Chapter 31

CHAPTER31

Windswept and soaked to the skin by a downpour of icy spring rain, Joanna arrived at Tillington House after what felt like a lifetime of riding. Even Pegasus, who had the stamina of his long and refined lineage, originating all the way back to the war horses of old, seemed weary. Yet, he tossed his head cheerfully as he set his brown eyes upon the manor, as if he knew he had carried his charge to somewhere safe.

“Joanna?” Nancy’s voice cried from the front door, as she darted out into the last of the rain to meet her sister. “Is it really you?”

Joanna barely had the strength to get down from the saddle. “I am home, dear sister.”

“For how long do I get to keep you this time? I thought it would be an age until I saw you again! And you have not written, you naughty thing!” Nancy threw her arms around Joanna, hugging her tightly.

Joanna hugged her back, struggling not to weep into her sister’s shoulder. “I am sorry I have not written,” she croaked. “I have been unwell.”

“You have?” Nancy reeled back, pulling a face. “I hope it is not catching.”

It was at that moment that Nancy seemed to realize that there was something amiss with Joanna, something that had nothing to do with any physical ailment. Nancy reached up and cradled Joanna’s face in her hands, squinting as if she was trying to read the troubles etched across Joanna’s exhausted expression.

“What has happened?” Nancy asked.

Joanna shook her head. “Not yet. I will collapse if I tell it now.” Her breath hitched but did not quite become a sob. “Let me have some warming tea, and then… I will tell you everything.”

“Of course,” Nancy said, her voice concerned as she took hold of Joanna’s arm and led her to the house. Meanwhile, one of the stable hands took charge of Pegasus, leading the creature to his old stall.

In the entrance hall, the sisters were met by their mother, who had likely heard the sound of approaching hooves. Fanny Swinton took one look at her eldest daughter and knew exactly what was wrong.

“He has betrayed you.” It was not a question.

Joanna nodded weakly.

Her mother swept in, taking hold of Joanna’s other arm, marching her directly to the drawing room where a tea tray and delicacies were swiftly ordered. But no one said a word until the offerings were brought in and the tea was poured, for there was, apparently, an etiquette to Joanna confessing that the marriage of her wildest dreams had all come crashing down.

“Begin, my darling,” her mother encouraged, at last. “We will hold you through it all.”

And so, Joanna did, explaining her fever and what she had heard the maids discussing, before concluding with what she had witnessed in the library. She tried to be strong as she told the awful tale, but her tears were traitors, spilling down her cheeks and lodging in her throat and making it difficult to speak throughout the most damning parts. Nevertheless, she managed to choke the story out, and sat back, utterly drained in every possible way,

“Oh, JoJo,” Nancy whispered, shuffling across the bare floor on her knees to embrace her sister, using a nickname that Joanna had not heard since they were children. “I am so very sorry.”

Joanna held tightly to her sister. “As am I.”

“Of course, you will stay here for as long as you desire,” her mother added, moving from her armchair to join the embrace. “Forever, if that is what is required. I will not make you return. I will not let anyone make you return.”

Joanna put her arms around her sister and her mother, grateful that she had chosen to ride there. There had been several moments where she had doubted the warmth of the reception, but she realized she need not have worried, for something had changed in her mother since she had been gone. A strength had risen to the surface, just as Edwin had described after Lord Rotherham’s ball.

If nothing else, I am glad I gave you courage, Mama…

“Do not be ridiculous!” a different, bitter voice joined the sympathetic peace, shattering it. “Of course she must return to her husband. Do not fill her mind with nonsense. This is not the way a lady, much less a duchess, ought to behave. It sounds like little more than a mild transgression—hardly something to quibble about. You may stay tonight, as the ride is long, but come morning, you will go back to him and apologize for running away like a child.”

Joanna slowly peeled herself away from her sister and mother, who both held onto her as if they knew she was about to unleash hell upon her father. The lying, philandering, unscrupulous man stood there in the drawing room doorway as if he were a judge, proud and puffed, believing he had all the power in the world. Perhaps, if he had looked less arrogant, Joanna might have been able to calm herself.

“It is because of disloyal, oath-breaking scoundrels like you that the younger gentlemen in society think it is fair game to betray their marriage vows and toy with the emotions of naïve ladies who believe charming words,” Joanna hissed, rising from her chair with all the fury of a Valkyrie. “It is because of gentlemen like you that ladies find their names dragged through the scandal sheets, their broken hearts spattered across the pages!”

Her mother turned as white as a sheet. “Joanna, darling…”

“I am not done!” Joanna snarled, walking toward her father. “Since childhood, when you brought one of your harlots to this very house while Mama was visiting a friend, I knew love did not exist. You taught me that. Perhaps, I could have accepted that, but it was your cruelty and the flagrant parading of your affairs that sickened me! You made my mother suffer, you let her cling to your every kind word as if you might change if she just made herself worthy of your loyalty, and when she dared to confront you, you said such vile things that it still appalls me to this day!

“You told her that she was weak and that you should never have married her because she could not bear you a son!” Joanna went on, her words spooling out like thread dipped in glass. “Yes, Father, I heard you when you said that. I wanted to kill you. I have never felt hatred like it. And what is worse, you separated her from her friends, you told her she could not see them anymore because they were ’silly’ and they ’filled her head with foolish notions.’ I wonder if they saw right through you, and that is why you did not like them. Ladies immune to your charms.”

