Chapter 30

Huddled up in a ball, I sob and struggle to calm myself in any way.

Hanging. I'm hanging.

Crushed and broken.

Cut. Cut. Cut.

‘Ashe? Ashe, what's wrong?' Archie asks softly, kneeling beside me and gently putting his coat over my naked body.

My fingers cling to the soil as I ground myself in the comforting flow of earth magic. Roots rise up and twist around my fingers in comfort as if the magic below wants to help soothe me.

‘Is she ok?' Shaw asks. ‘Dorian, you're linked. What do you feel?'

‘Terror,' he replies. ‘Utter terror and panic. As soon as my hand went around her throat.'

They all kneel around me, waiting.

‘It wasn't minutes,' I whisper.

‘What wasn't?' Dorian asks. When his hand settles on my back, I recoil.

He doesn't try again.

‘Talk to us,' he pleads. ‘We can't help you if we don't know what's wrong.'

What's wrong? Are they serious? The list is endless. Their betrayal. Their lies and manipulation. Their cruelty.

Slowly, I sit, looking at them all as they watch me.

‘In the circle,' I tell them, my voice flat and defeated. ‘It wasn't minutes. It was hours. It was days.'

‘I… I don't understand.' Archie shakes his head and looks at the others, hoping for clarity.

‘It took Dhalia three days to die underneath the stones you put on her, Dorian,' I tell him. ‘I was there. Inside her body. I lived every second as she did. You killed me. I saw you smile as my bones broke and blood flooded my organs.'

He pales. I face Archie.

‘You hung me. Swung me like a toy. Spat on me. I hung for hours. It rained. I can still feel the rain on my skin.' My hand caresses my throat. Even that's too much, and I have to let myself go. ‘I left the forest and went there, to their final days. I was gone for three days with Dorian. Hours with Archie.'

I look at Shaw.

‘Please tell me you didn't die Neve's death,' he says painfully.

I nod, and he slumps back, his shoulders sagging and his lips parted.

‘I… we didn't…' Archie looks painfully at Shaw. ‘Did you know that would happen?'

All Shaw can do is shake his head.

None of them move as I stand, dropping Dorian's coat as I scour the dead for clothes that will fit me. I choose the least bloody shirt and trousers I can find to cover myself. My dress is in shreds, left scattered across the ground and lost to the debris of the forest floor.

The guys dress, and I feel their eyes on me. Silence claims us. My anger is hot in my chest, and I know they can sense it. Dorian especially, as we share a link the others do not.

‘What now?' Archie asks, finally breaking the silence. ‘Neve is out there.'

‘Cole helped her get away,' Dorian says. ‘Would he take her back to his coven?'

‘What the fuck was Cole even doing here? And why would he help Neve escape?' Archie adds.

‘Neve is our enemy. That makes her Cole's ally,' I reply. ‘I know how his mind works. He doesn't care about the how. Just the end. Him alive and in power. Us dead. You three do as you please. I'm going to find Neve and finish what I started.' I start to walk deeper into the forest, heading towards the direction where I think my old coven's village is.

‘Stop,' Shaw calls.

My claim mark burns. My feet still. I don't turn. I just wait.

‘Do you know where Neve is?' he asks, knowing I don't.

‘Do you?' I ask. ‘Seeing as you loved her once. Perhaps you know of a retreat she has? A safe place?' I look back at him over my shoulder. ‘A previous love nest, perhaps?'

‘Neve will kill you,' he states.

‘Neve would already be dead if you hadn't interfered. Or, you know, forced me to bring her back from the dead in the first place.'

‘Killing her will take all the blood magic you can muster, and that is what will kill you, Pixie. Darkness has already settled inside you from the fight tonight. You used too much blood magic.'

‘Coming from the man who kidnapped me purely to use my blood magic to end your curse, that's almost enough to make me laugh.' I shake my head. ‘Perhaps I will laugh when I stop getting flashbacks of you slicing me up.'

‘I never cut you. I cut her,' he argues. ‘And if I knew the extent of the spell-'

‘You still would have done it,' I interrupt. ‘Don't insult me by lying about it. You're all bastards. The least you can do is own it.'

‘You're not going. That's the end of it, Pixie. You stay with us.'

‘You used to fuck my biological mother.'

‘And now I fuck you. And unlike them, we choose you. We want you. We never chose them, Pixie. We never wanted them.' He walks towards me, stopping close but being careful not to touch. ‘We never cared about them.'

‘You care about me?' I scoff.

