15. Luke

FIFTEEN

LUKE

"Wait, you're telling me you're friends with Picard now?" Cameron looks honest-to-God flabbergasted, and it cracks me up while I chew on my burger and nod in answer. "Like, Jules Dupont, the greatest hockey player of all time, is now your friend? And he's coming to have dinner with us? At your place?"

"Yeah, he even stayed and looked after Robbie for a while when I went over to talk to Bennett real quick. And dude." I protest right after. "Don't make it sound like I'm a charity case, man. I have two Super Bowl rings and an MVP too, you know? "

"Yeah, man. You're great," he assures me with a nod. "But Picard is..."

"He's gotta be an alien." Rashan speaks with full authority without looking up from his basket. "There's just no other way he can be that good all the time. Even when the whole team around him sucked when he was first drafted, he was scoring goals left and right. "

"So you're a fan," I conclude, humor barely restrained in my voice.

"'Course I'm a fan." My wide receiver finally looks up at that, looking at me like I'm insane. "Anyone who likes sports—not even hockey, just sports—should be a fan of Jules Dupont. The dude is a living legend and a class act."

"He's also pretty funny," I tell him just to see his reaction.

"I bet he's even humble," Kevin mumbles before inhaling half his burger in one bite.

"The asshole is kinda humble too. Though he's well aware he's the shit, he doesn't need everyone else to know."

"Man, and Sterling. I love that man. Laura and I have made at least two of our babies to a Sterling song."

" Jesus , man," I whine and throw my dirty napkin at him. "That is too much information ."

"What?" he demands. "It's not like I'm telling you which song."

"He has a point." Cameron snickers and Rashan goes back to his burger.

"Whatever. So, you guys are in for dinner at mine after the rookie minicamp so you and your girls can all meet Bennett properly?"

"Yeah, uh, I guess I'll be going solo," Cameron mumbles.

"Is everything okay?" I ask, immediately worried. My left guard has been with Tina for five years. The dude was looking at engagement rings right before we played our last game of the season.

"Well, Tina dumped me."

"Fuck," I hiss. "Why?"

"Well, with Robbie coming into your life she and I finally had a real adult conversation about where we saw our relationship going."

"And?" I ask, unsure of where this is going.

"Well, you know I love your kiddos," he says looking at Kevin, who nods back at him with a serious expression. "And Robbie seems like an awesome little guy," he tells me. "I love hanging out with them, talking with them and everything, but I just..."

He shakes his head as he trails off and I put my hand on his shoulder for support.

"It's okay, man. Whatever it is, you can tell us. We still hang around you after sharing a room with you on away games, don't we?" I try to bring some humor and he does chuckle, but his heart isn't in it.

"I just don't see myself as a father. At all."

"And Tina wants kids?" Rashan asks, chin in his hands and elbows on the table as he gives our teammate his full attention.

"She does, and get this. I want to get married and she doesn't, but she wants to have kids and I don't."

"Wow," I whisper.

"Right?"

"And it's final?" Kevin asks delicately. "There's no chance of either of you changing your mind?"

"Not for me, no." Cameron shakes his head and avoids our gaze.

"I'm sorry, man. I know you really love her," is all I can think to say.

"Thanks, and yeah, I do. But it's for the best, you know? Better to find out now than when I'm down on one knee."

"That is a great point," Rashan tells him. "And you're a great guy. When you're ready you'll find your perfect person, I just know it. "

"In any case," Cameron says and waves a hand in the air. "I'm definitely going, especially now that I know Jules and Sterling will be there."

"Ugh," I groan. "Please don't fanboy over either of them. And tell Julie and Laura to chill as well, please."

"You got it," Kevin nods.

"I'll do my best, that's all I can promise. Julie literally doesn't care about sports or pop culture so you're safe there."

I breathe a sigh of relief.

"So, Kevin," I start out deceptively friendly.

"What's up?" he asks before taking another bite of his second burger.

"You ready to carry my bags all season long?" I ask with a shit-eating grin. The way the Draft went means I win our bet this time, and he'll be playing butler for me on his last season.

"As ready as I'll ever be, I guess," he grumbles without looking up. He's a bit of a sore loser, but I love him anyway. I chuckle along with Cameron and Rashan as I stand from the picnic table next to our favorite food truck which thankfully opened an hour early today so we could eat here without all the people around.

