Chapter 28

"Be prepared for our last exam on Monday. We'll be covering all the chapters we've been discussing for the last six weeks. This is the last exam before finals. Some of you will need to do really well on this exam in order to make life easier come finals." The professor of my Seminar in Online Journalism class says from her podium.

Closing the cover of my iPad, I gather all of the items I used during class today and shove them in my backpack. Sighing out a deep breath, I make my way down the row and follow the line of students exiting the room.

This semester has been a challenge juggling coursework, the baseball schedule, writing and editing articles for The Eagle Gazette, and trying to maintain some kind of self-care routine.

Is the self-care necessary? For most, no. But for someone who enjoys her peace after a day filled with "peopling," taking time to myself to recharge is a must. It wasn't bad at the beginning of the semester since Cody and I weren't getting along. After games, I'd stay in with a book and take out, and depending on the hotel, a hot bath, while the team went out and did whatever they did.

But now my free time has been spent with Cody. I'm not complaining about it because I'd take my days with Cody over the last two years of pain and avoidance, but I miss time for myself.

Walking across the quad, I decide I need a latte to fuel me through the rest of my classes. It's only a little after nine, and I have a full day. The baseball team has an away game tonight, and the bus leaves at noon since it's a semi-local away game.

My mind is reeling with how I'm going to find time in the next couple of days to study for this exam. A road game tonight, nothing tomorrow, and another weekend full of baseball from Friday through Sunday. Thankfully we only have three more weeks of classes, but I need to pass all of my classes to stay on track for next year.

Scanning the crowd, I take in the groups of people making their way to the brick buildings where classes are held. Groups of girls are lying on blankets in the sun drawing attention from everyone passing by. Tulips are blooming in the flower beds. Their vibrant colors are a pretty contrast to the dark mulch that lies in the beds. Birds chirp and fly from branch to branch.

As I continue my perusal of people through the quad, my eyes snag on something—or someone—leaning against a large tree. Long legs stick out from under khaki shorts. A muscular chest is covered by a powder blue CTU tee. A baseball cap covers his face, but I know those legs and that chest anywhere.

Side-stepping a couple walking hand in hand, I beeline through the grass to the lone guy resting in the shade.

"Hey, handsome." I slide down the tree next to him and watch his face morph into his signature cocky smirk.

"Wildflower." His voice drawls sleepily as he fixes his hat which was covering his face.

Sitting next to him with my legs crossed in front of me to keep the skirt of my dress from exposing the goods, Cody wraps his arm around me and pulls me into his chest. My back is to his front as his lips find the top of my head.

"What are you doing over here?"

"I needed some time to myself before the bus left."

Leaning up on my elbow, I look up and take in his face. His perfectly chiseled jawline has a light dusting of facial hair. Cody's face is always clean-shaven. I can count on one hand the times I've seen any hint of a five o'clock shadow. It's then I notice the dark circles hanging out under his eyes. "Everything okay?"

He smiles down at me. Only it's not his usual smile. This one doesn't reach his eyes. "Yeah, babe."

"Are we lying to each other now?"

"Everything's fine. My body is just feeling it right now. I have a meeting with Coach Weber tomorrow to talk about what's to come, and I'm just feeling the season on top of everything. Nothing for you to worry about." He leans down and kisses my forehead.

"I'm always here if you need anything."

He hums. "Have time to just sit with me?"

Glancing down at my watch, I nod at Cody with a small sigh. "I have some time."

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I just don't know how you balance everything. I'm feeling so overwhelmed with assignments, travel, and classes, and I feel like I haven't checked in with myself lately."

"It's a lot. If it weren't for the mandatory study tables, I probably would be way behind on assignments. There's nothing like being forced to do school work to give you the kick in the ass."

"Yeah, I bet that helps. I'm honestly thinking about skipping the game tonight. Would you be mad if I missed a game? I know you're supposed to be pitching tonight."

Cody moves so that he's facing me. I watch as he brings his hand to my face, tilting my chin until we are looking at each other. "I will never be mad at you for prioritizing yourself. Just because we are together doesn't mean you can't focus on yourself. I'll always be here, and I always want you around, but not at the expense of losing who you are."

"Thank you." My voice is quiet as embarrassment laces my face.

"You don't have to thank me. I love you, Wildflower. I love everything that makes you, you. Don't forget to take care of my girl."

"I love you too."

Leaning down he gives me a quick kiss. "Great. Now that we've got that out of the way, lay down here, make yourself comfortable, and pull out the book you have burning a hole in your bag. Read with me while I watch you."

My nose scrunches. "Ugh, I didn't mean for that to come out as creepy as it did. You read, and I'll rest my eyes."

That's exactly what we do for the next hour. When we both separated to go our own way—me to the newsroom and him to the bus—I felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I didn't know how badly I needed to hear the words that it was okay to prioritize myself. Of course, I know I didn't need Cody's approval on how I spend my time, but I know how important it is to have someone cheering for you. If he needs support in the stands, I want to know so I can be there for him. Especially knowing that his dad will text-bomb him leading up to the game.

I'll never understand how parents can be so cruel to their kids. How can someone fill their kid with negative thoughts? Let alone how can someone just abandon the child they helped create?

