14. Chapter 14 - Ash

CHAPTER 14 - ASH

BALLOCH CASTLE - MAY 27, 1710

T he nursery door opened and Lochinvar entered. “Tis all well, the disruption was merely a messenger bringin’ word from Edinburgh, the Earl is ill.”

Lizbeth said, “We went on alert for a messenger? Tis an unusual reaction!”

“Aye, Liam grew cautious as there was somethin’ off about their behavior. They seemed tae be scoutin’ the castle.”

Lizbeth said, “Och nae, why would they?”

Lochinvar said, “We daena ken, but they hae been sent from the Earl’s lands, Liam winna allow them tae rest here and I kept m’self hidden from view.”

“That does seem wise.”

Beaty asked, “Twill be safe when Quenny and James return?”

“Liam is sendin’ guards tae wait for them, tae make certain of their safety. I will join them as soon as I can, but in the meantime, ye are all well tae leave the nursery.”

Lizbeth said, “I think I will send yer meals tae yer rooms, as it has been harrowing, we winna want tae eat in the crowded Great Hall tonight. Would ye like yer dinner brought tae ye, Lochinvar?”

With a glance at me, he said, “Aye, thank you, Lizbeth.”

He led me down the hall, up stone steps to the next floor, and along a cold dark passage to our room. He let us in. It was chilly. He went to the hearth and added a log to build up the fire, then brushed off his hands. “If we plan to eat here, we will need warmth.”

Then he strode over to me and put his arms around me. “Now where were we when we?—?”

I stepped back out of his arms.

“Och nae, what are ye...?”

I said, “I think, Lochie, that we need to slow down?—”

“Slow down? Nae, ye canna — what dost ye mean, ‘slow down’?”

“I mean we ought to?—”

His handsome chiseled face drew down in a pout. “Are ye wantin’ tae leave yer Lochie, och nae — are ye tired, Ash? Ye hae had a long day, ye need tae be fed. I will wait by the fire, give ye time tae rest. I winna bother ye or touch ye, I promise.”

“Lochie, you ought to let me finish a sentence, it’s not as dire as all of —”

“Tis! Daena say it! Ye are the sun shinin’ on me, the smile that lights m’heart, ye canna tell me terrible things?—”

I huffed. “Lochie, I just want what is best for you.”

His frown deepened. “Och, I think ye are goin’ tae be cruel.”

“I am not. I just have something I need to say.”

He slumped down into the chair. “Tis fine, ye can say it.”

He looked despondent, kicked back, depressed, then he leaned forward with his elbows on his knees, his feet jiggling. Then he stood up. “Tis just, Ash, ye ought not say anything hurtful, I want ye tae go back tae when ye said ye loved me.”

I said, “Will you please sit down, Lochie, and let me speak?”

He slumped back down in the chair. “I daena understand what ye mean, ‘slow down.’”

He exhaled with a huff.

I said, “You don’t even understand, but here you are carrying on, well, my love, this is proving to me that what I’m about to say, must be said. It’s important, you need to listen to me.”

He nodded quietly.

I said, “You need to marry me, Lochie.”

He looked into my eyes. His brow drew down. “But I did, I?—”

I shook my head. “That doesn’t count. I mean,” I put my hand on my heart, “it counts here. But where it matters, in front of God and family, we aren’t married?—”

“I think God watched us make the thumb oath.”

“If God watched us make the thumb oath then he likely saw the other stuff, that’s disconcerting.”

“Tis how it works. God sees all. He kens we made an oath.”

I sighed, “That’s not really the point, Lochie, but forget about God, we haven’t married in front of your family, this is... we need to.”

“Ye daena believe I married ye in m’heart?”

“I believe you did.”

“What did they say tae ye — did Lady Lizbeth tell ye that I dinna mean it? She has never thought much of me. She saw me brawlin’ when I first came, and I daena think she has ever forgiven me.”

“It is not like that, Lochie, Lizbeth did speak to me, Beaty and Sophie agreed and?—”

“Och, they hae ganged up on me, dost they think I hae taken advantage of ye?” His eyes went wide. “Dost they think me a scoundrel?”

