Chapter Six

CHAPTER SIX

Spencer

Iwas grateful I had my cell in my pocket because I couldn’t sleep. Corbin had been out for hours, but I couldn’t make myself leave the bed. I’d lain here awake, alternating between staring at him or the ceiling, not wanting to move and risk disturbing him. He needed the rest.

Eventually, I’d finagled it so I could do some searching on my phone. I didn’t know a lot about eating disorders, but from what I saw online, he was right in that there was an official difference between disordered eating and eating disorders. Disordered eaters often didn’t cross that threshold into eating disorder territory—they weren’t bulimic or anorexic, for example—so they weren’t diagnosed as such. Now, that didn’t mean Corbin was correct in his assessment of himself. Maybe if he saw a doctor he would be diagnosed, but I was pretty sure he hadn’t seen anyone about it, going by his swift change of subject earlier.

It was crazy how your perception of someone could change after one conversation. It made me realize how quick I was to judge people sometimes, and I’d done it with Corbin.

He rolled over, and I set my phone down and followed him, each of us on our side, bodies molded together, my arm around his waist. I had no idea what this was or why I was doing it with him. Clearly, I wanted to support him, and I could tell Corbin needed it, but it wasn’t like me to offer to be someone’s personal cuddler. Though at eighteen, I also hadn’t been the type to try and kiss a random guy the first night I met him, but I’d done that with Corbin too.

Frustrating, annoying, maybe slightly addictive man…

I must have fallen asleep after all because I awoke to the feeling of something pinching my right nipple. My eyes jerked open, and there was Corbin’s piercing gaze, just a few inches away from me, having turned to face me at some point while we slept, my arm still around his waist.

“Oh, you’re awake,” he said.

“Because you pinched me.”

“I didn’t pinch you,” he replied, but I could see laughter sparking in those expressive blue pools of his.

“Yes you did.”

“Maybe you were dreaming about wishing I would pinch you and it felt real? I don’t know. It’s impossible for me to explain what’s going on in that head of yours, but I didn’t pinch you.”

I sighed. Was there anyone in the world more ridiculous than him? “Of course you would be a morning person,” was how I replied. “What time is it?”

“Six. I have to be at work in a couple of hours. I wasn’t sure what time you went in, so I was about to wake you up when you had that weird pinching dream.”

I chuckled because how could I not? “Do you realize you were drunk last night? How are you so…lively.” Though Corbin always seemed lively, didn’t he? Sometimes it was an act, covering for how he felt about himself, but at his core, I did believe Corbin was a fun-loving person.

“I slept great! Totally refreshed. I’m sure you did too. I’m an excellent cuddler.”

“So you’ve told me,” I replied with a smirk, then let him go. “I have to piss, and then I’ll make us breakfast.” That had come without much thought on my part, but then I started to think about his disordered eating and that maybe it was a good thing I’d offered. I could make sure he had a balanced meal.

“Great. I’m starving. And you totally like spending time with me.” Corbin sat on the edge of my bed.

“I do not.”

“You do too.”

“Why do I keep arguing with you?” But I couldn’t seem able to stop myself.

“Don’t be too hard on yourself. Many men have tried to deny my charm, but it’s basically impossible.”

I glanced his way, and he threw me a wink, which made me roll my eyes.

I went into the bathroom, relieved my bladder, washed my hands, and then brushed my teeth. Corbin was looking at his phone when I came back into the room. He immediately exited out of whatever he was doing. Social media, probably.

“You can use that toothbrush again or anything you need.”

He could also go home. He lives right next door.

But Corbin just said, “Okay,” so I told him to meet me in the kitchen when he was done.

This behavior one hundred percent wasn’t me, but I didn’t let myself dwell on it because it felt good to be there for him. While I didn’t wish another night on him like he’d had last night, something about being the person he had chosen to go to made me feel…proud? I wasn’t sure that was the right word, but it sure as shit made me feel something.

I was whipping up eggs in a bowl when Corbin came into the kitchen, wearing his shirt and shoes again. “What are we having?”

“Do you really not have a hangover?”

“Nope. I’m good, huh?” He pumped his brows dramatically.

“You’re something all right.” I nodded toward the fridge. “Wanna hand me the ham steak?”

“Sure.” Corbin grabbed it, and while I put it on the stove and started the eggs, he asked about coffee and then made a pot. When it started to brew, he put bread in the toaster, and a few minutes later, I was sitting at the breakfast bar with Corbin, eating and drinking.

He scooped a bite of eggs into his mouth, his portions a bit smaller than mine, but he seemed to be eating fine. Maybe it was more disordered eating, after all, like he’d said.

“Did you sleep okay?” Corbin asked.

“I had a wiggle worm in my bed, but it was fine.”

He wrinkled his nose cutely. “I’m not a wiggle worm.”

“Have you slept with you?” I asked, and when his brows drew together, I conceded, “Okay, dumb question. Yes, I slept well.”

“It was okay. You’re a little clingy, but I made it work,” he replied, and I playfully swatted his arm.

“Fucker.”

Corbin chuckled before asking, “Do you like your job?”

“I do. It’s hard. There are so many things I want to be able to do that we don’t have the money or resources for, but I’m proud of what we accomplish. I love seeing people feel welcome, the growth in some of the youth, or empowering people when it comes to their sexual health, or just seeing people enjoying themselves at events we plan. I feel lucky that I get to be a part of it.”

