CHAPTER 18

CHAPTER 1 8

MYRA

A bond is formed

I AWOKE BEFORE my alarm went off and stretched lazily in the bed. My first thought was of Ron, and I couldn't help but smile. Though my end of the evening hadn't gone as planned, he didn't seem to mind and instead was interested in spending more time with me. I thought about the weekend plans for the lake and how for the first time in a long time I had something to look forward to.

I showered and got ready for class quickly, anxious to start the day. Even Kristin's teasing couldn't spoil my good mood. A mood that was improved further when I got to my first class and a message popped up on my phone.

Ron: How are you this morning?

Myra: Fine. How are you ?

Ron: Good. Lunch today?

Myra: Okay. I get out of class at 1

Ron: Meet you in the cafeteria then. TTYL

I smiled to myself as I tucked the phone into my purse. A date for dinner last night and one for lunch today? I was thinking things couldn't get much better until I opened my notebook. My mood darkened when I saw my own drawing staring back from the page.

Julianus.

The kiss in the hallway last night. His words to me. I don't like seeing you with him. What did he mean when he said we'd see about that after I told him it wasn't up to him? Why was he suddenly everywhere I went like he was totally fixated on me? I was finally starting to get my life together and I really wanted to give this thing with Ron a chance, but that was hard to do with Julianus popping up all the time.

I decided then and there that the next time I saw him I'd tell him I wasn't interested and to leave me alone.

Unless he kissed me again. That kiss…

I couldn't deny it had left me breathless. Just thinking about it caused me to squirm in my seat. I would just have to make sure I didn't let him do it again.

Not that I had given him permission last night. I had a feeling Julianus was the type of man who took what he wanted. Why he wanted me I had no idea, but I couldn't deny I had felt something between us from that first look in the bar. And every time after that, whenever he was around, I felt it on my skin and the skittering of my pulse .

It was sexual tension, pure and simple, but that wasn't enough to build a relationship on. And who's to say a relationship was what he wanted anyway. He probably just saw me as a conquest, one he would forget about once I gave in to him.

No, best to stick to my resolve and tell him that, while I was flattered by his attention, I wasn't interested in anything else from him.

As long as he didn't kiss me again.

? ? ?

Ron was waiting for me outside the cafeteria when I arrived after my last class. Since the lunch rush was almost over, we got our food quickly and had our choice of tables. He led me to one in the corner as far away from the door as possible.

"Hopefully we'll have some privacy here," he remarked as we sat down. "I don't mind eating in the cafeteria, it's just that it isn't the easiest place to have a conversation."

I stilled, suddenly wary. What kind of conversation did he want to have? He must have noticed my change in demeanor because his eyes widened and he shook his head.

"It's nothing bad. I just, well, I wanted to talk to you. Actually, I wanted you to talk to me. I felt like I dominated the conversation last night without giving you a chance to speak."

I exhaled and shrugged. "That's okay. I'm not the best at conversation."

"You can be with me. I want to get to know you."

"Why?" I asked before I could stop myself .

He grinned at me and took a bite of his sandwich, chewing thoughtfully before replying. "You're not like other girls. I feel like there's hidden layers to you and I want to discover them."

"Maybe you won't like what you find," I replied.

"I doubt that. You fascinate me."

I looked down, suddenly feeling shy, and picked at my food. Ron reached across the table and closed his hand over mine.

"Hey, you don't have to hide from me. I would never hurt you."

If only it was that simple, I thought. "I believe you wouldn't mean to, but things happen."

"What happened to you?"

My eyes darted around, looking for an escape. Part of me wanted to run away as fast as I could, but maybe it was time I stopped running. He said he wanted to know me; maybe it was time to let someone in.

When I spoke, my voice felt raw with emotion. "I lost someone special to me."

"You said that last night. Who was it?"

"He…was a friend. A good friend. We had…plans. For the future."

"What happened?"

I took a deep breath and settled myself. I could do this. It was time. The therapist back in high school had told me the only way to get past trauma was to talk about it, but I had never been able to do that. Instead I closed it off, pushing the pain deep inside and covering it up with denial.

