Chapter Thirty-One

Chapter Thirty-One

NOAH

Misery really does love company.

It’s been two weeks since the day Morgan walked out on me. I know I’ve been a prick toward her, but I refuse to conform to someone she wants me to be—a man who’s willing to share her.

Haden and Presley offer to take over the account, sympathetic to my personal issues. I never want my personal life to screw with my work life, and so I continue doing what I need to do and communicate with Scarlett rather than Morgan.

Scarlett’s great to talk to, and although she has an extremely hectic schedule, she finds time to chat without bringing up the subject of her sister. “You would totally love it out here,” she tells me over the phone one afternoon. “Desert heat, and girls are dancing in teeny tiny bikinis.”

“Another stripper movie?” I tease while typing an important email to a client.

“Of course, you’d say that.” She laughs. “This is a romantic comedy, something different for me. My main lead is new to Hollywood, and they’re really trying to push the chemistry between us.”

“C’mon.” I smile through my words. “You’re telling me that’s forced? You can charm anyone.”

“He has a small dick,” she blurts out.

I stop typing my email. “And you know that because…”

“Because he’s wearing white trunks, and it’s obvious. I keep telling his publicist that it’ll really hinder his career if nude pictures leak out.”

“Not to delve too much into the semantics, but perhaps it’s cold. Unless you have him pinned to a bed and stand in front of him naked, you’ll never really know.”

“I guess it’s best that we leave it a mystery, then. I’m not really a pin-a-guy-to-a-bed type of girl.”

With my pen tapping against the glass desk, I fight the urge to continue this topic. I’m not in the mood, anyway. Or at least that’s the lie I spin to myself.

“So, what are your plans this weekend aside from Haden and Presley overloading you with edits?” I ask, quickly changing the topic.

There’s a moment of silence, followed by some voices in the background. She must be placing her hand on the receiver as I’m unable to translate the muffled sounds into words.

“I… uh… family stuff. A birthday,” she follows in a hushed tone.

“Oh… who?” Immediately, I regret asking the question, knowing all too well I won’t like the answer.

“Michael.”

I struggle to fight off the jealousy, gritting down and holding back my words because they aren’t aimed at Scarlett. It looks like everyone will be playing happy families this weekend while I get drunk and drown my sorrows in some random pussy.

With my mood rapidly declining, I tell Scarlett that I need to go and finish some work. As soon as I hang up the call, I rest my head on the back of my chair and stare at the ceiling—my favorite pastime of late.

I honestly believe that as time goes on, I will forget all about her. That some other woman will pique my interest, and I would move on effortlessly. I didn’t expect feeling sick every morning when I wake and don’t anticipate the constant depressive state that comes with that feeling like my whole world revolves around her and nothing I do or say will make it go away.

And sometimes, I rejoice in a moment of feeling like my old self. Yet, it’s always short-lived. Something or someone reminds me of her, and I’m brought back to reality faster than you can say the word ‘broken.’

I’ve never felt so alone, walking through this like a nomad. Kate has been busy with work, according to Lex. I find myself distancing myself from her because frankly, I rely on her more than I care to admit. Equally so, she doesn’t reach out to me. Something changed during her last visit. I have enough drama in my life and am not in the right frame of mind to add more.

I put on a brave face, never allowing anyone to see how much it affects me. Haden and Presley treat me like I’m dying, forever fussing over me and inviting me over to forget about everything. When I tell them I’m fine, they don’t believe me and give me a mountain of work to keep my mind busy. Long hours in the office help ease my troubled mind until the night sets in, and I’m all alone again.

Charlie’s exactly the same, forcing me on numerous outings and adventures with the girls to clear my head. Lex never says much aside from understanding how I feel having been through a separation from Charlie for several years. He warns Charlie to take it easy on me and to stop treating me like a broken baby bird.

I can’t agree more.

Late Friday afternoon, I decide I need to get away, and the only place I want to go is home, back to my old roots. I miss Mom a lot, and the second I walk into her house on Saturday morning after a tedious flight, she knows I’m ready to talk.

“Oh, kid.” She places her arms around me and hugs me tight.

