18. Matteo

18

MATTEO

T he fire crackled softly as another piece of wood succumbed to its fate. There was something about watching a fire burn that always calmed Matteo's mind and relaxed his soul.

Perhaps it was the heat—feeling like a warm cocoon or a mother's safe embrace—or maybe it was the rhythmic motion, the dancing of the flames as they moved across the wood to consume it.

Whatever it was, watching the fire always had a way of calming him. All of life's problems seemed to fall away, giving him perspective and allowing him to let go of the things he couldn't control.

Like the feelings he was having about the man sitting next to him.

Matteo had come to the cabin to be alone with his thoughts. To work through the jumble of emotions and questions he was having—some about the death of his parents, some about the direction of his life, and some about the growing feeling of loneliness he was beginning to experience as everyone around him seemed to be catching the love bug.

Now, having Ares here, all thoughts of his parents' deaths were gone, and all that remained was the confusing swirl of emotions that all led back to one common denominator.

"Another marshmallow?" Ares asked, pulling Matteo from his thoughts.

He nodded.

Ares took the metal skewer from Matteo's hand and jammed two large marshmallows onto the end.

"When was the last time you went camping?" Ares asked, placing the bag of marshmallows down next to him on the floor.

Leaning back on his arm, Matteo shifted and gazed up at the man who had brought both excitement and pain into his life.

Flames dancing in Ares's eyes, he sat with his back pressed up against the rustic couch, waiting for Matteo to reply.

"The last time would have been with you. That long weekend camping trip we took over in Holland."

"Oh, yeah. That was a fun trip." A strange smile spread across Ares's face as he seemed to lose himself back in whatever memory he was temporarily reliving in his mind. It was probably some weird sex thing they tried while trying not to be heard by other campers sleeping in the area.

"Yeah, up until I got that nasty rash from whatever it was that I rubbed up against," Matteo muttered, reliving his own trip down memory lane.

On the last day of camping, Matteo had gone for a morning hike while Ares slept off his hangover. When he returned, he was itchy as hell and covered in golf-ball-sized red patches. He must have rubbed up against something that he was allergic to and not realized until he was back at their campsite, scratching up a storm. Ares spent the remainder of the day rubbing ointment on Matteo's arms and legs and laughing his ass off. Because that was Ares—an insensitive prick.

"Here." Ares passed Matteo the skewer and continued to make his own.

Matteo held his marshmallows near the fire and watched as they began to darken—kind of like his heart when they broke up.

It's funny how it only takes just the tiniest bit of hurt and mistrust to spread across one's heart, totally consuming it until it is covered in nothing but sorrow.

"You know, your parents would be proud of you."

Matteo's breath caught in his chest. Over the past few days, he had been so distracted that he hadn't thought once about his parents or their upcoming anniversary.

Staring into the fire, he wondered if Ares was right. Would his parents be proud of the man that he had become?

No, he wasn't perfect, but neither were his parents. Yes, Matteo made money off the secrets he conned from his rich and powerful guests.

But his parents were no better. They provided financing for the sale and distribution of drugs across Western Europe. So, really, could his parents pass judgment on him?

"You think?"

A rough hand landed on Matteo's shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze.

"Without a doubt. Look at everything that you've accomplished. You took over the estate at such a young age, you've helped so many queer men get clean and back on their feet, and you've created this crazy and loyal family—even though some of them keep getting kidnapped by psychopaths…" Matteo chuckled. "You've even created this amazing place where LGBTQ+ people can come and be who they are. I only wish that I had the guts to come to a place like that when I was younger."

Matteo glanced up at Ares. That had been one of the major pain points of their relationship. The fact that Ares had been closeted and needed to keep their relationship a secret. That was one of the reasons why they spent so much time hidden in this cabin. The cabin was in a remote area just outside of a small town in a part of the world where hardly anyone knew of Matteo or Ares.

But deep down, Matteo always knew that he didn't want to live his life in the closet. He was never ashamed to be gay and never felt the need to hide who he truly was. He kept their relationship a secret because it was what his love wanted. And so, he kept their relationship secret, choosing to love in the shadows and envy those couples around him.

"I hope they are," Matteo responded, holding up his skewer and blowing out a flame on the tip of his marshmallow.

"Can I ask you something?" Ares asked in one of his serious yet vulnerable voices.

Matteo was the only one who ever saw this side of the big brute. In front of everyone else, Ares was always strong and unyielding. Judging by the tone in his voice, Matteo knew that this was going to be a personal question. Something he probably wasn't going to want to answer.

"Why do you hate me so much?"

Matteo turned to look at Ares, caught off guard by the question.

"Are you fucking serious?" Rage and anger spilled over Matteo, fueled by the audacity of his question.

Seriously? He had no fucking idea why?

Ares sat quietly, patiently waiting for him to answer.

Fine, guess we're doing this.

Matteo sat up and glared at his ex. He couldn't believe that he had to explain this shit to a man who created an empire based on lies and deceit.

"First off, you fucking told me that you didn't love me anymore after two years of dating. Then my parents die, and you fucking disappear from my life. No phone call to see how I was doing, no visit to see if I needed anything. After two years of dating, you just disappeared the moment I needed you the most! Yes, I get that we were broken up, but you don't just abandon someone who you supposedly had feelings for during one of the darkest moments of their life. Christ! I lost both my parents in the same night. You just… vanished."

The look of guilt in Ares's eyes said it all. Ares lowered his head and remained silent.

Good, you should feel guilty, you prick .

Was this really all news to him? Who the fuck goes from being in love with someone for two years, then breaking up with them and totally abandoning them when their parents die a few months after their breakup?

The hurt and sense of betrayal that Matteo had felt burrowed into his heart and refused to loosen its grip. As time passed, he grew to resent Ares more and more. The insensitivity. The callous disregard for his feelings and lack of respect for the relationship that they once shared.

It all just ate at Matteo. Hardening his heart and making him pull away from the idea of love. How could he trust anyone ever again?

Shortly after that, Matteo decided that love and relationships had no place in his heart. Sex was just going to be a lustful exercise with no emotions and only orgasms. He wouldn't care about people's feelings, only that he achieved his orgasm and moved on with his life.

Slowly, Ares lifted his head. "That's fair. I deserved that. I was so wrapped up in my own headspace that I didn't even consider how you must be feeling when your parents died. If I could go back in time, I would have done so many things differently. You were one of the greatest mistakes of my life."

Matteo glared at Ares.

"N-no. I didn't mean that I regretted dating you. I meant that I regret what I did to you. The pain that I caused. If you hadn't met me, your heart never would have been broken, and your parents—" Ares stopped mid-sentence.

"My parents, what?" Matteo barked back, curious as to what he was about to say.

After a moment's pause, Ares shook his head. "Your parents wouldn't have hated me for breaking your heart."

Fuck this shit. Matteo had had enough of Ares and his friggen bullshit.

Matteo passed Ares his skewer and stood. "I'm going for a walk."

"Matté, don't," Ares started.

Whipping his head over his shoulder, Matteo glowered. "Don't fucking call me that."

He grabbed his coat off the back of the kitchen chair and stormed out of the cabin. He didn't know where he was going. He just knew that he needed to get away.