8. Isaac

8

ISAAC

U nable to sleep, Isaac flipped over onto his side and huffed. He shoved his hand under his pillow and waited for sleep to overtake him.

Nothing.

Not even a hint of a possible yawn or stretch of a tired limb.

He hated nights like these. His mind kept rushing; his thoughts kept thinking. It never ended. One moment, he'd be thinking about dance moves that he forgot, then suddenly, he'd be thinking about all the things he needed to tell Levi in the morning. Then, his thoughts would turn to ways he could torment Jared. Those thoughts he liked. Those thoughts made him happy. Those thoughts gave him a boner.

Then his thoughts would reach down that dark corridor and make their way into that locked room… before pulling back the flaps of that box marked "DO NOT OPEN."

Those thoughts he hated. Those thoughts made him sad. Those thoughts made him want to go to the bathroom… lock the door… fill the tub with water…. and then…

Isaac flipped onto his back with an angry grunt.

No!

He'd spent countless hours lying on Dr. LeFleur's couch, trying to explain to her why the darkness always followed him.

When he was younger, the answer was simple: drugs. At first, he began smoking pot when he was fourteen, which quickly changed to coke; then, when he took off on his own, he started using ecstasy. It was a quick fix and an easy way to get outside his body and finally feel good about himself and those around him.

Feeling your mind pull away from your body and having that sense of euphoria spread across your nerves… it all provided him with an easy way to escape the darkness and spend a few happy moments basking in the light.

Men used to pick him up on corners, take him to a seedy motel, pump him full of booze and pills; then, he'd spend the next four hours flying high while letting men suck on his cock. Occasionally, guys would ask him to fuck them… for a little extra cash, of course. Provided he was able to get it up, he was always happy to make a little extra dough. He didn't care. They both got what they wanted; him an escape, them an easy way to get off.

It was only after Matteo found Isaac that he learned that there was another way to cope with his emotions. Another way to deal with those dark thoughts that invaded his mind.

He had been so good lately. Taking his meds and feeling whole and happy. But on nights like tonight, the darkness spilled out of that box and took hold of his mind.

A groan from next door caught Isaac's attention.

He lay there in the darkness of his room and listened. More groans and what sounded like muffled talking came from the room next to his.

Isaac sat up in bed and turned his ear toward the shared wall between his bedroom and Jared's.

Yes, their rooms were right next to each other's. It wasn't like Isaac had harassed Diesel into switching rooms with him two years ago so that he could sleep next to the man he enjoyed teasing or anything quite so pathetic.

More groans.

Jared was having another one of his nightmares.

When Isaac first noticed that Jared was having nightmares, he'd tried to wake him but only managed to get punched in the face… accidentally. Over time, he realized that it was easier—and safer—if he just tried to comfort the man while letting him ride out whatever nightmare he was living through in his mind.

Throwing the covers off his semi-naked body, he hopped out of bed and made his way into his neighbor's bedroom.

Gripping the knob, he slowly opened the door and peeked inside.

Jared was lying on his side, mouth half open, brows completely scrunched together. The thin bedsheet hung loosely around his waist, only showing the hint of a bare ass cheek.

Isaac hated seeing Jared this way. The giant heap of muscle looked so vulnerable and in so much pain. It broke his heart.

Carefully walking across the room, he used the moonlight from the partially open curtains to guide him, taking a giant step to avoid the creaky floorboard that sat at the foot of Jared's bed.

He'd slipped into Jared's bedroom so many times that he could navigate his way through the room blindfolded if needed.

Of course, he always made sure to slip out before Jared woke or noticed. Because that wouldn't be awkward as fuck… Jared waking up to find him lying next to him in bed. No, thanks.

The man would probably punch him in the face before giving him a swift boot up his ass. Talk about walking funny the rest of the day… too bad the injury wouldn't have been caused the fun way.

Once he reached the other side of the bed, Isaac pulled back the sheet and carefully slid in next to the sweaty ex-army grunt.

While Jared never spoke about his time in the army, it wasn't difficult to recognize signs of someone with PTSD. Withdrawn moments, vacant, blank stares, nightmares, and trouble sleeping.

Occasionally, Isaac would notice Jared suddenly leave a room or step outside for a few minutes—clear signs that he was getting overwhelmed and needed time to calm himself. All these signs pointed to someone suffering from a traumatic or hard-to-deal-with situation.

Perhaps it was easier for Isaac to spot because he, too, suffered from depression and feelings of being overwhelmed. While he was managing his symptoms much better these days, he still had his moments and struggles, like tonight, for instance.

Isaac never asked Jared or complained when he sporadically walked off in the middle of a conversation. He wanted to be there for Jared and hoped that he would come to him if he ever needed anything or wanted to talk.

Until that day, he would keep a distant eye on his friend, making sure that the man was safe and taking care of himself.

Gently, he draped the sheet over the back of his body and gently slid his arm across Jared's chest.

Jared's back was to Isaac, so he carefully slid up against the man, pulling him close to his chest as Jared slept.

At first, Jared continued to moan, leg twitching as he tried to say something in his sleep.

Isaac didn't bother trying to make it out. Whatever was happening to Jared in his dream had his heartbeat racing and his muscles tensing.

Holding his breath, Isaac tightened his grip around Jared's body and felt Jared's smooth back slowly sink into his chest.

Within minutes, Jared's heartbeat returned to normal, and his body stopped shaking.

Letting out a sigh of relief, Isaac listened to the peaceful hum of the man sleeping next to him.

It was nights like these when Isaac felt the closest to Jared. While Jared might not be aware, Isaac truly cared for him. He hated seeing the man suffer and wanted to ease his pain whenever he could. Holding Jared in his arms and providing his sleeping body with comfort was one of the ways he was able to help Jared, even though he hated doing it without his knowledge.

But what was he to do? If Isaac offered to come cuddle him at night when he was having an episode, the stubborn jock man would tell him where to go and probably give him a black eye.

Guys like Jared felt like they had to suffer in silence to keep their "manhood" card. Their pride and ego often got in the way of asking for help when needed.

Fighting against this toxic masculinity was one of the reasons why pranking Jared was so much fun. It forced guys like Jared to step out of the constraints of male gender roles and accept that sometimes things like dissolving swimsuits were beyond their control. And that having to run naked across a pool filled with horny onlookers was a healthy way to shed some of that need for constant toughness and control.

He didn't tease Jared because he despised the man. He did it because he cared.

Feeling the steady rhythm of Jared's heart against his hand, Isaac knew that Jared's nightmare had finally come to an end.

Gently, Isaac leaned forward and kissed the upper part of Jared's back.

A soft moan escaped Jared's lips, and he felt his hand loop itself around his.

He loved being here like this. Holding Jared in his arms. Knowing that he was the one who was able to still the dark turmoil rolling around in Jared's head. That his touch, his embrace, was all this big, strong man needed to help him get some rest.

Slowly, Isaac's eyelids became heavy, and he, too, drifted off to sleep.