Chapter 23

"Hey, sweetheart," I say to Julia as soon as she answers the FaceTime video. It's been about three weeks since she left the ranch early to return home for a work emergency, and we've got in a routine of video chatting just about every night around ten. Her tone conveys annoyance, not the anticipation of an enjoyable conversation. This is how it's been for a few weeks, like I'm just a box she checks off on her daily to do list.

"Hi, Ryan." I can see she's on her laptop, phone propped up on a hands-free stand. That way, she doesn't have to hold it and actually pay attention to the call. At this point, I don't know why she bothers to answer when the video comes through. "How was your day?"

"It was fine. The usual. How was yours?" I'm hoping to stimulate some kind of reaction here. If she'd look at me while we talked, I'd be happy. But she can't take her mind off that fucking screen.

"Busy. Lots of meetings that I had to sit through when I really needed to be behind my desk at my computer and getting shit done. I feel like my whole day was wasted. It's going to take forever to get the rest of this completed." I can see her typing; her fingers never stop moving. I can tell she's still very busy with work. I know that sign all too well. That used to be me years ago.

"Damn, that sucks. Sorry. I"ll tell you what. I'm going to hit the sack early tonight and let you have some good quiet time to hopefully get caught up. We can talk tomorrow," I suggest.

"Sure, that sounds good," she says, but I honestly don't think she even heard what I said to her. I disconnect the video. If I hadn't, I'm pretty sure I would have been sitting there watching her type the rest of the night. I lay my head back on the pillow and know that I just lost the only woman that I've felt a huge connection with. What's worse is that I lost her to the life I used to live and the life that I'll never go back to again. I can't ask her to leave that behind. I see how much it defines her and I understand, but I don't want to be a part of that.

I didn"t go to her place for my turn because, of course, she was busy with work plans over the weekend. So, for the next month, I've cut back on the video chats, almost down to none, but I still receive the daily check in texts that I've been getting from Julia since the day she left my place.

It feels like she's made me an item on her list, like I'm not a person to her while we're apart. In a few of those texts, I propose dates for my next visit, but she always responds with, "I'm not sure, I'll have to check my schedule." When she does get back to me, it's to tell me she can't give me a whole day, only a few hours. That's not good enough.

So, I think it's time. That moment I didn't want to have to do, but it's inevitable with long-distance relationships of any kind.

"I think it"s best if we go our separate ways," I say out loud to no one.

I'm better off staying single. This is another reason that I don't get close to people. I'm better off without her, or anyone, for that matter. People do nothing but let you down. That's how they're built. They can't help it. And it hurts too much when it inevitably happens.

After a long day of working outside, I sit down at the very table that I had Julia splayed out on and pour my heart out to her in a handwritten letter.

Then life goes back to the way it was before I ever met Julia, a time when I avoided my phone. I didn't want, nor care, to see her response. If there even was one. One evening, while I'm working in the wood shop, Mom and Parker make an impromptu appearance at the ranch.

"Yo, bro!" my brother Parker yells as he walks through the front door without any warning. Not even a knock on the door before entering, like polite people do.

"Ry," Mom tries to calm me down because she knows what the stare down means, that I'm about two seconds away from throwing my younger sibling into the wall. "Don't be upset. We tried to text and call, but you haven't responded in days. So, we had to drive out here and make sure you're alright." She pats me on the arms and brings my attention towards her. "What's going on with you?"

"Nothing, Mom. Nothing is wrong with me," I bark out a little harsher than I should have, and I pinch the bridge of my nose and sigh. "I'm fine."

"No, you're not. You were fine when Julia was visiting here and for a little while afterwards, but now you are not. What happened?" She demands answers.

"What happened is that you should have never got involved in whatever shenanigans you and her mother were up to. You both knew that we were in two very different places in our lives. You ladies put us in a situation which only left room for hurt when it didn't work out. Besides, you know that I'm not going back to that fast-paced business life, and I won't ask her to walk away from that either. She's worked her ass off to get where she is. No one has any right to ask her to step down from that."

"You're right. I should have stayed out of your love life. I just worry about you. I don't want you to be alone when I leave this Earth. I'm sorry, son," she agrees, a single tear runs down her cheek.

"I'm sorry too, Mom." I pull her in for a hug. "If I'm meant to be with someone, it will happen. We can't force things like that."