13. Confrontations

CHAPTER 13

Confrontations

Tristan

I cleaned up my station after the class and headed home. The dusk glow was fading away, and the streetlights were taking over the job of keeping us safe from the dark. As I walked back, I ticked off all the things I needed to do. I needed to shower, I needed to buy some wine, and I needed to tell Cedric about Mama Viv's offer. Something in me glimmered with nervousness and excitement at the prospect. Cedric would be thrilled. I knew that, but I was surprised at how hopeful it made me feel.

Mama Viv had hinted that Millie was thinking seriously about relocating to Chicago to be with her long-distance girlfriend, and there would be a vacancy. "Surely, darling, you're ready to take over," Mama Viv had told me.

"Ah, I'm not sure I'm the right choice, Mama Viv," I'd replied hesitantly, but the thought remained with me for the rest of the day. I couldn't stop imagining what it would be like. I could be in charge of my own kitchen. I could let my heart go wild with creativity whenever Mama Viv wanted something mad.

But I had to tell Cedric first. I had to tell him and see what he thought. Was I ready? Was I good enough to be in charge? He would know the answers.

Oakley was in the kitchen when I entered the apartment. "Hey," he greeted me, his voice thin and soft, just like everything else about Oakley. Although I'd seen him bristle at Lane, so he wasn't as gentle as he appeared. He was a cute guy, short and with a mop of windblown black hair, big blue eyes, and lips that were so red that his naturally pale skin appeared even paler.

"What's up?" I passed through the kitchen while Oakley poured himself a big mug of coffee. "Isn't it a little late for that much coffee?"

"I'd like to see you try studying during the day when Lane's playing games," Oakley said.

I couldn't hold back my laughter. "That bad?"

"Not as bad as he'll have it when he comes back and wants to sleep," Oakley said lightly.

I wasn't going anywhere near that feud. "You show him, soldier," I teased and slipped into the bathroom to shower. We seemed to be alone unless Madison haunted his room with all his moody-broody looks. Roman worked a shift at Neon Nights, which he had been doing more often lately—rent was soon due—and Lane was apparently out.

If Oakley plugged his ears with headphones, and if Cedric kept a hand over my mouth, tonight could be a lot more fun than I'd expected.

After putting on clean clothes, I passed through the apartment again. It was neat enough, and my room was the neatest of all. We didn't need much more than that. So I went downstairs and across the street.

Neon Nights was mostly empty. A couple of tables were occupied by strangers, Roman was polishing the glasses, and Mama Viv was reviewing the books. I waved as I passed through.

"Darling, is that all we get?" Mama Viv teased.

"He's not here for us," Rome grumbled.

"Well, I expect you at the Glitz Galore next week," Mama Viv called after me.

"We won't miss it," I promised over my shoulder as I went through the back of the bar into a hallway that led to the upper floor and Mama Viv's apartment. Cedric had a great deal of privacy up there. His room was much bigger than mine, and Mama Viv spent very little time upstairs. She was involved with a great deal of organizations in Greenwich Village, occasionally did charity performances, and joined many activities to better the position of youth at risk of poverty.

When I entered the apartment, Cedric's room was the first on the right. The door was closed, so I halted before it. My heart skipped a beat, as it often did when I was close to him, and I stifled a smile. Then, holding my breath, I knocked on his door.

I had so much to tell him.

What if he didn't like the idea of us working together full-time? I clamped that fear and shoved it down. It was a useless, irrational fear.

Nobody answered the knock, so I cleared my throat and knocked again. "Cedric? It's me."

Silence .

I wondered if I should turn the knob, then scratched that thought instantly. I might have been falling in love with him whenever he looked at me, but we were still only dating. If he was napping, I wasn't going to sneak in and wake him up. It would be plain creepy.

As I took a step back, wondering if he was out—though Roman or Mama Viv would have told me—a sound came from the other side of the door. "Come in."

