24. Nothing But a Physical Reaction

CHAPTER 24

Nothing But a Physical Reaction

B rynleigh was living in a cloud. Her head was light, her eyes were exceedingly heavy, and something soft and cushiony was beneath her. The air smelled strangely crisp, almost void of scents entirely. That would have struck her as odd, except her mind was having trouble focusing. Everything was foggy.

She frowned and tried to shove past the dark mist. She was missing something vital, but she couldn't remember what it was. That wouldn't do. She pushed and shoved against the fog. It hurt, but she didn't give up.

It was an unmovable wall. That wouldn't do.

She slammed against the fog. Harder and harder, until she was certain that if she were hitting a real wall, she would have dislocated her shoulder.

Eventually, her perseverance paid off.

A crack broke through the darkness, a sliver that soon let light flood in.

Events flashed through her mind, slowly at first but picking up speed like a snowball rolling down a hill. She'd entered the Hall of Choice and met Ryker. They dated. Then, he'd proposed .

The next thing Brynleigh remembered was the feeling of Ryker's lips on her neck, and then…

Oh gods.

Something had hit her. Hard . Pain, that strange mortal sensation that she'd rarely felt since her Making, had swallowed her. Demolished her.

And then she'd tumbled into blackness.

She'd been hurt. Maybe even killed? Brynleigh wasn't certain. She didn't feel dead, but then again, it was hard to tell. Vampires weren't truly alive in the first place, so perhaps true death was simply… peace? But that didn't make sense because when vampires touched silver or were staked, they screamed.

That was the mystery at hand.

Brynleigh was certain of one thing: when Ryker touched her, she felt alive. They had taken a leisurely stroll down a dangerous, forbidden path the night of the Masked Ball. Would she have let him go further if they hadn't been interrupted?

Before, Brynleigh would have said no. But now…

Maybe.

There was no denying the fact that her body desired Ryker's. She'd practically melted against him when they danced. But that was nothing but a physical reaction to his physique, right?

Good, old-fashioned lust. That's all it was. Lust was a completely normal, absolutely valid response when presented with someone as handsome as Ryker. There was nothing wrong with that.

Yes, there is , a small voice in the back of her mind reminded her. He murdered your family. How could you forget that?

The voice was right. Ryker wasn't hers to lust after. How could Brynleigh have forgotten who Ryker was, even for a moment?

She was definitely going to hell for this. Then again, it wasn't like she was perfect.

Brynleigh had done many bad things in her life, especially after Jelisette Made her. Why not add one more sin on top of it? Especially when the other person looked like Ryker Waterborn.

Maybe it wouldn't be so bad. Maybe she could? —

"It's time to wake up, B," a familiar masculine voice said near her ear.

Zanri. She would recognize the shifter's voice anywhere. That had to mean she wasn't dead, right? They were friends, but she'd never dreamed about the shifter.

A hand gripped her shoulder, the touch just on this side of pain. "Wake up. We don't have long."

Brynleigh hitched a breath. It felt like fiery needles were being jabbed into her.

Well, at least now she knew this was real.

"Fuck, that hurts." Brynleigh opened her eyes, wincing at the bright light right above her. Her vision was blurry, which was an unusual event that hadn't occurred since her Making, and she blinked several times to clear it. "What happened?"

The shifter canted his head. Auburn scruff covered his face, and shadows hung beneath his eyes. "A bomb went off, and you were hit with a shard of prohiberis-lined silver. You don't remember?"

Another curse slipped from Brynleigh's lips. If her mother were still alive, she'd be shocked at how her daughter spoke. But she wasn't, so it didn't matter.

"Yeah, that was the same way Jelisette reacted." Zanri crossed his arms and looked down at Brynleigh. "You know, B, you're supposed to be getting ready to kill him, not get yourself killed."

"I know," she said through gritted teeth. "You think I planned to get blown up?" These gods-damned rebels were throwing a wrench in everything.

