10. Galen

Chapter 10

Galen

A s he drove up the switchbacks, the pine-scented breeze flowing through the open windows as the heat rose, Galen could see Bede's strong fingers gripping the edges of his headrest in the rearview mirror. Feel Bede's focused attention on the way they were headed, and where they ended up when Galen parked the truck in the small gravel parking lot in front of the ranch's store. Like Bede needed to know the way because it was going to be up to him to get everybody back home, safe, to the valley.

"We're here during a regular day," Galen said. "Which means there might be ranch guests inside the store. Which means I want you to be on your best behavior. Got it?"

They all nodded, even Toby, who was overcome enough to be perfectly silent. Suddenly well behaved as if the principal had just shown up in his first-grade classroom.

His team all got out of the truck and crowded around Galen, just as he opened the screen door and waved them inside, and just as Maddy was coming over from the main office.

"Thanks for being flexible," he said to her as she stepped into the shade of the store's porch. "It's just too hot for them to be without hats."

"It's no problem, and I agree." Maddy smiled. "We'll get these guys fixed up in no time."

"Why—?" Bede stopped. "Ma'am, can I ask a question?"

"You sure may," said Maddy.

"We all got supplies, everything we need. There's even a swimsuit in there, so why are we picking out these boots and hats?"

"Well," said Maddy, then she paused. "What's your name, son?"

Bede smiled, a faint flush to his cheeks, as if getting called son was the best compliment he'd received in a good long while.

"Bede, ma'am," he said.

"Well, Bede, we think that boots and hats are too personal just to be handed out. You're all individuals, so we wanted to give you a choice in the matter. Does that make sense?"

The kind words from Maddy made every single man on his team straighten up and throw their shoulders back. It was as if she'd instilled in them a pride they'd not had only seconds before.

"Come on in now," she said, holding the screen door open, urging them inside with a wave. "Get out of the heat."

The store was longer than it was wide. The walls were crammed with shelves, and the shelves with boxes of boots, hats on racks, candy of all kinds, and t-shirts and sweatshirts and baseball caps with the ranch logo emblazoned on them. And all the while, the old wooden floor squeaked beneath his work boots.

Galen had long ago acquired his own cowboy boots, a nice pair of Ariats with a bit of an inlay that reminded him of blue rust. They were nothing fancy, but they'd been easy to break in and let him hold his head up, whether on horseback or on the dance floor.

There were a few customers in the store milling about the glass case with the cowboy buckles. They were focused on their purchases and didn't seem to notice that Galen had three ex-convicts with him.

As for his team, they kept to the walls and looked at hats and boots with wide eyes, as though they'd suddenly landed on the moon.

According to what Galen had learned, men in prison operated on a trade and barter system, which bolstered what they could buy in the prison commissary. So yeah, going on a shopping trip with carte blanche must feel like it was suddenly Christmas and very overwhelming.

"Can we get any boot, boss?" asked Toby, coming up to him with very wide eyes.

"Any boot, any hat," said Galen with a firm nod. "There are some higher end prices, and those boots are included, so be reasonable. And," he added as a caution, "you're going to be using those boots for riding lessons, and maybe even dances, if we can arrange any."

As Maddy pointed Toby and Owen in the right direction, over at the end of the shelf of men's cowboy boots, Bede had picked up a pair of oxblood-colored boots, tooled by hand. The leather looked soft, so buttery that Galen knew why Bede was practically stroking the toe of the boot in his hands.

It was an expensive pair, Galen could see even at a distance, more expensive than even Toby might pick out.

Galen knew he should say something like Get something cheaper , but when he got closer to say that very thing, he saw that Bede's fingers were hard around the boot-heel, his jaw tight, as though he was holding back a great big yelp of pain.

"Everything okay?"

Bede's eyes flashed open like he'd just come up from a great depth beneath the water and very much needed air.

Galen had no idea what was going on and didn't quite know what to say, when Bede took a sharp breath and said, maybe to Galen, or maybe to no one at all, "These are gorgeous."

"Those are Tecovas," said Maddy, coming up to Bede, completely fearless, like she simply did not care that Bede was a hard-core drug dealer who'd done a lot of time behind bars. "One of our best wranglers on the ranch favors those. You're a twelve, right? Maybe twelve and a half with thick socks?"

Goggling after her as she went to get help reaching a pair in the right size down from the high shelf, Galen knew that Tecovas pretty much started at five hundred dollars a pair. His own pair of Ariats cost less than two hundred and fifty and he'd paid for them out of his own hard-earned money.

