Chapter 22

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

C aroline's body was still shaking. Her legs, especially. Twenty minutes after His Grace had given his ‘reward' as he had jokingly referred to it, and still, her body refused to behave itself. Perhaps it never would again?

The fact that she was wrapped in his gigantic arms like a butterfly in a cocoon did not help either. He was so big and so strong, his body so large and comfortable and safe feeling. She snuggled in close, her hand stroking his forearm, running a little hot in temperature but in no way willing to move.

As to her mind, where that was at? Well, that was a different story…

"You're awfully quiet," His Grace said softly, his voice a whisper in his ear.

"Am I?"

He chuckled, and she could feel it reverberate up her body. "I do remember referring to you as a mute when we first met, yes. But I do not think I have ever been so wrong."

"Save for right now," she responded with a smile.

"A rare instance," he laughed again. "But I choose to take it as a compliment." He kissed her shoulder and pulled her in closer somehow. "So enraptured by what just happened that you have forgotten how to speak."

She snorted. "Is that what you think?"

"Mind a million miles away as you replay over and over again in your mind?—"

"And it's time for me to go." She pretended to pull away from him.

"You're not going anywhere." His grip around her tightened.

"I will if you insist on stroking that ego like you are right now." She snorted. "I have heard when men usually do such a thing, they prefer to be alone."

He laughed and kissed her on the shoulder again. "All right, all right, I will stop. Just making sure that everything is all right." He waited for an answer, the expected, ‘Of course, it is,' but Caroline's mind had started to drift to a place she should have expected, even if it was as frustrating as it was terrifying. "Caroline…" A pang of worry in his voice.

"Of course, it is," she assured him, kissing his hand which dangled by her face. "Everything is perfect."

"Good." He breathed a sigh of relief. "Same here."

Another kiss on the shoulder, a tighter embrace, a sense that for the first time the two had managed to overcome the tension and perceived antipathy that they had held one another in for so long. A real step forward for the two of them that should have been a cause to celebrate, to relax at the very least. And yet, while Caroline was working overtime to tell herself that everything was fine and that this was good… a sense of unease began to settle on her shoulders that even the bulky form of His Grace could not protect her from.

Something had changed between them earlier. He had come to her room, and she had expected another confrontation. That was how it had always gone with them, and she was glad for it as it made it easier for her to explain their attraction. More than that, it made it easier to convince herself that when the time came for her to leave, she could do it without pause or guilt.

Only this time, the confrontation never happened. At the mention of Isabella and her feeling for the little girl, His Grace seemed to recognize something in Caroline, a sudden realization that dawned on him and had him seeing her in a new light.

He apologized! He calmed himself. He accepted wrongdoing and while the attraction felt was still there, the cause for it was something that neither had seen coming.

Worse that Caroline had liked it. Dammit, she had loved it. They didn't need to fight and spew fire to want one another, and they certainly didn't need to hate to find that passion. Even now, with it all said and done, His Grace held her in a way she would have never expected him to. A true indication that his feelings for her had grown into something new.

And as to her feelings for him? Ones she had spent nearly two weeks denying? Now she knew there would be no denying them. But that just made things harder.

"I have been thinking…" His Grace began hesitantly.

"Do not hurt yourself.

He laughed. "Concerning you and my mother and Isabella. When it is time for you to leave with my mother, Isabella is bound to be hurt. No doubt, she will blame me for it."

"I will make sure she will not."

"Still… it is going to be hard," he continued carefully. "And I do not relish the proceeding weeks following your leaving."

"I will make sure to write," Caroline assured him, her chest tightening because she could sense where this was going. "And visit as often as I can."

"I expect it," he said, another kiss on the shoulder. "But still, I fear it will not be enough…"

He was nervous, maybe for the first time ever. Even worried about what he was about to say. And Caroline, forcing that guilt down, ignoring the way her stomach twisted, could see exactly where he was going with this. Oh, how much had changed and how quickly.

He was going to ask her to stay. Dammit, he was going to use Isabella as a bargaining chip, one he knew she would find impossible to deny. And while Caroline would have loved for nothing more, things were not nearly as simple as His Grace seemed to think they were. That, after all, was the reason that Caroline was feeling so uncomfortable in the arms of the man who she knew deep down she was starting to fall for.

But it wasn't so simple as that.

In fact, simple was about as far from the reality of her life as existed.

Caroline Dowding, daughter of Lord Viscount Scriven, was an invented identity that only she was aware of. Her entire history, everything she had told Esther and His Grace, was falsified. Her reasons for doing so were just, and she did not regret it. What she regretted, what pained her more than anything, was knowing that the lies she had created, when they eventually came out, would only serve to hurt those whom she loved.

And if His Grace did indeed ask what she knew he was about to, then she would have no choice but to tell him the truth. Was she ready to do that? And could she face the consequences? Both the hurt it caused… and finally having to face what and whom it was whom she was running from.

"I have been thinking…" His Grace cleared his throat nervously. "How would you feel—what are your thoughts, rather, that instead of leaving with?—"

"I should really be leaving!" Caroline announced suddenly, pushing herself out of His Grace's arms, half-making to leave as if a most urgent business just came to her.

"Wh - what?" His Grace made to follow her. "Leave? Where?"

"It has been over an hour since you came to see me." She spoke quickly, putting the pieces of an excuse together as they came, trying to make it appear justified. "If your absence or mine is noticed, we will have to answer some rather awkward questions."

He frowned at her, and she could not look at him. "I suppose so…"

"It is for the best." She climbed from the bed, completely naked, and feeling very much that way. And with His Grace watching her, his confusion turning to hurt, it was not an easy thing for her to collect her clothes under his watch.

"This is your room," he said carefully. "Unless you plan on walking the house naked?"

"Oh!" She straightened up and grimaced. "Yes, I forgot…"

An awkward pause until finally His Grace shifted in the bed. "I suppose that leaves it to me, then, does it not." An even more awkward chuckle as he slowly climbed from the bed.

"I am sorry," she apologized.

"It is fine," he assured her as he began to collect his clothes. "You are right to worry."

"I do not mean to throw you out."

"I think you enjoy it."

"I—"

"Miss Dowding." He turned towards her, stepped into her, took her in his arms again, and kissed her. If there were any doubts about how she felt, that kiss dispelled them in an instant. His strong naked body against her. His lips, full and wet and perfect. Breathing him in, feeling him, it was all she could do to not drag him back to bed.

Of course, that didn't help the matter.

"I will see you at supper?" she asked.

He smiled. "I am looking forward to it." He quickly dressed and then hurried for the door. "And Miss Dowding…" He turned back to give her one more appraising look.

"Yes?"

He smiled. "Nothing. I just wanted to look at you one last time." A wink, and he slipped through the door and shut it behind him.

Caroline collapsed back in bed, heart racing, mind whirring—frustrated because this should have been one of the happiest moments of her life, and yet, it was fraught with danger and misery and despair. But then again, she supposed, what else was new in her life?