Twenty-Nine

TWENTY-NINE

FELTON

Outside of hockey, I'm not sure I've ever been so content. There's no better feeling than going to sleep and waking up with Ren. I love the way he treats me. How he talks to me and looks at me. I feel special.

I don't think I've ever felt special or important to anyone—like I'm wanted.

A few months ago, I would have said that the way my ReachMe fans think about me, and their comments on my posts, were the best feeling. I was never letting them down. They enjoyed me and there was never any disappointment except if they wanted more. Which still felt like a big compliment. It felt like I was doing something good.

I'm surprised to admit that I was wrong. It was definitely a good feeling. One I still love and kind of miss. But this with Ren? It's better. He sees all of me. All the dark corners and bruised edges I've tried so hard to hide over the years. I think I did pretty well hiding them too.

Until I didn't.

Now we're sitting on the couch—just the two of us. His family left early this morning for their long flights home. This may be the first time in my life that I'm going to miss someone's parents. They were so kind to me and accepting. No matter what I told them about myself when they asked questions, even if it was something like what I want to do after hockey and I didn't have an answer, they never acted like I was a complete failure for not having my shit figured out.

Not going to lie—I nearly burst into tears when I said I didn't have a plan yet and Ren's father said, "There's still time to think about it," with no judgment, no disappointment, no glare. No double meaning or sarcasm. Just acceptance.

"Do you think they liked me?" I ask, probably for the twentieth time since meeting them, and at least the fifth time since they left.

Ren smiles, turning his attention to me. With a hand on the back of my neck, he brings me to him, pressing his lips to mine. "Yes. They like you."

He adjusts us on the couch so we're laying down; once again, I'm sprawled on top of him. It makes me really self-conscious because I weigh like eighty hamburgers more than he does. But his arms wrap around me and his leg hooks over my thigh.

With a sigh, I slowly let my weight come down on him. His fingers run soothingly through my hair and, before long, my eyes begin to droop.

"Just a short nap if you're going to sleep," he says. "We have plans tonight."

I smile and nod. Once his parents left, Ren turned on my phone. The number of notifications made me cringe, I was a tense bundle of nerves by the time they stopped dinging.

Ren didn't give me my phone, though. He went through all the notifications and messages first. By the time it was in my hand nearly twenty minutes later, there weren't any, but he told me to check my messaging app and email.

There's no proof that my father had tried to get in touch. Or that anyone else from my family had. It's a strange feeling of relief and sadness. The relief I understand immediately, but maybe I'm sad that I didn't hear from anyone else. At least if they tried to get in touch, I knew they were thinking about me.

Unless they did, and Ren got rid of them all.

He once told me that my father might be the abuser, but literally everyone else were enablers. Telling someone to stop and they don't but letting them get away with it year after year doesn't give you have a free pass because ‘well, I tried.' Putting in the bare minimum effort isn't really considered trying.

The emails I had were from the franchise and Imry's office. I knew about the ones from Winnipeg because Ren told me about them. Those from Imry's office were an update and then a notification that they were on holiday until January 2.

Most of the notifications were from my friends. I'd talked to most of them on my tablet with the messaging app. But there were a few random texts here and there that appeared to be spam. Since I generally use a messaging app to communicate with nearly everyone except family so my phone number isn't out in the world, most of the text messages I get are junk.

Since I hadn't looked at my tablet in a couple days, there were a few new messages. One from Azure asking if I wanted to do dinner after our game on the second—Winnipeg vs. Vegas. He's a weird, scary guy, but I enjoy his company, so I asked Ren if it would be okay.

The second set of messages were from Willits and Dasan asking if I wanted to do something for New Year's Eve. Tonight.

Yesterday with Ren's family, we talked a lot about the New Year's celebration in China and it sounded so magical. Ren pulled out a flying lantern from his closet this morning before we went out for breakfast and promised we'd release it tonight at midnight. It's appropriate because they're often let off at the end of the Chinese New Year festivities with the Lantern Festival.

The lantern is red and round. Ren told me that red lanterns represent wishes and dreams, so throughout the day, I should think of the energy I want to release into the world when we let it fly tonight.

I'm slightly concerned with the open flame and just letting it go into the wild world. Ren says they're made to burn out quickly, and that we have the extra protection of Canada being covered in snow right now. We're going to release one. That's it.

Also, it might be against the law. So hopefully it gets lost in the fireworks or something, so only we know it's there and no one else notices. It feels big and symbolic to have this moment with Ren. Sharing a part of his culture together during a very important time of year.

I'm not sure I really care about going out tonight. I love my friends, but there's only the rest of today and one solid day left before we have to return to hockey. Then we're traveling for almost the entire month of January with eight away games scheduled from the second to the twenty-third.

Part of me really wants to stay here. Just the two of us. To soak in as many moments like this as possible. I need to create a bank of these memories for when I really need them in the days to come.

With Ren's fingers in my hair and a smile refusing to fall away, I drift off to sleep and, unfortunately, have a very sexy dream, so I wake up stupidly hard and nearly grinding on Ren's leg. I've never been so mortified.