"Great. I'm going home to get Robbie, then we're going to the park with Bennett and Lizzie."

"Tell them hi from us," Kevin tells me as I stand.

"You got it." I give them all a salute and walk to my car.

I gather all the courage I have in me and, without looking, I take Bennett's hand and interlace our fingers as we walk behind Lizzie and Robbie at the park .

Lizzie's being her adorable self and walking slower so my boy doesn't fall behind. With pigtails and an adorable baby green dress, she brightens the world with every step she takes.

I'm biased, I know, but I feel like both kids do, as does the man who smiles crookedly at me and squeezes my hand in answer to my gesture.

I've never held hands with a man in public before. Never been out with one either.

The park of our community isn't overrun by people, but there are more than a handful around and lots of kids.

Still, it's a big step for me, and I'm damn proud of taking it.

"Is this okay?" I ask to make sure.

"I really like it," Bennett answers simply and his eyes shift to me quickly but long enough for me to see the truth in them.

"I just don't know what you feel comfortable with…" I trail off, not really knowing how to start the conversation I feel we need to have.

I see Bennett bite his lower lip and the idea of kissing him slips through my mind but I don't think this is the right time.

"I've been more than happy with how things have been. Between us, I mean. I've liked it…all." He sighs after the last word but it sounds frustrated instead of relieved. Is it frustrating because we're having this conversation?

"We can not talk about this, if you'd prefer," I say as gently as I can.

"No, sorry." He shakes his head a couple of times and looks at me fully as we keep walking. "I do want to talk about this, and we need to. It's just that I haven't dated since…"

My jaw clamps shut and I grind my teeth together just thinking about what Bennett went through. It's the only time I've ever wanted to murder someone, and I know deep down that I wouldn't be able to feel even a shred of regret if I did it.

"I don't want you thinking about that, cutie," I say in a low voice.

"I know, me neither, but since I haven't even kissed a man in so long, I don't know how to explain what I do want, like, etc. I don't know if those things have changed for me. What I do know is that knowing you're ace too means I've been able to enjoy the simple things more without having a constant onslaught of doubts or having to be on guard to put off any advances. Like this for example." He raises our intertwined hands between us. "I really like this, and like I said, I've always loved kissing. And cuddling. I love cuddling."

"I like all that too, cutie. I promise," I add when he looks at me skeptically. "What do you think about a sleepover?" I ask him quietly, and nod at the two kids who've stopped to look at something in the grass. There's one more thing I'd love to talk about with him, but I can't find the courage to bring it up after he opened up so much to me already.

"For them or for us?" Bennett asks cheekily.

I laugh lightly. "Both."

"I think it's a great idea. I'm back to working every day with Gab this week."

"How's that going? I barely had time to ask her anything about anything other than football over the weekend."

"It's moving along pretty well. She's decided the structure and most of the topics she wants to tackle, so now we're gonna start focusing on the specific stories."

"Man, I can't wait to read that book. The woman is so mysterious and so open at the same time. A true paradox."

Bennett snorts. "I'll tell her that should be the title. "

"Fine, but I want her to know it was my idea if she likes it. If she doesn't it was yours, okay cutie?"

"You got it, pretty boy."

"Pretty boy?" I ask, surprised.

"Well, you are very pretty." He shrugs carelessly, but I see the nervous tension in his shoulders.

"I love it." I lean in and kiss his cheek without even thinking about it. He turns sharply, eyes wide and alarmed. I smile back, knowing I might've just outed myself to the world. But I don't care as long as no one gives the kids any grief.

So I lean in again and give him a peck on the lips.

The last week has been a whirlwind, to say the least.

The Draft went well, we got a wide receiver in the first round—which I'm very grateful for—and a handful of other talented players on defense and offense.

I had very little time to talk to Bennett—like I told him I would—but I did take a few minutes every night to send him a voice note telling him about my day.

I like doing that, honestly, but I like it way more when I get to hold him like this and see him when I hear his voice.

Outside of all the minicamps coming up, I should have lots of time to spend with... the man I'm dating—yeah, that seems right, for now —from now on.

That reminds me of the very unexpected text I got yesterday from an unknown number I have now saved as "the Devil in LA." As opposed to "the Devil in NY," which is the number I gave Adam Darnell.

"Hey, Derek texted me yesterday."

"Derek?" Bennett asks and stops walking to turn to me. "Derek Johnson, my friend?"