Before today, he might have made a comment about ex-cons getting handouts. Now, as he watched Bede put the blood-red boot down and reach for a plain, dusty brown boot with a flat heel and a square toe, a basic boot, nothing to write home about, he wanted to figure out the right thing to say to get Bede to take home the Tecovas.

"I'll just get these," said Bede as he tapped the sensible display boot.

"Here we are," said Maddy breezily. She handed Bede a fancy box that looked just about as expensive as the boots. "Sit over there and try them on, will you? I'm going to help Toby narrow down his selections."

Galen turned to look and saw that Toby had a dozen boots lined up in front of him as he sat on the small stool in front of the shelf of boots. Owen was laughing at him, and the two looked like they were having a good time.

They weren't bothering anyone and, to anyone else, they probably looked like they were normal citizens. And maybe, in that moment, they felt more normal than they had in ages.

Galen turned his attention back to Bede, who seemed frozen with indecision.

"Go ahead," said Galen when it looked like Bede wasn't going to move a muscle without instruction. "Get the ones you want."

Far be it from Galen to come between a man and a new pair of boots that were practically making Bede drool. Besides, it wasn't Galen paying the tab, and Maddy had brought the pair over to Bede like it was okay that he was going to select a pair of boots that cost a bazillionty dollars.

The second after Galen said Go ahead, Bede's dark eyes flashed something at Galen, a signal, giving him a peek behind the mask that Bede always wore. Was it gratitude? Or was it something more? And would finding out break some unwritten rule about no fraternization?

Bede bent to unlace his work boots and slid his feet into the Tecovas. They went on easily, like he'd owned the boots for years. Like they were already a part of him, which was the sign of a very well-made boot.

Bede stood up and looked at the boots in the foot mirror and himself in the wall mirror. Galen looked, too.

In the slightly dusty blue jeans he wore, Bede's legs became a mile long. His whole body pulled into alignment, shoulders going back, chin going up. He was more imposing now with his arched neck, pride tightening his jaw, the flash of dark tattoo above his shirt collar.

But before Galen could focus on what this revealed about Bede, Bede sat down and began tugging off the boots, laying first one foot across one knee, and then turning the other way.

"I don't need those boots," Bede said.

"Well, you actually do," said Galen, suddenly finding himself in the odd position of convincing Bede to keep a pair of rather expensive boots, rather than encouraging him to take the plain brown pair. Why did he care so much?

"Why?" Looking at Galen with dark eyes, Bede placed his palms on his knees and seemed to be holding himself upright.

"Everyone who comes through the Fresh Start program gets a pair," said Galen. "You need them for riding lessons and for when we go to the tavern in town. After you leave the valley, they'll be a token of your accomplishments. Something to brag about to your fellow drug dealers."

That last part slipped out. He shouldn't have said it, as it was rude and certainly not behavior befitting a team lead.

Bede looked up at him, brows lowered, like he was going to stand up and punch Galen right in the face. Then he just snorted and shook his head.

"I don't even know if I could go back to that kind of life," he said. "Don't think I want to, actually."

A lot of ex-cons, Galen had learned, went right back to their old life of crime. Recidivism was high. Very few climbed out of the trough of illegality and made it to the next level of living a regular, law-abiding life.

Galen didn't know if Bede was going to be one of the former or the latter, but he wanted to make sure Bede got the boots he so obviously wanted, but wasn't sure he could have.

"The boots suit you," Galen said. "Besides, Toby over there is getting two-toned boots. Garish blue on the bottom, glow-in-the-dark star-emblazoned white on the top. He's going to be the fanciest guy in the valley. You gonna let him show you up like that?"

Again, Bede snorted and seemed to drop his shoulders as though giving in to great wisdom. And it occurred to Galen that, even draped in burlap, Bede had more taste in his little finger than Toby ever would. Plus, Bede made him laugh, and he made Bede laugh, and that, he'd not been expecting.

"What kind of boots do you have?" asked Bede as he put the oxblood colored boots carefully back in their fancy box and then tucked the box under his arm.

It was a big box, and Bede's muscles bulged beneath the seams of his pale blue shirt. Again with the shirt sleeves rolled up.

"Those." Galen pointed to a pair of Ariat boots that were like the ones he had picked out two years ago, the action jerking him away from the realization that Bede was a handsome man. "Those are this year's model, but mine are similar."

"They're classy," said Bede. "I like the blue inlay."

Galen wondered at the compliment. Wondered why he was glad to see Bede go up to the counter with his expensive boots, rather than being pissed about it. Wondered if maybe he was getting the hang of this team lead thing.

"You're not done," he called out. "You guys need to pick out hats, too. Take a look at the straw ones, rather than felt, since it's summer."

