Fifteen Tobias

Who the hell did he think he was? Barking orders like he had a leg to stand on. I thought disclosing why I was in this fucking place would chill him out a little, but he was as petulant as ever; making demands like he was paying my bills. Abel was officially on my last nerve. I hadn't meant to keep calling him a kid, but I had my reasons. They were all so fucking cute, thinking I could be bullied.

Abel balled his fists; his steely determination was bitter and cold. "Call me a kid one more time and we'll see what happens."

I would've laughed at his threat if I wasn't surrounded by a group of young men who dressed like him and sported the same buzzed haircut. They studied me, but my attention was on Abel, who was staring me down. If these punks thought they could intimidate me into surrender, they had another think coming. I'd eliminated bigger threats than these fools.

"KID," I said, enunciating the word I knew would get to him.

Abel lurched toward me, fists poised to strike. But before his knuckles could make contact with my face, his buddies pulled him back. "Cool it, man," one of the guys whispered.

Abel was strong, requiring three men to tame his tantrum. His face warped as he fought against their grip. He continued punching the air, but I stood my ground. This could escalate further if I wasn't careful.

I took a deep calming breath and raised my hand. "Can we all settle down for a second?"

"We can blow your cover," the bigger dude said.

I chuckled but couldn't find humor in his statement. "Was that supposed to scare me?" If it was, they needed to try harder. I had nothing to lose, which made dealing with a guy like me dangerous. I had one speed—chill to kill—and no in between. "And what makes you think I'd care about that?"

"What do you want?" Abel asked once his chest stopped heaving.

"As I said, you need to trust me."

"I'm okay," Abel told the guys, and they hesitantly let him go.

I braced myself, anticipating his next move. This could be a strategy to free himself from their hold so he could attack. I would. This is for my best friend; Oliver would do the same if our roles were reversed. Although, I wouldn't be caught alive in this mess of a situation. Oliver had his reasons—he had his family to protect. Another example of why I chose to be alone.

Abel studied me. His eyes were bright blue, even in the absence of light. They glistened like cerulean pools framed by blond lashes. His disdain dissipated before me, replaced by a begging stare that rendered me speechless. "I need you to sneak me out of here," he pleaded. He opened his balled fists, allowing his shaking fingers to splay out. "An hour, tops."

I peered at his captivating lips, red and supple, wondering how soft they were. I shook my head to clear my brain of such thoughts, but he must've perceived my gesture as a refusal.

"Please …?" he whispered, unable to hide his desperation.

Fuck. How did one word sound so tempting and sinful coming from him? A vivid scenario flashed in my head once again. I inhaled sharply. Stop it, Tobias. This is ridiculous.

I thought about his request while reading the room. The others appeared to share his hopelessness. I was ready to tell them to go to hell, teaching them a lesson to never mess with me again. But instead, I surprised everyone—including myself—when I agreed. "Okay, but on one condition."

Their shoulders relaxed. The air in the room shifted from tension to cautious calm. The guys lined up next to Abel, a fortress of muscles anchored by Abel in the middle.

"What's the condition?" Abel asked.

"I'm going with you."

"What?" one of the guys said.

"No way," another chided.

"You heard me," I said.

The tallest of the group leaned down to Abel's ear and whispered something; his closeness to him pissed me off. What was that about? I didn't have time to dwell on that question nor the desire to know the answer.

"Give us a second." Abel turned his back, allowing me to study him from the rear. He rounded the guys up and they huddled for a few seconds.

They straightened. "Do you trust him, Nine?" the tall guy asked.

I held my breath, waiting for Abel's reply.

Our eyes locked when he glanced over his shoulder. "Yes," he said, a glimmer of hope in his tired gaze.

"Then we should too." The group tapped Abel's back for approval, a validation I didn't know I needed. Something I would never admit to anyone.

Abel stepped forward, closing the short distance between us. We were face-to-face. "Can you do it tonight?"

I tucked my hands in my pockets, fighting the urge to run my fingers over the freckles on his red cheeks. The feeling was so foreign it was borderline terrifying. "Wait for me at midnight," I said. "And don't do anything stupid," I added, addressing the group. "Do you hear me?"

