34. Chapter 34

Chapter 34

E ven through the bed covers, the chill in the room gets to me. I slip out of bed, pulling on an oversized sweater.

Two knocks, and the young servant girl who's been attending to me and my room since we arrived comes in.

"Morning, miss." She dips into a quick curtsy.

I sigh. I've told her many times not to curtsy, but she persists. "Morning."

She pulls open the curtains, letting the morning light pour over the bed. "Can I get you anything?"

I don't want to see anyone just yet. "May I get breakfast sent to my room?"

"Of course," she says and shuts the door behind her once more.

I grab two books and head onto the balcony. I notice the second book is actually a diary and as I open it, a note falls out.

‘Bronwyn,

This is one of many diaries of Pasha Sonder, my mother. It details events leading up to and around the great purge of sirens from her perspective. It covers two years of her life — ages twelve to fourteen.'

I'm drawn in immediately to this young girl's tale, and it's hard not to care about her wants and desires as she pours her heart into this diary. She details life at the Astral Court. She's recently moved closer to the castle as her mother was taken on as a seamstress for the High Lady. The Astral Court . . .where is that? Young Pasha is also expressing anxieties about starting preparatory school but seems to be developing a crush on a young man named Augustus, who also attends.

My bedroom door bursts open, and I jump, startled back into my current reality. My servant is suddenly taking my request to be less formal a little too far.

Eoin strides into my room with two plates, followed by my extremely flustered servant.

"You're avoiding me now?" Eoin shakes his head.

"I'm sorry, miss. He wouldn't take no for an answer." She sets up a small table on the balcony, where Eoin plops both plates of sweet bread, eggs, and venison with a loud clang.

"It's okay," I say, dismissing her.

"I was going to find you after my breakfast." I sit, and he slides the other chair over to the table.

"We are meeting everyone after breakfast in the study. I've got a bone to pick with you, and I won't let you run away from it this time."

We ignore the food on our plates.

"I'm sorry," I whisper the words, and his eyes squeeze shut.

"Sorry for what? Bron, what is going on?" He lays his hand on my knee. "You know you can talk to me about anything. Are you scared? If something is going on, I want to help you. I don't like feeling like you're hiding from me."

"I'm not trying to hide from you; I'm just scared of what you'll think. I don't want to lose you." I lay my hand on the back of his, and he flips it, sliding his fingers through mine.

"I'm right here," he says with a squeeze.

"You'll think I'm a monster." I let out a deep breath.

"Never." He pierces me with his gaze and brushes his thumb over my knuckles.

"So, you know my powers have been developing, and I obviously have a new one." I pick at the bread on my plate. "There's more going on than I've let on."

"I've gathered that." He leans back in his chair, the distance feeling much farther than it actually is.

"When the sirens were cursed, a goddess shrouded some of them with her shadow, hiding them from parts of the curse. I guess that part of her has stayed with us through generations, and we have a small piece of her with us."

"That doesn't sound so bad."

"Except she sometimes talks to me in my head. And she even takes control of my body. I have no control whatsoever when my eyes are black like they were in the forest."

He's my best friend, and I know what his face tells me before he utters a single word. I watch his face change from apprehension and concern to frustration and disappointment.

He wipes a hand down his face. "Who did you talk to about this?"

"August."

His jaw tenses. "Of course."

"I'm sorry. I really don't like hiding things from you, Eoin. I was just scared. If you have any questions, I'm happy to talk more."

"That's just it. I don't care about any of this. Well. . . most of it. I'm upset because you were scared to talk to me. I don't know how we've gotten to this point. And to top it all off, you're stealing stuff while we are on the job. I saw the other missing crystals in the study. You're being blatantly reckless and . . ." He sighs. "And I don't even care. I'm upset that you didn't come to me."

"I'm sorry."

"You keep saying that." He stands and shakes his head. "It's time for our meeting."

I follow him to August's study, which looks vastly different than the last time I was here. The sitting area is gone, replaced by a large table covered in maps, books, and scrolls. The largest map laid out at the center of the table depicts Doth Murial and several other surrounding cities in the Underworld. I didn't know what to expect but from the map alone, it looks like an ordinary city.