Not that he appears offended. The grin on his face says otherwise. It isn't until I bury my face in his chest that I feel his cock pressing against my abdomen. As if I can't help myself, as soon as I feel the evidence of his arousal, my hips roll into him.

My face heats in embarrassment. I should have this shit under control. I'm a full grown ass man! My hips should only move when I want them to.

Ren's hand tangles in my hair and pulls my face up, so I'm forced to look at him. He's still smiling, but now that I'm looking, I can see the heat in his expression. The way he looks at me with want and need and desire.

I nearly groan.

Moving up his body so I can reach his mouth, I kiss him. He's already pulling my shirt over my head and then running his hands over my body. Since the night we sucked each other after watching some porn, we grope and kiss and touch and get each other off a lot. Always behind closed doors and late at night when his family was asleep, but there wasn't a night that we haven't.

It's like hitting puberty again. Like I'm exploring it all for the first time. Every time he touches me feels like something inside me finally feels relief. I've been starved my entire life, waiting for this specific man.

Granted, it's only been four nights. But the last couple months have been building quickly. Maybe subtly at first, but once we caught up and acknowledged what's happening between us, we switched into a higher gear.

Ren's couch isn't huge. Like most furniture in his life, it serves a purpose but isn't anything exciting. Its purpose isn't two people fooling around. Especially not when one of them is me and I'm far too big for it.

We laugh between struggling out of our clothes when it becomes a balancing act of not falling off and getting naked while still kissing. When we're finally skin to skin, I can't touch him enough.

We're alone in the house, which means we don't have to be quiet. It means we can do anything, touch anywhere, and not worry about someone just beyond the door or on the other side of the wall.

Ren's body is magnificent. His arms and chest are big and his thighs are thick. His ass is probably the most perfect ass I've ever seen. Definitely the best one I've ever touched. My fingers itch to touch him right now.

He pulls his mouth from mine and pushes me up. "The couch is not the best place to fool around. I obviously need to rethink my furniture choices," he teases as I pull away and back onto my knees. Ren sits up and presses his hand to my chest. Not pushing me away but just feeling me.

"Weird that I haven't realized how hot men are until now," he murmurs as his eyes track down my body.

That I'm the man who made him realize this makes me grin. I made Ren Ho realize men are hot! Ha!

His hand drops to my cock and my eyelids lower as he wraps a hand around it. The heat in his hand makes me shiver and I stare through lidded eyes as he slowly strokes my shaft. All the way down to the root and then back up and over my crown.

"What do you want right now?" Ren asks.

An entire list of things I want to do with him begins drifting through my head. There are voices and they're all yelling over each other, trying to volley for what they want right now. I can't even concentrate on one, but the words out of my mouth are simple.

"Fuck me," I murmur. A beat goes by and I snap my attention to Ren. OHH! I said that out loud.

He's smirking at me, though he hasn't moved other than to keep his hand moving over my dick. "Is that what you want, Felton?"

Literally the only time I ever know what I want without question and without feeling the overwhelming need that what I want might be the wrong choice is concerning sex. But right now, I wonder if it's soon. Right?

The question doesn't stop me from nodding, though.

Ren mirrors my nod and then he's standing. "Up, Felton. Kneel on the couch. I'll be right back."

Ohmigod, Ren is going to fuck me!

I'm filled with anxious heat as I do as he says. We're probably skipping a bunch of things we could be doing to work up to this but… This just feels right. Like it's the next step.

Ren's hand on my back makes me jump slightly and I look over my shoulder. He's already put a condom on and has a tube of lubricant in his hands. I shiver with anticipation.

Everything feels extra, like I'm more acutely aware of his touch. I swear, I can feel the bit of heat from his hand as it nears my crack. A fizzle of electricity winds through me as he runs his fingers between my cheeks, stopping at my hole. He massages me for a minute before pressing his first finger in.

I spread my legs a little wider and grip my cock, jerking myself slowly. Just because I need some friction. It feels masterfully good. It's been weeks since I've had sex and I've missed it. More than my usual anticipation, though, because this is Ren. It's not a virtual stranger whom I've arranged with online to meet up for a collab.

I know this man. He's been good to me. He likes me. Me!

A second finger enters me, and I close my eyes to concentrate on the feeling of his touch. A third finger and I'm getting restless. Prep is good and all. I truly enjoy foreplay. But we've been foreplaying for several nights now. It's all led up to this one moment.

"Felton."

I grunt in answer. His quiet chuckle makes me smile and I twist to look at him over my shoulder.

"You sure you want to do this?"

For a second, all kinds of doubts fill me. Maybe he's only doing this because I asked for it. Maybe he doesn't want to have sex with me. Maybe I'm jumping too far ahead and it's going to ruin everything we've been building.

Is this fragile? Will it break?

Ren leans over me, blanketing my back with his body and grips my face. He presses his lips to mine. "Whatever dark place you just went to, come back out," he murmurs.