"Of course not." Zanri met her eyes, and a disapproving frown marred his features. "But I saw you with him, B. In the shadows."

When Ryker was kissing her neck…

Brynleigh's blood ran cold, and she gripped the sheets. The look in Zanri's eyes, the warning in his voice…

She whispered, "Did she see?"

Neither of them needed to clarify who Brynleigh was talking about.

Zanri held Brynleigh's gaze for a long moment before he sighed and shook his head. "No, she was talking with Representative DuBois at the time. "

"Thank Isvana." Brynleigh blew out a sigh of relief and pushed herself up onto her elbows to take in the room. Even with the beeping equipment and screens surrounding the bed, this place was far fancier than the safe house. "Where are we?"

She should probably spend more time reassuring Zanri that she felt nothing for Ryker, but she was too tired to talk much right now. Words were hard to come by.

The longer Brynleigh was awake, the more she realized everything was muted. Dimmer than normal. Even her shadows were a gentle hum in her veins instead of the typical thrum they usually sang. If she hadn't just spent far too long battling against the fog to access her memories, she'd be concerned about that.

"The Lily." Zanri perched on the side of the bed. "Chancellor's orders. She moved everyone here after the bomb went off."

Brynleigh was surprised by that. "Even Jelisette?" The old vampire had an unusual attachment to the safe house. Brynleigh had never seen her stay anywhere else.

Whatever drew Jelisette there, she never spoke of it. Just like she never spoke of the reason she always wore long sleeves or she sometimes had a far-away, dead look in her eyes.

"No," Zanri chuckled. "Not even Ignatia Rose could make Jelisette do something she didn't want to. She and I are staying at the safe house."

That made sense.

Brynleigh took another look around. "It's… shiny."

She'd heard of this hotel, but she'd never been here before. It was far too expensive, and besides, vampires were rarely invited to establishments like this. To say the room was gilded would be a vast understatement. It was like someone had taken all the makings of a regular hotel room, dumped them in a pot of liquid money, and called it a day.

The bed frames were gold. The television stand was gold. The doorknobs? Gold. The entire space was luxury personified, and it was extremely obnoxious. The windowsills, the picture frames, even the gods-damned comforter shimmered when the light hit them.

This show of wealth was made even more disgusting by the fact that people were literally starving in the streets of Golden City. Little wonder she'd felt like she was in a cloud. It was a rich, golden one.

She understood why the rebels were attacking.

"Yes, it is. But focus, B." Zanri shook her shoulders roughly. "The medicine they're giving you makes you sleepy. The doctor said you'd only be awake for a few minutes."

Medicine? What medicine? She lifted her hand to grab his arm when she noticed the needle sticking out of her.

Brynleigh's gaze followed the tubing to a bag hanging beside the bed. There was no label on it, but the clear liquid was going into her body. All she knew was it wasn't blood. What were they giving her?

Ice filled her veins at the thought of something foreign being injected into her. She wanted to yank out the needle, but she was unsure of what would happen if she did.

"The rebels are getting bolder." Brynleigh's head felt like it weighed a thousand pounds. Her tongue was heavy.

Zanri nodded. "They are. They've been gaining traction over the past year or so, but this is…"

"More." She shifted to look at him, and her neck ached. She lifted a hand, feeling for an injury. Although her skin was sore, there weren't any wounds.

"Yes. Focus, Brynleigh."

"It's hard."

"I know. Jelisette gave you her blood at the party," Zanri explained. "After that, they brought you here to transfuse more. Even with all that, you almost died."

That black mist was returning. Paying attention was a monumental feat.

Brynleigh blinked, and now there were two Zanri's sitting beside her.

"I met him." She yawned, unable to hold it in.

Zanri's red brows furrowed. "The captain? I know you did. You're going to marry him in two weeks."

Her eyes shuttered. She fought to keep them open, but they weren't listening to her. "He seems so… nice. "

"Fuck, Brynleigh. You can't talk like that. You don't know… you haven't seen the worst."