‘Yes,' he replies through gritted teeth. ‘Deal with it.'

‘How do you know about my mum? The earth witch one?'

‘Your dreams,' he replies.

‘I only dreamt about her once.'

‘I dug deep, pulling out memories as you slept and walked right through them. I put you on a beach as I did so you wouldn't know the truth and get upset.'

‘Upset?' I scoff. ‘What do I have to be upset about? That Neve, the blood queen, evil incarnate, is my real mother? That she triggered my magic as soon as I was born, which is why I've had spirits haunting me my entire life?' I point into the darkness. ‘Her spirit. Her death. Cut. Cut. Cut!'

He can't stop the slight flinches he gives with each repetition of the word.

‘Or maybe I'm upset at the fact that she tried to kill me and buried me alive because she didn't want competition.'

‘I didn't want to take your earth-witch mother away from you. Not to replace her with Neve. Your earth witch mother loved you.'

‘I know,' I state clearly. ‘I was there. I know she loved me. And now I know she loved me despite knowing what I was. My mother was fucking amazing. Powerful and brave. Knowing Neve pushed me out doesn't change that.' I walk up to him, my head tilted all the way back so I hold his gaze. ‘The fact that you stole me on the blood rite doesn't upset me, Shaw. I'm grateful. You saved my life. You fucking me?' I shake my head. ‘I'm not upset by that either. I enjoyed it. Immensely.' I take another step closer. He doesn't move an inch, and now we're toe-to-toe. ‘Would you like to know what has really upset me, Ronan Shaw?'

‘Desperately.'

‘First. You could have taken me at any time. You tasted my blood in that pub after we first met, and it was strong enough for you to walk my dreams that very night. But you chose to let me go home to face the Blood Rite, knowing that the flames would tell everyone what I was. Knowing that I would be executed.'

‘We were always going to get you out before they killed-'

‘I was tied to a tree, Shaw.'

‘I know.'

‘I was cut twenty-three times. I was punched. Kicked. Spat on. Stabbed. And had the tip of a knife almost fuck me.'

‘We needed the fire to give you access to your magic. We didn't know you already had it, or we would have taken you from the pub.'

‘Would you like to know what else I'm slightly annoyed about?' I ask through a clenched jaw. He remains silent, letting me have the space to speak. ‘You using me to bring back your ex-lovers. You forcing me into that circle and watching as I suffered their deaths. Deaths you all inflicted on them. You cut Neve three hundred times. Dorian crushed Dhalia. Archie hung Sinthia.' My teeth grind together as I feel that noose. Those stones. Those cuts. ‘You making me think you cared about me when you were using me the entire time. Making me feel for a moment that I could trust you. Making me think you wanted to protect me. That upsets me. And you letting Neve go, along with Cole, really fucking upsets me. You manipulating me to use blood magic, knowing it will make the same monster you kill for a living, upsets me. You carving up four witches. Taking the still beating heart from my father-'

‘Every single one of those witches betrayed you,' he spits furiously, waving his arm in the direction of the circle. ‘That's why we chose them. It had to be that way for it to work. Don't you fucking dare tell me you will weep for your father. For Thalia. For that prick of a coven leader who tried to rape you with a fucking knife.'

‘And Kieran?' I ask. ‘Did he deserve it?'

‘He… he was an unfortunate casualty. It was supposed to be Cole, but he disappeared after we left the king's palace. Kieran was the only other male we knew lusted for you.'

I shove him hard, and he flies backwards, slamming into a tree. The gnarled roots shoot out and pin him to the bark, holding him there. He doesn't struggle but watches me.

‘I may hate you to my core, but I am thankful for you feeding me so much of your blood and then standing by as I get killed by the woman you used to fuck. Because now I'm as strong as you.'

‘You're not like us because you fed from us,' Dorian says, stepping between Shaw and me, his arms outstretched as if calming a wild animal. ‘We told you. We're not true vampires. We're demigods, trapped by the blood coven. You have no right to be what you've become, Ashe.' He glances over his shoulder at Shaw. ‘But we're going to help her figure it out. Help her control it. Aren't we?'

‘And how will you do that?' I sneer.

‘We'll start by finding out who your father is,' Dorian suggests. ‘That might give us a clue as to what you are and how you've become… like us.'

‘Dead. I died.'

‘You're a necromancer. Death doesn't apply quite the same to you,' he replies.

