Seven

SEVEN

REN

I think about Felton a lot after I leave his house. While I've never made it a habit of watching Felton, not more so than I watch the rest of my teammates, I have always noted that there are days when he comes to work stressed. Burdened.

It's easy to write off those moments as being part of the job. To some degree, we all feel like the game can be determined by any single one of us. If I just did that better. If I didn't lose the puck. If my shot was just an inch higher, I'd have made that goal. If I hadn't been stuck against the board with that player, I'd have been able to help defend the goal.

There's always a lot of ifs. This is a team sport, all the way. But in a lot of ways, it's also an individual sport. We're always fighting for our position. Goalies might be more hardcore competitors than all. After all, only one goalie is on the ice each game and they rarely trade out. Whereas there are three offensive players and two defensive players on the ice at all times. Yes, we trade out, but that means we have less time to prove our worth. It's both more and less pressure.

A goalie sits in his net for an hour. More than an hour. That entire time, every move they make, they're scrutinized and judged.

So yeah, I thought Felton's burden was always his job. He's a great goalie. No one will argue that. And normally, he's in a very good mood. But that doesn't mean there aren't times when the pressure and stress will get to you.

Now I recognize it for what it is. It's not game pressure, it's outside pressure. And the one thing he's found that relieves some of that pressure has now had a very negative impact on his life.

It's reckless of him, he has to know that. I still can't fathom why he thought it was a good idea. He had to have known that if it came out—and fuck knows that shit always will—then he was risking everything.

I've now seen the toll of the pressure he's been put under. To him, that risk was worth it. It was the one bright spot in his life.

I won't pretend to understand or relate. We're very different kinds of people. But his emotions were very, very real. He's struggling. The fact he has a smile on his face most days and is such a nice guy with that weight on his shoulders is astounding to me.

Kroy drops into the chair across from me with a grin. He's the last to arrive. He usually is. Even when we tell him to be somewhere an hour before we intend to be, he's always the last one.

"What's up, man?" Kroy asks, slapping his hand with Zenia's. "How's hockey?"

We three hockey players give him a demure look, to which Kroy grins. "Okay, so I'm not oblivious to the news. What the fuck is going on there?"

Denny sighs, shaking his head. "Word is, he'll be coming back. They can't actually prove that it's him and I guess it's not, like, so scandalous that they're going to involve lawyers to prove it is. But I think they're only going to let him play out his contract and then wash their hands of him."

I frown, turning to look at him. "Who said that?"

He shrugs. "I don't know, but it's constantly being whispered."

The thing is, it sounds like it lines up with what Felton was told. I don't repeat this, obviously. He's told me a lot and I plan to keep it in confidence. But I hate that he's going to be coming back to these whispers.

Who am I kidding? He's probably already heard them.

It's been nearly twenty-four hours since I left his house, and I haven't heard from him. Not that I expected to. We agreed that he'd call me when something big came up. When there was something that required his immediate attention.

Like contracts.

"Who do you guys have for agents?" I ask.

"Pride Sports," they say in unison.

I look between them.

"I liked their inclusivity," Denny says, shrugging. "They stand for good things. I also liked their presentation and so far, they've gone above and beyond what they claim they'd do. Without prompting."

"I have a gay sister," Zenia adds. "She said I should go with Pride because they have a great mission statement and put their money where their mouth is. So I did."

"Why?" Carson asks.

I shake my head. "Curious."

"Who do you have?" Denny asks.

"Tyson & Taylor."

"And you're thinking about changing?" Carson asks.

I shake my head. "Nope. Just curious."

I'm not fooling anyone, but they don't push.

"That girl that we hooked up with last?" Kroy interjects to change the topic, and I glance his way. "I saw her two days ago. She's a waitress at a restaurant down the street from where I work."

"Oh, that's awkward," Denny says.

Kroy laughs. "Nah, but man did she turn bright red and avoid me."

I chuckle.

The conversation turns to the girls we've shared. And as it inevitably does, the single guy we shared comes up. It was an accident. We didn't know she was a he until we got him back to the hotel room and undressed.

"A hole is a hole if you close your eyes," he said.

He wasn't wrong. Afterwards, we asked him why he was in that club, and he said he was celebrating his sister's birthday.

"What better way to celebrate my sister's birthday than hooking up with five hot guys?"

We don't grope on the dance floor. It's about vibe and attraction once the interest is established. We didn't have an issue staying hard or performing, so we let it happen. Quite honestly, he was probably the hottest fuck we'd ever had. His confidence, how vocal he was, and there was something extremely erotic about seeing how hard he was while he was on your dick. Hotter still when he was riding and came.

More than once.

However, it's something we've never repeated. We take better care to make sure that we're bringing someone back to the room so we're not going to be surprised when they take their clothes off.

I listen to them and wonder if there's something in our routine that I can relay to Felton's situation. We are reckless to some degree. We enjoy our kink. Yes, there's a chance that this could be broadcast everywhere and there would be very loud repercussions from it.

But we're not posting the act online. Not even behind a paywall and with our faces covered.

It's a controlled environment. Which I know is what Felton needs. The way I could see him nearly fall in relief when I suggested it said that it's exactly what he needs.

How can I translate what we have for him?

"What're you thinking so hard about, Ren?" Carson asks.

I shake my head. "New project."

"Tell," Kroy says.

Smirking, I shake my head again. "Not this time."

