CHAPTER 15 JOLENE

How long am I supposed to wait?

This is silly.

Megan's not at her desk, Lincoln's not in his office, and I'm just…sitting here. Waiting.

I saw his car in the parking lot, so he must be around here somewhere.

The first five minutes are no big deal. Maybe he's up talking to Jack or down talking to a player.

The next five minutes are a little longer as I start to get a little impatient. He told me to meet him here at two, and now it's—I check my watch. Two fifteen.

My only wish was for him to put me first for a change, and here we are…right back in the same old pattern.

I try not to jump to conclusions. Maybe something's wrong.

But wouldn't he have texted me to let me know?

Where the hell is he?

When a half hour ticks by, I feel like I've waited long enough. Anger pulses low in my belly as I take the elevator down.

I was going to tell him. I had an entire speech planned, but he couldn't be bothered to show up.

I wish I could say my heart feels even more broken, but I think I'm starting to just feel numb to it all at this point. I'm disappointed. I'm angry. But broken?

Nope. I won't let him crush me any longer.

I won't cry over this latest episode in what has only been a drama-fueled relationship.

I will just…move on.

Though that's sort of a hard feat to accomplish given what's going down inside my body right now. Not only am I emotional, I've literally got a piece of Lincoln Nash inside me.

When it came down to it, I knew that I needed him to choose me. To put me first. And yet again…he didn't. He's off somewhere else, gone an entire half hour or more, and he didn't bother to let me know when he's the one who told me two o'clock was fine.

Sam's at work and the boys aren't home yet by the time I get back, and I'm suddenly starving. I throw some pizza bagel bites into the microwave, and I'm chowing down when the doorbell rings.

I'm certain I look like an animal as I walk over to the door with a hot bagel bite in my hand, and I'm also certain I don't care. I shove the rest of it in my mouth as I open the door, and there stands Lincoln Nash.

His gaze is down as he leans forward, each palm resting on either side of the door, and his eyes connect with mine when I open the door.

I freeze mid-chew, and now the animal I look like is probably a chipmunk with nuts in her cheeks.

His gaze is hot on mine, but there's something else there. He looks…tortured. Haunted.

"Where were you?" I ask around my food, and he sighs as he straightens and walks into the house.

"The hospital. I left my phone on my desk. It was an emergency."

Well now I feel bad for getting mad. I finish chewing and swallow. "Is everything okay?" I ask as I close the front door and walk up behind him.

"It's my father."

"Oh." I want to ask how he is or why he's in the hospital, but I find I can't bring myself to.

He may be this baby's grandfather, but what he did all those years ago is inexcusable. It's one more reason not to include Lincoln in this baby's life.

"He'll live," he says.

I didn't ask. "So you chose him over me. Again."

He grunts out a frustrated sigh. "It's not like that. I didn't choose him. In fact, while I was there, I told him I regret ever protecting him."

"Oh." Seems I can't find my words today.

"Asher came to the Complex to tell me. He was pretty shaken up."

"Asher was at the Complex?" I ask. "Won't he get fined?"

"Probably, and he probably can't afford to pay it. I guess that's what happened to my father. He got involved with some bookies, and they beat him nearly to a pulp. Hence the hospital visit. But I realized something a long time ago that was only proven again today."

He pauses, and then he paces over toward the window and looks out it. "Eddie Nash is a different father to my brothers than he is to me. I'm not sure if it's because I was first so he's harder on me, or if he expects more out of me, or what it is."

He shrugs, and then he turns back toward me.

I remain silent as I'm not quite sure how to respond to any of this.

"My mother left him," he continues. "Did I tell you that? She's back in New York, and I decided I'm next. I'm leaving him, too. I don't want anything to do with him going forward because while I'm a man who can admit I made a mistake in not letting you in on what I knew, I also blame him for every damn thing that ever went wrong between you and me. And if it means I'd even have one second of your attention, I'd write him off again and again for the rest of time. I just want you, Jolene, and I have no idea how to prove to you that you can trust me."

"Oh." There's that word again. Is it even a word?

"And so, to that end…" He clears his throat. "I thought about what I could do to gain your trust, and I thought admitting to hiring a private investigator would help. I was hopeful the investigator would come up with something, but he didn't. He came up empty."

