Thirty-Eight Abel

My worst fear had come true. The hand belonged to my dad. I knew it, no matter how desperately I wished to believe that it wasn't. The familiar gold ring on his finger that matched Mom's, the watch ticking away on his wrist—each detail engraved into my memory like a cruel reminder. I felt numb, the world around me was a blur. Voices and cries pushed to the background, and I was stuck in a dark tunnel alone, drowning in my sorrow.

Tobias moved around us swiftly, but my focus remained fixed on my father. He was gone. I would never see him again. Orcus had killed him. I believed it without any shadow of doubt. How much did he suffer? Another wave of nausea clenched my stomach. I staggered up and aimed for the sink, desperate for some relief. My vision doubled and my body swayed, so I gripped onto the tiled counter for support. My hands slipped, threatening to send me falling backward, but strong hands steadied me just in time.

Tobias guided me down to the floor and sat next to me. I leaned against him.

In this time of weakness, I pondered the number of ways to die. How long would it take to drown? A minute? Would I die faster if I didn't hold my breath? If I slit my throat, how long would it take for my body to empty every ounce of blood running through my veins? A gun to my head wouldn't be kind for those who'd find my lifeless body, but why should I care? I'd be gone. The Creed wouldn't care, they'd just replace me with the next guy. I was just a number. That was a fact.

I knew who would care: Maddy. She'd miss her brother. Maybe Mom would too during the few moments when she was alert, but maybe my death would drive her over the edge of no return. The rest of the guys would miss me for a while, until the new Nine was announced. Would Tobias miss me?

I could never end my life. The promise of that route to freedom from this hell didn't appeal to me. I didn't want to take the easy way out. I fantasized about death, but suicide would be unfair to those who believed in me.

I believed in me.

I couldn't sit upright anymore; my body crumpled to the floor. Tobias guided my head onto his lap. The weight of our loss crashed down on me like a tidal wave. Memories flooded my brain when I closed my eyes. Dad's laughter, his wisdom, his presence— all of which was gone, leaving a gaping hole that threatened to swallow me whole. I cried out, anguish ripping me apart.

In the midst of my despair, something else rose inside me—anger. Anger at the unfairness of life, the cruel twist of fate that had robbed me and Maddy of our childhood and of a normal life. Anger at myself for not being able to save my dad, for not being able to say goodbye to him. If only we had planned our escape sooner, none of this would have happened.

And above all, I was angry at the very existence of Orcus and The Creed.

***

Dad and I strolled along the familiar path to school, the cool morning breeze tousling our hair. I clung tightly to his hand, my small fingers intertwining with his much larger ones.

"Do you like your new friends?" he asked. "First grade is a lot of fun, I remember."

"Yes, Dad," I answered. It was my third week at my new school; we'd had to move from our big house to an apartment away from the city. My mom was upset that I had to switch in the middle of the year, but Dad had said that we needed to downsize. Whatever that meant. The class was all the same for me. In fact, I liked it better here because our place was a lot closer to the beach. The other kids here were nicer too, and I got free lunch at the cafeteria now.

I glanced up at my dad. His face blocked the morning sun behind him, making him glow. He looked like an angel with a halo. I wanted to be just like him when I grew up. He was always happy, and he took good care of us, especially when mom spent most of her days alone in their room because she was sick. He took Maddy and me to the park last weekend for my birthday, and the three of us shared a delicious chocolate cupcake with sprinkles. We spent the whole day playing, and when we got hungry, we went home, since Dad accidentally left his wallet at home. I wished Mom was there, but I understood. She was healing, according to Dad. Besides, there was always next time. We had all the time in the world to celebrate and explore.

"I like your watch, Dad," I remarked, my eyes drawn to the green-faced timepiece on his wrist. The brown leather straps were weathered with age, but it still looked cool.

He smiled down at me, his eyes crinkling at the corners. "Thanks, buddy," he replied, his voice soft but filled with pride. "It's a special watch. My dad gave it to me a long time ago, and one day, I'll give it to you."

My heart skipped a beat at the thought of inheriting such a precious gift. I wanted everything that belonged to Dad. I even dressed up like him last Halloween. "Didn't you wanna dress up like a superhero or something?" he'd asked when he took a picture of me and Maddy, who wore a purple fairy costume. "I am. You're our hero," I'd answered. Now, I get to keep his watch in the future. This day couldn't get any better. "Really?" I exclaimed, my excitement bubbling over.

"Really," he confirmed, his gaze lingering on mine. "But you know, Abel, a watch is more than just something you wear on your wrist. It's a reminder of time—the most precious gift we have."

I furrowed my brow, trying to make sense of his words. "What do you mean?" I asked, tilting my head.

He paused, his steps slowing. He was thoughtful for a minute before he spoke. "Well, buddy," he began, "do you remember the river we saw when we went to Yellowstone National Park?"

"Yeah. The big one!" A smile tugged at my lips when I thought about our family trip a couple of years ago. It was so cold, but we didn't care. We were in awe at everything we saw. The geyser, the buffalo herds, and the colorful lakes.