I stepped closer and put a hand on each side of his jaw, “Lochie, this is the point, they don’t think you’re a scoundrel, they think well of you and want the best for you.”

“Ye are the best for me, and I hae given ye m’oath that I winna beguile ye?—”

I said, seriously, “You broke that oath, Lochie, you cannot deny it.”

He set his jaw. “I thought ye forgave me.”

“I did, but it doesn’t help that the oath you made was broken and?—”

He put his hand on his heart. “I feel a sharp pain through m’chest, Ash, ye are breaking me.”

“I am not, stop being overdramatic.”

He tried to look away but I held his face and made him look up at me. “This is a very simple point, if we got off on the wrong foot, with a broken oath?—”

“I dinna mean tae break m’oath, I dinna ken what tae do...”

“Whether you meant it or not, we began with an oath broken?—”

“Dost ye think I dinna mean it when I promised ye...? I mean tae always care for ye, tae protect ye. I ken ye were taken, but I searched for ye everywhere, I brought ye home, I fought for ye?—”

I stroked the hair back from his face. “You did do all of that, it’s not that you didn’t promise me. I trust that you mean it, that you will do everything to protect me, and I know that you are heroic, but, this is important, Lochie, stop arguing with me about it... I want you to marry me.”

He bit his lip. “Tis not a bad thing?”

“No, this is a good thing. I want you to marry me in front of your family so that they know. ”

He nodded.

I said, “You said you didn’t know what to do. I think you need to let me tell you in this, because I feel very clear that this is what we need to do. You need to marry me in front of your family so that they know you mean it. And if that isn’t reason enough, you can do it for me. I am new around here, if you marry me, they will see me as important to you.”

“Och, I never thought of it. Ye think it will matter tae their opinion of ye? I think they find ye verra fine already. Did someone say somethin’ tae ye?”

“That isn’t really what I meant, look, Lochie, I think that when I stepped away it freaked you out and now you aren’t able tae hear what I’m saying...”

“I canna hear ye over m’poundin’ heart, I want tae run from the room and go brawl in the courtyard with Craigh. He crossed me earlier and it has all been terrible since.”

I chuckled. “Well, that seems unnecessary.”

“I think ye are, as Beaty would say, ‘borrowin’ flowers from the fae, and they arna yer friends.’”

I said, “Lochie, m’laird...?”

He looked up at me from his seat. “Aye?”

“Please take a deep breath, I have a question for you.”

He took in a long breath and then when I rolled my hand he let it out.

I said, “Do you love me?”

“Aye, I?—”

I said, “Shhhh, that’s enough, ‘Aye,’ is what I wanted to know. Do you want to marry me?”

“I already hae in m’...” He met my eyes. “Aye.”

“Will you ask me to marry you?”

He looked up at me and nodded. Then he rose from the chair and got down on his knees. He drew my hand up and he held it in his and pressed his lips to the back of it. “Aye.”

His hands were big and strong, rough and calloused, very warm as they enclosed my hand. I waited, quietly. He said, “Ash... Madame Ash, would ye do me the honor of marryin’ yer lowly servant, Lochinvar?” He looked up at me. “Please daena say nae.”

I drew his hands up and kissed his finger tips. Then clutched his hands to my front. “Yes, Lochinvar, I will marry you.”

“Ye will?”

I nodded. “Thank you for asking.”

“I will never beguile ye...”

I let go of his hand to press a finger to his lips. “Shush, my love, I know, I know you will never. I have forgiven you, fully, in my heart.”

“I am grateful for it.”

“And we will be a team, a family, we will take care of each other and look out for each other, and so I know you won’t beguile me, because to do it would be to beguile yourself, you know?”

“Aye, we are tied.”

“Yes, we will be...” I looked down on him and tilted my head. “So how do we get married in front of your family?”

“We must meet them in the past, at Stirling castle.”

“So, once we go see Don in Florida, then we can go, once I’m ready?”

“Aye, as we planned. Once Quentin and James are returned, sometime tomorrow, we will go tae Florida as planned. Then, as soon as ye are ready, we will gather our things and go back tae be with Magnus and the rest of m’family at Stirling.”

