18. Adrianna

18

ADRIANNA

T he bedroom door clicks shut behind me and I sag against it. Taking a moment to connect with my magic helps to settle the adrenaline coursing through my body.

Today has been a mixture of emotions that have been nothing shy of a vortex, but I’ve made it to the end. Now, I have to embrace my new room. The room that was once my father’s. Despite Nora’s efforts to convince him otherwise, my father insists that the royal quarters are meant to be mine.

I didn’t pay much attention earlier, but now that it’s just me, I can take it in.

Soft beige walls are complemented by a sand-colored carpet beneath my feet. The most enormous bed I’ve ever seen in my life is centered against the wall opposite me, framed by stained glass windows on either side. An ensuite is to my right, a dressing room to my left, leaving little other furnishings in here, which somehow makes it feel calm and serene.

A tall lamp sits in the far right of the room offering a soft glow throughout the space, but despite how cozy it feels, being in here alone only serves to remind me how much I miss my men.

Eager to wash the remnants of a strained day away, I head for the bathroom, gaping at the grandeur that awaits me. Beige marble tiles line the walls and floor, creating a warm hue around the entire space, and my eyes dart to the huge sunken bath in the middle of the room.

It’s tempting, really tempting, but I don’t have the energy to draw this out. I want to shower, get in my pajamas, and snuggle under the bedsheets. Maybe hiding under them is the correct term, but I refuse to delve down that particular rabbit hole.

Instead, I draw my attention to the shower straight ahead. It’s big enough to hold at least three people behind the glass, with multiple shower heads hovering above and jets coming out of the side.

Damn.

It’s weird to think that this was once where I lived as a child because now it feels almost overwhelming with how opulent it is. Thankfully, the dial is simple enough and water cascades from the rainfall shower heads a moment later.

Stripping out of my clothes, I toss them in the laundry chute on the other side of the bathroom, stowed beside the vanity and large mirror with a light that softly glows around the edge of it.

I grab a plush towel from the cabinet beside it before stepping under the hot stream of water. I let the spray hit my face as I tilt my head back, relishing in the warmth. Using my magic, I loosen my braid until my hair falls languidly down my back.

With my mind occupied by the task at hand, I methodically run through the tasks of washing my hair and body as the sound of the falling water soothes the tension that lingers in my muscles.

I know I’m done the moment my mind starts to wander back toward the problems I’ve faced today. Mainly the ones that remain unsolved and surround the fact that Clementine is causing additional issues, so I shut off the shower, bundle myself in the thick towel, and slip over to the vanity.

A pair of pink silk pajamas wait for me, folded on the vanity. I frown at them as I gently connect with my air magic to dry myself off before discarding the towel. Slipping into the new clothing, my frown only deepens as I look at myself. Running my hands over the soft material does nothing to help, and I think it’s because they’re not something I would pick out for myself. They don’t feel like me, but they’re comfortable at least. I just don’t actually know where they came from.

Arlo dealt with finding a chef and cleaner today, like I can’t take care of myself, and it seems there’s now someone who organizes my clothes for me. We’re going to need to have a chat, but that’s an issue for tomorrow.

Tonight, I need to figure out how I’m going to be able to settle in these sheets alone.

With a sigh, I leave my hair loose and head back to the bedroom, silently berating myself for getting so attached. I don’t hate that my feelings are so strong for them, but the fact that I struggle without their presence, or long for them to be near, is driving me insane.

Instead of marching straight toward the bed in a huff, I’m drawn to the window. The stained glass sparkles under the moonlit sky, drawing me closer. Inching the window open so I can take a peek out into the night, I startle at the City of Harrows sprawling in the distance.

Lights shimmer and trees rustle in the night breeze while I gape at the city whose cobble streets I’ve wandered for so long. Everything has changed overnight. There’s no denying that. Looking back now, everything feels so rushed and tumultuous.

The sound of a handle turning behind me distracts me from the view. Glancing over my shoulder, I turn to find Brody stepping into the room with a tired look in his eyes. His gaze finds mine immediately and I turn to close the window before rushing toward him.

He braces for my approach, wrapping me in his arms as he peppers kisses over my skin. “There’s my Dagger,” he breathes, exhaling as though he’s been holding his breath all day.

I want to get lost in him, to be surrounded by him from head to toe, but first, there are things we need to address.

Leaning back, I plant my hands on his shoulders as I peer up at him. “What have you learned?”

He shakes his head immediately, kissing the curve of my neck where it meets my shoulder. “No work talk inside these four walls,” he insists, leaning back and swirling his finger to indicate the room we’re in, and I frown.

