7. Brooke

SEVEN

brOOKE

I 'd planned on giving Cole the benefit of the doubt. Really, I had.

When he'd arrived to the bar on a bicycle, I'd thought, Okay, that's cool. He's big into being active or saving on carbon emissions. So was I.

But he'd kept his cell phone next to him, checking it constantly. So much so that I'd asked if everything was okay. He had merely nodded and said, "Tell me more about this farm thing."

I explained how I'd always had a green thumb and loved to garden, but it hadn't been until I joined a community garden that I learned I could actually do it on a larger scale. Yet I could tell Cole only half listened, and I rolled my eyes as I picked up my own phone, for a little entertainment, at least.

To my shock, I had over a dozen texts.

Jude

I know you're on a date but Melissa messaged back!

Jude

She studied abroad in college. She's a little young.

Jude

A lot young.

Jude

Like 25 years young.

Jude

But that's fine, right?

Jude

Liam and Kennedy have a bunch of years between them.

Jude

Me and Melissa have been talking for the past half hour.

Jude

Mostly about random stuff, music and food.

Jude

She said she likes my long hair. What do I say back to that?

Jude

I told her I liked her hair too. I liked the red.

Jude

She said it's not real but thought it matched her personality better because she's a little wild.

Jude

A LITTLE WILD

Jude

brOOKE. WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?

Jude

I know you're probably planning your wedding or something but I could really use some advice here.

Jude

I asked her what her definition of wild is and she said she likes adventure, inside and outside.

Jude

INSIDE. IS THAT INNUENDO?

Jude

It was innuendo.

Jude

Because now she came right out and said it. She likes adventures in bed.

Jude

Fuck me. What am I doing?

I bit back a laugh, imagining Jude sweating as he texted this girl. This twenty-five-year-old girl. I bet she didn't even have to wear a push-up bra.

Although I didn't know why that bothered me so much.

Probably because I never appreciated my twenty-five-year-old boobs enough back when I had them.

But also…

Jude had been talking to her all night, wheeling and dealing in innuendo, while I'd been here with Cole as he sucked down three drinks. I was still on my first.

I texted Jude back.

Sounds like it's going great over there.

Jude

There you are! Finally! It's going terrible.

Jude

I did what you said, asked her if she kissed on the first date, and SHE ASKED WHERE

Jude

I thought she meant on the date.

Jude

So I said oh I don't know the park or restaurant BUT SHE MEANT WHERE ON THE BODY

I covered my laugh with my hand, though I didn't need to since Cole had turned away from me, typing on his phone. I didn't feel bad at all about replying to Jude.

Wow. She's bold. I admire that.

Jude

So do I.

Jude

But I have no idea what to do with it.

What do you mean, you don't know what to do with it? This is perfect for you. You want sex, and she seems to be offering it up quite easily.

Jude

So what do I say? Hey, want to have sex?

Essentially, yes, but I wouldn't use those exact words.

Jude

What words would you use?

Want to get together?

He didn't answer, and I swallowed the last of my drink before leaning forward a bit to slide the glass to the bartender, and that was when I spotted Cole's phone screen. He was on the dating app.

The exact one I'd met him on.

"All right, Cole, this has been…" I let out a derisive laugh and shook my head. "I've got to go."

He spun on his stool toward me. "Really?"

"Yes, really."

He downed the last of his drink and stood. "You mind giving me a ride? I got a DUI and can't drive right now."

I outright laughed in his face. "Yes, I absolutely do mind. You can hop right on your bike and peddle to wherever you're going."

He scoffed and sat down, muttering, "Not even that pretty."

I waved to the bartender. "Drink's on his tab."

She winked at me, clearly having heard our exchange. "Got it."

"Bitch," Cole called out to my back, but I ignored it, even as my shoulders hiked up and my jaw clenched. My skin grew hot, scalding hot, and I scurried down to my car, pumping the AC. Whether it was a hot flash or residual anger from my date, I didn't know. Either way, I needed to cool down.

Calm down .

I dialed Jude's number, and he immediately picked up. "Hey, why?—"

"Since you don't have the kids, can you meet me at Giant and then go to the farm?"

"Oh god," he said, low and rough. "The date was that bad?"