I blinked away the tears pooling in my eyes and thought about running away again. My patented escape to the restroom. Then I looked up and met his eyes. There was no judgment there, only concern, and I decided if I was ever going to move forward in life I was going to have to let go of the past.

When I spoke, my voice was barely a whisper, as though to speak it aloud would somehow desecrate the memory. "He was a musician. An artist. We were sixteen and I guess you could say we were in love. At least we thought we were. We never got the chance to explore that, though because he…" I swallowed. "Killed himself."

Ron's grip on my hand tightened, his eyes holding mine. "I'm so sorry, Myra. I can't even imagine how that must've affected you."

His kindness made me want to cry more, but I swiped at the tears and nodded my thanks.

"Is that why you gave up on your art?"

"Yes. It was just…"

"It reminded you of him," he finished.

"Yes," I agreed, biting my lip.

"I wish I could hug you right now. No one should have to go through that alone."

"Thank you." I realized it sounded lame, but I couldn't think of anything else to say. "You're the first person I've ever told."

"Then thank you. I know the pain will never completely disappear, but having someone to talk to can be a big help. I'd like to be that someone."

"You sound like you know something about that."

He swallowed, his own eyes clouding. "I had a little sister. She was five when she was diagnosed with leukemia. She didn't make it to her sixth birthday."

"Oh, Ron. I'm so sorry."

He offered a sad smile. "Like you, I didn't completely process it. I was only eleven and couldn't understand why someone so young had to die. I guess you could say I got angry and acted out. Luckily my parents were patient with me. But I still…I don't talk about her."

I smiled at him and felt my heart suddenly swell. He did understand.

He squeezed my hand again. "Just between us?"

I nodded. "Just between us."

"Good." He took a deep breath and his eyes lightened. "Okay, enough baring our souls for one day. Want to go over to the library after this and help me study?"

"Sure," I grinned, relieved to be talking about something else. "What are you working on?"

"Well, my grade isn't the best in literature so I'm thinking I need to take Edmonds up on that extra credit offer and write a paper on one of those monster topics. I could use your help getting it started."

I hadn't planned on writing one myself, but I was more than happy to help Ron with his. "I'd like that. Did you finish the book?"

He shook his head. "I spent my free period this morning reading, but I've still got about fifty pages to go."

"That's not bad."

"I'm hoping to get it done tonight."

We chitchatted about class while we finished eating then headed for the library. On the way there we ran into Lisa and Toby.

"How are you feeling?" I asked Lisa.

"Better. I hear I have you to thank for getting me some help."

"I was just worried about you. Sorry I couldn't stay myself, but I was running late to class. "

"That's okay. I appreciate you letting Kristin know. I was just so out of it."

I wanted to ask her if the hospital had found the reason for her blood loss, but Toby seemed anxious to leave.

"We've got to go, babe," he insisted.

"We're on our way to see the doctor right now for a follow up," Lisa explained as he pulled her toward the parking lot.

"I'm glad she's okay," I said to Ron after they were gone.

"Yeah, Toby's been kind of stressed out since she was taken to the hospital."

"He must care for her a lot."

"They've been dating off and on since last year, but I think this time it's serious. I've never seen him like this. He hasn't slept since it happened."

"Is Toby your roommate?"

"Yeah. You didn't know that?"

"No, I just, well, to be honest, I don't know a whole lot about you outside of class and what you told me last night."

He quirked a brow at me. "You mean Kristin hasn't given you the lowdown on everyone?"

Before I could stop myself, I blurted, "I know you went out with her last year."

If he was bothered by the comment, he didn't let on. We had arrived at the library and ducked inside, making our way toward a table in the back before he answered me. "Yeah, that wasn't meant to be."

"What do you mean?"

"Kristin is…well let's just say she's a lot to take. You're her roommate. You should know."

I chuckled. "I think I do."

"Don't get me wrong, I like her as a friend, but she's an attention hog. She likes to be in the middle of everything. Me…I'm a sidelines person. To be honest, I could take or leave most people."

"I wouldn't have known that about you. You seem so outgoing."

"Don't let appearances fool you. I have a few close friends. Other than that, I keep to myself."

"I guess I have a lot to learn about you."

He smiled. "Let's rectify that. Ask me anything. For you, I'm an open book."