Chapter 25

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

" I don't care!" Isabella crossed her arms and turned her nose up, looking away from where Caroline was standing.

"Isabella…" Caroline sighed, doing her best to be understanding because she knew that was what the moment called for. "You know it is not my fault. Or my decision."

"I don't want somebody else!"

"You knew from day one that this was going to happen," Caroline continued carefully, wondering if reason and logic were the best tools for the current situation. "We told you so."

"But you can change his mind!" She spun about, looking pleadingly at Caroline now. "If you go to father and tell him—tell him that you want to continue, I know he will agree with you. He has to!"

Caroline sucked through her teeth for she could see where this was heading. "Maybe…"

"He will! Oh, Caroline, you have to speak with him! Before it is too late!"

Speak to him? Unfortunately, whenever Caroline ‘spoke' with His Grace, they ended up doing little talking. Somehow, she figured that if she did do as Isabella asked and went to speak with him, few words would be exchanged.

"But it is too late," she tried. "Your new governess starts in two days. There is nothing I can do."

"Nothing you will do, you mean!"

She winced. "That is not true."

"It is!" she said, face scrunching into an angry ball. "If you told father the first day that you wanted to stay on as my governess, he would have listened. But you didn't! You want to leave me!"

"I—"

"Why, Caroline!" she begged, chin beginning to wobble, eyes welling. "I thought you liked me. I thought… I thought…" She sniffed and wiped her nose. "I thought we were friends."

"We are friends!"

"Then why are you leaving?"

"I'm not leaving." She swept into the little girl, sat down beside her, and wrapped her arm around her shoulder, pulling her into a tight hug. "I promise you that I am not going anywhere. And while you may have a new governess to teach you, that does not mean you and I won't see one another."

"Re - really?" she sniffed.

"Of course. And look at it this way, now that I will not be your teacher, it means you do not have to behave around me like you might—like you should." She raised a warning eyebrow at her, and Isabella giggled. "If anything, this will make us even closer friends."

Isabella's brow scrunched as she considered this possibility. Her face was red and blotchy. Her eyes brimmed with tears. Her chin trembled. The girl was in the midst of a tantrum, and Caroline was working overtime to keep it from exploding and ruining their lesson.

Although, what lesson? A lesson implied learning. Instruction. A teacher guiding her student and the student actually listening to what was said. So far today, none of that had been the case.

They were supposed to be working on Isabella's pianoforte skills—the girl had improved in leaps and bounds lately, and Caroline was looking forward today to really testing her. But no sooner had she walked into the room than Isabella accused her of leaving her, of making it seem as if she wanted to. As if it was her own choice!

Word had come through the previous evening that His Grace had finally hired a new governess to begin her instruction in two days' time. It was expected as it had now been a week since he'd told them of this eventuality. And while Caroline was glad about the fact as she could not continue in this role, she was also sad because she would miss the time spent with Isabella more than she might have thought possible. The two had bonded greatly in these past few weeks, more than student and teacher but friends, also.

"So, you're not leaving me?" Isabella sniffed.

"Of course, not…" Caroline's stomach twisted at the lie, for that was what it felt like. Not that she would say such a thing now. "How could you even think such a thing."

Isabella sniffed and laughed softly. "I will miss our lessons."

"Lessons?" Caroline frowned and then widened her eyes as if from shock. "Oh, is that what we're meant to be doing. I was wondering what this pianoforte was for."

Isabella giggled and wiped her nose, sitting up to face the pianoforte finally as she was beginning to move on from her sadness. "You're silly."

"And you're a terrible student," she winked. "Unless you wish to prove me wrong?" A raised eyebrow which was met with a determined look from Isabella.

Caroline laughed as she stood and stepped back, giving the little girl room to show her what she had learned so far. But then, before she had the chance to begin, Esther skipped into the room with a look on her face that brimmed with positivity.

"There you are!" Esther said merrily. "I was looking all over for you."

"Grandmother!" Isabella cried.

"Esther, can whatever this is wait? We have lessons."

Esther came to a stop by the pianoforte, pouting as a child might who was told they could not have a treat before supper. "But I wanted to give you the good news. And I wanted you to hear it from me."

"Good news?" Caroline frowned as for some reason she could not fathom what this so-called good news might be. Although perhaps she should have, for it could only be one thing. And if she had, she might have thought twice before asking.

"I just got word from Mr. Jenkins! And it seems that we will be able to move back home even sooner than we thought!"

Caroline's eyes went wide, and she fixed them on Esther in a bid to stop the woman from talking.

"Less than two weeks!" Esther continued merrily. "Oh, it will be good to be home. Not that I do not love it here, but I like my own space, you know? And?—"

"You lied!" Isabella was up, pointing an accusing finger at Caroline. "You said you weren't going to leave!"

"Isabella!" Caroline spun around, caught between trying to explain and simply denouncing Esther's claim. "It is not as simple as?—"

"I knew you were leaving!" the little girl cried. "I knew you were!"

"Isabella, please, if you will just?—"

"You're not my friend!" She turned and sprinted from the room. "Friends don't leave one another!" Through the door she fled, the sound of her tears echoing off the walls as were the loud clomps made from her shoes as she ran.

"Isabella!" Caroline shouted after her, hurrying around the pianoforte but not chasing her through the house. Somehow, she didn't think there was much point right now.