"I have an idea," Razenna says, gesturing for us to surround the map table. She points to a few key locations and the catacombs where she believes the sword will most likely be. I glance at Eoin, who avoids my gaze with rigid posture.

"And don't forget the scrolls have been shrouded by the goddess of death. They'll be difficult to find and likely guarded." Razenna finishes her brief explanation of the map and turns to grab another one.

"Now to the fun part," she says sarcastically as she rolls out a very thin, translucent map of Mabon on top of the Underworld map. "We want to enter Doth Murial at the closest location we can so we spend the least amount of time traveling through the Underworld. The longer we are down there, the more danger we will be in."

"You can't just open your portal here and go straight there?" I point to a circular amphitheater near a university that sits directly on top of the catacombs in the Underworld.

"I could," she says, "but it's best to enter the underworld at a cemetery, church, or other protected holy grounds. If I opened the portal there, I might rip the fabric between realms. It's incredibly risky, and even with the protection the cemetery offers, there's still a possibility a creature or two may escape to our side while we portal in."

"I see," I say, trying to grasp the depth and complexities of necromancy.

"But you're on to something," Razenna continues.

"Luc will need a tremendous amount of power to break the shroud, more than his well can hold." She points to the amphitheater. "This is where you and August will be while Luc and I enter the underworld . . . here." She points a couple miles away at a small cemetery in the woods.

August meets my gaze, and Eoin shakes his head slightly. I can't remember the last time he was this upset with me.

"In theory, once we are in Doth Murial, Luc should still be able to pull power from you since we are in the same location, just on a different plane of existence. Fortunately for us, there is a notoriously salacious festival at the amphitheater on Samhain. You should be able to continuously refill your well, giving him an endless supply of power."

My cheeks heat, and I glance at August once more. A slow smile spreads across his face as he pointedly studies the map.

"Could Eoin join me at the party instead of August?" I meet Eoin's gaze, his expression unreadable.

Razenna tilts her head. "Are you willing to protect her from potential danger at an exclusively fae party?"

"Of course." He doesn't hesitate but remains stiff.

"No, that won't work, actually. You would likely be the only human there; we can't stand out like that. Besides, Ciaran says he wants to train some more with you while we are gone."

"Samhain?" I ask. "That's two days from now. How long will it take to get to Mabon?"

"We would need to leave tonight. We can send Sven and Mads ahead to procure horses while we pack supplies," August says. "This here," he gestures to the map, "all lies within the Mabon court. While they are generally a pretty neutral court politically, we will need to be discreet. We'll phase here, and then we will ride in on horseback and camp here for the night." He points to a clearing near a creek. "Then we will spend another half day traveling and camp here." He points to a section of woods between the amphitheater and the cemetery. "From there, we will split up as Razenna described."

***

The four of us gather our belongings and provisions for the journey in less than an hour. As I walk towards our group in the courtyard, Razenna looks extra prickly, standing with arms crossed. Luc bounces on his heels, appearing far too excited to be on a mission to the Underworld.

My wavy, unruly hair slaps me in the face and into my eyes. I twirl around, trying to get the wind to blow it out of my face and swat at it, pushing it back. August's unmistakable laugh almost drowns out the sound of crunching steps through gravel.

"Come here—this is going to be a problem," Razenna says as she approaches. She waves over two servant girls. "Which braid style do you want?" She points between the two girls.

"I can take care of it myself."

"You need something that will last. We will be heading through a windy stretch. "Just let me do it." She pushes me down to my knees, and the two girls turn so I can see their hair. I point to the girl on the left.

Razenna proceeds to braid my hair back in a style with smooth sides and a raised intricate braid running down the center of my head and back to a plain high ponytail. I stand, and the wind blows again. My hair holds firmly in place. Razenna slaps my shoulder. "You're all set."

I look for August, but he isn't in our circle anymore. He stands near two of his soldiers at the castle door. I can't hear what they are saying, but it looks serious.