She wasn't listening to Zanri. Her cloud was so comfortable, and she was going to return to its fluffy embrace. "I think… I think I like him."

She might even more than like him.

Was this the medicine talking or something else? Brynleigh wasn't sure. But either way, it seemed like Zanri should know. Maybe he was her friend. He was here while she was sick, after all. That's what friends did, right?

Zanri grabbed Brynleigh's hand, and he gripped it so hard that she was certain it would bruise. "Listen to me. You can say that kind of stuff to me but don't ever let Jelisette hear you. Since you've been gone, she's been even more volatile than ever. You don't want to end up like me, B. Owing her…" His voice grew even more distant as Brynleigh fought to stay awake. "She's setting something up. Even if you…"

Darkness was a beast drawing Brynleigh into its black embrace once more.

The next time she woke, golden curtains were pulled back. The shimmering silver moon cast its light into the gilded room. Opening her eyes was easier this time, and the mist was gone from her head. Thank Isvana, the song of her shadows had returned and was as loud as ever. Their dark tune was a welcome symphony.

Brynleigh felt like herself.

Reaching over, she yanked the needle out of her arm. Whatever the medicine was, she no longer needed it. No, what she needed was to center herself. To do that, she needed more specifics about The Lily. What was the layout? Who was here? And perhaps most importantly, where was Ryker?

An urgent need pulsed within her, pushing her to find him. Because he was her mark. After all, it was good business practice for vampires to keep track of the people they intended to kill.

She glanced at the nightstand, searching for her phone, before remembering that she still didn't have it. She'd have to ask someone about that.

Step one: get a layout of the land.

Step two: find Ryker.

Step three: make a new, better plan. Probably something along the lines of adapting to her environment and grounding herself.

Zanri had said the weddings were in two weeks. That didn't give her long.

Step one would involve getting out of bed. That seemed like a good place to start.

Brynleigh glanced down and frowned as she took in her outfit. Her ballgown from earlier was gone—not surprising, based on how much blood she must've lost—and in its place was a black spaghetti-strap tank top and a pair of gray sleep shorts.

Comfortable, yes. Great for clandestine activities? Not so much. That didn't matter. While she preferred to wear leggings and hoodies when sneaking about, they weren't prerequisites for the endeavor.

A hairbrush sat on the gilded nightstand. She grabbed it and ran it through her knotted hair, trying to remove as many tangles as possible. When it became apparent that a shower would be required to return her hair to its prior silky state, she gave up and threw her hair into a messy bun on top of her head.

Then Brynleigh stood. She wobbled, her feet displeased with the task of bearing her weight once again, but she quickly righted herself. She released her shadows, letting them pour out of her. They were eager to play, crawling over her like a second skin until she was covered in darkness.

Brynleigh briefly considered the merits of shadowing to the safe house to talk with Jelisette before deciding that her initial plan was better. Besides, if The Lily was warded, there was a chance she would set off alarms by shadowing in and out. The last thing she wanted to do was bring attention to herself. Not only that, but there wasn't a guarantee that Jelisette would be at the safe house. The older vampire had a lively social life, and she had many contacts that even Brynleigh wasn't privy to.

Having decided, Brynleigh walked to the door on bare feet. The shadows absorbed the sound of her movements. She was as silent as the night itself.

The doorknob was cold in her hand as she curled her fingers around it and peered through the peephole.

Three figures cast in shadows stood in front of her door. This was a potential problem. She needed to leave the room the old-fashioned, mortal way: on foot. She couldn't shadow to another part of The Lily because she had never been here before. Traveling through the Void was a valuable skill, but it only allowed vampires to return to locations they'd previously been.

Silently cursing, Brynleigh assessed the obstacle in front of her. Two of them were clearly guards. They wore the same black uniforms as the soldiers who'd guarded them during the Choosing. The Republic's insignia was on their chests. Black guns were at their sides.

