Gabriel

GAbrIEL

The office isn’t too far away from Ari’s bakery, so we walk. I try to prepare myself for pretending to be Josh, but I’m not at all confident I’ll be able to pull it off. Thank fuck it’s only one day until the internship’s officially over. That gives Josh and me almost two weeks to figure out how to solve this mess before school starts back up again. Not that I have any ideas so far other than go and voluntarily sign myself into a psych ward and ask them to fix whatever is wrong with my head that makes me think I’m trapped in Josh’s body.

What if I am going crazy?

What if this is some psychotic break I’m having?

Or some unknown mental illness kicking in?

Whatever it is, I’m clearly determined to venture a few steps further into insanity by actually bringing Josh to Vermont. To celebrate Christmas. While pretending to be me. In front of my very large, very nosy family.

Goddamnit, I really am going crazy.

The only smart thing to do here is to call Mom, pretend I have the flu, and cancel everything.

I know I’m not going to do that though.

I can’t.

Christmas is the only time of the year when we all see each other, so it would already be difficult to skip it. Doable, but difficult. But my dad had a health scare a few weeks ago, and I live three hundred miles away. He’s okay, but I’m suddenly and painfully aware just how fast and unexpectedly life can change. I need to go and be with my family.

Even if it makes me selfish because I’m taking that same opportunity away from Josh.

Even if I have to inhabit somebody else’s body to be there.

I cannot believe that is a sentence I just thought.

“Hey, Josh!” Sadie smiles when I step into the office, and I do a double take. Sadie never smiles at me.

“Hi, Sadie!” Josh calls out from behind me.

Sadie’s eyes widen before she slowly says, “. Hi.”

Oh. Okay.

Yes, things make more sense now.

She thought I was Josh, so this explains the enthusiastic greeting I’ve never received before from her. Frankly, I don’t think we’ve ever spoken other than to say hello in the morning or goodbye in the evening. More often than not, she seems to just do her best to avoid me. I’ve seen her hurry out of the kitchen nook plenty of times when I enter. She once took off with just a cup of hot water when she saw me come in while she was making tea, and I’m honestly not sure why. I don’t think I’ve ever managed to offend her in any way.

Admittedly, that’s largely because I’ve never really talked to her.

Unlike Josh, I do not possess people skills. As reluctant as I am to give credit to Josh for anything, he is better at handling people than I am.

Okay, maybe not better. It’s more that for him, it comes naturally, whereas for me, communication takes effort, and a lot of the time I already have so much on my plate that trying to fit anything extra on it starts to feel overwhelming. Besides, I’ve got enough family to more than fulfill my social needs, so making friends at work has never been at the top of my list of priorities.

Josh clears his throat pointedly from behind me, and I snap my focus back on Sadie.

“Yes. Hello.” Even I can figure out I’m sounding too stiff to ever believably portray Josh, so I smile at her. It feels uncomfortable and unnatural, but I keep doing it anyway. “How are you?”

She shrugs. “Ah, you know.” A small smile appears on her face. “The couch is a menace.”

I stare at her. No idea what that means. And while I do that, the smile slowly melts off her face, and her cheeks flush bright red.

“Like the…” she starts, but her voice dies off before she gets to the explanation, and she swallows audibly. “Never mind,” she says quickly, then shakes her head. “I have to go.”

She hurries away without looking back, and I have the distinct feeling that I somehow screwed up. That feeling is only strengthened by the grim look on Josh’s face when I glance toward him.

“Fuck,” he mutters, rubs his palm over his face, and sighs. “The reply to the couch thing is, ‘But the sofa is so-so.’”

I stare at him. “Should I have known that? What is that? Some kind of movie reference?”

“No,” he says. “It’s an inside joke. It’s not on you.”

His shoulders slump, and he starts toward our office. I stand still for a few more moments before I follow him.

“Wrong desk,” I say once I’m inside the office. I don’t mean to sound curt, but it still comes off that way.

Josh looks around at where he’s started to unpack things at his desk, then down at his— my —body, before he clenches his jaw and closes his eyes. He blows out a big breath, snaps the lid of his laptop shut, then stomps over to my desk, where he throws himself into the chair and drops his head back so he’s staring at the ceiling.

I watch him breathe slowly for a few minutes before he sits back up and pulls his laptop over in front of himself.