He shifts, and I see who he's talking to—Lydia. She looks up at him, concern in her eyes and she touches his arm. He pulls away and says something to the two of them before turning to head back to our circle. Lydia's eyes meet mine, and she glares at me. I match her intensity, staring right back.

August reaches me, and he touches my elbow, turning me back towards the group. "Ready?" he asks. I glance back over my shoulder to Lydia and her soldier companion. Her black ponytail blows gracefully in the wind, and she glowers at me. Slowly, she slides a single finger across her throat.

"What was that?" I ask.

"Just some library business; nothing you need to worry about." He grins at me and twirls a finger through my ponytail. "This braid looks nice on you."

Eoin lingers by the castle doors as Ciaran approaches our group. He touches Luc and Razenna's shoulders, and they disappear. Ciaran returns alone and embraces August before returning to stand by Eoin.

Eoin leans against the castle, arms crossed. I wave, wishing he could come with us. He lifts two of his fingers off of his forearm without a smile. August touches my shoulder and we phase into a grain field near a water mill.

We walk in silence towards the mill, the tall grain scraping against our clothing and packs as we walk. We disturb a steady stream of insects in our path who buzz and fly away from us. As we get closer to the mill, the peaceful babbling of the nearby stream is accompanied by the rhythmic creaking of the wheel and the steady splash of the floats as they turn through the water.

We reach the grain mill and Sven and Mads approach with our horses. Mads's green eyes linger on my hair as he hands me the reigns of a buckskin mare. The six of us mount up and head towards our first camp point.

I ride beside Razenna in the middle of our pack. My heart is light, and the atmosphere is hopeful and upbeat. "Is there something up with my hair?" I ask.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, Mads was just sort of. . . staring at it." Razenna sucks both of her lips into her teeth and tries to stop the grin from spreading across her face. "What?" I ask. Failing to hide her smile, Razenna is now full-on grinning and starting to actually giggle. I've never heard this woman giggle, ever.

"Tell me!"

"So, the fae of Selene use their hair to communicate things to one another. There are hairstyles for battle, grief, and even different holidays. The style you chose had smooth sides, which indicates you are single, and the high ponytail means you are looking for a new relationship. The other girl had two small braids near her temple, indicating she was not interested in a relationship." I gape at her, speechless.

She throws her head back and laughs so hard she wipes a tear from her eye. "I'm sure Mads was just confused when he saw your hair because of what you and August will be up to tomorrow." She barely gets the sentence out, and she wipes another tear away. Her laugh is contagious, and I laugh with her.

Ahead, August looks over his shoulder at us, smiling and shaking his head. The butterflies in my stomach spring to life, and a part of me is really looking forward to attending the festival alone with him.

We ride until we reach the clearing by the creek and it's nearly dusk. The males venture further into the forest to gather some dry firewood and procure dinner while Razenna and I set up three tents. "You can stay with me if you want," she says.

"Yes, please," I say. "Is Charlotte pretty upset we won't be attending the Samhain festival with her?"

"She is disappointed."

"You two are cute together but so unexpected."

"Are you referring to my floral frilly cottage?" She holds back a smile. "Yeah, it's not necessarily my style, but Charlotte loves it. I want her to do whatever brings her joy. With her lifespan being so much shorter than mine, our time together will be painfully brief for me. I like that she doesn't have to work and just spends her time reading books, decorating, cooking, and playing with the animals—whatever she wants, really. Making her happy makes me happy."

A dense sadness lingers in the air. "Who knew you were such a softie?" I ask, trying to lighten the mood.

She smiles. "No one does and keep it to yourself." She walks towards the creek, and I follow her. "That's why I keep the sides of my head shaved. When I'm out on a mission, I'm not displaying any signals with my hair whether or not I have someone I care about at home."

We find some stones near the creek and use them to make a fire ring and return to freshen up before the men return. "Oh, I forgot to tell you," I say to Razenna. "I saw a horse with wings!"

"Here?" she asks.