I said, “Good, that seems right. Then we will get married, at Stirling.”

“Aye. At Stirling.”

I looked at the far wall. “Is there danger? Are we the cause of it?”

He said, “Aye, there is danger, but we arna the cause, tis more likely that Magnus’s throne is the reason. But I daena ken what the danger is, so we ought tae do what we mean tae do, and ken that I will protect ye.”

“I would never want to put all those kids in the nursery in danger?—”

“Tis not yer problem, Ash. Liam and the guards of Balloch will protect their families, they hae been doing it for a long time. And none of it will be an issue once we leave for Magnus’s castle.”

“Good. And once we’re there how long will it take to plan a wedding?”

“I daena ken, I hae never been married... I suppose we would hae tae call everyone taegether and?—”

“Where I come from it can take months to plan.”

“Och, I would think a good marriage could come taegether in an afternoon.”

I smiled. “Do your knees hurt?”

“Aye, but I can stay here all day, tis easy tae override — ye are sayin’ that when we go tae Stirling we will get married there. This is what ye are wantin’?”

“Yes, simple really, right? Not really at all a reason to be freaking out.”

“Aye, I love ye, Ash.”

“I love you too.”

He stood up and brushed off his knees as there was a knock on the door. Three servants entered, bringing baskets and covered plates, a stack of dishes, and a tureen with soup, placing it on the small table in the room.

I said, “Thank you,” and Lochie sent the servants from the room.

Lochinvar and I sat down at the table and ate some bread smeared with butter, dipped with jam, and barley soup along with white fish with gravy.

We ate hungrily and in good spirits, giving each other long lingering loving looks.

I said, “So we are going to get married?”

He grinned. “Aye, twill be official.”

“Good, I like this idea, it will be really good, Lochie.”

He leaned back in his chair and patted his stomach. “Och, I am well fed.”

“Me too.” I leaned back and we smiled happily at each other. “I really like you.”

“I really like ye too, Ash, ye are the most bonny lass I hae ever laid eyes upon.”

I grinned even wider.

He said, “Och, yer smile is the undoin’ of me.”

“You are very sweet.”

He stood and strode to the door where the servants were waiting just outside for our dishes, he asked them to come inside to clear our table.

We stood to the side until they had left again, then he said, “Good, now we can get back tae what we were doin’.” He put his arms around me.

I stepped away from his embrace.

His eyes went wide. “Och nae!”

“Lochie, we can’t, not until we are married!”

“Nae nae nae,” he clutched his chest, “nae, ye canna mean it, not until we are...? Och nae.”

“This is... this was the whole point of the conversation, Lochie, we aren’t officially married in the eyes of your family, it will give me a bad reputation.”

“Och nae,” his mouth drew down in a pout. “But the thumb oath...?”

I shook my head.

“This is what comes of me deliverin’ ye tae the nursery. Sittin’ with the women and the bairns — they hae turned ye from m’bed.”

I said, “Ha. It might seem that way, but it’s not forever, Lochie. I’m not ‘turned from your bed,’ I actually think you’ve never been hotter. I’ve never wanted you more, even with all your pouting and moaning. It’s just until we get married. Officially.”

“Now I wish I haena said we would wait for Stirling, we could get married here, now, and tell Magnus we hae done it.”

“That, my love, is not really the point.”

“Fine.”

He looked around the room. His pout was now fully comical. “Where am I tae sleep?”

I hadn’t really thought of that, there was nowhere for a second person if we weren’t stacked and making hot love. I bit my lip.

He said, “This is a tragedy.”

“It’s not meant to be, Lochinvar, it’s meant to be romantic.”

“My arse is goin’ tae be romantic when it has sharp pains from sittin’ on the floor in the passage outside yer door.”

“You’re going to sit outside my door?”

“Aye, if we are keepin’ yer reputation, I canna lay on the floor by yer bed like a dog, it winna do any good. I would still be in yer room in the night. I will hae tae sleep elsewhere, but I canna leave ye alone at night in the castle, not when there is danger afoot, and besides, ye are like a bairn, ye canna go tae the garderobe by yerself and ye canna keep yer own fire burning?—”

“I think I can build a fire.”

