Chapter 16

"I'm sorry for fucking everything up."

Hanging my head between my arms, I glance over and find Chloe staring at me. Eyes squinted, mouth slightly ajar, her glare never leaves my face. I know I'm coming out of left field, but this apology is a long time coming.

"Is this about last night?" She whispers the question, embarrassment pinking her cheeks.

"No, it's about everything. It's about our summer and every encounter since, and me constantly fucking everything up."

She scoffs as she presses her palms into the cushion as if she's about to get up. Without thought, I reach across the couch and clutch her thigh. Her eyes snap to mine and down to where my hand is resting on her leg. "Please, Chloe."

Brushing my hand off her, she stands and begins pacing back and forth in the open space between the coffee table and their TV stand. Every few seconds she glances up at me with an expression I can't quite read. I want to know what's going through her head. I want to know what she's feeling, but she's clammed up like a goddamn locked box, and I'm stuck sitting here watching her process. Or short circuit. I can't quite tell.

"Chlo—"

Her eyes snap to mine. "Don't."

Pursing my lips together, I lean back into the cushion and wait. An awkward silence falls over the room as her pacing continues.

"You've had two years to apologize, and you haven't said anything. Why now?" Her pacing stops, and her hands find her hips as she stares me down.

"I don't know why now, but I never should have let it get to this point."

She scoffs. "You think? You ghosted me."

Chloe practically screams "ghosted," and I sure hope Brynn is busy on the phone with Quinton because all of our dirty laundry is about to be shared right here, right now.

"For weeks you ate in my diner. You were supposed to pick me up from my shift. But instead, you left me unanswered for a week. A week I spent trying to figure out what I did. How I wasn't good enough for you. Wondering if something had happened to you."

The air vibrates around us, and I don't know what to say. I can't form words because I don't know why I did things the way that I did.

"I went to the field. After the fourth day of not hearing a word from you, I went to the field to get answers, and you want to know what happened?"

I didn't want to hear what happened. Hudson later told me what went down at the field, and I'm not proud of that either.

Shaking my head, I hope that prevents her from continuing. A menacing laugh escapes her lips and has me snapping my eyes to her. She looks maniacal.

"You weren't there, and every single one of those guys ignored me. Hudson told me nothing was going on between us and that it was never serious. NEVER SERIOUS! I felt duped. You were the first guy to give me any attention that didn't revolve around making fun of me. You were my first everything—date, kiss, more. But it was never serious. I guess all of those late-night confessions were a joke. I guess I read way more into the situation than you ever did."

Sighing, I remove my hat and run my fingers through my hair. "Hudson told me what he said, and I'm sorry for that, too. In some twisted way, it was his way of making sure you moved on. That you knew that I wasn't coming back for the summer. There was so much happening at home, but I wanted to keep you away from that part of my life. I was embarrassed. I just wanted one summer to get away and have fun. Falling for you wasn't something I ever could've predicted."

Her shoulders slump, and her body relaxes as she slides down to the floor. She sits there with her legs crossed in front of her. "You could've talked to me." Her voice is broken.

"I know, but I was embarrassed." My voice dropped as I tried to get her to look at me, to really see that I was in fact, upset over everything. Chloe's eyes cast up and lock onto mine. "I never would've imagined we'd end up in the same place, but when I saw you on campus with Brynn, I couldn't believe it. It felt like fate was giving me a second chance, but then you acted like you didn't know who I was. So I kept up with the facade that we didn't know each other. But I never forgot you."

"But why just disappear?"

"I got a phone call in the middle of the night that my dad had a heart attack. Leah called me sobbing on the phone." Chloe gasps at my admission. "I didn't think. I just wanted to get to my sister."

"Did you think that I would be mad that you went home to your family?"

"Of course not. I didn't think we'd ever see each other again. We never talked about college or what was next. I knew there was no way I could've made a long-distance relationship work, not with school and baseball."

"So you decided to just ghost me? Cool."

"I thought it was best at the time. Look, my dad is an asshole. I wanted to protect you from him, from my fucked up relationship with him. And I've been living with the decision to ignore you for two years, and I know that it was wrong. I should have at least texted you back that I was fine."

Her eyes bug out, and her jaw drops in shock. "The least you could've done? No, the least you could've done was be man enough to let me know that you had to go home for an emergency and that our time together was more than just nothing."

"Dammit, Chloe. I know. If I could go back, I'd do it all over. But I was young and dumb and a chicken shit."

"Pretty much," she mumbles as she runs her hands up and down her crossed arms.

