2. Clara

CHAPTER 2

CLARA

T he following evening, Clara arrived at her parents' house in good spirits. No matter how many nightmare dates she went on, she could always rely on her family to cheer her up. After graduation, she'd spent a few years backpacking across Europe. It was such a cliché way to have what she called a quarter-life crisis, but the truth was she'd learned so much on that trip, she wouldn't have exchanged it for the world. The only downside was being away from her family for so long — in particular, her beloved sister.

Clara was never as close to anyone as she was to her sister Dawn. To begin with, they were twins, and to hear her mother talk, they'd been the best of friends even in the womb. Though, how she could have known that was unclear. Clara chose not to question her mother. It was way more fun to simply believe it was true.

"There's my other baby!" her mother cried upon opening the door. "Your sister and brother are already here."

By brother , she meant Dawn's husband, who was named Stan and who was adored by just about everyone in the family. He was nerdy in an endearing way, though no one would dare call him a bore. The man was a treat and a half, and Clara had always tempered her quiet jealousy with the joy she felt that her sister was so happy. If anyone ever deserved to find true love, in Clara's opinion, it was Dawn. And she was endlessly grateful to Stan for keeping her sister safe from heartbreak and allowing her to stay her sweet, na?ve self forever.

Clara followed her mom into the dining room where everyone was already sitting at the dinner table — the same table Dawn and Clara had eaten at when they were kids, sometimes distracted with coloring books, but most often making maps in their mashed potatoes.

Looking across the table at Dawn was like looking into a mirror that was also somehow the gateway to another life — another timeline in which Clara had chosen to grow her hair out rather than keep it cut, wear it in a messy blond bun, and dress in far more ruffles than she did now. Dawn was a doll. Everyone said so, but she was a doll who looked exactly like Clara. Even her eyes were the same shade of blue. They were identical in many ways but perfect opposites in so many others.

"So?" Dawn questioned with a grin as soon as Clara sat down. "You told me you had a date last night. Now you have to dish."

Clara watched her sister's face fall as soon as she caught a glimpse of Clara's attempt to hide her disappointment. It was impossible to hide anything from Dawn — she already knew as much — but that didn't stop Clara from trying.

"Okay," Dawn said with a frown. "Was it at least better than the last one?"

Before Clara could answer her sister, their mother came in with serving plates. "It's Taco Tuesday, unfortunately. I meant to make a roast, but then I remembered to get everything except the actual roast." She laughed. It wasn't Tuesday, but that had never stopped Clara's mom from calling any dinner in which tacos played a major role Taco Tuesday . "Now, no more talk of bad dates. We're going to have a nice family dinner with nice conversation and nice tacos."

"Your tacos are better than nice, Mom." That was Stan being Stan, as expected. He had an awkward charm to him that their mother could never resist. He started calling her Mom before he and Dawn were even married and never did stop complimenting her like he was still trying to win her favor, even though everyone knew he already had it. If Dawn and Stan were to ever get into it for real — not that that was likely — Clara was fairly certain their mother would side with Stan.

Dawn pinched Stan in the side and he laughed. Then she held her phone under the table and began to text. The twins always had their phones on silent for this exact reason. They never missed a chance to check in with each other.

Tell me everything , Dawn texted.

Clara replied while laughing at one of their father's infamous dad jokes. Nothing to tell. Same old boring know-it-all. Same old ego. Same old tantrum when things didn't go his way.

Booooo!!! Gotta tell their mamas to raise them better next time.

And their papas , Clara added, channeling her inner feminist.

And their papas . Dawn sent a winking emoji followed by a little devil face. Or we skip over the children and just date their fathers.

Clara managed to sneak a look of amused disapproval from across the table. Her sister always tried to be edgy, but she was too adorable to take seriously. The truth was Dawn was too full of girlish optimism to ever harness a darker side. That was part of why Stan had fallen for her, and in turn, his love was part of what kept her in that state. She'd never become jaded. Life had handed her all her dreams on a silver platter, and far from making her into a spoiled brat, it only made her sweeter.

The truth was, Clara had always been a bit jealous of her sister. They were identical twins, but sometimes, the difference between them seemed enormous. Life had been kind to Dawn, and in turn, it seemed to constantly test Clara's resilience.

When she was a child, Clara had told herself stories to cope with what she saw as her own bad luck. She told herself she was the heroine in a fairy tale, and so life had to be hard for her at first. Otherwise, when she finally met Prince Charming, she wouldn't know how to recognize him. She had to suffer so her story would be more interesting. Or something like that. She made herself believe it in the old days, but these days, Clara was pretty sure it was all meaningless. No Prince Charming was coming for her, and it was about time to grow up and accept the fact.

After dinner, Clara received a text from Dawn. Seriously though, are you okay?

I'm fine , she responded.

Dawn didn't seem to buy it. Because Stan and I have news we wanted to share, and it's really, really good news. I don't want to rub anything in your face. If you're not up to it, we can do it another night.

Don't you dare! Clara texted back. The best way to cheer me up after a bad date is for me to hear how happy you are. You're living proof that true love is possible. You give me all the hope.