“I’m okay, Mom.”

“You look like shit, Noah,” she says without holding back.

“Geez, thanks.” I throw my bag toward the corner of the room and head to the kitchen. Opening the refrigerator, I stand in front of it for minutes contemplating what to eat.

Somewhere in my self-absorbed bubble, I’ve failed to notice the moving boxes scattered around the room.

I grab an apple, taking a bite. “Am I missing something?”

“Sit down,” she tells me. “I’m glad you’re here, so we can talk in person.”

Pulling out a stool, I sit with my elbows resting on the countertop while I wait for her to explain.

“I’m moving to California.”

“Come again?” I ask, confused.

“Max and I—”

Quick to stand up, my eyes widen in shock as I almost choke on my apple. Pacing the room in confusion, my anger quickly erupts. “Max, as in Morgan’s dad, Max?”

“Yes, we kind of started a relationship.”

I stop just short of the counter, watching as Mom leans with her back against the countertop. In my entire life, she only ever brought home one man—Josh—a divorcée who owns a hardware store in town. I was nineteen at the time, and they dated for almost a year. I liked the guy, he had my approval, but they ended up parting ways because Mom said the spark was no longer there.

I had no idea what a spark meant, nor did I care to ask. It’s difficult for me to remember that she’s still young, and that most of her life was dedicated to raising me and not living her life like most teenagers or young adults should. And when you see her, you can tell she still looks youthful and nothing like me. She’d always tell me I look just like my dad. It was something she struggled with as I grew older. Her memories of him aren’t fond, but like everything, she made sure I wasn’t affected by his absence.

“But Max is old,” I blurt out, not thinking clearly.

“I’m old.” She laughs. “I know it’s a change, Noah, but you have your life, and I’m forty-four. I need this change.”

“And Max is fifty-two. Isn’t that illegal or something?”

She grins, walking over to where I stand and pats my hand softly. “He treats me well, Noah. We’ve really bonded.”

I let out a sigh. “He’s a good guy. But don’t you think it’s a big deal moving across the country for somebody you’ve known for like five minutes?”

“Yes, I’m scared but excited. Sometimes, when it comes to love, you take risks even if there’s a chance your heart will get broken.”

“Love?” I almost yell.

She never said anything about being in love with him. I thought they were just screwing around. Even then, that thought sends me into a blinding rage. Argh, I can’t win either way. Karma really has her foot in my ass right now.

“I also got that job, so if things don’t work out, I can still stand on my own.”

I sit quietly and process her news. No matter which way I turn, Morgan will be in my life. Mom and Max’s dating will no doubt make it difficult to avoid her. There’s no escaping her.

“Mom.” I keep my voice low. “What do you know about autism?”

She pulls a bottle of bourbon out of her kitchen cupboard, pouring us a glass. We clink our glasses together, then let out a rasp at the same time. It’s something we occasionally do when life kicks our butts.

“My friend, Sandra, has an autistic son. I don’t see her that often anymore, but when he was younger, we used to meet for lunch. He was high-functioning. It meant that he could do what most kids could do but had challenges in certain areas.”

“Like?” I ask, feeding off her knowledge.

“He was a whiz on the computer. Really smart and somewhat obsessed with being on it. When Sandra got a new job, he couldn’t cope with the change… her being gone at night. It was difficult for them because she needed the money.”

“I don’t understand why she just wouldn’t stick it out? A kid is a kid. Of course, they’ll complain.”

“It’s not the same,” Mom informs me. “He had difficulties communicating. It was a hard time for her family. Noah, maybe you should spend some time researching this. I may not be the best person to ask.”

I don’t answer her. It stresses me out even to think about it. Morgan doesn’t come alone. She comes with a husband and a son who has special needs. It’s too complicated. I want to go back to my old life when I didn’t worry about anyone else but myself.

“Mom, there’s something I need to do.”

I stand and grab my wallet and keys. I move to where she’s sitting and kiss the top of her head. I hate to admit it, but I’m glad she’s moving to the West Coast.

***

The drive isn’t long but gives me enough time to think carefully about my next move.

