Chapter Twenty-Three

Chapter Twenty-Three

“Here, drink this.” Charlie hands me a mug.

It’s hand-painted with pictures of love hearts. I think it’s love hearts, or maybe that’s all I can see right now. On closer inspection, Amelia’s name is scribbled in paint. I take a sip, and the delicious taste of warm chocolate milk delights my taste buds. Charlie sits on the arm of the couch and places her arm around Lex’s shoulder.

“Are you sure you don’t want something to eat? I could make your favorite sandwich if you want?”

I decline the offer, sinking into the couch and allowing the cushions to embrace me. So, this is why people use so many cushions on their couch. I need to tell Julian that the next time…

Except there is no next time.

Charlie announces she is heading to bed due to an early morning court case. She leans down and kisses Lex before disappearing to their bedroom. The cushions surrounding me move as Lex shifts uncomfortably dressed in his pajama bottoms and a white V-neck tee.

“Andy is asleep in Amelia’s room. Why don’t you sleep here?”

I nod, agreeing. It’s all I can muster up. Silence falls between us, and I wish Lex would leave me alone, so I can cry myself to sleep, but he continues to linger.

“Adriana, please stop doing this to yourself,” he orders. “I don’t like seeing you like this…” He is quick to avert his eyes. “I can’t stand to see you like this again.”

He has seen me at my worse, and I mean at the bottom of a hole alone in the dark kind of worse. Sometimes, it feels like I’m a burden on my family, and those are the times I sport that fake smile of mine and reassure everyone I’m great.

This isn’t one of those times despite how much he wants us apart.

“It fucking hurts. I hate that it hurts. Why would he be with someone else?” I don’t expect an answer. I was asking the question to someone who loathes Julian.

Lex’s expression is conflicted, and he lets out a long-winded breath obviously debating whether or not he’s the right person for this conversation. “Fuck, this is hard to even talk about. It’s the case of two scenarios, Adriana. Either it’s not what you think it is, or he is trying to use her to forget you.”

“Is it that easy for a guy to do that? I mean, to have sex with a stranger just to forget?”

“Yes.”

“But I don’t understand. I couldn’t even imagine touching someone without having a connection.”

“Guys don’t care. I don’t think Charlotte knows this, but after that day I saw her and Julian in the restaurant for the first time, I was desperate for anything to take my mind off her. I thought I was going insane.”

“What did you do?”

“I didn’t do anything, the chick did.”

“Oh.”

“I hate even talking about this, and it proves how much I love you, sister, but I have no doubt that it would’ve been the same for Charlotte with Julian. I mean, she runs into me, and her life is turned upside down. What’s the first thing you do?”

You fuck the brains out of your fiancé to forget that your ex, who left you without an explanation nine years ago, just walked back into your life. I don’t know who that hurt the most at this moment, Lex or me. How can I be jealous of something that happened in the past? Where was I three years ago? I was married to a man I had planned to spend the rest of my life with. Julian has a past, and so do I. If I didn’t dwell so much on the past, then maybe our future may have had a chance, and I wouldn’t be in this predicament.

“You must really love me to admit that. You know, Lex, this was never about hurting you or Charlie.”

He tilts his head and cracks his neck. “You have to understand my position here, Adriana. He did things that are unforgivable.”

“We all do things that are unforgivable. You aren’t exactly perfect either. We make mistakes, but they are only mistakes if we don’t redeem ourselves and learn from them. I know Julian has his flaws, and I also respect your stance on this, but at the end of the day, I deserve to be loved again, and if it’s with him, you need to accept that. The heart wants what the heart wants.”

“You don’t know what he did to Charlotte—”

“I do know, Lex. You’ve told me, but who am I to judge? It’s like we just sit in this circle of pity and point fingers at each other. Julian has his flaws, but fuck, so do I, and stupidly enough, I let that get between us.”