“Wow…I think you’re a nice guy, Spence.”

“Spence?”

“Just testing it out.”

I nodded before eating some of my toast. “What about you?”

“I fucking love it. The human body really is amazing. I kinda got obsessed with the body when I lost all my weight. Not in a shaming type of way, but as I became more comfortable in my skin, I tried doing more things and saw more things my body could accomplish. This has nothing to do with size, but I figured out how to control myself and strengthen certain muscles so I wasn’t that same clumsy kid. I wanted to help people learn how to work with their bodies, ease their aches and pains. It’s cool.” For the first time, I saw Corbin blush. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to ramble.”

“You don’t have anything to apologize for. You help people. That’s an amazing thing to be passionate about.”

Corbin sent a knockout smile my direction that looked like the definition of happiness.

As we finished eating, we talked about random things and what we expected for our day, before he said, “So…I think we’re friends.”

“Do you?” I questioned, even though I agreed with him. I shouldn’t be surprised. The first night we’d met, I’d almost immediately wanted to be friends with Corbin.

“The signs are there. You really like me. I can tell.”

A chuckle fell from my lips. “Oh, can you?”

“Yep. Luckily for you, the feeling is mutual.”

“Thank God. I would have been heartbroken had it not been.”

“Because you like me so much. You basically just admitted it.”

“That’s not what I did,” I argued, even if I basically had, despite my words having been playful.

Corbin nodded, then surprised me by asking, “Do you have any plans to do the boyfriend thing?”

I sucked air into my lungs, then choked on it, coughing wildly. Corbin laughed so hard, he nearly fell off the stool before patting my back like I was a child.

“Settle down. I’m not asking you to be my boyfriend. We just decided we’re friends, and I’d like that. I think we’re maybe supposed to be friends, otherwise how else would we have met at a college party and then reconnected when you stalked me and moved in next door?”

“First, I didn’t stalk you, and second, okay, this is making sense so far.”

“So the boyfriend thing?”

“Oh, God no. I mean, if it ever happens, sure, but I’m not looking. I had a hard breakup about two years ago. I’m not ready to deal with that shit again.”

Corbin frowned. “Are you in love with him?”

“No, but I was when we were dating. DJ meant a lot to me.” But it hadn’t been mutual. He’d gotten a job offer in Seattle, which was fine, I understood, but he told me a week before he was leaving, and he’d had no interest in trying to make it work. He was all… So, I’m moving. We need to break up. The end. I’d been crushed.

“I’m sorry.”

I shrugged. “It is what it is.”

“Know how some people are friends with benefits? I was thinking we could do that, only we’d be friends with cuddle benefits.” He waggled his brows playfully, but I could see the fear of rejection in his gaze.

“No-strings-attached cuddling?” That was a first. Leave it to Corbin to be the one to ask for it.

“Yes! Exactly! Now, if you want other benefits, I’d be down for that too, but that worries me because I don’t typically fuck friends, and I wouldn’t want anything to get in the way of our friendship…since you like me so much and all.”

“Obviously.” I shook my head but smiled. “And I don’t want to fuck you.” When he looked less than pleased, I laughed. “I mean, of course I would want to fuck you. Who wouldn’t?”

“Because I’m so sexy?”

“Because you’re a nice guy,” I replied. Corbin needed to know he was more than his looks.

He rolled his eyes.

“You are, Corbin.”

“I know, but people don’t want to have sex with someone because they’re nice. They want to have sex with them because they’re attracted to them.”

“I wouldn’t want to fuck someone who was hot but a dick.”

Corbin waved his hand as if to say I was ridiculous. “We’re getting off track. You said last night was…nice.” Again, a rare moment of Corbin being bashful.

“It was.”

“So, it would really be a win-win for both of us. We could hang out, and if one of us felt like being close, we could just tell the other. Boom. Cuddling ensues. All are happy.”

I laughed again, something that was nearly impossible not to do when I was around Corbin.

“Also, since we’re just friends and this isn’t sexual, you can hook up with other guys or date or whatever. I might consider trying the boyfriend thing, but obviously, if we meet someone, we’ll reevaluate because it could be a little weird.”

“That’s putting it mildly.” I couldn’t believe he was really suggesting this, and even worse, that I was considering it. But I did like the idea of getting to know Corbin, and if I got more of that feeling from last night out of it, that was even better. And honestly, I liked him and wanted to make sure he was okay. I needed to, on a level I didn’t totally understand.

“Yeah, okay, let’s do it. Leave it to you to suggest no-strings-attached cuddling with a side of friendship.”

“I’m basically a genius,” Corbin replied.

On that note… “I should probably start getting ready for work.”

“Shit. Me too. What’s your number?” He rattled off his cell digits.

“I’m sending you a text so you have mine.”

We stood and walked over to the door together, staring at each other awkwardly, like neither of us knew what to do. I hugged friends all the time, but this whole friends-with-cuddling-benefits thing was throwing me for a loop.

It was Corbin who opened his arms and leaned in first. I returned his embrace, tucking him into me, feeling him nuzzle into my chest, hearing him breathe in deeply. He stiffened slightly, then pulled away. I looked into his eyes for any evidence of what had spooked him, but his cheerful mask was back on.

“Don’t miss me too much.” Corbin winked, and then just like that, he was gone.

What in the hell had I done?