals and we commiserate with Jules when we have another dinner, just the four of us.

I also get an unexpected call from Landon, my family lawyer from Texas. He tells me he's sure I'm going to get full custody this year, but the exact timing is still to be seen. The court date could be announced any day now, and when they do announce it, I'm gonna have to figure it out with the team, since it will more than likely interfere with our weekly schedule in the fall.

After that is set in stone, I'll have to have a talk with my head coach and with Gab, so they know I have to go to this thing.

All in all life is pretty much perfect, and I can already picture making the family Bennett and I are creating a permanent thing. I start imagining us promising to love and respect each other for as long as we live, and asking him to move in.

Everything is sliding into place and settling into a peaceful rhythm.

That is, until weird things start happening.