As his team fluttered over to the selection of pale straw hats, some with leather hat bands, others with braided cord, Maddy said to him, "You should get a new one as well."

"Okay," said Galen, not one to turn down a new hat. He joined his team and looked at the patterns in the crowns and brims, some wheat-shaped, others like arrows.

After touching several hats, he found that his eye was drawn to those with a cattlemen's crown, two folds in the crown that allowed a cowboy to take his hat off and put it back on with ease. He liked the more narrow leather bands, and he liked the patterns of small arrows on either side of the crown.

One hat had a tooled leather hatband, still narrow, with small round and diamond shaped tacks as decoration. Grabbing a box that indicated the hat inside was his size, he gently placed the hat on his head, relishing the cool, balanced weight of the circle of straw.

"What do you guys think of this one?" he asked. "It's a Resistor, which is a good brand. Lasts a lifetime."

"Looks good, boss," said Bede, drawing the words out, but it was mockery without a sting. More, it felt like teasing. The way old friends might do.

"I'm going to try that hat," said Toby, lifting hats in the same style off the display and out of boxes to find his own size.

"Me too," said Owen, and then they were all elbows and shoving, and at one point, Toby pulled away from the stand with three straw hats identical to the one Galen wore on his head.

Bede reached out his hand, received his hat, and plonked it on his head. Toby and Owen did likewise, and now his team had matching hats.

They all had matching fucking hats .

He hadn't expected to start feeling like Father Christmas as he stood at the counter and signed the slip for the boots and hats, but he did. They wore their hats out of the store and carried their boot boxes under their arms, and not one of them wanted to let go of the boxes and store them in the truck bed for the short ride down the hill into the valley.

On impulse, he stopped to show them how to handle their hats, how to tilt them. Then, rather than going straight back to the valley, he drove them up into the main part of the guest ranch, pointing out the main features, such as the barn and the dining hall, where dances were held on Tuesday nights.

As he drove the truck down the steep switchbacks, a sweet wind blew through the open windows. Toby whistled through his teeth as his dishwater blond hair whipped around and, meanwhile, Owen, looking like he'd like a toothpick to worry, sighed and relaxed in his seat. Next to Galen, in the passenger seat, Bede, who had elbowed Toby out of the way, winked at him.

Galen didn't wink back, but he smiled. He couldn't help it. This was the best he'd felt since his dad had passed away, and Bede was part of that. And if that didn't surprise the hell out of him, he didn't know what would.

Maybe he'd take a swim all on his own later, when it got dark so that, all on his own, he could figure out what was going on with him.

He waited all through dinner, and the evening's campfire, keeping to himself, waiting until he could slip back to his tent. There, he looked for the red swim trunks that Maddy had so thoughtfully ordered for everyone, but couldn't find them, so he stripped to his briefs, threw on his shirt and boots, grab a towel and a flashlight and hoofed it through the woods to the lake.

Nobody was there as he stood on the end of the dock, which swayed softly up and down in a slight, self-produced wave. When he clicked off the flashlight, and his eyes adjusted, it became pure dark and then slowly, bit by bit, the ambient light of the stars overhead made the lake a pool of still, black ink.

He put the flashlight and towel down, stripped off everything and, bare to the skin, stood in the faint, pine-scented breeze, a little damp from the lake water, a lazy swirl of air that touched him everywhere. It was perfect, and he dove in, spearing into the dark waters that swallowed him and soothed him all over. Making his troubled thoughts from before vanish.

When he surfaced, the lake was calm, except for the black rings of water that spread out from where he was treading water.

"I can do this," he said out loud, the words barely a whisper over the surface of the water. He could lead men and make good decisions and soon his heart would heal from the heartbreak over losing his dad, and over the turmoil of maybe having to sell the farm.

In the daylight, selling or leasing the farm was a solidly thought out plan. But at night? He was consumed by loss.

Having a moment alone helped. Being in the water helped because the water always washed him clean. Made his heart feel strong. Steadied his mind.

He swam for a bit, smooth silent strokes that cut through the black water, which curled around him as though in a loving caress. When he swam back to the dock and pulled himself up, the dock swayed beneath him, his legs rising and falling in the water as water rolled off his back and dried, and dripped in his face from his hair.

With his fingers curled around the edge of the dock, he took a deep breath.

"I should do this more often," he told the nighttime sky. "I really should."

What he should also do was get back to his tent and get a good night's sleep. It would be his third day leading his small team, and he wanted to be well-rested.

As for the strange way Bede Deacon seemed the most interesting man that Galen had met in a good long while, a man who could make him laugh inside of a heartbeat, well. That was a problem for future Galen, because present Galen had no answers for him.