"Who're you fucking on the side, man?" Denny asks, tossing a cheese puff at me.

"No one."

"This time," Kroy coughs.

"That was one time."

"This year!" Zenia says, laughing.

"Group activities are a celebration. Not a regular activity," I argue.

Carson snorts.

This year they've happened more often. We're nearing November and we're far over double digits to the number of times we've grouped up for a gang bang. I'm not even entirely sure why we enjoy it. It's a strange amount of closeness that's very unnecessary.

I won't lie and say the sex isn't hot, though. I don't know what it is about fucking a body that my friends just did. Seeing how they pleasure her. Watching how she writhes and letting her moans fill my head.

And theirs.

Honestly, it shouldn't be hot. I'm guessing I'm not nearly as straight as I would have once claimed I am. Probably, neither are they.

Maybe it's just a bro bonding experience.

I glance at Carson as he animates his conversation and try to determine whether I'm attracted to him in any way. Is he hot? Kroy's the smooth talker. The charmer. The rest of us usually remain quiet and let him orchestrate the conversation with our potential ladies.

What do the rest of us bring to the table? Just our dicks? Kroy does all the heavy lifting?

The thought nearly makes me snort.

Closing my eyes, I let the memories of fucking our conquests with them roll through my mind. Is my attention always solely on the chick? Do I look at them as they jerk their dicks and watch? Do my eyes stray to how they look over her? Are their moans something I find hot?

I'm not sure if my dick twitches just because I'm thinking about the ladies we've fucked or if it's also in correlation to the questions I'm trying to make myself answer concerning my friends.

My gaze lifts when Kroy kicks my foot. "Seriously. Why're you so quiet today?"

"Yeah. What's up with you?" Denny asks.

"I'm worried about Felton," I answer, which isn't a lie at all. "I heard Willits and Dasan talking at the rink yesterday when I was there, and they were concerned, so I stopped by Felton's house after. He's… definitely a wreck."

"I don't mean this to sound like a dick and really, I think they should just leave him alone and let him fuck with a mask on if he wants to, but didn't he kind of do this to himself?" Carson asks.

"He did," I say.

A beat passes.

"You have nothing further to add?" Zenia asks, amused.

I shake my head. "Doesn't matter who's at fault. Maybe he shouldn't have been making the videos, but he's faceless in them. So why does anyone have to care?"

"You think it's a gay thing?" Denny asks. "Would they be doing the same to one of us if those videos were out with a girl in them instead of a second dude?"

Shrugging, I shake my head. "I haven't truly given that a lot of thought, but I'd like to say yes. The league makes such a big deal about how inclusive they are now with all our ‘gay brothers,' so I mean, hopefully this isn't an orientation thing."

"It's not really being passed down from the league," Zenia points out. "This is happening within Winnipeg."

"I have a hard time imagining it's coming from ownership. Edries Franklin received a brand-new husband from Santa last year," Denny teases. "Clearly, he's not going to have an issue with Felton fucking dudes as opposed to women."

"Maybe there's some homophobia within the middle management," Carson suggests.

"I'm just stuck on the fact that they're pushing so hard when Benny Boop hasn't ever shown his face. Even if they know it's him or suspect, why not just give him a private warning and be done with it? Why make it so public?" Kroy questions.

"Benny Bop," Carsoncorrects.

"I think it was speculated online and caught management's attention," Denny says.

"How do you know it's Bop instead of Boop?" Kroy asks, looking at Carson.

"Because I read the articles." Carson laughs.

There's a lot of speculation about it and the more questions they ask, the more I have to wonder the same thing. The only reason this has gotten as much attention as it has is because Winnipeg has actually addressed it. If they'd have ignored the online claim, it likely would have just slipped by without much comment.

Because, again , Felton's tattoo is literally the only ‘proof' anyone has come up with.

So yeah, why not just give him a private warning and be done with it?

"Because they expected someone to come back with a full facial recognition at some point," I mutter, mostly to myself. "They were being proactive, so they could say that they had already addressed his misconduct."

"That makes sense, but nothing has come up," Denny says.

"I'm betting Felton was careful. Nothing's come up because nothing exists linking them as the same person," Carson guesses.

They were being cautious and have ended up making a mess of it.

Something still sits uneasily with me though. I can't get the idea out of my head that it was definitely blown far out of proportion. And the question about whether the same reaction and consequences would have been had if it was a straight player just sits wrong.

Once, I would have said that his sexuality didn't matter. I'd have been confident in that. But there's just something niggling inside me that leaves a sour taste in my mouth.

I'm equally stuck on the fact that I want to protect Felton from it. The truth, whatever it is, needs to just bypass him so he can work on his own mental health. I think the truth is going to be ugly, and it sounds like he has a whole lot of ugly in his life already.

Can I keep it from him? Is that possible?

How can I assure he's getting into a better place? I can help with the contracts and with the agent situation. But how do I help him with his family situation? That's not my place to intervene. And yet, it's all too clear that someone needs to.

He's being battered and bruised and he won't put a stop to it himself. After I suggested he should, he even agreed. But I also saw that he wasn't in a position to put those boundaries in place.

That's not my responsibility. Even if it were, I don't know how to facilitate that change.

I'm going to have to be satisfied with the help I'm able to offer him and hope that it's enough to help him gain some confidence. I never took Felton to be insecure, but maybe his mask is as thick as his goalie pads.