"Oh no…" Esther grimaced. "Was this bad timing?"

"It was." Caroline bowed her head. "But I don't think it would have made much difference. She was going to find out eventually, and somehow, I get the feeling that the reaction would have been the same, regardless of the circumstances."

"She really loves you."

Caroline chuckled. "She will get over it."

"Maybe…" Esther walked to her, running her fingers idly over the top of the pianoforte. "Maybe not."

"Is that supposed to make me feel better?"

"Just a statement of fact, I am afraid," she sighed. "Although perhaps there is no need for her to. Get over it, I mean…"

Caroline bristled for she knew to what Esther was implying. And now that she did, she wondered if the old woman's timing was as accidental as she claimed. In fact, the more she thought about it, the more she came to realize that it very likely wasn't.

Esther had made no secret about her desire to see His Grace court Caroline. And while previously she had been subtle about it, dropping small hints here and there as if it was not obvious what she wanted, now, she had reached a point where subtlety simply would not do. She wished for Caroline and His Grace to be together, and she mentioned it as often as she could.

Funny that even she did not know about Caroline and His Grace's secret romance, for they had managed to keep it hidden for close to a week now. It added to the passion, they both decided. The danger made it more fun. And while neither of them needed an excuse to do ungodly things to one another whenever they got the chance… why change what was working?

Just the thought of it… imagining His Grace's strong hands around her body as his lips kissed down her neck, wrapped around her breasts, nibbled them, sucked as her own hand wrapped around his?—

Caroline pulled herself from that thought as she could feel her cheeks flushing as Esther watched her. "I told you, that is not an option," Caroline dismissed instead, turning away and walking back around the pianoforte.

"I didn't say anything!"

She fixed Ether with an unamused expression. "And yet your lack of words says so much. I told you, when you return home, I am coming with you, and that is the end of the matter."

"And Frederick?" Esther asked. "What does he think about this?"

Caroline was an adept liar by now, but even she could not hide the obvious look on her face. So, she cast her eyes downwards, pretending to fiddle with the keys on the pianoforte. "I imagine he does not care one way or the other."

"Is that so?"

"He has hired a new governess already, so likely, he is counting the days until I leave. You have seen how tragically we get along…" She dared a glance at Esther, who was grinning triumphantly. "No doubt he cannot wait to be free of me."

"Perhaps…" She shrugged as she turned and began to waltz back across the room. "But while you may have everyone else in this household fooled, Caroline, I am not so slow that I cannot see what is before my own two eyes."

"And what is that?"

She reached the door, turned, and winked. "The way my grandson looks at you. One would think that the sun shines from your…" She chuckled. "Well, from somewhere, the way he gawks when you are not looking."

Caroline felt her cheeks flushing, her smile growing. "Oh, now you are being silly."

"I am many things, but silly isn't one of them. Well… not always, anyhow." She made sure that Caroline was looking at her so that she might see the knowing look in her eye. Another wink, a soft giggle, and Esther disappeared around the corner.

If the circumstances were different, Caroline might have felt a thrill at Esther's words—confirmation that His Grace was as infatuated with her as she was with him. Because she was very much that and had been since they began their tryst nearly a week ago now. He was not the man whom she thought he was initially, and day by day, Caroline felt her feelings for His Grace growing stronger and stronger. Only that was the problem.

He wanted her to stay here when Esther moved home. He had not said as much yet, but she could sense it on the tip of his tongue, there to be spoken when the timing felt right. The reason he had not said anything yet, she assumed, was because whenever the conversation veered that way, Caroline was quick to dismiss it… often distracting him through other far more tantalizing means.

But it was a conversation to be had soon. And now that Esther's home was nearly ready to move back to, it was a conversation that could not be put off any longer.

Caroline knew that deep down that she wanted the same thing as His Grace. She wanted to live here. She wanted to explore the romance blossoming between them. She wanted to develop her relationship with Isabella. She wanted to stop running and settle down in a way she never thought possible! She wanted… she wanted… she wanted what she simply could not have.

Caroline had not forgotten what had happened three nights ago when she had thought that she spied her father at the Westchester Ball. For three days now she had worried about it, fretted that he might come and find her. The fact that he had not suggested she had imagined it which should have been a relief if it didn't impress upon her the fear that was growing daily… the worry that one day soon her secret would be revealed.

In short, Caroline knew that she could not keep living a lie. To tell His Grace the truth would risk ruining what they had, for surely, he would be furious at her for deceiving him? But to not tell him would force her to leave with Esther, to pretend that this last week had not happened, to hurt the man she was starting to fall for all because of the fear that wrapped her like a disheveled blanket.

What to do… what to do… what to do. No easy answers. Wrong decisions only. That was the reality of Caroline's life of the moment.

She sighed to herself as she tried her best to ignore the weight of expectation resting upon her shoulders. For now, she would simply continue on as she had been doing for the past two years, pretending that her life wasn't in shambles. Running is what she was doing. Hoping that a solution might present itself while praying the walls did not close around her.

"Isabella! Isabella, please!" she called out as she left the room, figuring that she should try and console the poor girl.

Like Frederick, Isabella would surely hate her when the truth came out, but for now, it was a friendship that she both cherished and needed as there was a good chance it would be her last.