"Yeah." I swallow roughly. "He told me, and I quote, ‘My fiancé is forcing me to invite you next weekend to our place. We're having everyone over until Sunday. And yeah, I guess you're welcome here. You can fly out with Gab and Bennett who are coming as well'."

Bennett starts laughing after the first word I say in a poor imitation of Derek's voice.

"I'm gonna need you to read my books back to me in that voice, okay pretty boy?"

I laugh then too. "You got it, cutie." I wink at him and pull a little on his hand so we keep walking. "So, what do you think about me going?"

"I think that'd be awesome. You can bring Robbie, of course. The guys are going to go insane when they meet him." His sentimental smile when he says it cracks something in my chest.

"Yeah?" I ask with obvious wonder in my eyes. I never in my wildest dreams thought the group of super close friends would bring me in so readily, but I guess that's just what happens when you date one of them. And I can read between the lines. Bennett obviously told them we're dating.

"Yes." Bennett nods. "And I'm sure you can fly out with Gab and me. She loves you almost as much as she loves Adam, after all."

"Okay then," I say with a wide smile restricting my speech. "Though I'll have to check with Gordon and make sure he's okay on his own for the whole weekend."

"I'm sure my parents can check on him if you want?"

I'm the one that has to stop then. "You don't think they'd mind?"

"Of course not. They're dying to meet you and Robbie—well, officially—though Mom has had a lot to say since I told her we're dating. "

"Really?" I ask with a wag of my brows. "Like what?"

"You'll find out when you meet her."

"I'd like that," I tell him quietly.

"Then we can have the ‘get to know each other' lunch before we leave Friday?"

"I'll talk to Gordon and make sure he's up for it. But if he is, then yeah."

"How did Gordon manage to get everything ready so fast to arrive on Wednesday?" Bennett asks as we resume our walk.

"He'd packed everything he wants to bring with him already, the town threw him a goodbye parade from what he told me." I chuckle. "And his neighbor told him he'd take care of selling his place. He's the realtor and told him he doesn't need to be there to take care of the house and all that."

"It's nice that he wants to be near Robbie so much."

"It is. We're the only family he has. Well... his mother is still out there somewhere I guess."

"But she hasn't really been acting like she wants to be near Robbie, has she?"

"No," I say, knowing it's the truth. But still, some part of my brain is constantly trying to think of reasons for why she's done what she's done that don't make her an awful, irredeemable human being .

Bennett squeezes my hand and I look over at him and try to smile.

"It's gonna be okay. The little guy has you two, and believe me, even one person who loves you unconditionally is enough. Two is amazing. He's gonna be just fine."

I look toward the kids and see Robbie's little smile appear when Lizzie hands something over to him .

Yeah, we have more than enough people in our corner , I think, and bring Bennett's hand up to kiss the back of it.

More than enough.

"Okay, I'm done with giving you time, hand him over," Gab demands as she strides right in without even a hello.

I smile and follow her.

"He's playing in the living room." I direct her.

She actually came over to help me figure out if the downstairs bedroom needs anything Gordon might need. He's arriving tomorrow, so it's short notice, but I know damn well Gab can get anything done when she has my money to throw around.

I called and asked if she'd be up for the task this morning, since she was working with Bennett and he's spending the afternoon catching up on work.

Gab climbs over the enclosure of the playpen and sits cross legged next to Robbie and starts talking to him as if he can understand everything she says. He looks a little worried at first, looks over at me and I smile reassuringly—which I hope gives him peace of mind—then he turns back to watch Gab pick up his stuffed lion.

In less than five minutes she has the little guy laughing hysterically and eating out of the palm of her hand.

I expected nothing less from her.

She picks him up and rests him on her hip and walks over to me. "Let's see this room then."

I nod at her and lead the way.

The next day, well into the afternoon, after we got him unpacked and settled at home, after he met Dorothea and then saw her give Robbie a ten minute hug to say goodbye, Gordon and I walk into a doctor's office with Robbie sleeping in his stroller leading the way.

Dr. Welton, a woman in her forties I'd say, looks sharp and kind.

"Very nice to meet you Mr. Taylor," she tells Gordon as she shakes his hand. "And you, Mr. Riggs, I'm a big fan."

"Thanks," I mutter as I maneuver the stroller so it's not in the way. "Please, call me Luke."

"And me Gordon."