"No, back near the castle," I say and splash more cold water on my face and neck.

"We have those," she says. She pulls out her canteen and fills it. "They're horses, but a lot like shifters, except they can only shift between having wings and not having them. We breed them for battle. We have them, Mabon has griffins, and the forgotten court used to have wyverns."

"Wait. . . shifters? You mean changelings?"

"Nooooo." Her face sharpens. "Changelings are wretched creatures. Pray you never encounter one. They need only touch you, and they can take your identical form—memories included. They're nearly impossible to tell from the host at that point. Shifters are just fae with a shifting gift. They must eat the flesh of something, and they can transform. They don't get the memories, though."

A chill runs up my spine.

"Speaking of strange things to see, Eoin looked pretty pissed at you when we left."

My heart sinks. I don't like leaving him like that. "I was keeping things from him. We had a long talk this morning. I told him everything."

Razenna sighs. "I knew you would."

"There's something else."

I quickly tell Razenna about Luc and Sven sneaking around and how I ended up lost and alone on the mountaintop. I can tell her mind is taking it all in and racing through what this might mean. She doesn't get a chance to respond, though, because Luc and Sven come hooping and hollering through the tree line with a turkey. Moments later, August and Mads join with a couple armloads of dry wood.

***

The half-day ride to our next camping spot is quiet. The farther we travel into Mabon territory, the more eerie the atmosphere becomes. A low, dense fog creeps in, and many of the deciduous trees have lost most of their leaves, leaving blankets of red, brown, and orange underfoot.

No one speaks as we set up camp, the realities of tonight's mission finally sinking in. Luc places stones and sets up the fire ring, appearing two shades lighter than normal. August grabs a bag off his horse and enters his tent.

"Mads and Sven will wait here at camp. If anything goes wrong, try to get back here—they'll help you," Razenna says. She holds open her tent flap and motions me inside. She ties the flap shut and pulls out a small bag. "We need to get you ready for the festival. You'll need to blend in." She turns her back to me and pulls items from the bag. "Get undressed and put this on." She tosses a wad of black lace at me over her shoulder. I catch it and hold it up.

"You want me to wear this?" I ask sarcastically. "You can't be serious." Hanging between my fingers and thumbs is a black lacy bodysuit with a black lace train trailing from the back. There's absolutely nothing covering the front of my legs, and although the lace is tightly woven in the more delicate areas, it is not lined at all.

"And this," she says, handing a headband with ears over her shoulder. "Cat is a common thing for girls your age to dress up as. I don't hear you undressing."

"I'm not wearing this," I say. The pile of earthworms is back in my stomach.

She turns around and grasps my shoulders. "The Samhain festival at the amphitheater is put on by students from the university. They're all your age, and the females will all be wearing something like this—some of the males, too. We need you to blend in." I gulp hard and nod my head once.

"Okay." It'll be dark. It's not like I'm going to see these people again, except August. Although I've started to undress, I feel significantly warmer. Thoughts of him seeing me in this make blood rush to my neck, cheeks, and ears.

I pull on the tiny lace bodysuit, and I shiver, more from nerves than the cold. Razenna turns back around. "Don't worry. University grounds are enchanted—you won't be cold there. Here." She hands me back my cloak to cover myself with. "This will keep you warm on the way there and back. Turn around." She tugs at my hair and then tousles it, freeing it from the braid, and places the cat ear headband on.

My heart pounds when I remember I'm going to be wearing this with August soon. "This is why you made the handmaiden wax me, isn't it?"

"Yes," she says, opening the tent back up. "Stay with August. The veil is thin tonight, and some creatures or beings may be able to slip through. I can't be worried about you while I'm down there babysitting Luc." We exit the tent, and I clutch my cloak tightly around me. August waits by his stallion, wearing plain brown pants, a linen shirt with the sleeves rolled up, and a pair of overalls. I whip around to Razenna. "He gets to wear that?" I ask through my teeth. "This isn't fair."

"Females your age love dressing up like this. Embrace it. Have some fun," she says and hops onto her horse.