He bites back without resisting. “You think it’s easy for me to see him near Charlotte given his past? If I lost her… I just couldn’t—”

“You won’t fucking lose her. She loves you. You have two children together, and because he made a bad decision, it ended up saving your wife and child’s life. I can’t understand how you can have what the two of you have and still be so insecure.”

“And so, you tell me you love him and yet look at where you are? Did your insecurities not get the better of you?”

Touché. It did get the better of me. It’s ugly, a disease that spreads like wildfire and can’t be tamed.

“You’re right. Look at where I am. I failed. I just couldn’t control the jealous side of me. With Elijah, it was easy. It’s not like girls didn’t look at him, but it was never like this. Everywhere I turn, some woman has their eyes on Julian or even their claws. Who’s to say that one of those women will give him what I can’t?”

“And if you asked him the same question, he will probably say the same thing. You just deal with it, Adriana. Charlotte is… well, fucking stunning. I don’t turn a blind eye to every glance she gets, but I can’t exactly dress her in a burlap sack and place garlic around her neck to fight off the dirty fuckers who look at her.”

“True, but Charlie will make a burlap sack look hot. You’re screwed either way.”

Lex’s mouth widens into a cheeky grin, his eyes light up as he hopelessly smiles acknowledging the sentiment.

The clock on the wall ticks, it’s the only sound that can be heard in the room. Tired and sleepy, I let out a yawn. Lex appears to be wide awake, ignoring my need for sleep. “Andy asked for him tonight.”

“Oh, it was bound to happen. What did you say?”

“He asked if he went to the same place his daddy lives at.”

My heart drops into my stomach leaving me nauseous and completely gutted. Andy had a bond with him, and during the shit-storm I started, I forgot about how he’d be affected in all of this. My eyes pool over, and not wanting to cry in front of my brother, I raise my head toward the ceiling and remain wide-eyed because the second I blink, I won’t be able to stop the tears.

“I don’t know how to make this right,” I admit.

“Lord knows I can’t change what your heart wants because, trust me, I would if I could. You’ll figure it out, but for now, just get better, okay?”

He’s right. I need to get better for my son and me.

“Lex, can you take me somewhere tomorrow?”

He places his arm around my shoulder and pulls me into an embrace. Kissing the top of my head, he responds softly, “Anywhere you want to go, sis.”

***

It’s dark yet bursting with light.

The candles are flickering as they sit in a row beside the altar. The flame is bright and mesmerizing, igniting the tiny ounce of hope I’m barely clinging onto. I’m surrounded in a place which protects me. It eases my fears and calms my nerves.

The pictures on the wall remind me of suffering, and as I kneel on the pew and pray in silence. I’m not sure what or who I am praying for, just guidance and peace. Lex is sitting in a pew behind me. He stares straight ahead with a barren expression. My knees give a slight crack as I stand, walking behind to where Lex is sitting. In silence, we both sit alongside each other, and just before I tell Lex it’s time to go, a warm feeling suddenly rushes over me. It’s unfamiliar and follows with a slight breeze. I don’t even check to see if the doors are open. Instead, I close my eyes, and his voice echoes all around me. I can’t make out the words he is saying, but his tone is calm and at peace.

I jump as Lex grabs my hand to squeeze it tight.

The voice stops, and unknowingly, the tears have fallen silently down my face. I miss Elijah, I’ll always miss him, but Julian is here, and I need to make things right. I must, once and for all, show him how much I love him.

I speak to Elijah, barely a whisper, and whether or not he can hear me, I say the words I need to get off my chest. “I’ll never truly understand why you left us. I know you can see Julian. I want to tell you, Elijah, that I love him. It’ll never be the same as the love I feel for you, but it’s just as valuable. He makes me happy, and he loves Andy. I’m finally moving on, just like you told me to. Forgive me for my mistakes and my anger.”

Lex’s grip on my hand is tight, and he continues to be mute.

“I thought about being with you so many times, and if it weren’t for my family and Julian, I’d have caused more damage than good. I’ll never stop loving you and never stop thinking about you. Every time I see Andy’s face, you’re looking right back at me.”

