15. Jax

Jax

T wo weeks after Tanner broke the news of my sister's crazy plan to marry him, my life felt like a downward spiral of disappointment.

First, I had to contend with being around Jodie, who'd decided she wasn't going back home after a few days but instead had gone into full bridezilla wedding-plan mode from my spare bedroom.

Then, as if that wasn't bad enough, I'd checked the public records for the state of Nevada, which confirmed Tanner and I weren't married due to the absence of an actual record.

I'd hoped the news that Tanner already conveniently had a husband would stop the wedding plans, but there was no point in outing our relationship to Jodie when there was no marriage certificate, only the memory of one of the best nights of my life.

"What do you think?"

I looked up from reading a medical paper to see Jodie holding several pieces of fabric. "What exactly am I looking at?"

"I can't decide on my wedding colors. Teal is gorgeous, but it's used to death these days. I love this shade of pink, but I also really like the traditional white."

"I'm not the right person to ask unless those pieces of fabric need a medical diagnosis."

She sighed. "You're right. I'm going to call my friend Chelsea." She turned back to the guest room.

I put the paper down and stood. "Hey, Jodie, I'm going to head out for a run. Want me to grab you anything from the store on the way back?"

"No, thanks," she shouted from the room.

After changing into sweatpants and a T-shirt, I grabbed my phone and keys and left.

I ran around the park a few times, but no amount of hitting the pavement helped relieve the huge elephant weight I carried on my chest.

Jodie was so happy, and Tanner was going along with the wedding plans. I felt guilty about seeing Tanner behind Jodie's back, so we hadn't done anything but lie in bed and talk while looking after Chip and Fry.

Tanner's presence always relaxed me. I didn't need a therapist to tell me why that was, but I was also stuck between the two people I loved most in the world.

I stopped by the water fountain and took a sip. If only there was someone I could talk to about this.

When I pulled my phone out of my pocket to check the time, I paused on my screensaver photo, a cutout image from Noah and Lior's wedding celebration.

Tanner was looking at me rather than the camera while I had the biggest smile. Not the smile of someone who'd helped their best friend get fake married in Vegas, but the smile of someone who was absolutely head over heels in love with the person next to him. And I hadn't yet touched him then.

I unlocked the screen and called Noah.

"Hey, Jax."

"Noah, I need your help."

"Anything."

God, I fucking loved this dude. "I don't know what to do about Tanner."

I heard shuffling on the other side of the call, and he sounded closer when he spoke again. "You mean there is something to be done about Tanner?"

"You know there is." I gave him the CliffsNotes version of how we'd been hooking up since the wedding and my sister's surprise semi-permanent visit that had brought nothing but chaos.

"Fuck, and I thought my life was complicated." Some more shuffling on the line where it seemed like Noah was covering his phone. "You better be naked when I get back, Lior Van Stern." Another shuffle and he was back with me. "Sorry about that. Lior needed something."

"Like your ass on his dick?"

"Something like that. What can I say? I finally broke him, and if he doesn't want me to get my claws out, he'll continue to give me all the orgasms."

"TMI, Noah. Back to my problem."

"Well, it's simple from where I'm standing. You go to the bar and tell him exactly how you feel about him. Ask him not to marry your sister because he needs to marry you instead. Or stay married. Whichever applies."

I choked out a laugh. "That simple, huh?"

"That simple. Now let me go because there's a fine dick in the other room, and I have the sudden urge to sit on it."

I pocketed my phone and started running toward Tanner's.

Matt was at the bar cleaning glasses when I went in.

"He's in his apartment."

"Thanks, man."

"Hey, Jax?" he called.

"Yeah?"

"What's going on with you and Tanner? He's acting weird. The other day, I caught him talking to a bottle of whiskey. Not drinking. Talking to it."

"Um…it's complicated."

"Then uncomplicate it because the clients are starting to ask questions."

I sighed. "Trust me, I'm trying."

"By the way, who's the hot chick that keeps coming over?"

"My sister."

"She's definitely the better-looking sibling. She single?"

Not for long if she can help it.

"Why don't you ask her next time you see her," I said before heading toward the stairs leading to Tanner's apartment.

I knocked twice before opening the door, finding him staring at the street outside his window.

"Come in," he said without looking behind him to see who it was. "Need my help downstairs?"

"Matt's got it all handled."

He turned around and gave me one of his smiles, but not the one I'd gotten used to over the last few weeks. "What are you doing here?"

"Some time ago, the question would be bedroom or couch?"

"Some time ago, I wasn't engaged to your sister."

"You don't have to marry her, you know?"

He laughed, but it came out all wrong. "I promised I would."

"You were six-fucking-teen years old, Tanner. You can change your mind as an adult."

Couldn't he see how ridiculous this whole concept was? It was as if both he and my sister had entered an alternate Stepford universe. He couldn't think for himself and she had changed from a career woman to a desperate housewife. I would have zero problems with that if they were actually in love with each other.

"Why should I? It's not like I have any other options out there. At least with Jodie, I can come home to my best friend and hook up with other people whenever I want."

I took a few steps closer to him. "Is that what you really want?"

"Like I said, I don't have better options."

"You sure about that?"

His blue eyes were wide and tired, but there was a glint of hope. Maybe he was just waiting for me to give him a reason to say no.

"What do you mean?"

I broke the rest of the distance between us and cradled his face between my hands.

"I mean you have me."

"I'm tired of being the convenient groom, Jax. Don't get me wrong, it's been fun, but having Jodie here pushing the wedding thing has made me realize I want it. I want the marriage, maybe kids someday."

"I want that too, Tan. With you. I've wanted it for so long. You know why I left?"

"For the Army medical program."

I shook my head. "Yes, I wanted that more than anything, but I had good grades. I could have gotten a scholarship and stayed closer to home."

"What are you saying?" The words almost got stuck in his throat.

"I'm saying that while there was an excellent financial reason for me to pick the path I did, I mainly did it because I was falling in love with you. You were straight, and I thought you and Jodie were the real deal. How could I stay and watch you two be together, get married one day, and have kids when I wanted those things with you, too?"

"And…how do you feel about me now?"

I kissed his cheek. "I've been consulting all the medical journals I can get my hands on to figure out how it's possible to love you more now than I did before." I kissed the other cheek.

I felt the corners of his mouth curl into a smile. "Found any answers there?"

"Not yet. I may need a cardiology assessment first to figure out if it's normal that my heart stops every time you walk into a room and gallops as you come closer."

"Sounds like a real issue."

"You have no idea." I captured his mouth in a searing kiss that I hoped showed him how much I loved him. I wanted the chance to grow into our relationship, have fun, and maybe one day have all the things we wanted. The kids, the big house with a backyard, and maybe a dog or two.

"What's going on?"

Jodie's voice jolted us apart. She stood by the door to Tanner's apartment, which I must have forgotten to close behind me.

"Jodie," Tanner started.

Her eyes moved between us as she clutched a folder against her chest.