"You've got it," she tells us with a smile. "Then you can call me Sylvia. Please, have a seat."

We do, and she spares a moment to look at Robbie's sleeping face, smiling tenderly, then takes her place behind her desk.

"I got your medical history and more recent test results from your previous doctor, Gordon, and even talked to him to consult. We both agree you should be moved up to dialysis two times a week."

I can't help the sharp intake of breath, or the sense of dread that's more than likely obvious in my face.

"It's okay, son." Gordon pats my leg and looks at me emotionlessly. "We all knew it was coming."

"You were doing hemodialysis at the hospital, right?" Sylvia asks.

"Yes." Gordon nods and rubs his hands up and down his thighs nervously.

"Can't he do it at home?" I did very little research, but I think I did read that somewhere .

"He could," she answers with a nod, but Gordon speaks before she can go on.

"The machine is expensive, and I can't afford it. Coming to the hospital twice a week won't be a problem as soon as I get a car."

I scoff so loudly I'm scared I've woken up Robbie when he shifts, but he settles down again. "First, I already have a car coming for you, one that fits Robbie's chair comfortably. And second, I'm getting you that machine if you want it. If you think you'd rather come to the hospital, then great, but aren't you supposed to be groggy after you're done? How would you drive home? I think it's better if you just do it at home." I nod to myself.

"Lucas," Gordon starts in a warning tone.

"No, don't Lucas me, man." I turn to the doctor and send her an apologetic smile for what she's about to witness, then shift to look directly at Gordon. "I have all this money and nothing to do with it. If I can make your life even one percent better by buying you this machine, then I'll do it. It's important to me that you're comfortable, Gordon. So would you please let me do it?"

Gordon stares at me, stubbornly silent for a long minute. Then he drops his head and sighs.

"All right then, I guess that's okay."

"Thank you," I say as I let out a relieved breath.

"I'm glad you're accepting help, Gordon, that's very important of course, but the fact is, you're going to be needing more and more dialysis as your kidney function worsens. The only real solution would come from a transplant. I know it's unlikely given your blood type is AB negative, but have you reconsidered being added to the list? You can get a kidney from people who are AB positive as well, Gordon. There is a chance."

I hold my breath as I wait for his answer.

"I haven't, no." Gordon shakes his head, resolute and unmovable when he was more agreeable about the machine. Everything inside me deflates.

On the drive back home, we hit some traffic right before the highway, and I know this is the only chance I'll get to say this without having to look Gordon in the eyes.

"So, uhm." I start super strong. I look in the rearview to see Robbie still sleeping and swallow hard. C'mon, Luke, you've got this , I tell myself. "I started seeing someone."

"Really?" Gordon sounds genuinely surprised but not mad at all. "That's great."

Simple answer, and I take it for what it is, easy acceptance. Now here comes the hard part.

"He's a single father. A friend of some guys in the League I know," I say, trying to sound very casual, and I think I actually pull it off.

"Another single father? That fits perfectly then, doesn't it?"

I let out a long, measured breath. Fuck is it always going to be like this?

Gordon places a hand on my shoulder and squeezes hard. In comfort, in companionship. Damn but he's a good man.

"When do I get to meet him?" he asks before I can get my bearings. "And is he the one you're going on a trip with this weekend?"

"Actually, he and his parents want to invite us over for dinner tomorrow, so you can meet him and Lizzie, his daughter. And I can meet his parents, too." And that's when the nervousness picks up again. "They just retired, his parents. Sylvia and Rory. They worked as professors up in Seattle. I'm gonna meet them for the first time." Dammit, I'd already said that. "And yeah." I clear my throat and keep going. "We're going to one of his friend's places in Malibu for some kind of celebration, though I'm not sure what it is."

I'm so glad Derek invited me to this thing because after the last few days, I don't want to be so far away from Bennett for a whole weekend.

That might seem overly needy maybe, but the need to be close to Bennett, to talk to him every day, has only been getting stronger.

"You'll do fine. Since I have some experience in the matter," Gordon says with a sarcastic chuckle that brings me out of my lovey-dovey thoughts. "I can say with absolute authority it's a true pleasure to have you as a... Well, son-in-law isn't right, but you know what I mean."

I almost choke on my tongue.

"Jesus," I mutter, and my grip on the steering wheel loosens a fraction.

Gordon just lets out another laugh, this one more cheerful, and squeezes my shoulder again.