Chapter Thirty-Nine

Toni made it all oftwo steps inside the Doubletree Hotel room, then slammed back against the door, her mouth gaping open on a frightened gasp.

Jacken was coming at her like a Howitzer.

Arc, Gábor, and Thomal scattered in all directions, while Nyko leapt to Jacken's side and grabbed him by the arm, pulling him to a halt. "Jacken –"

Jacken snarled and curled his lip at Nyko, showing his brother a pair of rapidly lengthening fangs.

"Listen to me," Nyko enunciated clearly, sounding amazingly unfazed. "You don't want to scare your wife again, do you?" His voice dipped an octave. "Just let me talk to her a second."

A sinew in Jacken's jaw shivered ruthlessly, but he nodded and stayed where he was.

Nyko let go of his brother and looked at her. "Please don't be afraid, Toni, all right? Jacken's not R?u, and he's not going that way. He's just three days without blood and screwy. I imagine the last thing you want to do is let him feed before you've had a chance to talk things out, but –"

"No, it's fine," she interrupted. Dear God, her husband was a mess, his black hair sticking up all over his head like lacquered broomsticks, his eyes wild and bloodshot, his skin zombie pale. Huge sweat rings marked each armpit, while more perspiration painted a wide racing stripe down the middle of his pecs. "He just startled me at first, is all. I'm not afraid."

"Okay," Nyko said, "good, that's good. I'm going to leave this cell phone here for you, though, just in case." He set it on the nightstand. "Press number one and it'll automatically send out an emergency call to every warrior."

"I won't need it."

"Of course not. It's just to make you feel solid about things." Nyko gestured the other men out. "We'll be down in the lobby bar."

The four Varcolac left, the door shutting softly behind them.

She exhaled raggedly. "I'm so sorry, Jacken. I had no idea this was going to happen to you."

He rushed over to her, his arms wrapping her in a shaky embrace. "I …." He gave her a turbulent look. "I don't want to be too rough, but I'm …."

"You won't be." She grabbed his head and pulled his face down to her throat, every loving instinct in her just wanting to make him better.

With a groan, he plunged in his fangs, his jaw pumping hard against her throat as he sucked like a starving babe at the breast. His body shook, and again.

Her lips parted on a breath as Fiin?? swam through her, heat and pleasure beginning to –

Abruptly, Jacken jerked out his fangs and collapsed onto his knees at her feet. "Oh, shit." He clutched her around the middle, his cheek pressed to her belly. "Toni, I … I'm the one who's sorry. Jesus, if …." He sank all the way to the floor, hunching over, and grasped his head between his hands. "If I could let you divorce me, I would. I swear it."

She knelt down beside him, her knees feeling a little squishy from that bolus of Fiin?? in her bloodstream. "I don't want to divorce you."

He lifted his head, showing her haunted eyes. "I hurt you," he wrenched out. "I would've forced myself on you if the warriors hadn't –"

"You were glazed-out and didn't know what you were doing, and I … have to take my own share of responsibility for what happened." She gently touched his sweat-soaked hair. "That night we cooked meatloaf, I'd just checked an O-stick. I saw I was heading into my fertile time, but I came out of the bathroom anyway.

Surprise flexed the skin across his face. "You did it on purpose?"

"Partly subconsciously, I think, but yes. I certainly didn't know you were going to go R?u when I ovulated, but I think somewhere in my mind I was looking for any excuse to run away."

He blinked hard, once, in confusion.

"Will you … sit with me for a minute while I try to explain?"

His brow cleared. "Of course." Pushing to his feet, he moved slowly over to the bed with her and sat.

She picked up her purse from the floor, pulling out the photo her mother had given to her. She handed it to Jacken, peering over his shoulder as he studied it, seeing what he saw: a blonde girl in a hospital delivery room, painfully young-looking, a bundled newborn baby in her arms. The expression on the girl's face was something between amazed shock and anxious desperation. Toni knew exactly what was going through the girl's mind; that she was going to have to give up something soon that she deeply wanted to keep.

"That's me," she said around a lump in her throat.

Jacken looked up from the picture and met her eyes.

She smiled weakly. "When I was a junior in high school, I had a stupid crush on a guy that led me into making an even stupider mistake, which got me pregnant." She pointed to the baby in the picture, the lump in her throat nearly choking her. "I held my son for three minutes, thirty-two seconds, then never saw him again." Tears flooded the corners of her eyes. "Ever."

"Toni …." Jacken took hold of her hand.

"I know I did the right thing by giving him up for adoption. I was in high school and couldn't have taken proper care of him. Other girls, maybe, but I was really immature and had low self-esteem. Now I understand that it was because of being a Dragon. My mother found a very good home for him, too, so I know he … he's had a good life." He'd be about sixteen himself by now. Was he good at sports like his dad? Did he like chocolate chip mint ice cream like she did? A cold, hollow feeling opened in the pit of her stomach like an echo. "Problem is," she continued on a rasp, "even though my logical mind tells me all of that, my heart doesn't agree most of the time." The tears in her eyes tumbled down her cheeks. "I feel like I abandoned that little boy, just like … just like …."

"Just like your father did to you," Jacken filled in for her.

"Yes," she sobbed.

"Ah, honey." He drew her against his body and held her close. "I don't know your father's reasons for leaving, but I do know that he was an adult when he walked out on his wife and kids. In my eyes, that makes him a selfish bastard. Whereas you gave up a baby you obviously adored for your son's welfare. That's the furthest thing from selfish there is." He gave her shoulders a squeeze. "You're nothing like your old man, okay? You shouldn't feel anything but proud of yourself for making what was probably the biggest and hardest sacrifice of your life."

She pressed her face into his thick, sweaty shoulder, nodding mutely. She cried harder, though – really hard, sobs wrenching her chest and spasming her throat.

"Toni, it's okay, really." He was probably completely freaked out by her breakdown, but, God, she was stripped so raw, she couldn't help it. "You're such a caring person, honey; look how much you've done for the community and the Dragons in just two weeks. You gotta remember that about yourself."

She gulped and sniffled, bringing herself back to some semblance of calm. "M-my mother says I've been pulling away from people ever since I gave up the baby, and … I think she's right. Somewhere in my mind I must've decided that anyone I loved would eventually be lost to me, like my father, and then the baby, so I needed to leave first before I got hurt." She leaned back and looked at her husband through swimming eyes. "I love you so much, Jacken, more every day, and as idiotic as it sounds, that's why I left you. I'm just so afraid of losing you, and … and being destroyed."

He exhaled. "Okay, first off, that's … uh, probably the best thing anyone's ever said to me." He ran a hand down the side of her hair. "Secondly, are you insane? Leaving you is an absolute impossibility, you have to know that. Besides the fact that I'm biologically bonded to you, I'm batshit crazy in love with you, too."

"I know you wouldn't leave me on purpose, but … well, you could die."

He snorted. "I'm not going to die."

"You don't exactly have a desk job, Jacken."

"Toni, I'm not going to –"

The door exploded open with a thunderous crash, hitting the wall with enough force to send the doorknob bulleting off and splinters rupturing from the frame.

Toni screamed as the Topside Om R?u she'd come to know as Spike Boy barreled into the hotel room with a rifle in his hands.

Jacken threw his body in front of her.

Spike Boy lifted the weapon, sighted ….

And shot Jacken in the head.