After a bit, he looks up and raises his brows at me. “Dude, are you trying to get me fired? Because if that’s the case, you’re doing great.”

I go to Josh’s desk and try to settle in. He’s not messy, at least, so there’s that, but there’s still too much clutter for my taste. I try to tune it out and concentrate on work without much success.

It’s going to be a long, long day. Not for other people, though. There’s a weird vibe everywhere today. A cheerfulness in the air.

Every once in a while somebody peeks their head inside and tells us we did a good job with the decorating. Josh keeps nodding with a small smile. No gloating. It’s weird.

“You win,” I finally mutter. He perks up a bit at that.

“I’m sorry, what was that?” Josh says loudly. “Your ears are an hour older than mine and it really shows. Can you speak up?”

I sigh.

“You were right.” I force myself to say it. I hate losing. Always have. “The decorations were a good idea.”

“Thank you,” he says. But then nothing else.

I breathe out slowly. This toned-down version of Josh feels wrong.

“Can you please add an insult or two so I still know it’s you in there and haven’t accidentally swapped bodies with a third party?” I ask.

He looks up from his laptop. For a moment, he has a startled expression on his face, but then he seems to recover. He eyes me for a moment before he shakes his head.

“Could you lose the frown? Otherwise I’m gonna need to start looking into Botox soon.”

I fight the smirk. “We’ll get a group discount. You for the frown. Me for the laugh lines.”

“Oh, man, yeah. Who the hell wants to let the world know they’ve enjoyed their life?” He rolls his eyes.

I lean back in my chair.

At least this feels somewhat normal.

I can’t believe it’s only been a day by the time I fall through the door of Josh’s apartment later that night. Granted, we’ve been up since four, so we’re both rapidly heading toward twenty-four hours of being awake, but fuck, I’m exhausted.

The office Christmas party meant being social for three hours straight, and it wasn’t even my normal kind of social where I just hang out in a large group of people and make sure I laugh when everybody else is laughing and nod in the right places. It was the Josh kind of social where people gather around him and expect him to dominate the conversation and be funny.

I would’ve failed miserably if Josh hadn’t stood next to me the whole time and done some very impressive back seat driving by subtly steering the conversation in the directions that suited me. I still don’t know just how he pulled it off, but he did. I suppose having his own reputation on the line made him creative? That’s my best guess.

Josh shuts the door behind us and slumps against the wall.

“Please tell me we’re not waking up at four a.m. tomorrow?” he mutters.

“No, I only cover Tuesdays and Thursdays. You’re off the hook. Besides, we’re heading to Vermont tomorrow.”

He eyes me wearily. “I almost feel like hugging you, but that’s probably the delirium from the lack of sleep kicking in.”

“Come on. Let’s get you to bed, then.”

Somehow, I end up with his hand in mine, pulling him toward the bathroom. He follows without any snarky comments. The only things he lets out are huge yawns.

I let him have the first shower, then after he’s walked out of the bathroom and stumbled into the bed, I take one myself, still quick and in the dark. I try really hard not to think about the fact that if we don’t figure this out, Josh’s body will be my body. I just don’t have the energy for this right now. Last night I was hoping I’d wake up and it would all turn out to be a dream. Clearly no luck there. Tonight, I’m resigned. We’ll see what happens tomorrow and act accordingly.

I pull on a pair of sweats and a T-shirt and stalk to the couch. The room is dark, but there’s some light coming in from the street. Josh is already asleep, breathing slowly and deeply. He has his back turned to me with covers pulled up almost to his ears.

I try not to jostle him too much when I climb in on the other side. Then I lie back and stare at the ceiling, too tired to even really think or feel anything.

I’m this close to falling asleep when Josh turns over, and he’s suddenly plastered against me. He throws his thigh over mine and his arm over my chest. In another second, his nose is burrowing into my neck, and his forehead is pressed against my cheek, and then he’s pretty much snuggled into me.

Suddenly I’m wide awake.

Josh mumbles something in his sleep, and his lips move against my skin.

And my body reacts.

My eyes widen, and my heartbeat picks up speed.

I tell myself no in my head, firmly, but it’s useless. My dick has decided to be stubborn. Well, Josh’s dick. It makes sense now. Clearly there just isn’t a single part of his body that’s willing to cooperate with anything I suggest.

His arm tightens around me.

I grit my teeth, squeeze my eyes shut, and breathe in slowly.

It’s going to be a long night.