With my voice trembling, I say my final thoughts. “I love you, Elijah. May you finally rest in peace knowing we’re okay.”

I sob uncontrollably, turning into Lex’s arms. My chest hurts, and my ribs ache with every breath I try to catch. Lex moves his hands to the back of my head and holds me tightly to his chest as I clutch onto his jacket.

How long I remain like this is uncertain. When I finally peel myself off him, he stares into my eyes, and in full confidence, says the one thing that reassures me more than I can ever imagine.

“You’re going to be just fine, Adriana,” he says, followed by a loving smile.

Does it mean what I think it means? That my happiness is important to him, and Julian will finally be accepted? I search his emerald green eyes for an answer, and as desperate as I am to find one, looking back at me is my big brother. Someone who has been by my side from the moment I came into this world, a man who tries to protect me from all the evil in this world, a man who will forever be my blood.

This is no longer a game of who won, and just maybe, I won’t be forced to choose one or the other.

In the car, the mood is quiet, but it’s what both of us need. The mellow sounds of Bob Marley play softly over the car stereo. With Lex concentrating on driving, I lean my head against the window and watch the city pass us by.

Twenty minutes later, we pull up into the daycare. Both of us get out of the car and make our way to the gated entrance. I punch in my code to open the main door. Lex tells me he is just going to look through the glass window to watch the kids while I sign Andy out. Amelia is at my mom’s today along with baby Ava so that Charlie can work.

With the pen in my hand, I go to the clipboard but notice a signature beside his name. I don’t recognize it at all and query the young girl working behind the main desk.

“Jennie, why is there a signature beside Andy’s name?”

“Oh, about an hour ago his grandpa picked him up,” she says plainly.

“My dad’s in San Francisco. You must have got it wrong. I’ll just go get him from the room.”

“No, Mrs. Evans. The man said he was Andy’s grandfather,” she responds, but this time her face looks panicked. This girl is fucking hopeless, and if this is a joke, it’s beyond ridiculous now.

“Jennie, this isn’t a joke,” I say sternly. “Where’s my son?”

Lex walks back from the room with a concerned face. “Andy isn’t here.”

The bile in my throat rises, and my body starts to shake manically. Jennie begins to stutter out words I can’t comprehend. She leaves and returns within seconds with the manager.

“Andrea, where’s Andy?” I beg her for answers.

Andrea’s face turns to Jennie, and they speak in code, something passes between them, and Jennie begins to clutch her chest while shaking her head.

“I’m sorry, Mrs. Evans. Jennie is new here. We can watch the footage and see who it was.” She rushes back to her office, and I follow, hoping it’s Julian who picked him up. With the video footage rewound, I see an older-looking man with his head down as Jennie speaks to him. I don’t recognize him at all and look over to Lex as the panic sets in.

This isn’t happening.

It’s a nightmare—just wake up now!

“Where’s my baby?” I demand, sobbing as the scream echoes through the office.

Lex grabs his cell and dials 9-1-1. The sound of his voice drowns out as I struggle to find Julian’s number, the screen is blurred as I tremble in fear. Finally, the call connects, and I pray he will answer.

“Adriana?”

I sob into the phone, mumbling, paralyzed with shock.

“Adriana, what’s wrong?”

“My baby… someone took my baby.”

Julian demands to know where I am, but I can barely speak let alone recite the address of the daycare. The cell slides out of my hand and crashes onto the floor. With hope that this is all a cruel joke, I turn to Lex for reassurance, but his face is red as he howls at the manager, her pleading with him to calm down as she cries uncontrollably.

Helpless and frightened, I slide against the wall and sit on the floor hugging my knees as I rock back and forth.

Moments later, Julian bursts through the front door behind the police. He spots me and rushes over falling to his knees. I look directly into his eyes, and suddenly, my blood drains as the realization that Julian is alone and without Andy. Julian places his hand on my face, the panic reflecting in his eyes confirms what my head refuses to believe every parent’s worst nightmare.

Someone has kidnapped my son.