"We got it. Geez," Abel said, unable to hide his irritation.

I raised an eyebrow, reminding him who was in charge and that I wouldn't allow any back talk. "Come again?"

"Nothing stupid," he said in obedience. "We got it."

"Good boy," I said.

Flashes of heat graced Abel's face before morphing into undeniable lust.

"I'll be back," I said, and walked away before I did something stupid. Get a grip, Tobias.

***

I'd spent hours in my room, wrestling with my choice to sneak Abel out of the complex and the reason for his request. My mission was to lay low, stay out of trouble, get Abel and his family out safely, and avoid entanglements with the cult at all costs. A task I'd done countless times before. I'd spent years perfecting the art of blending in by not drawing attention to myself. But there I was, alone in my room, planning the exact opposite.

My instinct told me that my involvement was risky, but there was something about their desperation that I couldn't ignore. They looked at me as if I was their savior. Fitting, since it was what they used to call me when I was with The Firm. The Savior. So I agreed to help, but only so I could join Abel to keep him safe and figure out what they were hiding.

It seemed like ages ago when I used to kill for a living. Something told me I would need to summon all my skills to prowl out of here like men in the shadows. My mind drifted as I stared at the wall clock, counting down the minutes until it was time to go. I allowed my mind to venture into a place and time I rarely visited. A time when I was the one in dire need of someone to rescue me. To be part of a family. To belong. My true Achilles heel.

***

Twenty-Eight Years Ago

"Do you think someone will pick me?" I asked Father Nathaniel after two kids from the orphanage were adopted into a new family that week. I'd been in St. Matthew's Boys Town since I could remember. I'd heard different versions of stories regarding my parents and the reasons why they abandoned me. Some said that my father was a married politician who got my mother, his mistress, pregnant during his re-election campaign and forced her to give me away. Others swore that my mom was a heroin addict who couldn't afford to keep me, so she dumped me on the stoop of St. Matthew's Church. Whatever the real version was, I wished they'd come back to get me. I would forgive them. All they had to do was return so we could start over. They hadn't even bothered to name me. Father Nathaniel named me Tobias because he said it meant "the righteous man," and he believed I'd grow up to be one.

"A family will be so lucky to have you in their home, you just have to be patient, my son," he said.

"I've been patient for years," I wailed, covering my eyes. Tears streamed down my cheeks. "Is there something wrong with me?" That had to be the only reason why I kept getting passed on.

"Oh, Tobias." Father Nathaniel faced me, bringing my chin up. "There's nothing wrong with you. God has a plan. You just have to believe."

"Is his plan to keep me here until all of my friends get adopted?" I sobbed, rejection cutting through my heart. I tried to keep my shirt tucked, and learned how to smile even though I was really nervous and felt like throwing up. "Is it because I haven't tied my shoes yet? I'm learnin' and I'm real close." I heard from one of the staff that families preferred babies, and the older you became, the harder it was to get adopted. If that was the case, my time was running out. That realization drove a dagger into my chest. What would happen if no one came for me? I didn't want to be alone for the rest of my life.

"Just have faith, Tobias. Your time will come, and it will be the most wonderful gift. Don't lose hope." He wiped the tears off my face.

I nodded. I had to believe. Believing was all I had. I didn't have any other choice.

The sad evening fell. The room I shared with the other boys was silent. Everyone was asleep but me. Tears welled in my eyes when I clutched my stuffed rabbit, the one constant companion I'd ever known. Outside, raindrops tapped against the windowpane in sync with the rhythm of my heartache. I brought my hands together, closed my eyes, and prayed. "Lord, please send me a family. I promise to be good all the time. I promise to tie my shoes, and I'll pick up my toys. I'll eat my dinner, even if it's broccoli. I know there's a reason why you let my friends go first, but why does everyone keep leaving me behind?" My chest hurt as I tried my best to muffle the sound of my sobs; each weep gripped my lungs like a python. "I'm tired of being alone. I beg you, please?" My small hands trembled as I traced my beloved rabbit's ears, seeking comfort in its frayed seams. I longed for something I'd never known—a place to belong, and a love that was unshakable, unmovable like a mountain.

