14. A Walking Contradiction

CHAPTER 14

A Walking Contradiction

O f all the things Brynleigh expected Ryker to say, that was not one of them. Her heart hammered in her chest, and for the longest moment, she stared at him.

Fix them.

Was that even possible?

Her eyes widened, and she pulled her hand from his. She needed a moment without his hypnotizing fingers on hers. When he touched her, it became the only thing she could think about, and she needed a clear head.

They weren't cleanly broken, like a twig snapped in half. A piece of tape wouldn't fix them. They were more like a picture that had been torn into several pieces. They had jagged edges stemming from the hurts caused by both of them.

But even with all that, part of Brynleigh wanted to try.

Most of her, if she was being honest.

When she looked at Ryker, she saw the fae she married. Wisps of brown hair tinged with red framed his face. Sharp, pointed ears adorned the sides of his head. The stark, strong bones of his face made him beautiful. Storms filled his eyes, and there was power in the way he moved.

Ryker was handsome and powerful, and hers …

And he was also the fae who'd played a part in her torture.

He was her husband but also her jailer.

Her lover, but his sister murdered her family.

Her Chosen partner and the one her heart desired, but he was intimately connected to the reason she was no longer truly alive.

They were a walking contradiction.

Forget opposites attract—they should never have been together in the first place.

How ironic was it that the Head of the Army's Fae Division fell for a vigilante vampire who killed evil people?

And yet.

And. Fucking. Yet.

Even though they were ripped apart with jagged edges and their relationship was paradoxical, Brynleigh's heart swelled with hope at his words.

"Who's asking? My… husband?" The word tasted strange after weeks of disuse. "Or the fae captain looking after his asset?"

Brynleigh held her breath, her fists clenched as she waited for him to reply. She didn't dare move lest the moment disappear. It was important. She could feel it in her bones. This could alter the course of their future.

If Ryker was asking as the fae captain, the answer would be ‘fuck no.' Having already been used by Jelisette and Zanri, Brynleigh had no use for yet another person who saw her as a tool.

But if he was asking as her husband, as the man who'd invaded her dreams and broken rules for her and kissed her like she was his entire universe…

Then, by all the gods, her answer would be different.

"I'm asking as your husband," was his gravelly response. "My job has no influence over this conversation."

Brynleigh wasn't a fool, and she read between the lines. His job would influence other conversations, other parts of their life, but this…

She inhaled and ran her tongue over the tip of a fang. A single drop of blood remained in the mug, and she stared at it, tracking its crimson trail as it spread out across the bottom of the cup. Her meeting with Jelisette was at the back of her mind, but not even an earthquake could move her from this seat.

"Do you really think it's possible?" she asked.

There was a whisper of movement, and Ryker's scent deepened. Without even looking, she knew he'd moved. She could feel his presence beside her.

Her chest tightened as memories of the time they'd had together before everything went to hell haunted her. The wedding and the days preceding it had been some of the happiest of her entire life. She wanted that back and was beginning to realize she'd do almost anything to make that happen.

"Honestly? I don't fucking know. But I want… I want to try. If you do." Ryker's voice, usually strong and confident, was so quiet she had to strain to hear him.

Standing on her right, he placed his hand on the island between them. His palm faced upwards, and his fingers twitched.

The invitation was clear.

Their first touch in the Choosing had been accidental during their blindfolded date, but there was nothing unintentional about the way Brynleigh slowly lifted her hand and inched it toward his. She slid her fingers through his until they were intertwined. The warmth of his hand seeped into her, and her eyes fluttered shut.

They were a walking contradiction, but in the end, her answer was easy.

"I want to fix us more than fucking anything."

If she were granted one wish in this world, she would ask to be his once again.

Ryker drew in a deep breath and curled his fingers around hers.

"Gods above," he breathed, moving closer to her. His chest brushed against her arm. "Where do we go from here?"

That was the real question. How did one repair a break such as theirs? It wasn't as though there were marriage counselors specializing in "What to do if your wife was planning on killing you and decided not to, but her evil Maker still tried to go through with the plan, and then your wife was tortured for three weeks before you made a deal to get her out. "

There wasn't a guide for this. Even if the ocean was filled with glue, Brynleigh wasn't sure it would be enough to fix them… but she would fucking try. She'd give repairing their relationship everything she had.