I park the car and walk toward the house. The lawn is overgrown with garden beds requiring a good weeding. The porchlight is broken, but it doesn’t matter since the Christmas lights are still up. I keep the smile to myself—the same lights have been up for the past five years. Tom had a Clark Griswold moment, and since then, he’s left them up at his parents’ house because he can’t be bothered removing them.

The porch wraps around the house, and I can hear their voices while making my way around the back. Benny and Rose are sitting on a lounge chair, his arms casually wrapped around her. Tom is leaning against the pole, laughing along with them. They turn and watch me approach. Benny immediately looks straight into my eyes, keeping his expression rather still.

Rose offers me a warm smile—nothing sexual. Just a friendly welcome-back type of grin.

“Well, look what the cat dragged back,” Tom says, folding his arms with a pensive gaze.

I keep my distance, just in case Benny’s ready to take me out again. I probably shouldn’t have worn my favorite t-shirt and shorts.

“Can I talk to you guys, please?”

Rose stands to leave. I place my palm forward, motioning for her to stay.

“I don’t even know where to begin. I know I fucked up. There’s no excuse behind that. Fuck! I can’t even think straight,” I babble incoherently.

Benny hasn’t changed his expression, and Tom continues to watch me with curious eyes.

Rose is the first to speak up, “Who is she?”

“Excuse me?” I ask, narrowing my eyebrows.

“Who’s the reason why you can’t think straight?”

I don’t say anything, and Tom interrupts, “Maybe I should fuck her, so you see what it feels like?”

The mouth on the fucker.

I want to punch his cocky grin but know full well he’s egging me on to get some sort of reaction from me.

“A wise woman once asked me if I believed in karma. I do. Fuck me up, that’s fine. But if you touch her, I’ll pretty much rip your balls out and feed them to the coyotes.”

“So then whip out your balls, and we’ll call it even,” Benny challenges, followed by a roaring laugh.

Tom joins in, and then it dawns on me that I can finally relax. These boys will always be my brothers. We had our rough patch, but we’ve gotten through it. I just need to chill the fuck out and let all of us be, have faith in our friendship, and make better decisions moving forward.

And stop screwing around with strange women because you never know what’s around the corner.

“So, should we tell him the news?” Benny looks at Rose. She nods, and I wonder what the big surprise is.

“We’re having a baby,” she announces with a contented smile, happily holding onto Benny.

I’m happy for them yet sad at the same time. A baby means that Benny will be tied down with parental duties and zero time to hang out with Tom and me.

“Congratulations,” I say with a smile. “Who would’ve thought… Benny, a dad?”

“Don’t diss my dad skill. I can change a diaper like a boss.”

“Dude, you’ve never changed a diaper,” Tom chuckles.

“Nope, but I cleaned up your shit, Tom… when you sharted in my car.” Benny howls, then walks over to hug me. “I miss you, man.”

“I miss you, too, bro,” I respond, patting his back.

“Geez, boys, don’t get all Brokeback Mountain on me,” Tom complains, scowling at our display of affection.

“Aww, someone’s jealous. Come here,” I tell him.

Tom runs over and throws himself on top of us, just like back in college. He has some weight on him—it’s those damn steroids he takes all the time.

“So, Noah boy is in love, huh?” Tom pushes my chest, forcing me to use all my strength not to fall over.

“It sucks,” I finally admit out loud.

“It ain’t so bad.” Benny smiles, making his way back to Rose. Argh, the two of them are too cute for my liking. It only makes me miss Morgan more. And I hate that I miss her. It’s a sick carousel of emotions.

“Well, can’t wait to meet her,” Rose says.

“We’re not together… it’s complicated.”

She chuckles softly, grazing Benny’s arm as she speaks, “Someone once told me that love can do crazy things to a person. I’m sure you’re acting pretty crazy right now. Take a moment to stop and think long and hard about what you want before it’s too late.”

I still remember the moment when I told her that. And now, the shoe is on the other foot.

I hang out with them for a little while longer before saying goodbye. We promise to catch up in the near future, but for now, I have only one thing on my mind.