Each passing moment felt like an eternity as I peered through the window, my face reflecting in the droplets sliding down the glass. I clung to the flicker of hope that maybe one day, someone would come and see the hopelessness in my eyes, the longing in my heart, and offer me the love and sense of belonging I so desperately yearned for. But for now, the lonely orphanage room remained my only world. The tears flowed freely, mirroring the rain outside, as I awaited a savior that was yet to come.

***

I was in a rage after thinking about my failed childhood, but, like a vice, I couldn't quit drifting back to that time. I used my past to fill my heart with bitterness so there was no room for anything else. A family came, all right. They swept me out of the home, and I thought my life would change for the better.

I was so fucking wrong.

My nightmare began the moment my loser of a family plucked me from the orphanage. I was an easy target: a desperate and abandoned little boy. I traded the loneliness I knew for the devil I didn't. I'd never let that happen to me again. No one would gain an advantage over me because of my weakness.

I stood and leaned against the wall of my bedroom, scanning the area for any sign of Sterling and the guards. I promised Abel that I would be there at midnight, and the clock was ticking away. A crescent moon was low in the sky; the only source of light in the room.

At the end of the wing leading to Abel's room, Sterling was engrossed in conversation with the guards, their laughter punctuating the quiet night. Damn it. I had fifteen minutes, and I didn't want Abel and the guys to think I'd changed my mind about helping. I didn't know why I cared. I never worried about what others thought of me. I clenched the shiny lighter Sterling had given me, sweat forming on my brow from the humid summer night. I had to make my move now or lose the opportunity.

With painstaking care, I left my room and inched my way toward the exit on the opposite side of the corridor. Once outside, I kept to the darkest corners and stayed out of the guards' view and cameras' periphery. Adrenaline coursed through my veins. I was a junkie when it came to scaling danger, and although what I was about to do was tame in comparison to what I'd done in the past, it still provided a subtle version of the rush I craved.

Finally, I reached the dilapidated building I'd scouted earlier. I knew finding this gem would come in handy, I just didn't think it'd be this soon. The crumbling relic had a broken door, and the walls were covered in graffiti and splintered by dried ivy. It offered the perfect recipe for my plan. I slipped inside, my heartbeat finally steady.

The air was dry and heavy with the scent of decay clinging to the abandoned structure. I checked my watch; it was nearly midnight. Abel would be waiting. One thing left to do.

As the minutes ticked by, I gathered every piece of dry anything that I could find. I used my shirt to collect dry leaves, twigs, and branches. In the main room of the forgotten building, I piled the dry leaves in a circular pit. Over it, I arranged the logs, smaller twigs, and branches to form a teepee over the leafy pile. I had to jump to rip the top of the ivy from the walls. I hoped that as the fire grew, nature's rope would become a fuse to help the fire spread quickly.

After admiring my work, I clutched the shiny lighter like a talisman. Almost showtime. With everything in place, I flicked the lighter a few times, playing with the metal cap. The sound of the spark wheel turning was like a lullaby—calming and soothing. I shoved a piece of toilet paper under the teepee then held the flickering flame until it was lit. I leaned against the wall, mesmerized by the dancing flame that twisted and twirled as it grew, smoke curling up to the ceiling.

I snuck out of the decaying building, my senses on high alert. The guards would notice my work soon, creating an opening to get Abel out of this section of the compound so he could do whatever he needed to do. I hope it's not too late.

I glanced over my shoulder. The ivy must have carried the flames, because the entire building was engulfed.

"Fire!" someone yelled.

As expected, guards ran from every direction, spilling out of buildings and from the gate. Their distant calls and shouts became louder, proving they were oblivious to my presence. I hoped they'd be distracted long enough for me to keep my promise to Abel.

I crept through the empty labyrinthine hallways. The fire outside had turned into a full-on inferno, the orange and yellow flickering glow reflected on the glass windowpanes. Midnight was fast approaching, and my desire to reach Abel intensified.