12. Adrianna

12

ADRIANNA

I t’s been three hours and I’m… lonely. Being lonely does nothing for the fact that I feel so lost in my own skin. I don’t understand how to push through this when everyone else is out doing their part. I’m done wallowing, though. Or I’m fucking trying to be. I’m motivated, determined even, but damn I don’t know where to start.

In these moments, when there’s nothing tangible for me to lead, I feel the worst. Adrenaline courses through my veins with no outlet and I don’t know how to shake it off.

Leaning against the doorframe that leads into the kitchen, I get an eerie sense of just how grand the castle is, and how small I actually am. I wipe a hand down my face, trying to rid my bones of the tension and exhaustion that weighs on me like a wet blanket, but it does little to help.

I catch sight of the intricate paneling to my right, and a flashback from when we attended the castle on a field trip comes to mind. The professor was discussing hidden secrets when all eyes had turned to me for an answer, and to my surprise, I gave them one.

My feet are carrying me toward the wall before I even realize it and I crouch down, recalling the heat that ran through my body in that moment. The same feeling flares to life once again. Pressing my palm against the wood, a small gasp parts my lips when the creak of a latch unlocking echoes in my ears.

Last time I did this, we all just stared at the magnificence of the secret passage before continuing on the rest of the tour, but now, as I crouch here alone, I pull the small door open the rest of the way.

Darkness engulfs the narrow steps that lead somewhere I don’t remember and a shiver runs up my spine.

Do I stay or do I explore?

Am I being ridiculous and finding something else to treat as my distraction while everyone else works tirelessly to figure out our next steps with Clementine? Definitely. Is that going to stop me from venturing into the unknown? Definitely not.

Running my hand over the brickwork on the other side of the secret hatch, a chill passes over my body, but it doesn’t stand a chance against the flame of excitement burning deep in my gut. Before I can second guess myself, I connect with my fire magic, summoning a ball of flames in my hand to help light the way.

I shuffle into the unknown, palm outstretched, and manage to light a few meters around me. Even still, all I see is the staircase leading down, down, down. Taking the first few steps cautiously, I panic when the door creaks behind me, shutting without any help, and I gulp.

Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea after all.

It’s too late to backtrack now. If anything, the creepy mysterious vibes only intrigue me more.

Following the narrow, curling stairs, I continue down, the world growing quieter, the staircase getting darker, and my heartbeat thundering louder. As the steps curl tighter and the air gets thicker, I consider turning back, but among the worn stone around the next bend is a sliver of hope.

An arched brown door towers above me, with a shimmering brass handle illuminated by the fire still burning in my palm. It’s cool to the touch, but when I turn it, there’s no resistance and the heavy door creaks open.

Steeling my spine and drawing in a deep breath, I run my tongue over my bottom lip as I edge the door open. What awaits me on the other side is so far from expectation, so different from the wonder that had consumed me only moments before, so much more mysterious than just dark and dingy.

There’s no torture dungeon, no mounds of gold or hidden treasure, but I feel the thrum of my magic shoot to the surface. Not just any magic, my protective magic. I don’t bother with my fire, retracting the flame as my entire body glows softly in the small space.

What is my magic protecting me from?

There’s a wooden desk in the far right corner, a red velvet seat perfectly tucked under it, while the corner to the left of the desk was converted at some point into a makeshift playpen for children. There’s a stuffed animal, a toy horse, and a little plastic seesaw that seems vaguely familiar. To the left, in the corner nearest the door, there are chains hanging from the wall, forgotten and rusty, and metal bars to the right of the entrance stand as a stark contrast to the playpen, resembling a small cell void of any basic comforts.

Maybe it was a torture chamber of some kind. But for who? And why?

My senses tingle as I slowly make my way deeper into the room, noting a stack of papers still spread across the desk, but that’s not what I’m drawn to. It’s the playpen. Following my instinct, I rub my lips together nervously as I edge closer to the lowered metal bars, climbing into the pen with ease as I stare down at the toys with wonder.

I press my hand on one side of the seesaw, watching it rock back and forth, and I’m certain I have a memory of something similar. Nora’s there too, but I can’t piece it together. Just the sight of it sends visions into my mind, but it’s a kaleidoscope of laughter in the air, Nora’s hair dancing in the air with her swirling movements, and the feeling as if I’m flying.