But the third…

Brynleigh inhaled deeply. Thunderstorms and bergamot flooded her nostrils.

At the same time, the last man took a step closer to the other two.

Ryker .

Her stomach somersaulted. That was a problem. So was the way her heart sped up at the sight of him. Inwardly, she groaned. To say that these bodily reactions were quickly getting frustrating would be an understatement of epic proportions.

Brynleigh had never experienced anything like this before. Why was it happening now, around the captain? It was utterly inconvenient and had to come to a quick end.

Forcing those ridiculous, out-of-place emotions aside—desire had no place here, only revenge—Brynleigh focused on the scene unfolding outside her room. Usually, she was able to hear through doors without any issue, but there must have been some protective barriers over this one to muffle sound.

Still, she picked out her fae's voice. Wait. No. Not her fae. The fae. Despite what Brynleigh had said to Valentina, she had no real claim to the captain except that she wanted to kill him.

"Let me in. I need to see her," Ryker said .

The guard with auburn scruff shook his head. "… orders… needs to rest… her Maker."

Ryker crossed his arms, his muscles bulging under his black t-shirt. Fuck, that shouldn't look so attractive. "I'm… superior officer…"

The guards glanced at each other and whispered.

Isvana must have been smiling on Brynleigh tonight. This obstacle wouldn't be difficult to overcome, after all.

Tuning out the guards, she dropped her cloak of shadows and retracted the darkness. She reached over and unlocked the door.

"Good evening, gentlemen," she said primly, as though she weren't dressed in nightclothes.

The guards straightened and turned towards her. Their hands fell to their sides, and they dipped their heads, murmuring greetings beneath their breath.

"I didn't realize you were awake, miss," Auburn Scruff said.

"I just woke up," Brynleigh replied. Then, there were no more words because her gaze drifted over the guards and landed on Ryker's.

The moment their eyes met, it was like worlds smashed together. Intensity and longing filled his chocolate orbs and stole her breath. Her core twisted as he devoured her with a single look. His eyes shone brightly as if he were a dying man, and looking at her was the only cure to his ailment.

Brynleigh's heart slammed violently against her chest. For several long seconds, she forgot to breathe. She moved to step towards him before she realized what she was doing. Who she was moving toward.

Gods-damn it.

She swallowed and grabbed the doorframe, forcing her eyes away from his. Breaking his stare was physically painful, but it had to be done.

It's just a physical reaction , she reminded herself. That's all .

Brynleigh would keep telling herself that until she believed it… or until he was dead beneath her, his lifeless eyes staring into hers one last time.

She refused to allow this to be anything but a physical response.

Those urges she felt? The desire to move towards him and let him hold her? The deepest need to seek refuge in his embrace? Just impulses that she wouldn't act on .

How hard could it be? Brynleigh would erect a few barriers and set some boundaries, and she'd be good to go.

Yes. Boundaries were a good, solid amendment to her plan.

Hand holding? Fine, she'd have to allow it. Ryker would probably be suspicious of her if she didn't.

Touching, though? Nope.

Kissing? Not a fucking chance.

This was a game, and these boundaries would help her get her act together. She desperately needed them to work.

Brynleigh forced a smile on her face. "Hi."

In her mind, she chanted, Boundaries, repeatedly, until it was all she could hear.

Ryker's lips tilted up, and the stern expression he'd been wearing moments ago melted away. He pushed past the guards and took Brynleigh's hands in his.

She leaned into his warm touch before she remembered that it went against her newly created boundaries. She straightened her back so fast; she was surprised it didn't crack.

"Hello, sweetheart." Ryker's gaze searched hers, those swirling depths of emotions still present. His fingers swept over the back of her knuckles, and he drew her towards him. "How are you feeling?"

Honestly?

She was fucked.

That was the first thing that came to mind. All the boundaries, all the rules, and all the reinforcements she'd rebuilt dissipated the moment his hand touched hers.

