Chapter Twenty-One

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

Corbin

“We should play murder, fuck, kill about each other,” I teased the next Sunday as we were recording The Vers in Marcus’s studio. Afterward, Spencer would be coming over to get to know the guys, and they’d all celebrate me for my birthday. I loved to be celebrated, so I was down with that plan. Plus, Spencer was in love with me, so there wasn’t much of anything that could dim my mood lately. It wasn’t always easy for me to believe he loved me, but that was my brain and nothing he did.

“Murder and killing are the same thing.” Declan swatted the back of my head playfully.

“Shit. Is that what I said?” I laughed. “I didn’t even notice. Marry, fuck, kill, then.”

“We’re not playing that about each other, kid,” Marcus complained.

“Do you ever get tired of being so boring? Or are you so boring and lack the ability to have any fun to such an extent that you don’t even realize it?”

Parker and Declan both busted into laughter at my antics. Marcus flipped me off and then smacked me on the back of the head.

“Why is everyone so violent today?” I pouted. “Or…what’s a spin we can play on this game about your significant others? No murder because I don’t want to kill any of them.”

“Oh, but you’d want to kill us?” Parker asked.

“I mean, only sometimes.” Now all four of us laughed. God, I loved them, and now…now I loved someone who wasn’t them too. Yes, I was obsessing about this whole love-and-boyfriend thing, but could you blame me? I’d not only thought I’d never want this, but I hadn’t thought anyone would ever want it with me, and now I had a man who knew all my secrets, who held me each night, and researched therapists with me, and offered to take time off to bring me to my first appointment. He’d even said he was going to look for someone he could talk to as well because he wanted to be as supportive as possible and didn’t want to accidentally do something that would be counterproductive for me. Talk about fucking swoon.

“How about we answer questions instead?” Marcus said, and I shrugged.

“If you have no problem being boring, then I guess it shouldn’t bother me that you are either.” I winked, and Marcus tugged me closer and kissed my temple.

I cuddled into him, and it was great because it was Marcus, my best friend. My strictly platonic person, but I was now used to the softness of being against Spencer’s body. The way it felt like I could be completely wrapped up in him and never ever have to come out. Would he care if Marcus and I were like this? I couldn’t make a relationship work with someone who was jealous of what I had with the men in this room. So many fears tried to steal my happiness, but I pushed them away. I knew Spencer. He wasn’t the jealous type. He was too confident in who he was. He would never try to deny me these men or what we gave each other.

“Fine, we can answer questions.” I grabbed the tablet. “‘What are your thoughts on top privilege and bottom shaming?’” I read out loud, then answered before anyone else had the chance to speak. “It’s rampant in the community. I used to see it all the time when I was on hookup apps.”

One look at Marcus and how he cocked a brow told me he noticed I said when I used to be on hookup apps. He knew Spencer and I were together, of course, but I was sure it was interesting for him to hear things like that from me.

Parker answered next. “The other day, I saw this asshole online complaining he had a date and ended up with a messy dick. He said he stopped fucking the guy, and it basically sounded like he’d scolded him on how to clean out and accused him of not caring about his tops!”

Declan said, “That guy is a fucking dick and doesn’t deserve that bottom.”

“Shit happens,” Marcus said. “If a guy can’t understand that, he has no right expecting to stick his dick in someone’s ass.”

“That part,” I agreed.

“Tops do need to realize there’s a lot bottoms have to do, and should appreciate them for it,” Declan added.

“Plus,” Parker said, “it’s not healthy to use too many products or to douche too much. It can cause all sorts of issues. And the shaming and fear of accidents transfers into many bottoms restricting their food.” As soon as Parker finished speaking, they all looked at me, not because my food issues were due to bottoming, but because they all knew I had them.

Marcus, as always, brought us back on track. “Just like any other community, ours can be toxic sometimes. We have to call it out as we see it and try to do better. Bottom shaming is definitely a discussion that needs to be had, and not just that, but also some people’s idea of what it means if you’re a bottom and how all twinks must be bottoms and bears are likely tops. That’s the case sometimes, and others it isn’t. I guess the point is, there’s a lot of stereotyping, putting people into specific boxes.”

“You can say that again.” Declan nodded.

“We love you, bottoms! We see you, and some of us are more you than we are not.” Parker winked.

“Dude,” I said, “for real. I fucking love bottoming for my boyfriend. He turns me into a needy little hole for him.” I fanned myself.

“Um…are we admitting on the show that you have a boyfriend now?” Declan asked.

“Are we forgetting the fact that I don’t even know him yet?” Marcus cut in.

“Did you want to date him too?” I teased, and Marcus rolled his eyes. “We’ll discuss that later. Let’s finish this episode.” Because honestly, I was dying to tell them about all the new developments. And, okay, maybe brag a little too because Spencer and I together were really fucking hot.

We answered a few more questions, had a quick “Mimosas and Man-Talk” segment where Parker raved about a new movie he and Elliott had seen, and Declan updated everyone on Sebastian’s upcoming show.

From there, Marcus shared a Queer Historical Fact before going through our sponsors. When he stopped recording, three sets of eyes turned my way.