Nancy appeared on Joanna’s right side, and, for a moment, Joanna thought her sister was going to ask her to calm down or pull her away. Instead, Nancy looked squarely at their father and nodded, saying, “And then, you thought you would sell me for the highest price. I would be trapped in a marriage I did not want if Joanna had not stepped in.” She paused. “You pay for us to live in comfort, that is true, but you behave as if you are owed the pleasure of all of these additional women because you have given us a comfortable existence. Indeed, you have forgotten the greatest rule of a gentleman: that your word is your bond.”

“I… have kept my word,” their father faltered. “I have ensured that my wife and children are secure.”

Nancy shook her head. “You gave your word when you married our mother that you would be loyal and faithful, pledging yourself to her as she pledged herself to you. You promised it before God, and I do wonder what He would make of your… not-so-secret paramours.”

“Our mother has loved you for all of my life, certainly, and I expect she married you with a hope of love in her heart that you have crushed year upon year,” Joanna continued. “Still, she has defended you, she has scolded us for speaking against you, she has bowed her head and looked the other way as you dishonored her with your actions and subtly instructed us to do the same, but no more. Now, in a small way, I understand the pain you have caused her, and I will not let you stand there and dictate to me how I should respond to my husband breaking his pledge to me. Nor will I let you hurt her anymore.”

For the first time in his life, Joanna’s father was speechless, all the color drained from his face as he stared at his defiant daughters. Behind them, their mother wept softly into a handkerchief, but it was not the familiar, stifled sobs of pain that they were accustomed to—instead, there was a smile in her snuffles, a pride in the defensive stance that her children were taking to protect her.

“I… have loved her,” their father replied, at last. “I have loved her as much as I could.”

“Do not lie,” Joanna seethed. “You have never loved any of us, you have only thought of how we might benefit you.”

Her father’s eyes widened. “That is not true. I love you and Nancy dearly. I… have not, perhaps, always shown it, but I have felt it.” He glanced at his wife. “And I… have… respected you. Well, no, maybe I have not, but… I…”

“Will respect me henceforth?” Joanna’s mother interjected, blowing her nose on her handkerchief. “Will you cease your journeys to London, as I have begged a thousand times? I know there are no children; I have investigated. And you are too old to be gallivanting. It is rather sad, in truth.”

Joanna’s father looked cornered, fidgeting with his sleeves. “If Joanna promises to at least speak with her husband, I… will not visit London anymore, not without you.”

“Are you worried you might not have a grandson who will inherit a dukedom?” Joanna could not help it, for she well knew where her father’s concerns stemmed from. It was why she had felt no fear in finally telling him everything she had longed to, for most of her life. For once, she held all the power.

Her father swallowed. “I am worried for your security.”

“Of course you are,” Joanna replied sarcastically. “But, very well, I will speak to my husband—one day, I shall. I do not know when, but I promise you I shall. And if I should discover that you have not kept your promise, I assure you that you will come to regret it.”

Her father nodded slowly. “I can accept those terms.” He paused. “And… I am sorry for what has befallen you. I would not have expected it of someone like His Grace. It is… an unpleasant surprise.”

“You may leave us. We were just enjoying some tea,” Joanna said, turning her back and sitting back down in the nearest armchair. Nancy joined her in the subtle revolt, while their father could not flee the room fast enough.

In his absence, the three women stared at one another, as if in the midst of a conspiracy, their faces reflecting each other’s shock as their breaths whispered through the room like prayers. A moment later, their shock transformed into smiles, and then, into a laughter that must have chased Joanna’s father through the hallways, letting him know that this time, he would not get away with his bad behavior.

“What a day this is turning out to be!” Joanna’s mother cried, dabbing her cheeks with her handkerchief. “And I thought I would just spend the afternoon embroidering.”

Joanna sipped her tea, soothed by the companionship of her mother and sister. “It has been a strange day indeed.”

“Did you mean what you said about speaking with your husband?” her mother asked, offering a sympathetic smile.

Joanna shrugged. “I cannot answer that, at present. If I were to see him now, I do not think I would be in any state of mind to hold a conversation.”

“Very sensible,” her mother assured. “Let him stew.”

Joanna mustered a chuckle, “I doubt he even knows I am missing.”

“You left without a word?” Nancy gasped, wearing an expression of horror and awe.

“I did,” Joanna replied. “I had to.”

Her mother nodded slowly. “I can understand that. I am… proud of you, my darling. No matter what may happen, I will always be proud of who you have become.”

Just then, the drawing room door burst open, and the butler ran inside, doing his best to try and close the door behind him. But there seemed to be someone on the other side, doing their best to gain entry.

As Joanna watched the startling scene, her heart began to race, for though she hated the very thought of Edwin, there was a small part of her that hoped he had noticed her absence and had come to… Well, she did not know what he could do or say to make it better, but there was a tiny flicker of hope in the notion that he had followed her.

“Joanna, I must speak with you!” a voice yelled, but it was not Edwin. It was not a man’s voice at all. “Please, allow me just a moment to explain!”

Fresh anger simmered inside Joanna, hearing that traitorous voice. Yet, curiosity bubbled higher than her fury, prompting her to say something she never thought she would say. “Let her in.”

The butler stared at Joanna. “Truly?”

“Yes. Let her in.”

He stepped away from the door… and Jane fell into the room.