Though she tried to hide it, Clara saw the tears welling in Dawn's eyes. Dawn quickly rubbed them away and texted several rows of red hearts to Clara.

She was so caught up in the texting conversation, Clara didn't even notice that Stan had left the room. He returned with a cake and a candle, which he laid out in front of their parents like it was somebody's birthday. "Happy You Guys Are Going To Be Grandparents Day!" Stan announced with absolutely zero flair. Dawn slapped a palm to her forehead. He had, apparently, gone a bit off script.

Normally, Clara would have been laughing along with her sister, but all she could do was stare with her mouth hanging open. A baby? A baby!

Their parents were out of their seats immediately. They practically leapt across the table to hug Dawn and her husband. They were elated, ecstatic, and Clara should have joined them. Her sister had warned her, but Clara had said that any good news Dawn had would only cheer her up. That should have been true. Clara was determined to make sure it was true.

"How far along are you?" she asked.

"Three months." Dawn cocked her head with a sympathetic look.

No matter how hard she tried, Clara was never going to be able to hide her feelings from her sister. So she tried to imagine what it would be like to have a little niece or nephew to babysit and spoil rotten. She imagined shopping for them, taking them to the zoo and the library. She imagined answering all their silly little questions with the utmost sincerity. Cuddling together on the sofa and watching the latest animated movie and not feeling like a fool for actually liking the damn thing. Seriously, why did those movies always make her cry?

Clara wiped a tear from her eye and stood to hug her sister. "Oh, Dawn. I'm so happy for you," she said, and it was true. All she'd ever wanted for her sister was the very best, and the universe had not let her down in that respect. It was just…

She envisioned a little girl running to her, throwing her arms around her neck, and squeezing her tight. The little girl looked exactly like Dawn, but when she spoke, what she said was, "I love you, Mommy."

Dawn pushed her away to look into her eyes. "Are you okay, Sis? You look like you could use a breath of fresh air." Clara knew what that meant. It meant a private conversation out back on the swing set like they'd done since they were children.

The evening air was crisp, and Clara found herself clutching her jacket closed at the collar by the time they got to the swing set. They both sat down on their respective swings, Clara on the right side and Dawn on the left, and were quiet for a minute or two.

Finally, Dawn spoke. "I know you're happy for me," she said.

"I am!" Clara insisted as though Dawn had just said the opposite. "I swear I am. I don't know why it's hitting me like this."

"I do." Dawn dragged her feet along the ground and then pushed off to swing. "Ever since we were kids, all you've ever wanted was to be a mother. I remember wanting to play so many other games with our dolls — roller derby, beach day, murder mystery." She laughed and Clara joined her. "But you only ever wanted to play family."

Clara bowed her head, swinging in a significantly smaller arc than her sister. "Because I lacked imagination."

"No, you dork." Dawn reached over and playfully punched her in the arm. "You have plenty of imagination. You just knew what you wanted from an early age. There's nothing wrong with that. Unless, of course, you can't seem to get it, which sucks."

Clara laughed bitterly. "That's an understatement. I wish I didn't have to rely on a man to make my dreams come true, but I do kind of need that second source of DNA, don't I?" She sighed.

Dawn shrugged. "I mean not really, right? You need the DNA but not the man. Lots of women use donors."

"What?" Clara snorted. "I really don't think that's the answer."

But Dawn was dead serious. "Why not?"

Clara sputtered, trying to come up with a valid reason why getting a sperm donor would be a really bad idea. "I mean… I don't really want to be a single mom. It's a lot of work, and I'll need to have a job. Have you seen the cost of childcare these days?"

"Oh, you won't have to worry about childcare." Dawn grinned, and Clara squinted at her trying to figure out just what she was getting at. Finally, Dawn answered her unspoken question. "I'll watch your little goblin myself. You know I will. Stan and I have decided to go traditional with our family. He's the breadwinner, and I'm going to be the very best homemaker in the world. They'll have to give me the Number One Homemaker award for sure. I'm going to be a shoo-in for it. I'm writing my acceptance speech in my head right now."

There was no chance Clara was going to let this act of pure kindness get to her. Not at all. But before she could stop it, she felt her eyes well up, and her arms reached for her sister. Dawn hugged her back, the two of them stretching the chains of their swings to reach each other.

"I mean I'm going to need you to take the kids on the odd date night," Dawn amended. "You know what they say. Happy husband, happy life."

"That's not what they say." Clara backed away and rubbed her eyes with a chuckle. "You really mean it, though?"

"Of course I do. Listen, we're a family, and families look out for each other. Also I want to be an auntie, too. Aunties get to have all the fun and never have to be the bad guy. We'll have a spoil-off, see who can corrupt whose kids the fastest."

Clara stood, and wrapped her arms around her sister's neck. "You're the best sister ever," she said.

Dawn squeezed her back. "I'm the only one you've got."

"Then I got lucky, didn't I?"

"You definitely did." Dawn winked. "Let's get back inside before Dad eats all the cake."