“What? Did you guys want to talk about something?” I teased. “Oh, I’ll have to RSVP with a plus-one for the wedding, Park.”

“I feel like things have changed. You told us you had a boyfriend, but you didn’t say anything on the show and now you did. Plus, holy shit, do you realize your smile is trying to swallow your face right now?” Parker grinned too.

“I mean…I might have one thing to share…” I planned to enjoy this, so sue me.

“You’re in love with him,” Marcus said before anyone could ask what happened or play my little game.

“What the fuck, Daddy M!” I punched him in the arm. “You ruin all the fun. How did you guess so quickly? I didn’t think any of you had me falling in love as something that would happen anytime soon.”

“I can see it in your face, kid. Come’ere.” Marcus stood, tugged me to my feet, and pulled me into his arms. I went easily because duh, and hugged him back. I knew he was worried, knew he wanted to protect me and take care of me and didn’t know Spencer well enough to trust him yet. Part of that was my fault for waiting to bring him around, but then…hell, the fundraiser for World AIDS Day had barely been two months ago. How could everything change that dramatically that quickly? Regardless of the worry I knew Marcus felt, it meant the world to me that he was showing his support this way, that he would quiet the voice inside him that loved us all so fucking much, the daddy who just wanted to take care of us, and let me have this. “I love you.” Marcus ran his hands up and down my back.

“I love you too.”

“Usually it’s a hug orgy, but this is just a twosome. Do we get in on this?” Parker asked.

“Yeah, even I’m feeling left out,” Declan admitted.

We opened our arms and pulled the two of them in.

So much had changed the past couple of years. We’d all fallen in love, and Parker was married, but this, the core of us, would never ever change. So many people over the years had asked us which of us were fucking and which were secretly in love with each other, not believing us when we said that wasn’t the case, but it wasn’t. We were a different kind of unit, something that would never go away, something that went beyond relationships, dating, or sex. A relationship between any of us would fuck up the dynamic and would never work. We were the Beach Bums, and always would be.

“So…I’m assuming, because we’re all so happy, that you know he feels the same?” Declan asked.

“He said it first,” I bragged, before getting serious. “He makes me feel…I don’t know…more, if that makes sense. Like I’m more than I thought I could be. Yesterday I saw this negative comment on social media about me, and I just…I thought about how Spencer looks at me, the things he says to me, how he makes me feel. That didn’t take away all my negative thoughts, but it helped some.” And the rest I had to do myself. It was why I was going to start seeing a therapist, but it was okay that someone I loved helped.

On cue, Marcus said, “You know you can’t completely depend on him for that shit, right? You need—”

“I know,” I cut Marcus off. “I do.” Just as I was about to tell them that I’d decided to start therapy, that Spencer and I had found someone we liked and my first appointment was coming up, my phone buzzed, and I knew it was him. “Spencer’s here.” I looked at Marcus. “Be nice.”

He held his hands up. “I’m always nice.” When I cocked a brow, he said, “Okay, I’m always nice to people who treat well the three of you, my man, and your men.”

“That’s better. Let’s go celebrate me now!” I rushed out of the room and into the living room, planning on going to grab Spencer from outside. Apparently, I didn’t need to because he was standing in the living room with Kai, Sebastian, and Elliott…and the space looked totally different from how it had looked before I went into the studio.

“Surprise!” Kai jumped in the air as my gaze journeyed around the room. There were balloons and streamers and a banner on the wall that said Happy Birthday, Corbin. The table was set with all of my favorite foods and…

“Are those dick decorations?” I asked.

“They are. My idea.” Kai curtsied. “As was this surprise party that’s not totally a surprise party, but I wanted to have one, so we’re going to pretend you didn’t know everyone would be here today.”

It was a shock. At least all the decorations and how much thought they had put into it…for me.

“You knew?” I asked Spencer.

“Marcus came to talk to me a couple of days ago. I’ve been here since right after you went into the studio. Marcus was going to tackle you if you tried to leave the room.”

My eyes stung, then immediately welled with tears. I turned toward Marcus, who gave me a small shrug as if to say it wasn’t a big deal, but it was. It so fucking was. He didn’t want credit for anything he did for us. No one loved like Marcus, so completely and thoroughly.

I couldn’t move, overwhelmed by the moment. That all the people in this room loved me for me, even when I was cocky or annoying, or when I was sad and didn’t want to eat, or when I felt bad about myself. They were here for me, totally and unconditionally, loving me for me.

Marcus up-nodded toward Spencer. “Go hug your man, kid.”

Kai threaded his fingers through Marcus’s, holding his hand, and I went to Spencer, right where I was supposed to be.

I swear I tried to crawl inside him, wanted to be as close to him as I could, savoring the feel of Spencer’s beefy arms around me and his soft belly against my more muscular one. “I totally have the best boyfriend.”

“I didn’t do anything.”

But he had. More than he knew.

“Okay, well, you have the best boyfriend in me, but still. Thank you.” Kai had planned the decorating and surprise portion of the party, and Marcus had invited Spencer, so it wasn’t just today I was thanking him for. It was everything. And somehow, I knew he realized that.

“Always,” Spencer replied, and in that moment, I believed him.