I don't know if kids are in my cards, but if I decide to have kids, I want to make sure they know how much they are loved. How supported they are. How proud I am of them. I want to be their biggest cheerleader. Their shoulder to cry on. I want them to know that they are my reason and that everything I do in life is to better theirs. But that's a conversation for another day.

The alarm on my phone goes off, pulling me out of the mindless state of studying I've found myself in most of the evening. Tipping my head side to side, I welcome the pull of muscles and the small cracks of my neck as I ease some of the tension that has been building from the awkward position I'd been studying in.

Switching off my alarm, I reach for the remote and thumb through the channels until I find the baseball game. As much as I need my attention to be on the textbook in front of me as I prepare for my ethics exam, I want the distraction of the announcers as they call the baseball game. I might not be able to be in the stands, but I can root for the boys here at home.

Settling back onto the couch, I turn back to the textbook in front of me as I continue my reading while listening to the announcers talk. It's not until I hear Cody's name that I turn my full attention to the TV. A photo of him from the team picture flashes across the TV as the commentators discuss his stats and his projections for the pros.

Dread seeps into my stomach at the thought of him leaving college early. It's a selfish feeling and one that I shouldn't have, but I'm human. And I finally understand the nervous energy that radiates off Brynn when people discuss Quinton's future. Quinton has already announced he isn't coming back for his senior year and that he's entered the NFL draft. She has the answers for what her last year at CTU will look like, and it won't be with Quinton.

Will Cody choose the same journey?

Earlier today, he said he has a meeting with Coach Weber tomorrow about his future. As excited as I am for the two of us being together, I feel like we jumped straight into the deep end. Since I travel with the team, the two of us spend an obscene amount of time together, but neither one of us has had the harder conversations. Hell, I don't even know how much he wants to go to the big league. I know he's talked about it, but sometimes when he talks, it feels like it's just a requirement for him. Like it's the next step that he has to take.

Shaking the thoughts from my head, I promise myself that the next time the two of us are alone, we need to talk about what's next. It isn't me wanting to push the conversation of what's next in our relationship. I'm in no way ready for engagements or moving in together. I feel like the two of us just stopped hating each other. But what's next for each of us?

Next year I'll have to find an internship that could keep me local, or I could see myself finishing my semester remotely depending on where I get the chance to write. If I follow the path to where my dream career could lead me, my options would have me leaving Texas and going to someplace like New York.

Why do all the major corporations have to be in New York or California?

Why can't there be awesome opportunities in Texas or even the Midwest?

Tossing my textbook on the coffee table, I reach behind me and pull down the throw blanket which is resting on the top of the couch. My brain is too chaotic to focus on the words I'm supposed to be digesting. I'll just watch a few innings and get back to it.

Some time later, the incessant sound of buzzing on my chest has me fumbling for my phone. At some point during tonight's game, I must've dozed off. Clearly, my eyes had grown tired from the day of studying and worrying my brain found itself in.

Glancing at the screen, I see Cody's name and a candid picture I took of him at the Union. He's leaning back in his chair, arms in front of him, a black T-shirt stretched tight across his muscular chest and biceps, and of course, he's wearing his hat backward. Seeing him in his hat backward sends tingles down my body. My boyfriend is sexy.

Swiping the screen, I accept the call and hit the speaker button.

"He-hello?" My sleep-ridden voice cracks.

"Wildflower?" Cody's voice is riddled with concern. "Shit, baby. Are you okay?"

"Ye-yeah. I must've fallen asleep."

A deep exhale fills my ears. Leaning up from the awkward position I fell asleep in, I glance at the time on my phone and see that it's after 11:30. Shit, I must've been asleep for a couple of hours. The game started at 7, and I remember watching the first inning. Oh my gosh, was that all I saw?

"I'm just glad you're okay. I sent you a few texts, and you didn't respond. I uh-I got a little worried."

"Thanks for checking on me. I'm sorry, I think I only saw the first inning of your game."

He chuckles. "It's fine, Chloe. You weren't kidding when you said you were running on empty."

"No, I wasn't. How was your game?"

"It was good. We won five to one." There's a pause on his end of the phone, and I hear a door open as Hudson's voice starts. "Hey, Wildflower? I'm gonna go grab a shower."

"No problem. Text me after if you want?"

"Yeah, babe."

"Talk to you in a—"

"I love you, Chloe."

"I love you, too."

The call ends as my heart warms. How can three words pack such a powerful punch? And how did Cody and I get here? It feels like yesterday we were avoiding each other, but at the same time, it feels like he's owned my heart for as long as I can remember.

Turning off the TV, I gather all of my textbooks before standing. Twisting my body from side to side, I welcome the cracks that erupt down my back as my body reacts to being in this weird position for the last three hours. Shutting off the lamp, I make my way up the stairs to my bedroom.

Those three little words keep ringing in my head as I drift up the stairs and step foot inside my room. The space inside our townhouse, which I've made into my own sanctuary, feels empty tonight. For so many weeks, Cody and I have spent days in between games together, nights curled up in each other's embrace, and even on those days before we were an us, he was just on the other side of the wall.