He scoffed. “Ye canna do it right. And if I sleep in the barracks with the other men I will be worried on ye the whole night, so nae, I will sleep sitting outside yer door, keepin’ watch over ye.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t really think this through when I?—”

“Tis fine.” He picked up my hand, bowed over it, and kissed it. “I bid ye a good night, my Mistress Ash, I will see ye in the morn.”

“I will see you in the morning, Lochie.”

He stalked to the door, opened it, and closed it behind him.

I sighed and looked around. I was going to be here all night by myself, with nothing to do.

My shoulder was sore so I took one of the pills for pain and peed in the pisspot, and then lay down on the bed. I watched the fire, thinking about Lochie, and how much I loved him, in all his silly, pouting, ‘confused about what I was sayin’ ways — but oh my, when he had gotten on his knees and asked me to marry him... wow. That had been amazing. He truly loved me, he would honestly do anything I asked of him, even if it ‘almost killed him’. I chuckled. I had taken one step back and it had been enough to throw him into turmoil. I sighed. It was a wondrous thing to have the hot man, Lochinvar, sitting outside my door. I called. “Lochie, are you there?”

His voice came back to me, “Aye, Ash, I am here.”

A few moments later, I heard him talking to a woman, then a knock on the door and Lizbeth entered.

“I came tae check on ye, why is young Lochinvar in the hall?”

“He isn’t allowed in until he marries me.”

Her eyes went wide. “Och nae, ye listened tae us?”

“Yes. You spoke to him, is he okay?”

“He is going tae hae a pained backside by morn.” She patted my arm. “But twill be a good thing, Lady Ash, he will be glad of it by the time he is standin’ in front of the altar beside ye.”

I nodded. “I think you’re right.”

“I am always right.” She smiled. “And ye are now one of my favorite new family members because ye agree. Can I get ye anything?”

“Television?”

She shook her head. “I daena ken what it is.”

“How come you never time traveled?”

“Because I am auld and stuck in my ways and I think I would love it too much. I worry I would run off and leave everyone in my family behind, like my mother has done.” She gave me a half smile. “A great deal of my life is tryin’ tae not become my mother.”

“Maybe the things your mother does are not connected to time travel. Maybe you can time travel without turning into her. But what do I know, I took some of the medicine and I’m feeling loopy again.”

She nodded. “Tis good it helps ye tae feel better. But now I must go see tae the bairns, good night, Ash.”

I said, “Good night.”

She left the room, spoke quietly for a couple of minutes with Lochinvar, then he said through the door, “Good night, Ash, sleep well.”

I said, “Thank you, m’laird, I hope you sleep well too.” Then I lay there watching the fire as I slowly fell asleep.

I woke up in the middle of the night. It was dark and cool in the room and I thought, this is what woke me up, the chill, but then I heard a sound and my heart caught in my throat.

The door creaked open, and in the gloom of night I saw Lochie’s profile as he crept to the hearth. He crouched and built up the fire. It was too dark to see anything but his dark form, and the faint outline of his face aglow from the small fire as he drew it forth.

I pulled the covers up to my ears and watched for a few moments. I said, “Lochie?”

He didn’t turn, he only said, “Aye.” Then he said, “I was worried ye were cold.”

“It must be cold out in the hall.”

He dinna answer, but I saw him put his hands toward the fire and rub them to warm them.

He stood. “Dost ye need anything?”

“My shoulder is really sore.”

He came toward the bed, perched on the chair, picked up the pill bottle, and pushed and turned the lid for a moment til he got it open. Then he poured one pill into his palm and held it out. I picked it from his hand, popped it in my mouth, and took a sip of water from my cup.

I put the cup back. “Thank you.”

“Y’are welcome, Ash.”

“I’m sorry I banished you to the hallway, and that it's cold...”

“Tis okay, I understand the reason for it. I will marry ye, and once I do this will all be right.”

He smoothed the hair back from my cheek, leaned forward and kissed me there. Then he went back to the hall to stand guard.