She slid off the stool, still holding his hand. Barely a foot divided them.

Her gaze caught on his lips. Would Ryker taste the same as he had on their wedding night?

That familiar warmth sparked in her core, and she leaned closer. Would he let her kiss him? They'd had a physical connection from the first moment they were in the same room.

She breathed his name and added, "I think?—"

A shrill ring sliced through the air, cutting her off.

Brynleigh sucked in a breath, her heart hammering.

Twice now, Ryker's phone had interrupted them. She was ready to smash that troublesome piece of technology to smithereens and get rid of it forever.

Who needed phones, anyway? Kissing was a much better use of their time.

Ryker jumped, his eyes widening as his hand slipped from hers. He pulled out his phone, glancing at the screen.

"Shit. I'm so sorry, Brynleigh. I need to take this." He grimaced, his gaze darting back to her mouth. "Hold that thought?"

She nodded mutely, unable to find words. Lifting her fingers, she rested her hand against her lips as he accepted the call.

"Hello?" He pressed the phone against his ear and strode out of the kitchen. "Yes, this is Captain Waterborn…"

His voice was a low murmur as he continued speaking.

Brynleigh could've tried to listen in, but her mind was still spinning from their conversation.

Ryker was her everything. Even with the current state of their relationship, she was drawn to him. She'd never felt safe or at home with anyone else.

Mulling over the recent developments, she helped herself to more blood. Before the wedding, Ryker had told her that his mother never hired vampires, so she assumed she'd be the only one drinking it. It would be wasteful to leave it in the fridge .

She had it cold while waiting for him to return.

For the first time in weeks, Brynleigh felt a glimmer of hope. Maybe, just maybe, this wouldn't be the end. Maybe they could still have that life they'd discussed in the Choosing. They could play chess late into the night, with Marlowe asleep on the rug by their feet, as they laughed and talked about everything and nothing.

A slow smile stretched across her face.

Maybe all was not lost.

Maybe—

"There's been another attack." Ryker's baritone rumble broke her from her thoughts.

She sucked in a breath and spun around. "Where?"

"Sandhaven," he growled.

Dark storm clouds roiled in Ryker's eyes, and a pit formed in Brynleigh's stomach. This was bad. She could already tell.

Even though she didn't want to know the answer, she asked, "What happened?"

The temperature dropped in the kitchen.

"There was another bomb." He dropped his phone on the counter and curled his fists. "The Black Night hit a fucking boarding school."

Brynleigh recoiled, her vision clouding. Attacking the Choosing was one thing, but this…

"You mean… they went after children?" she asked, her throat dry.

Some things in life were off-limits. There were unspoken rules that even killers like Brynleigh followed, and staying away from children was one of them. Children were the fucking future of the Republic. No one touched them. Except now, the rebels had done just that.

Ryker raked a hand through his hair. "Some were injured, but none of them died."

Relief rushed through Brynleigh, and her legs knocked together.

She gripped the counter. "Thank Isvana for small mercies. How old were they?"

"Teenagers, mostly." He looked as distraught as she felt. "The students of Jade Academy were putting on a concert for their parents."

"Oh, gods. So young." She swayed, the counter the only thing keeping her upright .

How could the rebels do that?

"They're insane, that's how," Ryker growled.

Brynleigh hadn't realized she had spoken the last part out loud. He was right, though.

The rebels had officially lost their minds. There was no other reason anyone would attack youth. The Representatives were terrible, but this…

This was no way to go about forcing change.

Fuck them all.

Fury replaced the horror running through Brynleigh's veins, and her grip tightened on the countertop. "You said it was a boarding school?"

He nodded grimly.

"Most of the Southern Representatives send their younglings to Jade Academy. It's the most prestigious finishing school in the Southern Region, and it's safe." Another growl rumbled through Ryker's chest. "Or it was before the Black Night showed up."

"You're certain it was them?" Although, how many rebel groups were there in the Republic anyway?

"Yes." The word was guttural, and it sent shivers down her spine. "Bomb makers leave signatures, just like artists on paintings. This one was identical to the one that blew up the Masked Ball."

"Oh."

Brynleigh rubbed a phantom pain on her neck where she'd been injured during the masquerade.

Back when she thought revenge was the extent of her problems. Back when things had been simple. Back when she hadn't known the depth of her Maker's lies.

