6. Lucy

P retending to be a boy was a lot more complicated at twenty than it was before I knew I was a girl. It all started when they got hot and we all got interested in the opposite sex. There was that time Ollie wanted to lose his virginity and roped everyone into saving some coins so we could do that at the brothel.

It wasn't just embarrassing because I didn't have a dick. The Madame was like our second mother and most of those girls looked out for us. Apparently, I was the only one who felt weird about that.

I wasn't completely dead from the waist down. When I was alone at night, I explored my body and figured out what I liked. I kind of had to because I got urges being around my friends and it wasn't like I could ever act on them without blowing up my secret.

So, when I had Asha alone, I didn't let her touch me or get me naked. I touched her how I wanted to be touched and then I rubbed her back while we just chatted. I figured she needed a break from pleasuring men and I actually learned a lot on the subject considering I'd probably never do it.

It didn't help that my best friends were good men, and I was in love with all of them. They were supportive and amazing to talk to. I just reacted badly when Ollie flirted with me.

Like, take Beck. He could take any situation and make you feel like it wasn't going to be the end of the world. He usually had a solution, so it wasn't, either. Beck was also very easy to look at.

Most humans migrated to Nestran from Idric Island, where the weather was so shitty, you could only grow certain things, but some of us came from the smaller islands surrounding Idric. Beck's ancestors came from one of the smaller islands and settled in Guttertown. Guttertown was really a mesh of culture because we had a lot of people from the smaller islands that the rest of Nestran didn't want.

Beck and the Madame had dark skin and hadn't cut their hair since they were born. They twisted it into locs and wore beads in their hair. The Madame had a sword made for him that wasn't a broad sword like the rest of Nestran used. This one was curved and the training to use it had been passed down through men from their island.

I couldn't watch Beck with his shirt off when he was training. My mouth got dry and my pussy got wet, but that wasn't the problem. My nipples also got hard. My breasts were firmly smashed down with bandages and I still felt like it was glaringly obvious.

It was still hard to walk away. It was easier when Neco fucking Argent was training with him. We'd sneak into each other's rooms and talk all night.

Neco had been dealing with shit when his father came back and I was there for him. I was probably closer to Neco than all of them. He had been gutted when his mom got pregnant with his sister and they had to go live in the brothel.

While all of that was going on, my body was in the process of trying to have its first period and I was a little emotional. When we heard Neco had been attacked protecting his mom, we all went to him. He shut us out and told us he couldn't be friends with us anymore because he had to focus on protecting his mom and sister.

I tried to sneak into his new room that night to talk to him and the window was bolted shut. Even if it was closed, it was never locked so I could get in. I tried tapping on the window, but he ignored me.

I went home and cried myself to sleep. A regular person would have given Neco space and let him know we'd always be there for him. We'd help him protect his mom and sister, too, because we were his friends.

But I wasn't a regular person at that time. I was a ten-year-old who thought they were boy and had no idea why everything was upsetting me more than usual.

At school the next day, some of the kids were saying nasty things to him because of his eye. I said something and instantly regretted it. Neco looked at me like I'd slapped him and I knew I was wrong. That wasn't me.

I chased after Neco trying to apologize and as soon as I got close, he whirled around, broke my nose, and told me to stay away from him. Neco and me had been enemies ever since. I knew I was wrong and Neco was going through some stuff, but Neco was wrong, too. He never came back to us; like we meant nothing to him.

He trained with Beck to protect the girls and half-assed spoke to Ollie at the tavern because we had the best drink in Guttertown, but he just pretended Ronan didn't exist and he was straight up hostile to me.

Just seeing him today pissed me off.

But I focused on Beck. Beck was massive and looked dangerous, but he also had this soothing nature. There were still parts of me that felt like a boy but I realized a lot of me had been girl all along. Like, I'd probably never be ladylike and refined, but I really wanted to stroll through the streets of Guttertown holding Beck's hand like I was his girlfriend.

Still, I couldn't.

I hadn't been in this shop since this man yelled at me. I'd overreacted about plenty of shit, but I was perfectly within my right to storm out of this shop and never come back when this man yelled at a ten-year-old with a broken nose. Fuck the fact that my body was trying to have its first period. That was just mean.

Ilyn was older when I walked in, but from the way he was looking at me, I felt like that ten-year-old with a broken nose again.

"Beck. Glad to see your friend has grown out of getting his nose broken."

"Fuck you," I snarled.

Beck caught the back of my shirt and hauled me back. Yeah, that was one of the things left over from thinking I was a boy. Now that I was older, I was usually calculating and watched people before I made any moves. But sometimes, I just snapped and really wanted to punch someone in the face. This man made an awful day even worse. My period started the night I got home.

Ilyn was associated with one of the worst days of my life and the irrational part of my brain just really wanted to punch him in the face since I couldn't deck Neco. Neco got massive, scary, and annoyingly sexy. He also broke my nose and thought I was a man. I wasn't starting a fistfight with him.

"Sorry, my good friend was having a bad day when he showed up covered in blood and doesn't like to be reminded of it."

"I'd been having a good day until he got blood on my floor."

"Ilyn, you're just being a miserable cunt at this point. His mom is sick."

The old man's eyes brightened, and he finally looked like he was ready to stop giving me a hard time.

"Tell me."

"She has a cough and sometimes, it's like she can't take her breath. I know the Pale Plague started with a cough."

"It's not the plague. My brother would have told me and I'd be seeing more people asking about it. You're the second person asking about a cough, so that's not an epidemic. The plague was highly contagious, so you'd be coughing, too."

I let out my breath.

"Do you have anything it could be?"

"Could be the lungs or the stomach. You wouldn't think it's the stomach, but the stomach has acid and sometimes, it acts up. It'll cause a cough at night or after meals."

"I haven't noticed that. It seems like all the time, but I also didn't know I needed to look for that."

"Chamomile is going to help either way as is ginger. You could do a double whammy for her stomach and her lungs if you do a spicy, ginger-garlic soup. Can you cook, boy?"

"Caitrin's boy knows damned well how to cook," Beck said, smacking me on the back. "He's responsible for a good bit of the new recipes coming out of the Whispering Raven, booze and food."

"No shit? The boy who bled on my floor? I've got the chamomile, but fresh ginger is best. I've got it dried and ground, but for the soup, you're going to want to dig it out of the ground. There's plenty around here because we have all these infernal mangoes.

"Also, Theda's boy was in here earlier because his mother also has a cough. There might be others with minor coughs that are seeking herbalists instead of a healer because it's not serious just yet. Instead of coming to me, they are going to that snake oil salesman across the street who will poison them with a smile while promising to make their cock harder for longer. The Whispering Raven is known for their food and their spirits. If you're putting soup to the pot for your mother, put a big one on for everyone just in case."

I might hate Neco, but Theda had always been amazing to us as kids. Neco hated me right back, but his mom was one of the few people he'd die for.

He wouldn't dump a soup that could help his mom just because I made it, right?