Twenty-Five Camilla

I sighed and flipped through another book as if the answers I needed would be in there. My mind wandered once again to that damned brute of a celestial and what he’d said the other night, and I sighed, the sting still present. I had no friends here, and I was a fool even to consider there could be anything between us. A fool to wish it. What was wrong with me? Why did I always find myself attracted to the ones who were completely wrong for me? Dianna and now Vincent? I placed my head on the table and sighed again.

“Did you hear?” Hilma asked, her heels scraping against the floor.

My head snapped up. “Hear what?” I closed the book, and with a flick of my wrist, sent it back to the shelf before collecting two more. They streaked through the air, coming to rest on my workstation. I dragged one close and opened it while waiting for her to speak.

“Nivene’s soldiers went missing along with that dark-haired council member. Now, no one can find Nivene either, but a certain blonde celestial is still alive, and guess who she is following?” Before I could say anything, Hilma cut me off. “Isaiah.”

That had my brows shooting up. “Isaiah?”

She nodded. “Yup, he moved her to his unit, and no one is saying anything. Not that they would. They don’t call him Blood Scorn for no reason. You know he made a guy burst into goo once because he stepped on his foot.”

I swallowed. “Lovely.”

Hilma nodded again. “Yeah, and Nismera won’t do anything about it. No one will. He is far too high in the ranks.”

“Oh.”

“You don’t seem to be impressed.”

“Sorry, my mind is elsewhere.”

Like on muscled celestials with long hair who acted as my personal shadow but didn’t speak to me. Or maybe it was the overbearing High Guard general who bothered me for information about the sister he apparently knew was the problem. Or maybe it was because I was a prisoner in a palace run by an insane goddess. But I said none of those things.

I slammed the book closed. “I can’t find even a hint of a mending spell strong enough to put that medallion back together.”

Hilma shrugged. “I’m sure you will figure it out. Listen, don’t tell the others I said this, but even Nismera knows you’re her strongest witch now. If anyone has this, you do.”

I forced a smile, not knowing if I wanted to fix anything for that lunatic. “Thanks, Hilma.”

She flashed a grin at me. “No problem. Now, if—”

Someone cleared his throat at the back of the room, and Hilma nearly jumped out of her skin. Vincent towered in the doorway, and my throat went dry as I met his eyes. Hilma placed her hands in front of her, bowing slightly. I forgot how much respect he got from just being Nismera’s lap dog.

“Hilma, Nismera requests you come to the lower levels.”

I didn’t need to see her face to know she’d gone pale.

“Right away, sir.” She didn’t give me a second glance as she hurried past Vincent and out of the room, leaving only the two of us.

He turned back to me after making sure she had finally left, and my skin burned from the way he looked at me. I hated I was even remotely attracted to him, especially after everything. I blamed it on my abstinence over the last few months, and I was too scared to take care of the problem with my own hands. Guards stood at my doors, and all I needed was for one of them to hear.

“What does the queen need her for?” I hated how shaky my voice sounded. I also hated how ridiculously hot he looked in that damned dragonbane armor, all sharp, dark edges, dangerous and lethal, just like him. He took a step forward.

“I don’t ask questions when it comes to Mera.”

“Mera.” I scoffed with more force than I meant to, and he caught my disgust. “The strangest nickname for a goddess whose livelihood is death.”

“Watch your tongue.”

“I’ll try my best,” I quipped, and even I could hear the emotion in my voice.

The corner of his lips curved as if my jealousy pleased him. I wanted to wipe the grin from his face.

“I wanted to talk to you.”

I nodded. “Talk to me? About the other night. Why? It’s not like we’re friends, remember? It doesn’t matter.”

Three nights, to be exact. Not that I’d counted.

Vincent took another step forward before passing a glance toward the open door. No boots sounded against the stone path leading to my small coven room. It was just us.

“Right,” he said, coming around the other end of my table. Heat pooled low in my belly as he grew near, but I stood firm, refusing to move. “I want to apologize about that. I was rude, but the last few days – gods, weeks – have been rough.”

I felt my mouth drop open in disbelief. “You apologizing? Color me shocked.”

“Also, my comments about Kaden. I guess what you do in your free time is none of my business. We’re at war, or on the verge of it, at least. It’s normal even for enemies to seek comfort where they can find it.”

“Okay, stop.” I held my hand up, bile rising in my throat. “I can’t do this anymore. Not with you. I’m not having sex with Kaden.”

Something wild and rageful in his eyes relaxed. Actually, his whole posture eased. “But?”

“No buts. It’s a long story that I don’t want to put you in the middle of. The kissing was just a ruse, okay? The last time he and I even remotely got intimate was when I was dating Dianna, and we used to . . . That’s not the point. The point is, nothing has happened in hundreds and hundreds of years, nor will it ever again.”

My chest practically heaved as a weight was lifted off of it. It felt good to get that out there, even if the man I told probably wasn’t the best.

“Okay,” was all Vincent said.

“Okay?” I asked, narrowing my eyes at him.