“Don’t keep things from me,” I plead. “I’ve been out of the loop enough as it is today, don’t make it worse for me,” I add desperately, watching his eyes search mine before he grabs my hand.

I’m tugged toward the bedroom door in the next moment, confusion warring with my curiosity as he pulls me out into the hallway, clicking the door shut behind us.

“What are you doing?” I finally ask when he releases my hand, only to crowd me up against the wall beside the door.

“Telling you what I know, just not in those four walls,” he states, reconfirming that the bedroom is off-limits for work talk.

Noted .

“I’ve spoken with almost every mage that may have information on my father, but it seems he was far more closed off than I anticipated. It also looks like he burned many bridges in his bid to aid The Council, and he was practically a pariah within the mage community by the end,” he explains, scrubbing at the back of his neck.

“Were you treated in the same way?” I ask, worry forming in the pit of my stomach, but to my surprise, he shakes his head.

“No, not for the most part, but a lot of the trust, or willingness to trust me, at least, stems from my connection to you.”

My eyebrows gather in confusion. “To me?”

He nods, his lips tilting at the corner with a hint of amusement, but what I sense is mostly pride. “They believe in you, Dagger, which means my connection to you makes me worthy in their eyes.”

I blink at him, my jaw falling slack and quickly clamping shut again, only to fall loose once more. “That’s insane,” I finally murmur, shaking my head in disbelief, which makes his smile turn into a tired grin.

“It’s the truth. The people voted for you, Addi. That includes the mages. I don’t know what you said to Morgan when you had your meeting with him, but they’re ready for discussions when you are. They know you have pressing matters and an entire kingdom to wrap your head around, but they’re on hand.”

A smile of my own graces my lips, but before I can figure out what to even say to that, he grabs my hand and tugs me back inside the bedroom, kicking the door shut behind us.

“Now, what’s going on with you?” he asks, tucking my hair behind my ear as he waits patiently for me to respond.

I consider saying nothing. Burdening anyone else with my troubles only adds to everything they’re dealing with, but as much as I don’t want to do that, I want at least one person to understand where my head is at. Even if I don’t.

“I don’t think I’ve ever felt more helpless, lost, and alone in all of my life. Which is selfish and embarrassing because I’ve spent the day with my sister and father, which was something I was worried I would never get to experience again, but…” My words trail off, my gaze dropping to the floor, and he cups my chin, tilting my head back so he can hold my attention.

“But your head was too busy worrying about what everyone else was dealing with,” he states, finishing my sentence, and I nod. “I’m proud of you,” he adds, stroking his thumb over my cheek as I frown.

“For doing nothing?” I blurt, those three words capturing exactly how I feel about today, and he shakes his head.

“For being who you are and being honest with me. For caring with your whole heart and being strong for the entire kingdom. This transition isn’t going to be easy, I’m sorry if you ever thought it was. You’re a warrior through and through, and the role of queen is a little more in the background managing all of the pieces all at once. You’re going to be exhausted, sometimes from the helplessness that you will inevitably succumb to, but also from running around the kingdom ensuring everything is okay. I’m sorry today wasn’t quite what you wanted or needed it to be, but some days are going to be like this for all of us. Just know that we’re here for each other every step of the way, okay?”

He’s so close now that the tip of his nose brushes against mine as his words take root deep in my gut. It’s everything I need to hear without realizing.

Sighing, I try to smile, but I’m sure it still falls flat. “It doesn’t feel like I’m doing enough.”

“Maybe today it didn’t, but that’s because you had other matters to attend to. I can’t explain to you how guilty I’ve felt, and I’m sure the others feel the same.”

“Guilty?”

“I feel like I’ve barely seen you since we arrived at the castle. I should have been here with you,” he admits, and I shake my head, making our noses brush.

“You didn’t have to be.”

“I should have been,” he insists. “Thankfully, your father and Nora were here, but it wasn’t my ideal day being separated so much. Again.”

Well, fuck.

I hadn’t considered the other side of the coin.

“You’re here now,” I breathe, curling my hands into the front of his t-shirt, and he smiles.

“Trust that we will be what you need, but right now is just about you. The four walls of this room are your sanctuary. No titles, no responsibility, just Addi,” he asserts, the words vibrating through my chest as I nod in agreement.

“I do like the sound of that,” I murmur, leaning farther into him so I can bask in his warmth, and he lifts me clean off the floor, pinning me to his chest.

“Good, because I think it’s about time I fucked the queen in her royal chambers. What surface shall we christen first?”