How could something so simple be so incredibly powerful? What was it about this fae that made her entire world turn upside down? She wasn't sure, but it was dangerous.

If Brynleigh were being honest with Ryker, she'd confess that he confused her. She didn't understand him at all. He was a powerful fae—proven not only by his rank in the army and the storms he commanded but also by the deference these guards showed him—but he was kind to her. A vampire.

Even though she knew better, what had begun as a kernel of doubt grew each time she interacted with Ryker .

Was there a bigger picture she wasn't seeing?

There were the facts: a storm hit Chavin. That was indisputable. Brynleigh had been there, seen the water and death and destruction. She'd also seen two shadowy figures, one tall and dark, the other slender and much shorter, standing on the edge of the forest as she floated, dying as her lungs drank in more and more water.

But what if…

Actually, no.

Brynleigh couldn't do this right now. She stomped on that kernel of doubt, smashing it to smithereens. It was Ryker. Who else could it be? It wasn't as if the Republic of Balance was overrun by water fae. Very few of them were powerful enough to summon a hurricane like that, especially so far inland.

It. Was. Him.

There was no other option.

Seeing as how she couldn't confess all that to Ryker, she tilted her head and smiled softly at him. "I'm a little worn out."

It was true. It must've been the emotions. They plagued her, draining her unlike anything else she'd ever experienced. She gathered them up and shoved them down. Like all the others, these would have to wait their turn.

She could unpack them after he was dead.

Maybe it was normal to feel some level of doubt. Maybe it was good. A sign she hadn't lost all traces of her humanity. She could not forget that this was an act. None of this was real, except for the fact that he'd killed her family.

Yes. That was a good, boundary-strengthening thought. Brynleigh latched onto it.

Ryker reached up and cupped her cheek. It took everything she had to remain rigid.

Boundaries. See? They worked.

"Do you need more blood? Sleep? What can I do for you?" he asked.

Her fangs ached at the suggestion. She didn't think he was offering to let her bite him—and even if he was, it was definitely off the table because biting was an inherently sexual act reserved only for lovers in this modern age—but it was sweet that he recognized her hunger .

Brynleigh paused. What? She never thought anything was sweet. Maybe she wasn't feeling so great after all. Maybe the medicine from earlier was addling her senses.

Actually, now that she thought about it, that seemed plausible. Could drugs make vampires doubt everything and forget their murderous purposes? Probably.

She latched onto the thought like it was a lifeline, and she was drowing. That's all this was. Just the drugs. She needed to sleep them off.

"More sleep." Abandoning her plan to explore The Lily, because now it seemed monumentally stupid, Brynleigh moved backward until she felt the reassuring curved doorknob behind the small of her back. She grabbed it, thankful the door hadn't slipped shut. "You're right, I'm… tired."

Ryker leaned forward, and despite their audience, he brushed his lips over hers.

It wasn't a kiss, she reasoned. Not really. It was a peck. It didn't count.

Her boundaries were still in place.

No kissing, starting now .

"Maybe tomorrow, we can find Hallie and Therian?" Brynleigh asked.

Group settings were good. They should avoid being alone as much as possible. She could respect her boundaries and see her friend. It was a win-win situation.

"I'd like that," Ryker said. "I'll see what I can do."

They finished making plans, and he scribbled his phone number down on a piece of paper for her to program into her phone when she found it before they said goodbye. Thank the gods, her boundaries remained intact.

Brynleigh slipped back into the room and turned all the locks. She leaned against the door, breathing heavily. Damn her body. Damn the pull she felt towards Ryker. Damn it all.

Several minutes went by before her heart rate returned to normal, and her lips stopped tingling from Ryker's non-kiss.

Two weeks.

She could do this .

First step: sleep.

Drawing the curtains closed, because the last thing she needed was to be burned by the sun when it rose, she stumbled back to bed and collapsed on the cloud-like mattress.

Even as her eyes fluttered shut, the unwelcome memory of Ryker's lips on hers haunted her.