My heart leaped, and I pushed right in. The room was clean, aired out, and perfectly tidy. His bed was made like they do it in hotel rooms, his desk was cleared of things, and a small suitcase was in the corner of the room, zipped up and swollen with contents. "Hey, um…" I looked at the suitcase again, then at Cedric. He wasn't looking at me. Instead, he was fiddling with his phone. "It's on? Can't they track you?"

Cedric shook his head. "Doesn't matter."

My heart sank low as I pushed the door shut and stepped back from him. He didn't move. He didn't look anywhere other than the screen, but the gestures he was making with his thumb seemed like he was simply opening and closing apps. "What's going on? Why aren't you worried your brother can see where you are?" I hated how insecure and thin my voice had become.

"He knows where I am," Cedric said. His eyes were dark, his hair a mess, and the shirt he wore was wrinkled. He'd buttoned it the wrong way, missing one, and the sleeves were unevenly rolled up. A sullen expression dominated his face when he directed his gaze to me, but he failed to meet my eyes. "He knew all along."

"What?" I gasped .

"The agent. I kept seeing the agent," he said. After inhaling a deep breath of air, he held it in silence. When he finally exhaled, it felt like a lifetime had passed. It felt like we had crossed the boundaries of this universe and another, stepping from one where there was some happiness and joy to one where we had already lost the fight. "We spoke today, and Alexander made some very good points." He shook his head in frustration. "I was going to leave," he said, his speech a little slurred in haste and his thoughts wandering. "I was going to go, but then you knocked. I…"

Anger and fear clashed in me and lit the very short fuse that led to the explosion of firm action. "You're not leaving," I said. "We can go somewhere where they won't find you. I can help you. I can hide you. I know places and people who will help you, Cedric. You can't go back without any bargaining power…"

"I don't need to bargain," Cedric said firmly. His eyes were red-rimmed and exhausted. "He's right. This…none of this is real. Not to someone like me, Tristan. Kitchen work? Who are we kidding?"

"This is not you," I said tightly. "The real you would rather lose the crown and the palace and all the wealth than marry someone you don't love. And I can save you from that, Cedric."

He clenched his teeth, and something flickered out of him. "I'm not a stray dog to be rescued, Tristan. I'm not Pudding or some kitten you found behind a dumpster. I'm the Prince of Verdumont, and my duty is to my family. If I thought, for a moment, that it can be any different, then that spell is over."

"I didn't mean…that's not…" I shut my eyes and shook my head. "I'm trying to help you."

"I don't need help," he said, a hint of anger coming through the apathy. Who was this person? "I need to go back and live my life the way I was supposed to. This…this was all a mistake, Tristan. And we were blind to think it could work out. For God's sake, I'm a prince."

"Are you?" I whispered. "Because you're acting like any old coward."

Cedric crossed the room to his suitcase and lifted it. "You can say whatever you want. It won't change my mind."

"A coward," I said louder as Cedric stepped toward me and the door. If there was any hope left in me that he would drop the suitcase and hug me and tell me it was all a bad joke, it was gone when he stared at the knob and waited for me to move.

I stepped aside, but panic ripped through me, and I froze in place when he reached for the knob.

"Cedric, don't do this. Don't run away. I know what you're trying to do, and just don't," I blurted.

"Don't talk about running away," he said. "You know better than anyone what it's like to run without looking back."

The words slapped me across the face as Cedric murmured a goodbye and left the room.

I couldn't even run after him.

I couldn't shout or beg him or stop him.

He knew I'd run from home. He knew I'd left it all behind because I didn't dare go back.

Rage and devastating sorrow mixed in me as Cedric's footsteps retreated from the room that was empty of his things.

The avalanche of familiar feelings crashed on me. I wasn't worth his pain and struggle. I wasn't worth the fight.

I wasn't worth it.

I'd lost everything I had ever tried to have. I had failed at everything I had ever attempted. I was a disgrace.

Cedric

I held my breath and smoothed my face as best as I could.

My heart pounded, and I almost wished it would explode and let me be free of the guilt I held down.

The note I had written was still in my pocket, but it was useless to leave it to him now. I had blundered through everything I had touched. And the note wouldn't explain anything. It would only confuse him more.