"Exactly. Time is like a river. It flows constantly, never stopping for anyone or anything. And it's up to us to make the most of the time we have, to fill it with love and laughter, with memories that will last a lifetime with family and loved ones."

"I can do that." I nodded. That would be easy, because I loved my family. "You, Mom, Maddy, and me."

"That's right."

"Oh, and Uncle Tobias," I added.

"Yeah, and Uncle Tobias." Dad chuckled.

Uncle Tobias was my dad's best friend and the most handsome man I'd ever seen, other than my dad. "When is he gonna come visit?"

"Not sure, bud, but I'll give him a call."

We approached the school gates. Cars were lined up to drop off other kids, but Dad and I loved to walk. It was our exercise. "Here we are," he said, squatting to meet my face. "I'm sorry things are rough right now." His face dropped momentarily, but his beaming smile returned after a split second. He fixed my collar and combed my hair with his fingers. "But it'll be better soon. I promise. Everything will be back to normal." He leaned closer and kissed my forehead. "Go on. You don't wanna be late for class."

"I love you, Dad," I said before running away.

"I love you more," he countered, something he said whenever Maddy and I said those words.

I looked back before I entered the building and found my dad wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. Maybe his eyes were itchy again.

He waved when he saw me staring. I waved back before blowing him a kiss. A kiss that he caught and placed in his heart.

***

Tobias caressed my trembling arm, a lifeline anchoring me in the middle of the storm brought by the evening's brutality. His reassuring words echoed like a mantra. "I'm right here," he murmured, his voice soothing. Each repetition carried a promise of strength that I clung to desperately. His touch seemed to chase away the shadows of doubt that threatened to envelop me.

Slowly and painfully, I opened my eyes, allowing the harsh reality to flood back in. Our kitchen materialized around me, the walls closing in once more. But this time, I was ready. Ready to face the emptiness, ready to confront the pain, ready to carry on knowing that somewhere, somehow, Dad was watching over me. It was my turn to get us out of here. I needed to be strong for my family. I blinked my tears away because I refused to buckle.

"We have to get back," Tobias said. He had been by my side, trying to offer comfort to me, my mom, and Maddy. "Before they find out we're gone." He squeezed my thigh before rising from the floor. He reached out for me, and with a heavy heart, I allowed myself to be pulled up.

He was right. We had to go back. We needed to find out what happened to the guys so we could get the fuck out of here before we lost another person. But the thought of leaving my family behind, especially after tonight, felt like an unbearable burden weighing down my already fractured soul.

"Go, Abel," Maddy urged, her words carrying a somber tone. "I don't want you to get in trouble." Her eyes pleaded with me to leave, to spare myself from more danger.

Mom was gone; her ghost stared at the dingy walls of the trailer, the hell that had been her cage for a long time.

"I'll take care of Mom," she said, rubbing our mother's arms. "We'll be okay." Maddy's eyes were red; her eyelids swollen. She was brave. Like me, she had been forced to grow up too soon. Innocence never lasted in The Creed.

"I will make them pay," I vowed, my voice trembling with conviction. I didn't know how, but The Creed would not get away with their sins, even if it killed me.

"We need to bury this," Tobias said, holding the black box with Dad's hand.

"No!" I yelped. "What about his things?"

I reached for the box, but Tobias gripped my hand. "They're safe. Maddy will keep them for now. You can't take them with you."

Tobias was right. The guards would confiscate them. Who knew what they'd do with my dad's belongings?

"I'll take good care of them, Abel," Maddy promised. She opened her palms, exposing Dad's ring and watch.

"We have to go, Abel," Tobias repeated.

I nodded reluctantly, my steps heavy as I followed Tobias's lead, leaving Maddy and Mom.

Maddy hugged me from behind before Tobias opened the door. "Please be careful. I can't lose you too."

Her tears seeped into the fabric of Tobias's shirt. "I will."

"I won't let anything happen to your brother," Tobias added.

Maddy released me from her hold and lunged toward Tobias, wrapping her petite frame around him. "Thank you," she said.

We went out of the back door, stepping out into the night sky. The Creed seemed to press in from all sides, a reminder of the dangers lurking in the shadows. But despite the fear that gnawed at my insides, there was a fire burning within me, a fierce determination to seek justice for my father and all those who had suffered at the hands of Orcus and his puppets. I clenched my fists, the anger and resolve fueling my every step forward.

"We will seek vengeance, Abel. Do you hear me?" Tobias said. "I will not stop until Orcus is dead."

I met his eyes; their ferocity mirrored mine. "Together," I said. "No matter what or how long it takes." Tobias and I would be in this together until the end.

We made our way through the deserted compound. It remained quiet but far from peaceful. Paranoia prickled at the back of my neck. I couldn't shake the feeling of being watched. My gut was telling me they knew we were out here. Why are they allowing us to roam the cult freely?