Chapter 27

Mackenzie

I headto Brooks's apartment after work on Monday, hoping he's not going to kill me.

He can't today—he's not even there—but this plan is either sheer brilliance, or it's going to completely destroy any chance that he'll ever hit a ball for the Fireballs again.

Possibly on purpose.

When I get to his floor, I can hear the banging and cussing and squealing around the corner, which makes me wonder if the crew is that loud, or if some insulation improvements might be in order.

Queen Bijou swings the door open as I approach, and when I say Queen Bijou, I mean Queen Bijou in a mood. I can tell she's in a mood because she's in four-inch rhinestone heels under her red velvet pantsuit, with her favorite rhinestone choker on, and her lips are purple.

It's her I'm in a mood outfit.

And it's basically my favorite, because Queen Bijou in a mood gets shit done.

She's holding Coco Puff in one hand and the dog's collar in the other. "This is bad for his aura. I'm having it replaced, and whoever gave it to him can suck my balls." She lifts the collar closer to her mouth. "Did you hear that, person listening in through the recording device that might be in here if this is a gift from who I think it is? You can suck my balls."

"QB, he likes it."

"I don't care. You asked us to straighten him out. That's exactly what we're doing, starting with his self-esteem."

Coco Puff yips. The collar gives a long, drawn-out "Ffuuuuuuuccccckkkk yooooouuuuuu," in a broken mechanical voice, and I eyeball my dad again. "Did you hit that with a hammer?"

"Of course not. I made Chocolate éclair do it."

Periwinkles' bouncer lifts a crowbar from the kitchen and grunts at me.

The cameraman covering the drag queens making over Brooks's apartment turns the lens on me. "Say hi to your fans, Mackenzie."

"Not until she's in costume, darling."

Papa, in full Lady Lucille attire, which today means a sparkly red jumpsuit and his favorite blond wig, emerges from the hallway to the bedroom and bathroom. "I don't know who hates him enough to have rented this place for him. I hope he knows how lucky he is to have us here. Also, that chandelier is fabulous, and it's staying."

There's olive green tile all over the kitchen floor. The carpet's been ripped up, exposing the subfloor. Someone's taken paint to the ceiling and written who cares if you have four heads if you're not at least eight inches long? in pink paint pen around the artistic echidna dick.

"Oh, don't fret, Mackenzie. We're painting the ceiling too," Queen Bijou tells me.

Coco Puff barks.

His collar moans out a pathetically mechanical mooooottheeeerrr fuuuuuu…

Then it dies.

"Can we get this all done before he gets back from this road trip?"

Queen Bijou tosses her hair. "Did I go through your phone and find the phone numbers for all those hockey players who wanted to know what they could do to support the Fireballs?"

"Please tell me the answer to that is no."

"Darling. Of course I did. They pull so many pranks, I knew they'd know the best construction crews in the business, since pranks require repairs, and they're pitching in cash if we agree to put their framed photos all over his bedroom."

"Renovation ain't cheap, but the landlords here are," Chocolate éclair offers.

Lady Lucille hands me a crowbar and orders me to pose under the unicorn chandelier in the bedroom. "I can't believe you're all grown up and dating a baseball player and standing in his bedroom under the world's most wrong chandelier."

"You know that amazing lady billionaire I adore has a chandelier shaped like a dick at her mansion in Miami," Queen Bijou calls.

"When Brooks is a lady billionaire, he can get one too. Until then, he's damn lucky he has friends with taste who give him gifts like this."

"And you two usually have such good taste," I murmur.

Lady Lucille steals my crowbar before I can use it on the chandelier. "We called Sarah too, of course. Her boyfriend's family does all of those fancy eco-friendly renovations, and she asked him to ask them if they could donate some materials to the cause. It's all arriving tomorrow."

Queen Bijou bursts into the room. "Mackenzie. Look."

She shoves her phone at us.

It's open to the baseball app, playing a video of one of the normal pre-game interviews that all of the teams post.

Except this one features the man whose apartment we're in, wearing a mask, a cape, and the thong.

He's nodding at the reporter, who asks him the standard How are you feeling about the game tonight? question.

"Oh, yeah, I'm feeling really good about the game tonight." He flexes an arm and flashes a grin. "Full superhero mode. I'm gonna knock one so far out of the park, it'll land in Chicago."

Coco Puff goes nuts at hearing Brooks's voice, and I can't deny the impact it's having on me too.

Nipples alert. Peering closer at the phone like that can bring him physically closer to being here in the room with us. Vagina fanning itself at the memory of watching him stroke his erection yesterday morning while he devoured my body with his eyes and ordered me to touch myself.

"He wore the thong." Lady Lucille's touching her lips in utter joy. "Lord have mercy, that man can fill it out, can't he?"

"It was an extra-small. We're lucky it could stretch that far."

Queen Bijou gives me a look. "After all these years, you'd doubt us now?"

I shush them and tune back into the interview. "You're feeling good about the Fireballs organization?" the reporter asks Brooks.

He nods. "They've got great ownership, solid management, an amazing coaching staff—there's nothing not to like here. Add in the fans, and I'm the luckiest guy in the world to be playing ball for Copper Valley."

"And your puppy?"

He smiles, and I swear it's a full-body smile. His entire aura is glowing under that super suit over his uniform. "Coco Puff's the best puppy in the world."

There's a distinct snap, and he winces and jumps while the reporter looks down at his crotch, where the elastic strap on the thong has given up on life.

Brooks shifts uncomfortably and looks down too.

It looks like Fiery is trying to desperately cling to his cup, but is losing the battle as the dragon shrinks back to its normal size, which I know for a fact is closer to an inch and a half high, as opposed to how large it looked fully stretched out.

"You, ah…" the reporter starts.

"Gotta finish getting ready for the game," Brooks replies.

The camera pans to Cooper, Luca, and half the rest of the team rolling with laughter, and the reporter's snort comes through the app loud and clear before the video abruptly ends.

"If I were twenty years younger," Queen Bijou starts.

I cut her off with a shushing motion. "Back off. Mine. I mean, not mine-mine, but you can't have him, because he needs to hit a ball."

My dads share a look and both giggle.

I sigh. "And Coco Puff needs to go for a walk."

Queen Bijou hands him over. "Don't be too long. We need the meatball to do a walk-through to survey and approve the damage."

Coco Puff barks. His collar whines, which makes him give me sad puppy dog eyes.

"You really like cussing?" I ask him.

He yips and wriggles in my arms until I lift him to my face so he can lick my nose.

"We'll be back," I tell my dads. I hug them both. "And thank you. I really hope this helps the whole team."

"We do too, baby girl. We do too."