"I have to go." Ryker's hand brushed against Brynleigh's wrist. "The vampires from the Night Corps are shadowing soldiers to Sandhaven to help with the investigation. I'll be there for a few days, at least. The timing is horrible."

Especially considering what they'd been about to do.

Brynleigh glanced at the clock and frowned. "Jelisette is expecting me."

"I know." Ryker stepped towards her, lifting a hand as though to touch her before dropping it back to his side. "After you meet with Jelisette, I want you to go to my apartment."

It took a few heartbeats for his words to register, and when they did, Brynleigh blinked. After everything she'd done, she'd never thought she would be welcome at his home.

"Are you sure?" she asked before she could stop herself.

"Yes. I'll meet you there as soon as I can." Ryker yanked open a drawer, grabbed a slip of paper, and scribbled a code on it. "The apartment is warded, but this will turn off the alarms. Make yourself at home. I'll have someone bring your suitcase over tomorrow."

A broken part of Brynleigh's soul repaired itself at his words.

"Thank you, Ryker." She couldn't express how much this meant to her. "I… thank you."

"You're welcome." He handed her the paper, and his fingers tightened around hers. "Shadow in as soon as you're done, and don't go anywhere else. The rebels might attack again, and I don't want you near them."

Because he cared about her.

Her heart soared at his declaration. It didn't care that they still had problems. All it cared about was that Ryker was holding her hand, and he wanted to keep her safe.

She glanced upstairs. "What about your dad and sister?"

"Dad's nurse Megan is here, and the house is guarded and warded. They'll be alright." Ryker released her hands, and Brynleigh instantly missed the warmth of his touch.

How had she ever survived the coldness of being a vampire before him?

The captain looked like he had more to say, but his phone started vibrating, the motion driving it off the island.

It was official. Brynleigh was ready to boycott phones forever.

"Fuck." Ryker grabbed the device, pressing a few buttons before shoving it into his pocket. "I'm out of time. The army doesn't wait for anyone."

Until that moment, Brynleigh hadn't fully understood Ryker's job.

Most people ran from danger, but he was heading straight towards it. He was a powerful fae, as were his team members, but still. She knew how quickly a situation could turn dangerous.

Worry gnawed at her heart, propelling her forward. She folded her fingers around his and gazed into his captivating eyes.

There were so many things she wanted to say, so many conversations they still needed to have, and yet, all she could manage was to softly say, "Be safe, Ryker."

Before Brynleigh could lose her nerve, she lifted her chin and closed the distance between them.

Resting one hand flat on Ryker's chest, right above his beating heart, she inhaled his stormy scent and brushed her lips over his cheek. It was barely a touch and didn't count as a kiss, but neither her body nor her heart received that message. His rough stubble tickled her lips, her mouth tingled, and her heart soared.

She murmured, "I'll miss you."

His head dipped, and he brushed his thumb over her bottom lip.

The air between them thickened, and his breath warmed her lips. "I?—"

Bang, bang, bang .

"By the Sands," Ryker cursed, stepping back. He raised his voice. "I'm coming!" His chest heaved as he looked at her. "I'm sorry."

She flexed her fingers before placing them over her own racing heart. "I'm… I'll see you when you get back."

And then, they would fix things. That was the only acceptable option.

Ryker's gaze searched hers for a long moment before he nodded. He was halfway to the front door when he paused and glanced over his shoulder.

"When you get to the apartment, check the top drawer on the left nightstand in the bedroom."

"Left nightstand. Got it." Intrigued, Brynleigh followed Ryker to the front door.

He picked up a black bag from the floor, slinging it over his shoulder. She assumed it was the go-bag he told her he always kept here, just in case .

With one final longing glance, he murmured, "Goodbye, Brynleigh."

He opened the door and stepped into the dusky twilight that had overtaken the sky. A tall, pale-skinned man dressed in black and silver army fatigues and combat boots stood on the porch. The soldier's black gaze flicked to Brynleigh's, and he dipped his head, pulling shadows from his palms.

Ryker clasped the vampire's elbow, and then, they were gone.

Brynleigh's lips were still tingling, the lingering memory of the kiss-that-wasn't-a-kiss remaining as she pressed her fingers to her mouth. If she focused, she could still catch a hint of Ryker's scent.

She stood there for several minutes before she, too, vanished into the shadows.