“Yeah.” He half shrugged, but I caught it. He didn’t seem to stand eight feet tall anymore, his body relaxed. It was like I’d given him the greatest thing in the world—I saw him.

“Are you hungry?”

“Sort of. But I don’t want to go to the kitchen. I hate the stares.”

“Me too.” He thought for a moment and then smiled. He looked at the tall, stained-glass window. “I know a place.”

I HELD ON TO THE COLLAR OF HIS ARMOR, MY EYES CLOSED SO TIGHTLY they ached. He gripped my legs and back, holding me to him until he landed. I pushed off him, putting my hands on my hips and slinging my hair out of my face.

“I know a place?” I screamed. “You didn’t tell me we were flying!”

He smiled, revealing two perfectly small dimples. It lit up his eyes, and I was gobsmacked by how utterly beautiful and tragic it was. Gods, when was the last time he had done it?

He placed the two small bags he’d carried up on the smooth stone of the highest point of the palace before sitting down. “You asked me once before where I go, and this is it. Sometimes, I come up here after a battle or early in the morning. It is a place I can just go to get away.”

The wind pulled at my hair, throwing it into my face. I pulled it back into a loose knot and walked to him. With a flick of my wrist, a soft blanket appeared beneath him. I sat down with him and turned my face to the sky. The sun hung high, casting a shimmering glow over the city below, and far off at the curve of the planet, I could see an ocean.

“It’s beautiful.”

“It is. And quiet. No guards or people staring, no whispers. Just silence.” He looked at me. “And no one up here looks at me like the bastard traitor I am.”

“You mean Cameron?”

He said nothing.

“What about Imogen? Have you seen her?”

“I can’t,” he said, his voice a whisper. “Every time I even get close to her . . . I just can’t. Besides, Isaiah keeps her safe and fed. No one gets close to her.”

“And you trust him with her?”

“Isaiah is not like some of the lower generals. He may be powerful, bloodthirsty, and cruel, but he would never touch anyone without consent. He’s not that low. Besides, he is screwing the brains out of Veruka.”

I snicker at hearing Vincent so candid and relaxed for once.

“What?” he asked.

“Nothing.” I smirked. “Have you thought of apologizing?”

“There is nothing to apologize for. It would only make me a liar. I did what Nismera asked from the beginning. I always will.” Pain flared in his eyes. “I belong to Nismera. She is who I want, who I have to want. The only one.”

“That’s not fair to you. What about what you want?”

He met my gaze, something burning in those cobalt eyes. “I can’t have what I want.”

My skin flushed with the way he looked at me. I didn’t know how I felt about his words, but my body understood exactly what he had said. It was all in and ready for whatever he wanted to give.

Vincent cleared his throat and broke eye contact, opening the bags and spreading our food between us.

I pulled my knees up and rested my cheek on them, watching how he moved. “You always brought me food back when I was locked up on Rashearim.”

He half smiled. “I remember.”

“Can I ask? Why visit me? Samkiel had guards even if you chased them away. Was it just to get close to me for this?”

He glanced up at me. “The plan was always to bring you here. Kaden would have still brought you, regardless of how you felt about it. I didn’t have to get close to you.”

I appreciated his honesty, even with the uncertainty of my fate. I nodded. “So why then?”

He shrugged, sitting back and unwrapping his sandwich. “You keep my head quiet, I suppose. I can just exist around you. If that makes sense. I don’t have to talk or be anything. That’s why.”

His words touched a lonely, vulnerable part of me, easing the ache of loneliness that had been constant since being here. I’d never had anyone just want to be around me. Everyone wanted me for my power, not just me.

“Does this mean we’re kind of friends again?”

Vincent rolled his eyes. “You’re persistent.”

“Not persistent. Just lonely.” I looked up at the rolling clouds. “I kind of hate this place.”

I didn’t glance his way, but I felt his eyes on me, watching me. That bit of truth slipped between us.

“Me too.”

My eyes turned to him then at that admission. I gave him a small smile. “At least talking to you makes it less horrible,” I said, feeling my cheeks flush.

He nodded, but I saw his pain as if it hurt him to admit that. I wondered why. “Fine, you win. Kind of friends then.”

I smiled, leaning forward and grabbing one of the small triangular sandwiches. “Oh my gods, I am so glad this is not that stupid soup,” I murmured while taking a bite. I moaned at the taste. It was so much fucking better.

“Tell me the name of the next guard that brings you soup.”

“Okay.” I snickered before I swallowed. “How long can we stay up here?”

“I’m not sure.”

I looked around, just breathing in the fresh air. “I’d like to stay up here for a while, if that’s okay? Pretend the world is okay.”

His eyes followed mine. “Me too.”

We ate, speaking in between bites like we had on the remains of Rashearim, talking about everything and nothing. Not once did he bring up The Hand or Samkiel. I knew those demons raked at him, leaving him bloody and raw, so I didn’t press. After we were done, he took us back to the palace, dropping me off at my workstation. I turned as he went to leave.

“Can we go back tomorrow?” I asked, pointing up.

A simple nod was all I got before he disappeared into a sea of armor.