Forgive me , I whispered inside myself. I wasn't sure who I was speaking to, but I spoke anyway. Forgive me, forgive me, forgive me .

Tristan

The banging sound of my shoes slamming against the stairs announced me as I burst through and into the bar. Mama Viv was gone, and I was thankful for it. "How dare you?" I demanded as Roman moved into the bar from the front door.

"What happened?" he asked, his face contorting. "He just left without a word. What happened up there?"

"How could you, Roman?" I squeezed through my clenched teeth. "How could you betray me like that?" I crossed the bar so quickly that Roman balked, then dug his heels into the floor and leaned toward me. He caught me and held me, although I wasn't sure what I was about to do. Or had been until he grabbed my wrists.

"What the fuck, man?" he snapped.

"You told him," I snapped. "I know you warned him, Roman, don't deny it. He told me. I know you said you'd hunt him down."

"I never said that," Roman shouted. "What the fuck is wrong with you?"

Angry, hateful tears welled in my eyes as we grappled. "You told him about Jen. You told him something."

Roman was much stronger than he looked, his arms twisting mine and wrapping around me until I was trapped and couldn't move. "Calm the fuck down, Tris. I never said anything to him."

I wasn't thinking clearly, and I didn't need to. Roman had betrayed my trust, he'd scared Cedric off, and he'd made me look like a lunatic. As if Cedric hadn't had enough to tempt him away from me, discovering I was a pathetic mess was just a cherry on the fucking top.

"I told him," a deep, stress-roughened voice came.

Roman held me tighter. I didn't even know how I got bent over and why there were wet drops on the floor three feet under my face. I saw them through a blur before I lifted my head and looked at the drag queen in a purple dress, a matching wig, and distress on her face. The thick, black mascara ran down Mama Viv's cheeks.

She put her hand on her chest, her nails long and fingers spread. "I told him, Tristan."

I exhaled the tiniest breath of air. Cedric had told me that my friend had warned him about hurting me. It had been a sweet moment, followed by a promise that he never would. And I had believed him.

"It wasn't Roman, darling. It was me. Me. You blame me, Tristan. Do you hear me?" Mama Viv's voice quivered.

"Why?" I whispered, Roman's arms tight around me as he lifted me upright. He released me, but he still bristled and stood ready to tackle me to the ground if he had to.

"To protect you, Tristan," Mama Viv said, fear plain on her face and in her eyes. "I didn't want to see you heartbroken."

"Well, you protected me just fine," I said sourly.

"That's not fair," Roman warned me. "Mama Viv didn't make that asshole run away."

"What do you know?" I sneered. I stepped away from Roman and Mama Viv, slowly inching toward the exit. "None of you have any clue…" But I shut my mouth. I would be a traitor like them. Even if he had broken my heart for no goddamn reason, I wouldn't rat him out. "None of you should have meddled."

"Darling, I'm sorry," Mama Viv sobbed. "I'm sorry, Tristan, but I thought it was for the best."

"It's not her fault," Roman said, anger dominating his tone over distress. "Don't be an ass, Tris. You're pretending like it's her fault when it's Cedric's. What the hell happened?"

"This is bullshit," I huffed, shook my head in disappointment, and turned away from them both.

I heard Mama Viv's sob and the beginning of Roman's rant about my manners, but I didn't listen to the rest. I crossed the street without looking left or right, held my breath and the infinite pool of sadness and tears that would be released with it, and hurried into the apartment.

I couldn't stay here.

I couldn't stay around them and around everything that reminded me of Cedric.

He left me.

He left me for a marchioness he didn't even find attractive. He left me after all the promises and all the hopes we had given one another.

But I always returned to the same old truth. I always knew it. If I had thought otherwise even for one moment, I had been wrong. The simple truth was that I just didn't deserve to be happy.

And I wasn't going to find happiness here, in Hudson Burrow.

That was the life of the wretched and the hurt. That was the fate that was given to me when I had wrongly survived.

So I found a duffel and began to fill it with the few things I owned.