4. Tanner

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J ax stared at me like he was trying to figure me out. It was disconcerting, but at the same time, it gave me a tiny sliver of hope.

I wanted him to figure me out. Hell, I'd tell him everything he wanted to know about me and the missing years. I'd confess all my sins and lay bare for him for the chance to find out if he saw me as more than his sister's best friend. His sister's no-longer-straight ex-boyfriend.

"When is it again?" he asked.

"Next month."

"Let me see it."

I held out my phone and he copied the information to his.

"I can't promise anything. The hospital might not give me the day off."

I smiled. "They will. I know it. I've had this link saved for months. This was meant to be."

Once again, Jax looked at me like he was seeing me for the first time, which, in a way, he was. I'd had years of living my truth. He'd just found out I was gay.

"Okay, let's get this show on the road." I stuffed another donut in my mouth, grabbed one of the coffees, and made my way to the pile of boxes.

I hadn't lied to Jax. I loved assembling furniture. It was fun to figure out where all the pieces fit together and then see the end result as we put them in their new place in the apartment.

"Do I really need three throw blankets?" Jax complained as he sorted the box with all the accessories we'd bought in the bedroom, where I was starting to work on his chest of drawers.

"Yes, you do. One goes on your bed and the other two are for the couch."

"I'm only one person and don't really run cold."

I put the box cutter down and stood up. "Let me show you."

He rolled his eyes like he was amusing me. I chose the gray throw I thought would match the print I'd picked for him as a welcome gift. He'd brought it home the day we went shopping. I was happy to see he'd put it up over his headboard.

I unfolded the throw and placed it neatly at the foot of the bed. "See? Now your bed is fully dressed and ready to impress."

"I have no one to impress," he grumbled.

"I'm impressed. Come on." I grabbed his hand and pulled him back toward the living room.

The new coffee table was already in place in front of the couch and, at some point, the box of donuts had made its way there.

I grabbed the mustard-yellow throw and folded it the way I liked. Then, I placed it over one of the back cushions. I did the same with the red one.

"See? Now, it isn't just a boring gray couch. It has personality. Go on, sit down." I pointed to the couch. He followed my request, placing his socked feet on the coffee table.

I sat next to him. "It's a cold winter afternoon, and you don't want to turn the heat up because it'll kill your budget. You just want to be cozy, so you grab your throw."

He turned to me and, with one hand, pulled the throw blanket from the back of the couch and covered his lap. "Now what?"

He didn't take his eyes off mine. I stood still, afraid I was reading things all the wrong.

"I still only need one throw on my couch."

I swallowed as he unfolded the blanket and put it over both our legs. It was a warm day, but it wasn't the blanket covering my legs that was making me overheat.

"Yeah, I suppose you're right." I stared into his deep-brown eyes, wondering if things would have been different if I'd figured out my attraction to boys, particularly to Jax, before it was too late.

"Why didn't you ever get in touch?" I asked.

He sighed. "When I first left, I called my family every day, but it started getting really hard. So many times I just wanted to come home because I missed everyone. My parents always told me to never forget the reason I applied for the program."

"You stopped so you could focus on moving forward."

"Yes."

I stared at my hands joined together over the blanket on my lap. "I missed you, you know? It was never the same without you."

"You did?"

"Jodie didn't want to hear about the latest Tamagotchi, and if I asked her to look after mine, she always forgot to feed it or bathe it."

He tilted his head. "How about you? You still haven't told me why you're in Cliffborough?"

I turned to face him and rested my elbow on the back cushion of the couch.

"Just the sad old story of the baby gay who fell for the wrong guy and was pathetic enough to chase after him."

"That's a big decision. You must have really loved him."

I snorted. "If only the feeling had been mutual. What's even worse is that he lied about moving here. I didn't find out until after I'd signed a lease on an apartment and couldn't afford to move again."

"Yikes."

"It all turned out for the best. That first year, I realized I really liked the city, and when I saw the bar was up for sale and came with a small apartment upstairs, I grabbed it and made it my bar."

He shook his head. "I still can't look at you and think you're the same skinny guy who hung around my place all the time. It feels different."

I put my hand on his. "We've both grown up, so it should feel different. But it's good, right? We can still be friends."

He nodded and then looked out the window.

"Are you working tonight?"

"Yeah, why?"

"How about I treat you to a meal that isn't covered in powdered sugar?"

I chuckled. "Where's the fun in that?"

He bumped his shoulder against mine. "Come on, let me buy you dinner. I can finish this tomorrow."

We stood together, but I grabbed the blanket, folded it neatly, and laid it across the back of the couch.

"You don't want me to finish assembling the rest?" I asked.

"Of course I do, but I shouldn't take up so much of your time. You have a business to run."

"And staff I pay well so I can be sure to get away sometimes."

Jax's smile touched that place inside me that had been dormant for a long time.

"Come on, let's grab some food. And if you behave, I'll buy you a drink. I know a good bar."

He laughed as he grabbed his keys.