Chapter Thirty-Six

The Rec Room was inan uproar.

Alex was laughing so hard he started hiccupping, and the villainous-looking one called Dev Nichita was really gone, rolling on the floor, his arms clutched around his middle. Male model dude, Thomal Costache, was trying to help Dev up, but was stumbling around so much from his own hysterical laughter, he kept missing Dev's hand. Kasson Korzha had tears running down his face, super male model dude Arc Costache was close to needing CPR, and that one with the bull skull tattoo on his arm, Gábor Pavenic, was shaking so hard across the shoulders, he might as well have been convulsing.

Holy Christ, but it'd been one hilarious afternoon so far – or middle of the night to Alex, but he was having too much fun to feel tired. He'd always wanted brothers to screw off with, and these warriors were proving capable of degenerating into a pack of unruly frat boys with the right provocation. Like when man about town Roth Mihnea had passed out top-shelf bottles of scotch to Dev, Thomal, and Kasson as consolation for their loss of Toni. The three men had shared liberally with the rest of them, and now they were all pretty thrashed … which had naturally inspired Alex to teach everyone how to do blue flamers.

Yeah, light farts.

Alex laughed louder, his ribs starting to ache. Shit, man, there wasn't anything funnier than a mighty blue flamer. The position a dude had to Gumby himself into just to complete the light-off was comical enough: ass scooted to the edge of a chair, knees jacked back to the ears, hand doing a reach-around so that a cigarette lighter could be held near the ol' bunghole, not too close or else a dude risked catching his pants on fire.

Then, fwapp, let one rip and watch the spurt of blue flame.

Seriously, he'd never seen men – anyone – laugh so hard as when the warriors had started taking turns. Kasson had yelped like a girl for burning his sphincter, Gábor had nearly crapped his pants for pushing so hard to get a fart out, then Nyko Brun, the most serious body Nazi of all them, had come up to bat. The man had exploded such an Aurora Borealis out of his butt that the current near-seizure-like laughter had promptly taken them all out. Jesus, if they all didn't quit soon, they'd –

"What the hell's going on in here?"

Jacken was standing inside the doorway of the Rec Room, staring at them all like they were a bunch of headless zombie chickens.

Alex's new brother-in-law was dressed only in a pair of hastily-donned black sweat pants, leaving bare what was one Holy Mackerel of a tattoo-embattled upper body. Daaaamn. Alex wished Jacken had been his brother back when he was thirteen and wearing his first pair of eyeglasses. That way, when eighth-grade bully Bobby Knudson had knocked Alex's new specs askew with a hard slap to the face and a sneering, "Hey, poindexter, nice coke bottles," Alex could've said, "Oh, I'm sorry, haven't you met my brother, Bad Ass?"

Toni was at Jacken's side, her pink T-shirt on inside out, her pajama pants hanging low on her hips, and the bun on her head damp and unruly from whatever she'd just been doing with Jacken. Grody!

Nyko was the first to recover from his laughing fit. "Well, hey, look, it's my new sister-in-law." He smiled broadly at the newlyweds. "What a breath of fresh air you are now, Toni. Jacken obviously did his job well."

The room broke into applause and whoops.

Yuuuukkkk!

"Hell, Jacken," Arc gasped out, still trying to control his laughter, "what're you doing coming up for air so soon? We didn't expect to see you till –"

A lamp crashed to the floor as Dev staggered drunkenly to his feet.

"Smooth move, bumblefuck." Gábor snickered.

"Would everyone shut up! I need you to check something out." Jacken pulled Toni closer.

"Oh, shit." Thomal covered his eyes with one hand, peeking out the edge of it at his brother, Arc. "He wants to show us that he knows how to bang a chick now." He cleared his throat. "Yo, chief, it's really not necessary to –"

"Now, hold on a minute." Dev swiped some magazines off the coffee table. "The table here's clear."

Someone chortled.

"Assholes." Kasson planted his hands on his hips. "The woman's brother is sitting right there."

"I said everyone shut up the fuck up!" Jacken roared. "This is important."