‘I'm not like you. I have all the blood witch blood I need to access my powers.' I look at my hand. ‘I can tap into my own blood. I'll kill Neve or die trying, in which case your curse is broken. You're free. And if I succeed…' The corner of my mouth twitches. ‘I'll return to you.'

‘And then?' Shaw asks.

‘Depends on my mood.' I turn.

My body binds, suffocating me as I fall to my knees. Dorian holds my poppet, squeezing it tightly. Shaw breaks free, tossing the bark aside like it's nothing, and strides towards me. He holds my chin and leans down so his forehead rests on mine.

‘You're not leaving.'

‘Lock me up,' I hiss. ‘Use your fucking claim to control me. Let Dorian keep his doll. But I will never stop trying to escape. I will never stop hating you for-'

‘I love you.'

My throat feels as if Dorian's hand is wrapped around it yet again, and I forget to breathe.

‘You hear me, Pixie? Neve wasn't lying when she said she could smell love on me.'

‘No, you don't,' I reply in a hush.

‘And unfortunately for you,' he continues, ‘that means I now own you. You are mine, and I will not allow you to walk away from me to your death.'

‘I'll take your threats. But I won't let you say your lies.'

‘I'll say whatever the fuck I want to you. And it's not a fucking lie. I'm in love with you.'

‘I said don't say that.'

‘And you'll do what to stop me, exactly? You're strong. We're stronger. You're powerful but can't do any real damage to us because we claimed you. And I will never let you go because I love you.'

‘Shut up. Just shut up and let me go.'

‘I threaten you, and that's fine. Just another day in your life, isn't it, Pixie? A beating here. A threat there. But me telling you that I love you… that has you reeking of fear.' He sniffs.

‘You don't know anything, Bloodsucker.'

‘I know. I've seen it. Seen you stand against Cole. Your old coven. Seen your dreams about your father. You expect violence and threats. It doesn't really scare you. But love does. And it should. Especially when I'm the one in love with you.'

‘You don't know the meaning of the word.'

‘Neither do you,' Archie adds. ‘Guess we'll learn together. Because I love you, too.' He shrugs. ‘And you're not going anywhere.'

‘Stop it!' The burn of tears stings my eyes. ‘You don't love me. No one fucking loves me. My mother slit my throat when I was just a baby. The man who thought I was his daughter made my life a misery. The man I planned to marry cheated on me and tried to kill me. Twice. My best friend abandoned me to the wrath of my coven and screwed my fiancé behind my back. No one loves me. Especially not you.'

‘Is that right,' Shaw replies dryly.

‘No one has ever loved me. No one ever will. I'm not built to be loved, and I'm not built to love.'

I look at Dorian, who eases his grip on the doll, allowing me to stagger to my feet. He'll never say it. Even if it were true, which it's not, he would never-

‘You have my heart,' he admits. ‘I wouldn't wish this on anyone. To be loved by me. By any of us. I'd say I'm sorry, but that would be a lie. Watching you die broke me, Ashe. I will not allow it to happen again, so no. You will not leave. You will return home with us. That's the end of it.'

I look at each one in turn. They stand firm and absolute. Their words hang heavy in the air. So heavy I'm unsure how I still stand.

Shaw straightens. ‘We don't expect you to say that you love us back.'

‘Good.'

‘You're angry with us. I don't blame you. We used you. Manipulated you. Betrayed you. But one day, that rage and hatred will ease. And you will see that your place is, and always has been, with us.'

‘Don't hold your breath.'

‘Baby, we've been holding our breath since the day you were born. It was only when you walked into our lives that we could finally breathe again. Being loved by us will hurt. That, I can promise. But you were built for our pain. You will thrive in it. And for the first time in your life, you will know what it is to be loved unconditionally.' He kisses my cheek. ‘We will kill Neve. Reverse our curse. And destroy Cole. We will teach you how to control your magic. We will make you so fucking strong and powerful that your enemies will run in fear at the mere mention of your name.'

I laugh hatefully and shake my head. ‘No. I will kill Neve. I will destroy Cole. I will figure out what I am and why I have both blood and earth magic.' I look him dead in the eye. ‘And I will become so fucking strong and powerful that you will run in fear at the mere mention of my name.'

He smiles. The fucker actually looks proud. ‘That's my girl.' He holds out his hand and gently blows his sleep dust into my face. ‘But for now, sleep and dream of us, my love.'

He scoops me up as I fall.

‘I will never forgive you for this,' I say weakly. ‘I swear it.'

‘We're taking you home, Pixie.'

Darkness claims me.