"Yep." I popped the P.

"All right. I'll meet you, but you aren't buying any baked goods. I already made brownies tonight."

Jude was a fantastic baker, and I pumped my fist. I'd had a shitty date, but it wasn't going to be a shitty night. Twenty minutes later, Jude and I ambled through the store, grabbing random things off the shelves.

"You're saving me twice in one night," I noted as we stopped in front of the chips.

He dropped a big bag of salt and vinegar into the cart. "I wouldn't call grocery shopping and picking out clothes saving you."

"It may not be to you, but it is to me. Thank you."

He tossed his arm around my shoulders. "I'm sorry Carson was such an asshole."

"Cole. But, yeah, he was an asshole. I can't believe he didn't even wait until after our date to find his next one."

"It's his loss. Not yours."

I nuzzled my thanks against his chest before stepping out of his embrace as we turned the corner, heading for the other end of the store. I needed ice cream to go with the brownies. "So, Melissa…" I started, and when he shot me a frightened bunny look, I waved him off. "Oh, come on. It can't be that bad."

"It's not bad. It's…intimidating. She's a decade younger than me, but she's… She's just… She…" He tunneled his fingers through his hair, and I patted his back.

"You're short-circuiting."

His full-body shake-off started at his head and rippled down like a dog, and I rolled my lips over my teeth to keep from laughing.

"You good?"

He nodded.

"Good." I stayed quiet as we moved through the store, heading to the ice cream aisle. As I decided on a flavor, he finally explained, "I thought it would be a while until I found someone okay with only hooking up, so she took me by surprise. And even though we've only been talking tonight, she seems pretty awesome, which is throwing me for a loop. Like, it can't be this easy, can it? "

I opened the freezer door, standing in the cool air for a few seconds. I wanted to tell him that, yes, it could be that easy. People did it all the time. According to the stories I'd heard, his friend Dylan used to do it. There was a whole culture around finding sex through apps, so I didn't know why something twisted in my gut.

Something like jealousy.

This wasn't a competition to see who succeeded first in meeting our goals, but I had to admit, it niggled me a bit that I'd secured a date first, which ended up a bust, while he essentially floundered his way into what seemed to be the perfect situation for him.

And that made me such a jerk, to be jealous of my friend. We made this pact to help each other.

So, help him, I would.

I placed the rocky road ice cream into the cart then steered it to the next aisle for a can of whipped cream. Jude tossed in some string cheese.

"Anything else you want?" I asked, and he shook his head. "Are you sure?" I nodded toward the pharmacy corner. "Because while we're here, you can stock up."

His forehead scrunched in confusion until I reached for the condoms. Then his eyes widened. I read from the box. "Helps extend pleasure and performance. Mmm, sounds good, don't you think?"

He craned his neck around, like he usually did when ensuring no kids heard whatever they weren't supposed to. But his kids weren't here, and I threw the box of Trojans into the cart while Jude dragged his palm down his face, muttering something indecipherable.

"Don't you want to be prepared?" I bent to study the bottles on the shelf. "You should get some lube too. Do you have a preference?"

He blinked at me. "Do I look like someone who has a preference of lube? "

"Personal appearance has nothing to do with sexual proclivity."

"Sexual proc…" He trailed off, slack-jawed for a few long moments before breaking into a reluctant chuckle. "Remind me to bring you in for the sex talk with my kids."

I shrugged. I had no problem teaching the birds and the bees. Not that I was a professional educator or anything, but it didn't embarrass me to talk about it. Before my cancer, I'd had a healthy sex life, which was part of Tom's problem. He couldn't adapt to the sudden and steep drop-off of my sex drive when I'd first started feeling sick. Sex hadn't been fun or even felt good at that point, and we hadn't known what it was. He kept telling me it would pass.

"Here." I handed him the blue box with the lube inside. "A lot of people think water-based is best because it's natural, but oil or silicone lasts longer. Harder to get out of sheets, though."

"And you know because…?"

"Experience."

His cheeks turned pink.

"Don't be embarrassed."

"I'm not, but I'm not used to needing any…" He gestured to the shelves.

"Well, you're gonna need to get used to it," I said, wheeling the cart to the self-checkout, where we bagged our handful of items and headed back out to our cars to drive to the farm.