Sighing, I lean forward and place my elbows on my knees. "I didn't come here to fight with you."

"Did you think you'd just come here and say sorry and that everything would go back to normal? We'd go back to endless days together, and I'd just forget about everything that happened?"

Honestly, I did think that's how things would go, but based on the look on her face, there's no way I was going to admit that now.

"Uh, no?" Her eyebrow quirks as she hears the question in my voice.

Standing, she starts walking out of the room. I jump to my feet and follow her. She stops at the front door before reaching for the handle to open it.

"Thanks for finally giving me the apology I've deserved for two years, but I think you need to go."

"Chloe, please," I beg, hoping she hears that sincerity in my voice. I didn't want to come here and fight with her.

"Go, Cody. I need to think."

With a terse nod, I slip my shoes on and walk out her front door.

This was not how I saw things going.

"We're going out tonight." I bark the words out as I enter the house I share with my three teammates.

Ty is the first to turn his head from the couch the guys are sitting on playing some MLB video game.

"Bro, it's the night before a game." He quirks an eyebrow at me as he tries to get a read on my mood.

Tossing my keys on the table that sits inside the front door, I storm up the stairs but not before calling out over my shoulder. "And I don't give a fuck. I'm leaving in twenty."

I hear controllers hit the table from behind, and I have no doubt the guys are staring at each other in confusion.

Rarely do I go out the night before a game, and if I do, it's usually to get food and celebrate while we are on the road. I know how wild the parties are at CTU, and I try to avoid them at all costs. There's nothing worse than being the only sober one at a rager. But tonight, tonight I don't give a shit. Consequences be damned.

Twenty-five minutes later, I'm on a mission to get to the bar as soon as I push open the doors to the Eagle's Nest, the local campus staple. They're known for their fun theme nights, cheap wings, and cold beer. Tonight is their weekly ‘Thirsty Thursday' night with their five-dollar pitchers and two-dollar bomb shots. And bombed is in fact what I plan to be.

"Jacobs, you good?" Niko stands in front of me blocking me from my trip to the bar.

Gritting my teeth, I narrow my eyes at him. "I will be as soon as you move out of the way."

"I've got him," Hudson reassures Niko. I don't need him to be worried about me. Instead of waiting for Niko to move out of my way, I shoulder past him.

Tonight I just want to forget. I want to forget ever meeting Chloe. I want to forget the hurt I caused her. I want to forget the pain I saw on her face tonight. Everything is a mess between us, and now we are forced to spend our days together. It's awkward, and it's affecting my game. Tonight I just need to forget. Even if it's just for a few hours.

"Jacobs!" Coach Weber yells my name from across the field. I'm currently head down in a trash can emptying the contents of my stomach. Niko forced me to drink a disgusting hangover cure drink, and it was starting to help, until Hudson decided to hit every goddamn pothole from our house to the stadium. It was a five-minute drive, and I swear he was making it a point to rattle my brains.

I know Hudson's disappointed. I'm the captain of the team, I'm supposed to be the leader, and getting wasted the night before a game is not how I should be leading the team.

I thought I was making the right decision. I thought that by going out I'd forget the look of pain etched on Chloe's beautiful face. But I woke up this morning and still saw it.

I'm tired of fucking everything up.

Reaching for the water bottle that I propped against the trash can, I squirt a solid stream into my mouth before rinsing and spitting it back out in the trash can. Sweat runs from my pores as I continue to sweat out the liquor from last night.

The guys toss me pitying looks as I make my way over to where Coach is standing on the third base line. Dread pools in my stomach at the conversation that awaits me. The disappointment is settled on his face as well as the anger that is radiating off his body.

"What the fuck is your problem today?"

I stand tall, even though his eyes make me want to cower like a child being scolded by their parent. "It won't happen again, Coach."

"No, it won't happen again unless you want to ride the pine the rest of the season. Get your head out of your ass. Get rested up. And get ready to play your heart out. Now get the hell off my field and out of my sight. You're dismissed."

Never have I ever been kicked out of practice. But I can't say that today's decision wasn't warranted.

Head down, I make my way over to our dugout where I quickly gather up my gear before walking through the door that leads underneath the stadium where our locker rooms are located. I don't stop walking until I exit the stadium. Since the guys are still practicing, I start the fifteen-minute walk back to the house.

If I don't get my act together, I'm going to end up being the lousy player my dad keeps reminding me that I am.

Enough with the distractions. I need to get my head back in the game.