He turned to the Felix Ungar of all doctors, Jess, who was deeply ensconced in a worn leather armchair, an indulgent smile wreathing his flushed face.

"Can you take a look at something?" Jacken pulled Toni against his body, her front to his front so that her back was facing the room.

"What is it?" Dr. Jess rose smoothly from his chair, moving with studied grace even though he'd downed just as much scotch as the rest of them.

Jacken yanked Toni's T-shirt up in back.

Jess came to a shocked halt. "Goodness gracious!"

"Shit …."

"Damn …."

"Wow …," and the like, came out of the rest of the men.

"It's fantastic," Jess breathed, hurrying forward.

Alex moved to huddle around Toni with the rest of the men. Daaaamn, again. Spread across the length and breadth of his sister's back was the same dragon tattoo Alex had seen on Thomal's back earlier, brilliant scales and all. Instead of green and red, though, it was –

"Why's it blue and red?" Thomal asked.

"That's the color of the Fey," Dr. Jess answered.

Kasson was frowning at Toni's lower back. "Is her dragon missing a foot?"

Dr. Jess looked again. "Ah, yes. She had it lasered off."

"What's that thing?" Gábor stepped forward and pointed a finger at the lightning bolt in the upper left quadrant of Toni's –

Jacken's fist flashed out.

Alex gaped as, impossibly, the punch sent Gábor flying out of his boots and soaring across the Rec Room. He landed ass-first in the middle of the foosball table, skid-bumped across the top, then flipped to the opposite side, bringing the table crashing down on top of him with a splintering thwack.

The rest of the warriors threw up their hands in an I-surrender pose and quickly backed up several yards.

Alex just stood there, still gaping.

Dr. Jess pulled him back with the rest, murmuring, "It would be best not to get too close to Toni and Jacken at present."

"Damn it to fuck!" Gábor scrambled out from under the table, roughly swiping little hockey men off him. "What the hell is a newly bonded male Varcolac doing in general population, anyway?!" He staggered sideways, blood leaking down his forehead.

"Your own fault, dickhead." Thomal snorted softly. "You got too close to her."

Nostrils flared aggressively, Jacken rounded on Jess. "Is Toni okay?"

"Of course," Jess replied hastily. "She's better than okay, I'd say. She's fully Fey; she'll get her power now. That mark Gábor indicated designates her enchantment skill – although I haven't the foggiest notion what a lightning bolt signifies." The doctor paused thoughtfully. "What activated this?"

"My Fiin??, I think. The tattoo popped up after the second bite."

"Hey!" Alex came back to life. "Could this Fiin?? stuff boot up my enchantment skill, too?"

Everyone turned to look at him. Except for Toni, who was cuddled sleepily in Jacken's arms, and Gábor, who was kicking debris out of the way and pouting.

Alex went on, "I could read the Str?vechi Caiet Book, then, right?"

Dr. Jess's cheeks flushed redder in excitement. "Oh, holy Heaven. Yes, just so."

Alex adjusted the set of his glasses, his excitement growing along with Jess's. "All righty, then. Just tell me what I need to do and point me in the right direction."

Laughing, Dev gave Alex a staggering whack on the shoulder. "Well, okay, human. You just have to fall in love with a Varcolac female and be willing to spend the rest of your life with her. Nothing too major, right?"

"Actually…" Alex smiled. "That's exactly in line with my plans."

Dev's silver eyes brightened. "Ho, shit, wait! I need to introduce you to my sister, Luvera."

"Screw that, Nichita," Kasson inserted hotly. "I've got four sisters who –"

"Would somebody get Jacken the fuck out of here?" Gábor growled. "And a damned bandage might be nice."

"Yes," Toni murmured, "let's go back to bed, Jacken. I want to…" She stretched languidly and gazed up at her new husband with sleepy adoration, her smile slipping sideways. "You know what a blow job is, right, honey?"

All eyes snapped over to the couple.

Crimson heat shot into Alex's face as Jacken bolted from the Rec Room with Toni at ass-on-fire speeds.

Aw, man …. Now he needed to take a shower or something.