Slipping out of my clothes, I rummage through piles of clean laundry I've been meaning to put away until I find the oversized tee I've found myself wearing to bed on so many nights. Biting on the corner of my lip, I fight the smile that wants to break free and spread across my face.

Who am I kidding? I let the smile break free as I toss myself on top of my covers. Breaking out in a giddy dance, arms flying and legs kicking, I let the warmth spread throughout my veins.

Love is such a powerful feeling. It's a four-letter word filled with so many emotions.

Being in love is scary. It's trusting someone to guard your most powerful asset. To hold such a vital part of your being in the palm of their hand and hope to god they don't crush it along the way.

Love is joyful. It leaves you with this endless feeling of giddiness. Of kicking your feet together and squealing. Someone in this world loves you for who you are. The good, the bad, and the downright damaged.

Love is singing in the rain. When the world feels like too much weight is piling on your shoulders, love reaches in and gives you a hand to carry your burdens.

Love is the energy radiating from the sun, seeping into our souls. It's the energy our souls crave in order to allow us to flourish in this world full of challenges and struggles our inner demons possess us with.

A chime from my phone interrupts my inner ramblings.

Cody: What are you wearing? *wink*

Sitting up, I turn on my bedside lamp. Deciding to turn things up a notch, I lean up on my knees as I twist the long T-shirt in my opposite hand, working it up until more thigh is revealed. With my hand holding the phone, I raise it in the air before swiping the front-facing camera on. Biting down on my lip, I hope this pose is sexy. I snap the photo and send it to Cody before I give it too much thought. I've never been one to sext, and to be honest, I have no idea what the hell I'm doing.

Cody: Damn, baby. Is that my shirt?

Me: Yep! Wish you were here.

Cody: Me too. That shirt would be on the ground with you naked underneath me.

A small groan leaves my lips as I read over his message. Flashes of the last time we were naked in my bed came pouring back.

Me underneath Cody as he explored every inch of my body. His tongue licking my pussy.

Fingers pressing inside of me.

Curling just right until he hit that magic spot deep inside me.

My legs rub together, seeking out the friction to satiate the burning feeling pooling in my belly.

Cody: Where'd you go, baby? Thinking about the last time I got you alone and naked? My tongue skimming across your creamy skin. Tasting your sweetness.

Trailing my fingers down my body, I lift my shirt exposing my panties before sliding underneath the material. My fingers skim through my lips as I feel how wet I am. I'm needy for his touch, and his dirty words are only fueling the fire that's burning inside me.

Spreading my arousal, I coat my clit and begin rubbing soft circles building the sensation. With the hand that isn't working myself, I type out a quick reply, letting him know what his words are doing to me.

Me: God, Cody. Your words.

Cody: Mmm, I can almost taste you from here. Is my girl touching herself? Using her favorite purple friend?

Cody: Go ahead, baby. Reach inside your drawer and grab your purple vibrator. Turn it on, and put it on your clit. Work yourself up, and imagine it's for me.

Setting my phone aside, I do as he says and reach inside my drawer and grab my vibrator. Slipping my panties down, I kick them off as I spread my legs wide to give myself better access. With a click of a button, the soft whir of the vibrator fills the air as I bring it to my throbbing clit.

Me: Feels so good.

Cody: That's my good girl. Slide up and down, spread those pretty lips, and coat yourself in your slickness.

The sounds of my moans and the vibrator fill the room as I work myself with my toy. The sensation in my lower belly builds, and I need more. Before I have a chance to set my phone down, it buzzes in my hand.

Cody: Now let's have some more fun. Set the phone aside and play with those perfect nipples. Twist them, pull on them, pretend my lips are around you sucking and biting as you slide that vibrator inside that tight pussy of yours. Feel yourself suck the toy in as you fuck yourself.

Me: I could come from your words alone.

Cody: Good girl. Now set the phone down, and do as I say.

And that's exactly what I do. His words elicit an electric shock through my body which only fuels my bravery. Slipping the vibrating toy inside me, I moan at the sensation. Adjusting the toy, I make sure the little attachment is still vibrating against my clit while it works me from the inside.

It feels so fucking good.

Since the room is dark, I test the confidence I'm feeling by lifting the phone in the air as I raise my shirt higher. With my other hand, I slip it underneath the threadbare material and work my pebbled peaks.

That feeling coils in my stomach, and I'm almost to the point of release. Clicking the button on my phone as I record myself getting off from his dirty words and my hands.

Arching my back, I pinch my nipple harder, squirming on my soft sheets. The feeling pushes my senses, and I'm there. With one final twist, I'm coming.

Screaming out my release, I slip my hand from my breast and move it toward my purple toy. I work the vibrating plastic as I ride out my orgasm. Chest heaving, breaths heavy, I come down from one of the best orgasms I've given myself. Hitting the camera button, I end the video and send it before I have a chance to talk myself out of it.

A few minutes pass as I clean myself up and crawl back underneath my covers. Plugging my phone into the charger, it buzzes on my nightstand. I smile at the two words on my screen.

Cody: Fuck. Me.

Me: Goodnight.

Rolling over, I fall asleep with a satiated smile on my face.