The stuffed teddy doesn’t bring anything to mind, but Nora’s always been the one for cuddly things. The toy horse looks at me, tall and proud like a real life stallion, and I grin. Now this is something more like what I would play with.

Reaching toward its braided mane, I feel my protective magic burn brighter, like a warning in the dead of night, silently pleading with me to stop. I’m overwhelmed with the desire to turn and run, run as fast as I can and don’t look back, but there’s an even bigger part of me that feels compelled to stay.

Torn right down the middle, I’m frozen in place. For how long? I can’t be certain, but I feel close to giving up when I suddenly push against the invisible restraint and my fingertip ghosts the tip of the horse’s nose, and I’m transported.

The room comes alive. Everything bigger than it was. The walls are taller, the pen is impossible to climb, and the door looms in the distance.

“Please, Addi. Please, just one more go,” Nora begs, and I whip my head around to meet her stare, only to find her smaller than the Nora I know today. Much smaller. Looking down the length of my own body, I find I’m not much taller than she is. My glow is gone, but so is my control over my body.

“Fine, Nora. One more go, but then I want to play with my horse. They’re going on a big adventure and I don’t want to miss it,” I insist, and she beams from ear to ear.

She climbs on one end of the seesaw and I hurry to the other, waiting until she’s settled before I add my weight, just like daddy taught me.

Nora’s laughter fills the air a moment later, and I can’t help but smile along with her as the lack of gravity every few seconds fills me with glee. I feel like a bird, flying through the sky, soaring for another adventure, but when I quickly land back on the ground, giving Nora the opportunity to experience the same feeling, I remember we’re tucked down here where it’s dark and gross, and I don’t like it.

Chasing the feeling of excitement and wonder, I seesaw longer than I planned, enjoying the moment and basking in the happiness that radiates from my sister, until a growl fills the room and panic sets in.

I almost go flying off the seesaw when Nora tumbles off in fear, rushing to hide in the corner, and I’m overwhelmed by the familiarity of the terror that lashes through me. I’m not just recalling feeling this in that moment. I’m suddenly aware that I’ve panicked like this time and time again.

Running as fast as my little legs will take me, I bundle Nora in the corner, plastering my back to her front in an attempt to shield her from the world, and I find the horse nestled at my feet.

The growls get louder, the fear grows stronger, and the darkness seeps deeper into my mind. Even as I murmur sweet nothings to Nora, stroking the mane of my plastic horse, I can feel my pulse thundering in my ears.

“It’s okay, my love. I’m here. You’re okay. We’re going to be okay.”

Father.

His soothing words, the promise that everything will be alright, it’s him. But those softly spoken words aren’t for me, not even for Nora. He whispers them into the darkened room toward the far corner where the chains rattle and the growls get louder.

My heart ricochets in my chest as the chained beast swipes through the air, trying to reach Daddy, and I can’t take it. I can’t breathe. I don’t know what unravels first, but the room is suddenly blasted with a bright light.

Not just any light.

Me.

I’m glowing.

Brighter than I’ve ever glowed before.

“Stop hurting our daddy!” I cry, wet cheeks cool to the touch as I blindly search for refuge.

My father’s face appears, a beacon in the glow that surrounds me, a pained look on his face as he tries to smile but fails miserably. “It’s okay, darling. It’s okay. Mommy just needs a minute to control herself. She’s not herself but she’s trying to be better. Her wolf though… it’s dark and twisted. She doesn’t want to hurt us, I promise. She would never. But there’s something here that I can’t explain so I won’t begin to try, but I can’t trust you with anyone else right now so you have to be here. You’re safest with us. You’re safe, Addi. You’re safe.” His hand reaches for my shoulder, dimming the protective spell that threatens to blind me, and I nod.

I think I understand, but I really don’t.

None of it makes sense, not a single word, but I trust my father. I believe his words. His promises are always true, his whispers of hope are always enlightening, and I know now is no different.

I may be scared, but the fire that burns in his eyes is alight with love. And as I glance at the wolf chained in the corner, I see the same shimmer in their eyes too.

Love.

A father, a mother, a daughter, a sister.

A family.

Broken. Truly broken. And I don’t think I’ll ever understand why.