Chapter 38

38

Edward

She walks in, and I wait for my heart to jump into my throat. Wait for my pulse to speed up, for that familiar hollowness to squeeze my stomach… But I experience none of that. Of course, I’m surprised, but that’s due to the unexpectedness of her visit. Seeing her does not hurt me the way I thought it would to see someone I once loved. I know then, I’m over her.

I glance down and see the shocked look on my wife’s face before she composes herself.

"Ava, how lovely to meet you." She walks forward and holds out her hand.

Ava shakes it. "You must be Mira."

"I’m Edward’s?—"

"Wife." A smile curves her lips. "I was so happy when I heard he’d married."

"Right." There’s a note of caution in Mira’s tone. And something else…something like fear. It’s what propels me to draw abreast with them. I look from my future to my past.

"What can I do for you, Ava?" I manage to keep my voice steady.

Her presence isn’t affecting me the way it used to; doesn’t mean I'm not reeling with images from my past. Images I’ve kept locked away in a place I haven’t visited in a long time. I hadn't looked at another woman since her, not until Belle. Now, here she is, in my office, and it doesn’t hurt the way it did when I last saw her with Baron. Still, I haven’t forgotten the fact that she chose my friend over me. And the fact that I made love to my wife last night; the fact I allowed myself to break my vow of abstinence, my promise to never be involved with another woman—I curl my fingers into fists. Belle crumbled my defenses. And now, my past is here to confront me.

“I tried to reach you.” She wrings her fingers. “I know you don’t want to talk to me, but”—she looks from me to Mira then back at me—“but we need to speak.”

“I’m not sure there’s anything left to say.”

“It’s about Baron.”

When I hesitate, she holds up her hand, "Please. Five minutes; that's all I ask."

"I… I’ll leave you two to catch up." Mira begins to leave, but I grip her shoulder. "Mira, this isn’t what you think it is."

She looks from me to Ava, then back at me. "If it were, you’d better believe I wouldn’t stand for it." She nods at Ava. "I hope we can get to know one another. Maybe we could get a coffee?"

"I’d love that," Ava replies with another smile.

Mira walks out the door. I watch her leave, and when I turn to Ava, she has a knowing look in her eyes.

"What?"

"You love her."

"She’s my wife."

"You. Love. Her." Her eyes gleam.

"Of course, I do."

"I’m so happy for you, Edward." She begins to reach for me, then hesitates. "I came to tell you, you need to move on, but I’m happy to see this was a wasted trip."

"It was." The words come out shorter than I intended. Enough for her to peer into my features. "You’re still angry with me and Baron."

"What gave you that impression?"

"The fact that you never attend any of the gatherings with your friends? That you avoid us all?"

"I’ve been busy." I raise a shoulder.

"And now you’re married. You should bring Mira around so she can meet us."

"I intend to take her on a honeymoon first."

Her features light up. "That’s good. She seems like an amazing woman."

"She is." I glance toward where I can see her seated at her desk through the glass-wall of my office. Why do I miss every moment apart from her?

"I really am pleased for the both of you," Ava murmurs.

“Thank you.” I incline my head.

She bites the inside of her cheek. "It’s not my place but... Have you told her about the incident?"

I stiffen, then draw myself up to my full height. “You’re right, it’s not your place to ask that question.”

She flinches. “I’m sorry. Really, I am. But I had to ask. Especially since Baron still has nightmares over what happened. And this, after years of therapy.”

“Baron agreed to therapy?” I blink. The Baron I knew was as adamant as me on not relying on anyone else for help—well, other than each other. We always had the other person to talk to when things got hard.

And I cut him off. And turned my back on his friendship. I had to. It was the only way I could get through that phase of my life. Strangely it doesn’t bother me now, to think of him and Ava together. Is it because I found Belle? Because she fits me in a way that makes any other relationship in my life pale in comparison?

“He did, after I pleaded with him.” Her features soften. “I’m not saying it’s the answer, but it has helped him find some measure of peace.”

“How is he?” I ask in a cautious tone.

“He’s good.” She scrutinizes my features, then sighs. "I wish you'd call him; he misses you. Not that he’ll admit it to me, but I know he does. You two were closer than brothers, and you both have been together through so much. He’s tried to reach you so many times, Ed. I wish”—she swallows—“I wish you’d give him a chance.”

Guilt seizes me. I haven’t answered his calls or his emails. Sure, I wanted them to be happy, but I couldn’t bring myself to witness it first-hand. But the lack of reaction to seeing Ava assures me thoughts of her no longer hold sway over me. The only woman who occupies my mind now is Belle. And it's been her from the moment I saw her. Ava and I were never meant to be. I suspected it, but meeting Belle has shown me, there’s only one woman for me. Her.

“Goodbye, Ava.”

“You’ll call Baron?” she pleads.

I hesitate. “I’ll think about it.”

“That’s all I ask.”

I walk Ava past Belle’s empty desk— where the fuck did she go? —and see her off at the elevator. When I return, Belle’s desk is still empty. I push open the door to my office and walk inside to find Belle standing behind my desk. She’s staring at my computer screen, a wrinkle between her eyebrows.

"There you are; I was worried when I didn’t see you at your desk earlier."

"Is that why you have a camera trained on me?"

I stiffen, then force myself to move forward until I stand next to her. I follow her gaze to the screen, knowing what I'll see. A quadrant view. One of which shows her empty desk. I forgot to shut down the view when I took the phone call earlier.

"I can explain." I touch her shoulder, but she pulls away.

"Why would you do that?"

"There are cameras all over the floor," I murmur.

"Are you tracking anyone else?"

"Of course, not."

"So for all these days, you were watching me. While I was outside your office door and doing my work, you kept an eye on me?"

"I wanted to make sure you were safe."

"Safe?" She throws up her hands. "I'm in the office. What could happen to me?"

"Things aren’t always what they seem. You think you can trust someone, but really, they’re putting on a front."

A wrinkle appears between her eyebrows. "What are you talking about?"

I cut my palm through the air. "It doesn’t matter."

"Of course, it does. This is about you, Edward. About your past, about your experiences that hold you back. And you promised you’d share them with me."

"And I have."

"If by that, you mean, finally consummating our marriage properly?—"

"I came inside you. I haven’t allowed myself that release in two years. That doesn’t give you the right to plumb into my past."

"Does she know about it?"

"If you mean Ava, yes, she does. Baron told her."

She firms her lips. "So she knows things about you, which your own wife doesn’t."

"You don’t have to worry about her."

"I saw your face when you saw her; you were shocked." She swallows.

"Only because I wasn’t expecting to see her."

"What did she want?"

"She came to tell me to move on, but I told her it was a wasted trip."

"Oh." She blinks rapidly.

"I told her she needn’t have bothered to come."

"Whys that?"

"Because she’s my past. I expected it to hurt to see her, but it didn’t. Seeing her proved to me I'm over her."

"You are?" Her expression softens.

"Now, I realize you're the only woman for me. I knew that from the moment I saw you, but it’s not something that was easy for me to accept. For too long, I’ve been focused on keeping my emotions to myself. I didn't want to be involved with anyone else. I didn’t want anyone else in my life."

"You don’t want me in your life, either."

"I confess, I didn’t. I resisted it for a long time."

"And now?"

"Now, I know there is no future for me without you."

Her features soften. "Then you’ll tell me about the incident?"