Swallowing, I nod.

"That's better," he says, his thumb gently brushing my cheek bone. His fingers are no longer inside me as he curls around me to comfort my worries away. He rubs his cock between my ass cheeks. It's slick and oh so hard. "It's just you and me right now," he promises. "I'm only asking because I don't want you to feel like this has to happen now. You can change your mind at any time."

I take a breath and shake my head. "No. That's not… I wondered if we were skipping too much to get to this point and that maybe it's going to break what we're doing. I don't want to break it, Ren."

His expression softens. "No, tián xīn. We're not going to break. I promise."

Nodding, I rest my face against him. "I really want to do this. It suddenly feels important that you're the last person inside me."

His smile brushes my skin and the hand that was resting on my hip moves between us so he can line up his dick. I feel his blunt cockhead at my hole.

"It's definitely important that I'm the last one inside your body," he agrees.

My stomach erupts with butterflies at his words.

He's slow when he moves inside me. As if he's drawing out this moment. Making sure the memory of our first time isn't short, quick, or immemorable. Ren spreads my legs wider, so my center dips slightly, making his angle better.

I think I feel every inch. Every vein. His girth and his length. His fingers tangle with mine, his lips pressing to the back of my shoulder.

His breath puffs against my skin but he's not saying anything, and his silence makes me nervous. "Is it okay?" I whisper.

His smile returns to his lips as they press against my skin. "More than okay," he assures me. "Your tight little hole stretching for me has me breathless, Fel. But definitely far better than okay."

I relax a little and nod.

"Is it okay for you?"

Cute that he has to ask. I try to glance back at him with a grin. "Perfect, Ren. So perfect."

Our movement remains slow for a while and our words are quiet, punctuated by moans and low gasps. He grips my head at one point, twisting my upper body so we can kiss.

In this position, I've only ever been fucked fast and hard. It's a different experience like this. Deep. Slow. There's a new intensity that I hadn't expected. It feels… intimate.

I've never had an orgasm build so slowly and consume me, inch by inch, until I'm vibrating with it. Then it rolls over me and stars flash before my eyes as the room disappears.

He continues to take me for a long while after. Now, his words become more frequent. He takes me a little harder, a little quicker. It's an endless stream of hushed murmurs about how good I feel. How good I make him feel.

Ren always knows just what I need, and even as he chases his own pleasure, his thoughts are on me. Because he knows I need the constant reassurance that I did this right.

It's perfect. Every minute of this moment I will relive over and over in my head.

I'm grinning like an idiot when we step into Dasan's house. The grin refuses to leave no matter how hard I try to wipe it away. Even when they ask about it, I can't make it stop.

Not with the way my ass twinges and sends all sorts of happy feelings throughout my body.

Ren tells me to hang out with my friends and I do for a while, but as much as I love them, I really want to be with Ren instead. After an hour or so, I wander around until I find him in Dasan's three season room. It's freezing. Winter is not one of the seasons it's prepared for, even with the heater that's been set up so people can enjoy the area and the scenery beyond.

Dasan lives at the edge of the city, and his backyard looks out onto farmland which is a big blanket of snow right now. Facing away from the city, it's almost an alien landscape where we can see the stars clearly and the moon looks like a beam from space, shining eerily enchanting silver light across the smooth snow.

Ren wraps his arm around my waist when I stop next to him. He already has our lantern assembled and waiting on the floor next to the door leading into the snowy backyard. The music and laughter drift out to us, but it's peaceful and solitary right here.

"Everything okay?" he asks.

I nod. "Just wanted to be with you."

Ren looks up at me and smiles. "It's almost midnight. Then we'll go home."

"What are we going to do tomorrow?"

"We have practice. Then we're going to pack for this month's trip, lock ourselves inside, and snuggle up on the couch until bed."

I sigh because there's nothing at all that sounds better than that. It's perfect.

No words pass between us for quite some time. I can't say we stand in silence because with the noise coming from further in the house, there's definitely no silence here. I miss my wind chimes. I bet they'd sound beautiful right now.

When the countdown begins behind us, Ren pushes the door open, and we step into the still winter air. He lights the lantern, and we hold it between us. I stare at him over the top and while I know I've had an entire day to think of all the wishes and dreams that I want to release with the lantern, all I can think right now is how much I want Ren.

I want him to be in my life. In my corner and by my side. I want him to make all my decisions so all I have to do is make him happy. I want him to smile at me, to want to be with me always like he does now. I want to spend all my time with him. Every day.

This is what I want for the new year and maybe forever.

At the raised sounds of ‘HAPPY NEW YEAR' from inside, we let the lantern go. It floats upward slowly as if it's fighting friction, but gravity is grudgingly letting it win. I stare at it, wondering if I messed up by not giving it a proper wish.

But then Ren's cold hands are on either side of my face, pulling me down. I grip him tightly, hauling him to me by his sexy round ass as he kisses me.

And kisses me.

And still kisses me.

It's a perfect way to end one year and step into the next.