I flatten my lips. "He's an expert at flying under the radar."

He nods. "That's precisely what my guy found. So I had Jack talk to his boss."

"The investigator's boss?" My brows crinkle together in confusion.

"No," he says with a small chuckle. "Jeremy's boss."

"Why would Jack talk to Jeremy's boss?" I ask.

"There was a product launch with the company he works for. Anyway, I have some big news I wanted to share with you, but you said you wanted to see me today, so if you'd like to go first…" he says, trailing off at the end.

"What in the actual fuck, Lincoln Nash!" I yell at him. "Don't stop there! What did Jack say to Jeremy's boss?"

He laughs. He laughs at my reaction.

I walk over and poke him in the chest. "Tell me now, or risk my wrath."

He holds up both hands innocently. "Jack told him we'd partner with them for their new SmartSports analytics system as long as we didn't have to see Jeremy Landry's face. So…Jeremy's boss is transferring him to their Chicago branch."

My eyes practically fall out of my head and my heart races at this news. "Ch…Ch…Chicago?"

"Chicago," he confirms. "Oh, and he'll need to be there by the end of the month if he wants to keep his job." He flashes me a wide smile.

Oh my God.

Oh. My. God.

Jeremy is moving to Chicago?

I know he will. His job means more to him than, well…most anything else in the world.

And if he's the one who moves, he's the one who loses custody.

It's unreasonable to expect our son to travel to Chicago every other weekend, and I will fight that tooth and nail.

"Does this mean…we might actually be rid of him?" I ask hopefully.

"That's exactly what this means, Jo."

I squeal and toss my arms around Lincoln's neck. He chuckles as an oof sound escapes him at the sudden impact, and then his hands move to my hips.

I realize what's happening and back away quickly before he gets a good grip on me. Will he be able to tell I've put on a little weight in the last few weeks? My pants are already getting tight, and I guess it's true what they say—that you show earlier with your second than you did with your first.

Which means I probably have all of another week where I can hide this.

"You did this…for me?"

"I did it for you and for Jonah. I love you both, and I saw how you both struggled every time he went over there. I couldn't stand by and watch it every other week even if you don't want me in your lives anymore." His voice is low as he says the last part, and my chest aches that that is what he thinks.

"You love Jonah?" I ask softly.

He nods. "Of course I do." His voice is low and gritty. "I would do anything for that kid—even risk giving up an incredible new tool that will be a total game changer for my entire team if it meant I'd have even a chance of having to work with his deadbeat dad. I guess I just never pictured myself as a father until I got the chance to hang out with a kid who made me want to be one." He shrugs a little at the end with modesty. He has no idea that what he just said is one of the most beautiful things I think I've ever heard in my entire life.

Jonah made him want to be a father.

Jonah once said to him that he wished he was his father.

Heat pinches behind my eyes at his words.

This baby I'm growing will be lucky to have him as her father…and Jonah would be lucky to have him as a stepfather—if that's what he still wants.

He sighs since I have yet to reply to his words. I can't seem to form any of my own other than oh over and over today.

"Well…I guess I'll go." He turns to head out, and my voice finally comes back.

"Wait."

He turns back toward me with hope in his eyes and raised brows as he waits for me to speak.

"Jonah made you want to be a father?" I ask.

He presses his lips together and nods. "Part of me always thought we'd end up with a few kids." He shrugs. "But I get that you don't want to be with me. I get that I broke your trust, and I didn't do it to be untrustworthy. I did it to protect you. To protect us. To give us a fair chance. And now…I just feel like I'm grieving the loss of both of you along with the future I always envisioned even when we spent two entire decades apart."

The heat that was pinching behind my eyes forms into a tear, which races down my cheek followed quickly by one on the other side and then another.

"What was the future you envisioned?" I ask.

"You and me," he says softly. He looks out the window like he's describing a dream to me. "When I met Jonah and you and I got back together, then he was in it, too. I'm knocking on forty's door here in another four years, but I thought maybe we'd find time before then to have one or two of our own. But the face doing it all with me in those fantasies has been yours. Always." He finally turns toward me, and his eyes meet mine as his voice gets a little raspy. "If it's not with you…I don't think it'll be with anyone."

More tears track down my cheeks, and I heave in a deep breath before I say the words.

"I'm pregnant."