9. More Than She’d Bargained For

CHAPTER 9

More Than She'd Bargained For

R ed, puffy eyes stared back at Brynleigh in the mirror. She hadn't slept last night. She hadn't done anything after her dates except go to her room and cry. Once they had started, the tears had flowed and flowed and flowed.

She'd never cried on this day before. Never shed a single fucking tear.

It was him. The captain. His presence here. He was doing things to her. Twisting her up. She could feel it—even her shadows were responding to him.

When she woke up yesterday, she knew it would be a bad day. Her heart had been heavy, and she'd wanted to do nothing more than stay in bed all day and grieve.

Six years had passed since that fateful midsummer storm. Six years of being utterly and completely alone. Seventy-two months. Two thousand, one hundred and ninety days since she'd said goodbye to her family.

He'd stolen them from her.

After their date, where she'd revealed something she never wanted to reveal—not to him or anyone—she ran back to her room and wept. She hadn't known it was possible to have so many tears, hadn't known grief could slam into her like an unmovable wall and crush her.

She'd skipped dinner, forgoing nutrition in favor of sitting on the floor of her shower fully clothed.

Hours had passed, and even with her vampire blood, Brynleigh had been a freezing, frigid mess by the time her door creaked open. Hallie had cautiously poked her head into the bathroom and frowned.

"I Saw that you might want this," the Fortune Elf had murmured, holding out a bag of blood in Brynleigh's direction. "Let me know if you need anything."

Brynleigh had thanked the Fortune Elf through a veil of tears. She'd turned off the shower and shed her sopping-wet clothes as soon as Hallie had left. Naked and bone-tired with a grief that wouldn't leave, Brynleigh had climbed into bed. She'd inhaled the bag of blood, the food doing little to ease the emptiness within her.

She hadn't slept a wink.

Today, Brynleigh would do better. She needed to get a grip. Yesterday, grief had been a deep ocean of despair, but this was a new day. Things could only go up from here.

It was with that thought that Brynleigh showered again—this time with scalding, hot water, just the way she liked it. After, she dressed in black leggings and a comfy sweater. She brushed out her hair, letting the waves fall around her, before applying makeup. Arguably, vampires didn't need makeup because they were unnaturally beautiful, but sometimes Brynleigh liked how it made her feel. Strong. Powerful.

Today, she needed that.

Each brush of eye shadow and each swipe of lipstick was armor against the world.

Finally, she was ready.

Breakfast went by without a hitch. Brynleigh sat with Hallie and Esme, listening as they shared about the men they were seeing.

Everything was going alright until she put on her headphones, and Celeste connected her with her first date.

"Hello?" Brynleigh fiddled with her pen.

"Morning, Brynleigh." Ryker's concerned voice came through the headphones. "How are you feeling today? "

She barely bit back the bitter laugh threatening to burst out of her. Of course, the captain was her first date. It was just like the fates to play with her like that.

His concern would've been humorous if she were in a better mood. He was the reason she was upset. If it weren't for him, her family would still be here, she'd be human, and she would never have participated in the Choosing.

But there was no point in thinking about what might have been. She needed today to go better than yesterday, even if it killed her.

Casting aside gloomy thoughts of a life that could have been, Brynleigh forced a smile on her face as she settled into her seat. "Better, thank you."

It wasn't a lie, per se. She was better than yesterday.

His baritone voice rumbled, "Good. I was worried about you."

"Thank you." Brynleigh didn't want to dwell on yesterday. She wanted to set that overwhelming grief and aching heart aside. She rubbed a fist over her chest, trying to ease the ache. It helped… a bit.

Shutting her eyes and letting her head fall back against the couch, she asked the first question that popped into her head. Anything to keep the conversation moving and off her. "What's your dream travel destination?"

She didn't know why it mattered since they would never go anywhere after the Choosing—he'd be a rotting corpse before they could shadow anywhere or get on a plane—but it seemed like a safe question to ask. On a day like today, good and safe were all she could ask for.

"Are we talking about anywhere in the Republic of Balance?" he asked.

"Sure, why not." Whatever he wanted. Hopefully, he'd talk for a long time so she could compose herself. She didn't trust herself not to open up again and share something else she didn't mean to. "Where would you want to go?"

He hummed, and she focused on rebuilding the box where she kept her emotions. It had cracked yesterday, and she couldn't let that happen again.

"I'd love to visit the Black Sea," he said after a minute. "See the inky waters, skate on the ice, maybe even spend a few nights hiking the frozen mountains."

"Do you like to hike?" As a human, she'd enjoyed the activity, but she hadn't done anything like that since her Making.

"I love it." She could hear the grin in Ryker's voice. "I have a cabin in the mountains that I visit as much as possible. It's beautiful all year round, but especially at night. The bedroom overlooks the lake."

She smiled despite herself. "It sounds nice."

"It is. If we were in the north, we could go exploring. There are beautiful ruins in the Northern Region. Castle Sanguis, for one. Some of the old abbeys as well."

Warmth coursed through Brynleigh. Damn it all. She wasn't supposed to care about what he said, wasn't supposed to want to go on the trip he described. She'd never been to the Black Sea, even though the Northern Region was the ancestral home of the vampires. His trip sounded like fun, and Brynleigh hated that she wanted to join him on it.

So much for her simple question.

"That sounds nice," she said after a moment, realizing she needed to speak. "Does that mean you enjoy the snow? Is that a water fae trait?"

He snorted. "I mean, I like snow as much as the next person. I can turn my water to ice, but I feel the cold like any other fae."

"Hmm. Vampires don't feel cold," she told him, a touch of smugness in her tone. "We're made for the snow. I could dance in it, I suppose."

She'd never tried. Jelisette wouldn't approve.

"I'd love to see that," he said. "Tell me, Brynleigh, would you keep me warm if we were trapped in an icy cave?"

A grin stretched across her face despite herself. She relaxed in her seat. "Maybe. If you're nice to me."

He laughed, the bass sound resonating through the headphones. It was beautiful, like a crisp winter's night after a stormy day. Once again, her fangs reacted to his voice, and a fire burned in her gums. This reaction was quickly getting tiring.

"Oh, Brynleigh. I could be very nice."

Damn it all, but she laughed, too. She didn't want to, but she couldn't stop the sound from bubbling inside her .

They chatted about the Black Sea, discussing various things they'd do on their trip until Celeste informed them their date was over. When the music started playing, Brynleigh leaned back and rubbed her temples.

"Fuck me," she groaned.

This would be far more difficult than she'd ever bargained for.