CHAPTER 19 LINCOLN

The day might've been shit, but the night was top notch. I sleep well—surprising given everything that happened.

Despite what happened last night, I couldn't tell her everything. Despite the guilt I feel in my chest over what my dad did, I can't tell her. Not now. Not yet.

I'm just not ready to talk about it. I'm not ready to widen the divide between us, and I just found out about it myself. I need to figure out how to proceed.

I told her everything she needed to know, which is that I chose her over my father. And I'd do it again. In a heartbeat.

After we made love, we dressed and fell asleep together in her bed. She kicked me out at six this morning in case Jonah woke up, and I moved to the couch to catch another hour of sleep.

And when he saunters in bleary-eyed a little after seven, that's where I'm lying. I'm awake, and I should get up and face the day. It's a Tuesday, a day off by all accounts at the office, but it won't be a day off for me. I'll be studying film, looking for cracks in our defense, looking to see how we can use our offense against the Seahawks as our first game is just five short days away.

We're ready, but I'm putting in the time to make sure we're over-prepared.

Still, it's nice to see Jonah.

"Good morning, little dude," I grunt as I sit up.

"What are you doing here?" he asks as he plops down beside me.

"I needed to talk to your mom last night, and I ended up just staying. How's everything going? I heard you're having a hard time at school," I say, hoping he'll open up to me.

"Yeah, kids are mean when they don't understand something," he says, and that feels like it might be a direct quote from his mother.

"You're right about that. So how did you handle it?" I ask.

"Sometimes I ignore it. Sometimes I fight back." He shrugs. "Depends if the kid is bigger or smaller than me."

I chuckle. "Well, little dude, the only thing I know for sure is that we can't control what other people say and do. We can only control how we react. And if they think they're not getting to you, they'll stop."

He twists his lips and nods. "That's pretty smart. I'll give it a try today."

I offer a smile. "Minions?"

"The dinosaur part on repeat twenty-seven times?" he asks, and I laugh.

"You got it, Jonah. Press play."

He does, and we watch the beginning of the movie where a narrator tells us about the history of minions—and, apparently, of dinosaurs, and Jonah's favorite part is when the dinosaur falls off a cliff because of the minions. It's a little sad…but it's pretty damn funny, too, and the way he giggles every single time makes me laugh every single time.

So we've started watching it on repeat, and sometimes he'll mimic the minion, and other times I'll mimic the dinosaur, and somehow we've started to bond over one scene in a silly movie. But if it elicits a laugh from the boy, then my day seems to start off right.

For the first time, I'm starting to see myself in a paternal role. My own father was no role model, that's for damn sure. But I like hanging out with this kid. I like laughing with him.

I'm starting to feel like I want to be a more permanent part of his life…and maybe add another one with my blood running through his veins—or hers. The image of a pregnant Jolene swollen with a baby I put in her comes to mind, and it's very nearly enough to push me to my feet to go wake her up with a morning treat.

Twenty-seven rewinds later, his mom comes out to see what we're up to, and we usually shut the movie off then because one time Jonah told me she thought it was sad that the dinosaur falls off a cliff so we've never told her. It's our little secret.

I kind of like having a little secret with this kid. It makes me feel special, like he cares about me—and I'm glad to feel that way since I care about him, too. And his mother, of course.

I feel closer to her than ever despite the secrets still wedged between us when she walks into the room. But there are secrets she doesn't know exist, and I keep trying to convince myself that I'm holding onto them to protect her.

Instead I think the truth is that I'm holding onto her to protect us. They could be the thing that breaks us, and it feels like we're teetering on the edge of that. With her kid involved now…I'm not ready to tear all this apart.

And so I stay quiet.

"Jonah, can you go get dressed and brush your teeth?" I say after his mother gives him his good morning smooches.

"You got it, Coach," he says brightly, and he races to his room to complete his morning tasks.

"Are you a magician?" Jolene asks as she heads into the kitchen for a cup of coffee.

I chuckle. "Nope. Just a guy who lets his girlfriend's kid watch the saddest part of the Minions movie on repeat."

She narrows her eyes at me. "The dinosaur?"

"The dinosaur," I confirm.

She rolls her eyes. "Is that what you two are always laughing about?" She purses her lips.

I shrug. "Guilty as charged." I move in behind her and press my lips to her neck. "Good morning, JoLo. I love you."

She turns in my arms with her hot cup of coffee between us, a smile playing at her lips. "Good morning, Linc. I love you, too, and I also love it when you call me JoLo."

I smile. "It feels good to call you that again."

We both sigh with bliss at the same time, and then we both laugh.

"I should head out," I say, nipping a quick kiss to her lips. "Long day at the office."

"Yeah, me too once I get the boys off to school," she says. "Can you stay for breakfast? I have cereal or waffles."

"A man's gotta eat, right?" I say, and I reach into the cabinet and help myself to a coffee cup.

The boys join us to eat, and Cade wakes his mom up for a goodbye kiss before Jolene walks the boys to the bus and I head home.

And I can't help but think on my way there that I want every morning to be like this. I want to see them even when I'm in season. Both of them. I want to share breakfast and laugh at Minions.

I want Jolene and Jonah to move in with me.

And I can't wait to ask her.