Jude arrived ahead of me with his brownies in hand. He helped me out of my car, insisting on carrying the bags into the little farmhouse I'd converted into my office. I kept some utensils, plates, and cookware in the kitchen. There was also a tiny bathroom and the comfiest couch I could find. Working on the farm was physically difficult, with long days under the sun, so I made sure the office doubled as a place to cool down and rest when I or any of my workers needed it .

I pulled down two bowls from the cabinet as Jude opened the brownies and ice cream. We made our sundaes and settled on the couch by mutual silent agreement. I moaned when I swallowed my first bite. "This is exactly what I needed."

Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Jude staring at me, and I shifted over so I could put my bare feet on the couch. "You're gonna get sick of me from hanging out so often lately."

He shook his head. "Never."

I plugged in my phone, hitting my playlist, and we ate in silence as Jason Mraz sang, my toes tapping against Jude's thigh. "What are you thinking about?" I asked after a while. "You have that arrow."

"What arrow?"

I motioned to my own forehead, demonstrating how his forehead crinkled. "Your wrinkles point down in an arrow."

He smacked his forehead. "Thank you so much for pointing it out."

"I've got cream for that."

"You've got a cream for everything, don't you?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" When he didn't answer, I left him to think while I cleaned out our bowls in the kitchen sink. Returning, I stood in front of him, my hands on my hips, as he fiddled with the supplies in my smoke box. "Seriously, what's wrong?"

He removed a tiny sheaf of paper and sprinkled some leaves into it, though his movements were clumsy. I sat right next to him, leaning over to help. "Fold it up carefully," I instructed, wetting my fingertips to help with the grip. I rolled the joint then I held it out to him. "Lick it."

He met my gaze and didn't drop it as his tongue poked up, sliding along the edge of the paper. I ignored how the back of my neck felt like it was on fire and ran my thumb over the length of our homemade cigarette, making sure it stayed together .

"Here." I handed it to him then reached across his lap to snatch the lighter from the box on the side table, and I swore he sucked in a gasp when my chest brushed him. But that couldn't be right.

He didn't see me like that. As a woman. With breasts.

Or did he?

We lit up and passed it back and forth while I detangled the new and strange thoughts infiltrating my brain about me and Jude and Jude and me .

We were friends. That was it.

And because we were friends, I tried again, "What's wrong?"

He shrugged, rubbing his knuckle across his lower lip.

I hadn't ever noticed how plump his lips were.

Dark pink and round.

No man had a right to lips like his.

Women paid money for that.

With marijuana relaxing my inhibitions, I scratched his beard, thinking he should trim it, if only to give those lips their due.

"I'm anxious, thinking about having sex again," he said, his lips forming words that made me blink. Once and then twice.

I was supposed to be giving him advice about this.

"Why?" I forced myself away from him. "You think it's changed or something since the last time you did it?"

He scrubbed his hand over the top of his head, strands of his hair falling out of the loose bun above the nape of his neck. "No, but, like… I don't know." He sighed. "I don't know what to do."

I cocked my head to the side. "Mechanics-wise? 'Cause it's pretty simple. Unless you've got bad aim or?—"

"Dear god," he muttered, leaning over to set his elbows on his knees and cover his face with his hands.

I started giggling. "Are you dealing with a rocket in your pants or something? Your dick's so unwieldy you can't control it, shoving it into whatever hole you?—"

"Brooke," he snapped without any heat in his voice. Rather, he fought a grin.

"Hm?"

"I'm trying to be vulnerable here, and you're laughing at me."

"You're right. You're right." I sat up primly. "This is serious business." When he sent me a playful glare, I asked, "Should I draw you a diagram?"

He started to stand up. "I'm never talking about this again with you."

I laughed and wrapped my hands around his forearm, yanking him back down to the couch. "I'll be cool." With a deep, theatrical breath, I showed Jude I could indeed be serious about this topic. "Talk to me."

He crossed his arms, concentrating on the wall across from us. "I don't know how to start it…any of this, but I mean the physical part. I don't know how to initiate it."

I didn't know exactly where the idea came from, but I blamed the next words out of my mouth on being high. "Practice on me."